too_risky Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 We broke up at the end of April. He's 32, I'm 34. We dated for 3 years. He has been dating someone but says he's not committed. I think she's just a fling for the summer. I've been dating too and he knows it. We saw eachother a week ago and talked. He told me he still loved me but was hurt and felt like I betrayed him because I kept something important from him. Since the breakup in April, I have been contacting him with texts, emails, calls etc. He gives me mixed messages and one minute he's hot, the next cold. I haven't made any contact with him at all since I saw him last week (may 31st) and I don't plan to. Each day gets easier. I just wonder if some day he will contact me. I've read some of the posts on here about how men want what they can't have. I'm not sure I even want him back. I'm afraid if he does call that it will be too soon and I won't be strong enough to resist him. I love him with everything in me. I know he adored me and loved me very much at one time. I don't believe for one minute that people can get over that feeling that fast. I believe that he's trying to get over me with this other girl. Do ex's usually come back around or call if there was a very strong bond? Since I've quit contacting him, will he eventually wonder about me and contact me? Anyone have a similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Good question! I want to know the answer too... And I want to know how you can let them know what they are missing out on, especially if you don't have any contact with them!!! But that's another story, lol. Have you told him how you feel? You say you love him with everything in you, but you aren't sure whether you want him back.... Do you know maybe want him back, because now this other woman is with him? There is nothing like jealousy to stir up old emotions... Maybe you need to work out exactly what you want and then try talking to him? After being together for three years, you should have open channels of communication... and trust and should be able to talk things through. I wish you the best of luck, however things turn out. Link to post Share on other sites
aares Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 You say you're not sure if you even want him back, but yet you keep wondering if he will call you if you let him go and stuff. Everyone is different...im sure he will be wondering what you are up too, but that doesnt necessarily mean he will call you and want you back just because you put up that curtain infront of you and not talk to him. Some ex's realize what they want and come back, some dont come back. I believe there is no standard if you will, if they will come back...its either completely up you or completely up to the other person, depending on the situation. Just because an ex came back in another story, doenst mean it will be the same. When I stopped contacting my ex, 5 days later she messaged me. Even though there is no standard, from what I have read on LS, a good amount of ex's come back into contact in a reasonalbe amount of time, though some dont at all. Oh, and as I guy, I WOULD wonder what you were doing if you cut off contact with me, but I am the type that would be thinking "well she must have moved on so I guess I should move on, also" so if you want him back in which it sounds like you are thinking about it, I would try to keep LC with him, and tell him you love him how ever much you do everytime you talk to him. Good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 His statement that he loves you but was hurt might or might not be true. Only he knows the answer. If he was the one who broke up the chances that he will want to get back together are smaller than if you broke up with him. The reason why he broke up might be just an excuse. What was it that you kept from him that was so important? Maybe not the reason that you held it back from him, but the thing you kept is the reason for the break up. For example, I know a guy who dated a woman and she told him after a few months that she had a child. He was angry that she held it back from him and broke up with her. I asked him, if she told him at the very beginning, would he have dated her at all? he said "No." So had she told him she had a kid, he would have refused her. So the truth is he broke up with her because she had a kid and not cuz she didn't tell him earlier. Same thing happened to a friend of mine who dated a woman for a couple of months before she told him that she was 7 years older than him. She lied that she was much younger. Although he minded the lies, he was more frustrated because of her age than the lies. He said he would've never dated a woman who was 45. Link to post Share on other sites
Author too_risky Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 I was the one who originally broke it off because I was keeping a big secret from him. We are long distance from eachother and I had cancer and didn't tell him because I wasn't sure myself how to deal with it. I didnt really "break up" with him, I never stopped talking to him, well, for 13 days I did but only because of surgery etc. only he didn't understand why at the time. I did shut him out alot while I was going through it all because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. After the 13 days he was introduced to someone else thinking that I was out of his life. I later told him what was happening in my life and explained it all to him but I was too little, too late. He said he felt betrayed and needed time and he was seeing someone new. I still kept in contact with him and flew down to see him on May 31st. That's when he was giving me mixed signals and eventually we just said good-bye. I walked back into the airport and never looked back. He knows I love him, I flew down there to prove it and talk things through. I feel like he needs time now to figure out what he wants, if that's me or not. I say I'm not sure if I want to get back together because I too feel betrayed now because I was replaced so easily. I understand I hurt him, I betrayed him, I hurt his pride etc. Maybe this is too broken to fix, I don't know. I know I love him, I know he loves me. I just wonder if this is really over for good. He adored me. He wanted to marry me. I told him how I felt and why I did what I did. I can't apologize anymore for what happened. I feel like he's punishing me. I can only regret my mistake, explain it, apologize for it and move on. I just wonder if in other people's experience, the other person started wondering when they didn't hear anything after awhile and eventually called. I didn't do no contact to get him back. I did it to gain my sanity and move on with my life. I can't look back now. What happened, happened and he can either forgive me or not. I put the ball in his court. I was only curious if he would eventually call or contact me again in some way if he was so crazy about me. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by too_risky I was only curious if he would eventually call or contact me again in some way if he was so crazy about me. Yes, he will. Link to post Share on other sites
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