louxor Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) Quick backstory before I start: We've been broken up for about 5 months (dated for 2.5yrs), she ended things in a crying mess saying she wasn't sure on her feelings (a.k.a our relationship was getting stale, we had stopped putting in as much effort as we were both getting complacent, I had become sloppy and wasn't being the man, ignoring her subtle hints etc). Anyway, when we broke up I told her I couldn't be close with her as a friend after this (what she wanted), and to get back in touch with me if her feelings changed. After that I went complete NC. Since then I have pulled myself back together, understood all that I was doing wrong/not doing/why she broke up with me, dropped the slacking and brought my life back to where it should have been etc etc. ----- About a month ago I get a text from her and the conversation quickly moves to her telling me how much she was still struggling, whereas I was well on the road to moving on. Given that I told her to only reach out if her feelings changed, I took her texts to mean exactly that and asked her out to drinks. Since then we have been on 2 dates, with a 3rd coming up (all starting from her reaching out, and me setting the date once she does). Both of them have been wonderful evenings and we chatted for several hours both times, with no awkward moments, and ended up making out at the end of the 2nd date. I have spacing the dates out as I don't want it to feel rushed. We have also hung out with mutual friends during this time and that was equally as enjoyable. The reason I'm posting this is because I'm wondering how I should go about addressing the past, and if it is even something that should be brought up. We have yet to talk about it because I don't want it to come off like I am trying to lock her down again (I'm very happy to keep dating her casually - I'm in no rush), but I feel like if this is to go anywhere then the conversation probably needs to happen in one way or another. Any opinions this whole 'discussing the past' thing would be great! Thanks Edited January 25, 2016 by louxor
emilyc Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Hi there! personally i would wait a while, i would wait to establish more of a solid foundation, build trust and openness...the more dates the more comfortable and the more comfortable the more honesty and talking about the past will be easier and flow better. Definatley it needs to spoken about but it seems to me things are still abit too fragile between you 2 at the moment. You are lucky to have your ex back into your life, its such a fragile thing so i would suggest to take it super slow and calm and work on that solid foundation before the past is reopened. The past usually hurts so you dont want to open an old wound and risk an argument. I say wait.... but whatever you choose to do, i wish you luck!!!
Author louxor Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 Hi there! personally i would wait a while, i would wait to establish more of a solid foundation, build trust and openness...the more dates the more comfortable and the more comfortable the more honesty and talking about the past will be easier and flow better. Definatley it needs to spoken about but it seems to me things are still abit too fragile between you 2 at the moment. You are lucky to have your ex back into your life, its such a fragile thing so i would suggest to take it super slow and calm and work on that solid foundation before the past is reopened. The past usually hurts so you dont want to open an old wound and risk an argument. I say wait.... but whatever you choose to do, i wish you luck!!! Thanks for the reply, the bolded bit is definitely something I'm wanting to avoid so ill keep that in the back of my mind!
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