Oberfeldwebel Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 This is arguably one of the toughest things that you will go through in life. Some people are able to forgive right away, while other never do. My advice is to do nothing this week, you need time to process the information. This is not your normal relationship betrayal story and you are going to go through a rollercoaster full of emotions, so give yourself some time. Additionally, I would require her to be tested, just in case she is being less than truthful, you don’t want to play with your health. I am sure there is nothing to be worried about, but better safe than sorry. Develop a plan on how to move forward, either with or without her. If you decide to stay, I highly recommend counseling for you first and then couples counseling. If you are finished with the relationship, then consider how you want to split assets. I believe that most relationships can be fixed, if both parties work to solve the problems. However, the decision is truly yours, so choose wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
Ramius Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) Very sorry by what has happen to you. What follows is just my opinion. If it does not gel with you thats fine. Take what you like, leave the rest. Ok you have been handed a major Sh** sandwich. Sounds like you are leaning toward getting out and ending the marriage. Totally understandable. Actually I would be more shocked if a man wanted to stay with his wife after this level of betrayal and dis-respect. In my opinion, if you stay it will eat you alive. And she will have even less respect for you in the long run. After all she will have gotten to have her fun, stay married, and no ones the wiser except for her poor spineless husband. Do not be that guy. But I would not say RUN...but maybe jog away instead. What I mean by that is think logically. There is no need to be gone by next week. Take control. My suggestions.... See a lawyer, start divorce proceedings. Open a new bank account and have your pay checks deposited to it. Get a VAR and have it on you whenever you talk to her. She might go bat **** crazy once she gets served the divorce papers. Exposé her to family and friends the day she gets served. Do not warn her ahead of time. She is not your friend right now, she is the person who screwed up your life. Risked your health by potentially exposing you to STD's. Etc etc. Don't give her the chance to slander you or rewrite the marrital history once it all goes down. If you have not already, make copies of her diary entries. Not for you to read again later...God no. But to have I case she accuses you of lying. And in the meantime while you get your ducks lined up...do not engage with her beyond everyday matters. If she asks you how you are doing, what you are feeling, just be vague. Maybe answer with a question back to her, "how do you think I am feeling?" and walk away. Do not fall for the tears and professions of "Love" if she tries that. And do not, under any circumstances have sex with her. You do not want her getting pregnant to keep you around or in her life. (I am assuming here that you don't have kids) With the above actions you will signal that you have self-respect and deserve better. Which you do deserve better. A life with someone new who will love and respect you. Best wishes my friend. Edited January 27, 2016 by Ramius Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Background; have been married to my wife for 5 years. Always thought we had a great relationship and am the type of guy who would have bet a million that his wife would never do anything against him. Last week I was formatting my laptop and needed a pen drive to store my files on so I just unplugged my wifes from her laptop and used that. I admit I was a bit nosy and couldn't resist a peek at her files. Normal stuff; photos of our holidays, kitchen designs she likes, some music files, her CV etc. But also a file marked "Diary" and again I couldn't resist a peek. It was diary from 2010 until 2013. I read/skimmed through a lot of it but in July 2012 (a year after we got married) she went to a hen party with some friends and it seems there was a male stripper there. According to the diary the guy was totally gorgeous and had an amazing body. Now I'm not that out-of-shape myself but I'm certainly no gym addict. First it really upset me that she wrote these details because she isn't the type to comment other guys, at least not in my presence. She writes that she spoke to the guy when he was leaving after and asked him if he offered private dances. He told her that he worked as an male escort, gave her his number and 2 days later she met him at a hotel for a 1 hour "outcall". The diary is very detailed about what took place and she is very vivid about how excited and aroused he got her. And she actually PAID for it!!! I confronted her about it at the weekend and she cried hysterically and apologised. she has told me that she was just weak and gave into a temptation. She said she felt she needed to get it out of her system because I'm the only guy she's ever been with and that it was just a way of living the "stud" fantasy once. She assures me that all desires for "something else" are now gone and that after this incident she wanted to devote the rest of her life to our union. I don't know if I can forgive though. Her words are convincing but in that diary, where every thing they did was described so minutely there was NO sense of regret. Not only that, but she did things with him that she NEVER does with me. Like letting him finish in her mouth during oral. That is just eating me inside!!!! She claims she just wanted to be able to act completely shameless for 1 hour of her life. But WHY with a stranger and not the man she loves???? In a way I'm relieved that no feelings were involved and that I'm not losing her to someone. It seems it was purely a sexual desire. Still hurts like hell though Do you really have Valentines Day chocolates in your avatar? Link to post Share on other sites
Running Man Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) "I cant remember" = YES. but to ashamed to say it. If she didn't do it, she would've told you to minimize a little of the $h!t ton of damage she has caused. Edited January 27, 2016 by Running Man Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I hope you saved a copy of her "diary". Keep a VAR on you whenever you are around her. I really doubt that she stopped at two. How much money did she pay them? I do hope you have an appointment with your attorney, and have exposed this to your family and hers. When did she show you the results from her STD tests? Was she clean? And she couldn't do this with you and pay you the money? I hope you get the knifes out of your back soon. Good luck getting her out of your life. She had her best sexual experience of her life when she paid for it. Ouch! Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Important to ask why she told you everything. Just doesn't usually happen. Not by a long shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 We're on post #82 and the last time the OP posted was post #38. I think the OP is gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Yep, got a report on this, checked it out and concur. Thanks everyone for your contributions and we'll close this up. Link to post Share on other sites
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