Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

[NuevoYorko]

Yes, but the more options one has has a much easier time of finding the one.

I feel that it should be very easy for you to understand why your height will be a deal breaker for a certain number of women. You have your own list of deal breakers. Surely you can understand that others have theirs as well, and some of them will exclude you. Sais la vie!

[NJ123]

Oh NJ you worry so much about the population at large that you neglect to see that when you fall in love and someone falls in love with you all it takes is one other person, not millions of options. Also, when you find someone that sparks that flame for you you will find that a lot of your expectations and demands are out the window. Some of the most successful couples I know (and I don't know too many who succeed for the long haul and are quite content) describe their other half as "he/she wasn't what I typically go for," or "I wasn't sure about x,y,z at first because I was used to "a,b,c" and yet here they are in love, together and content.

 

You need to experience long term love, it's not fickle as you think.

 

Your needs aren't obsolete and neither are women's taste in shorter men. Here on LS we represent a very small fraction of the population and we tend to seek out the answers and philosophies we already adhere to. You can't let the fact that a couple of women have said we prefer taller guys, dictate the fate of your love life. That's just silly.

 

I understand that, but the fact of the matter as some have said is that the vast majority of women prefer tall guys. The only reason shorter women would go for a shorter guy is the fact they're short themselves. If those same short women were 4 inches taller, they would likely eliminate those guys as options too.

[NJ123]

I feel that it should be very easy for you to understand why your height will be a deal breaker for a certain number of women. You have your own list of deal breakers. Surely you can understand that others have theirs as well, and some of them will exclude you. Sais la vie!

 

I know I have my own deal breakers but none of them have to do with something physical like breast size or hair color. Yes, I admit I'd of course love to end up with a woman with big breasts but it's not a dealbreaker in any way whatsoever if they didn't.

 

Edit: Well, them being overweight is a turn off for me to be fair, but those women can change that by losing weight to be more attractive to me.

Edited October 13, 2016 by NJ123

[strawberryshortstack]

Easy for you to say. Are you a short man?

 

 

 

There are many studies out there that prove that the vast majority of women will rule out a man simply due to his height.

 

So say you take 100 women. Lets use OLD response rates as an example and say that 84 women rule me out because of my height. That leaves 16 women. Half of those women don't like my looks. That leaves 8. Another half of those women don't agree with my personal philosophies. That leaves 4. These 4 women are all single mothers. So now I have 0 options. The end.

 

 

You have options, just as they do. They choose to rule you out because they prefer not to date a shorter man. That isn't any worse than you ruling them out because they have a child.

[NJ123]

You have options, just as they do. They choose to rule you out because they prefer not to date a shorter man. That isn't any worse than you ruling them out because they have a child.

 

Well, they had a choice whether to have a child with the wrong guy or not. A lot of guys don't want to care for someone else's offspring. Height isn't a choice. The thing that short guys dislike is that there's absolutely nothing they can do in their power to be an option to a lot of women that just don't want you due to something you have no control over. Height isn't a decision, there's no control over it. Obviously no guy can grow up saying I want to be 6 foot tall & it happens. It's just sad that so many guys don't stand a chance due to it. The worst is for the guys that are like 5'4" & shorter. I can only imagine their pain since their only options it seems for the most part will be women that are 5'2" & shorter.

[strawberryshortstack]

Well, they had a choice whether to have a child with the wrong guy or not. A lot of guys don't want to care for someone else's offspring. Height isn't a choice. The thing that short guys dislike is that there's absolutely nothing they can do in their power to be an option to a lot of women that just don't want you due to something you have no control over. Height isn't a decision, there's no control over it. Obviously no guy can grow up saying I want to be 6 foot tall & it happens. It's just sad that so many guys don't stand a chance due to it. The worst is for the guys that are like 5'4" & shorter. I can only imagine their pain since their only options it seems for the most part will be women that are 5'2" & shorter.

 

To be fair, she probably didn't know the father was the "wrong guy" when she decided to have a child with him. People can hide their faults for a good long time before revealing their true colors. And even if she chose to have a kid with someone else, he's still making a choice to rule her out. So he can either accept that he's partly to blame, or learn to be a bit more flexible with his preferences.

 

And I get the frustration over height. I'm 4'11". That's short, even for a woman, and has been an endless source of frustration for me during my lifetime.

 

And looking back at my past relationships, most of my exes were 6' or taller. Not because I intentionally sought out taller men, but because shorter men don't seem all that interested in me for some reason.

 

However, if I were presented with a choice between two men - one shorter-than-average, and one tall - I'm going to choose the one with whom I share values, a strong emotional/intellectual connection, and who treats me right. Regardless of his height. Maybe that makes me the exception though.

[NJ123]

To be fair, she probably didn't know the father was the "wrong guy" when she decided to have a child with him. People can hide their faults for a good long time before revealing their true colors. And even if she chose to have a kid with someone else, he's still making a choice to rule her out. So he can either accept that he's partly to blame, or learn to be a bit more flexible with his preferences.

 

And I get the frustration over height. I'm 4'11". That's short, even for a woman, and has been an endless source of frustration for me during my lifetime.

 

And looking back at my past relationships, most of my exes were 6' or taller. Not because I intentionally sought out taller men, but because shorter men don't seem all that interested in me for some reason.

 

However, if I were presented with a choice between two men - one shorter-than-average, and one tall - I'm going to choose the one with whom I share values, a strong emotional/intellectual connection, and who treats me right. Regardless of his height. Maybe that makes me the exception though.

 

True, I completely get that it's just having to practically raise or partially raise someone else's kid is just a turn off to a lot of guys.

 

I think it's probably mostly women that are shorter that have that dating mindset that you do. A lot of women that are 5'6" & above are probably only going to want a guy that's closer to 6 foot then not. But online dating is the absolute worst though when it comes to height preferences. I don't know if you saw my other thread from about a month ago where I went on match.com & literally 90% of the women on there wanted a guy that was 5'7" & taller even if she was 5'2"-5'3". It was really sad to see.

 

I think what's especially annoying is when women make their decisions based on their heels. I just think it's crazy to turn down someone because they want to be shorter than the guy even while wearing 4 inch heels. For the woman to be taller than the man is one thing but to turn someone down because of heels is probably at the very top of the list of most shallow things.

[ChickiePops]

It's not what any shorter guy wants to hear, but it's really the truth. Literally by every inch shorter you are, the millions of less options you have by each shorter inch. It's kind of scary to think about it that way but that's how it is sadly.

 

I guess the concern I have is that if most women prefer tall guys that the woman I wind up with will prefer tall guys too & in a way just be settling for me. It's not a good feeling at all.

 

Well this is just silly. If you think this way, you're never going to let yourself be in a relationship because you will ALWAYS be wondering whether or not the girl 'settled' for you.

 

This is a you problem, not a women in general problem.

[ChickiePops]

True, I completely get that it's just having to practically raise or partially raise someone else's kid is just a turn off to a lot of guys.

 

I think it's probably mostly women that are shorter that have that dating mindset that you do. A lot of women that are 5'6" & above are probably only going to want a guy that's closer to 6 foot then not. But online dating is the absolute worst though when it comes to height preferences. I don't know if you saw my other thread from about a month ago where I went on match.com & literally 90% of the women on there wanted a guy that was 5'7" & taller even if she was 5'2"-5'3". It was really sad to see.

 

I think what's especially annoying is when women make their decisions based on their heels. I just think it's crazy to turn down someone because they want to be shorter than the guy even while wearing 4 inch heels. For the woman to be taller than the man is one thing but to turn someone down because of heels is probably at the very top of the list of most shallow things.

 

Honestly, it doesn't matter if you think it's silly. Whining about it isn't going to change anyone's mind. You are self-sabotaging by constantly worrying about it.

[Nightwriter]

It shouldn't be surprising at all that women in general want taller men.

 

In the animal kingdom, it is always the biggest ape or lion that gets the whole pack of females. The betas often can't even stay in the community. At least we humans don't do that. Why are we blaming this on supposed female insecurities? That's beta thinking.

 

Studies have also shown that taller men tend to get promoted faster. That's correlative of course, since other factors might be in play, but it's not surprising either.

 

Shorter guys just have to accept this and make the best of their position (no pun). Sure, maybe taller women are more difficult to attract for a shorter guy, but why dwell on it? There are plenty of gorgeous women less than 5'3". To ignore them is to do exactly what is being complained about. How ironic.

[lightfoot]

There's really no truth in trivializing it – it is a major, unfair, and little-discussed disadvantage for those who have it, and it is foremost a romantic disadvantage. It's no different from bigotry against someone with a different skin colour, yet it's socially acceptable outside the dating world and considered a matter of preference in the dating world. I've met a lot of women who seem to think that six feet is the average height of a man – uh, a population mean of 5'9" with a standard deviation of 2.94" reveals that less than 15 per cent of men are six feet tall or over. There is no real solution for a short man except to build himself into something to the extent that his height will be his least important trait someday. Not all short men will be able to do that. Frankly, if I were any shorter than 5'7" I would want leg-lengthening.

[Gr8fuln2020]

...literally 90% of the women on there wanted a guy that was 5'7" & taller even if she was 5'2"-5'3". It was really sad to see.

 

I think what's especially annoying is when women make their decisions based on their heels. I just think it's crazy to turn down someone because they want to be shorter than the guy even while wearing 4 inch heels. For the woman to be taller than the man is one thing but to turn someone down because of heels is probably at the very top of the list of most shallow things.

 

Wow, I should try Match if the minimum threshhold is ONLY 5'7! On OKC and POF it's around 6'0, even if the lady is barely the average woman's height! Ha.

 

The high heels thing is mostly a reuse. It baffles me that any woman would jeopardize their health by wearing such high heels to start off with. It's a not-so-subtle code for I want someone who is taller than the height after I have my heels on (the tallest ones I have). Otherwise, it is absurd and impractical....

[NJ123]

There's really no truth in trivializing it – it is a major, unfair, and little-discussed disadvantage for those who have it, and it is foremost a romantic disadvantage. It's no different from bigotry against someone with a different skin colour, yet it's socially acceptable outside the dating world and considered a matter of preference in the dating world. I've met a lot of women who seem to think that six feet is the average height of a man – uh, a population mean of 5'9" with a standard deviation of 2.94" reveals that less than 15 per cent of men are six feet tall or over. There is no real solution for a short man except to build himself into something to the extent that his height will be his least important trait someday. Not all short men will be able to do that. Frankly, if I were any shorter than 5'7" I would want leg-lengthening.

 

True, it's not discussed because with the exception of shorter men bringing it up no one cares since it doesn't affect the others. Another thing I've noticed which I really hate to bring up but I will is that whenever a woman states she's dated shorter guys in the past a lot of those women always mention that their current b/f or the guy that became their husband is like 6 foot or taller. It's just something that I've noticed. I'd never go to the extremes of getting leg lengthening surgery since it's just way too risky. It would be nice to be a few inches taller though I can't deny it. It's just really annoying though how due to having no control over something can affect your life in many ways.

[NJ123]

Wow, I should try Match if the minimum threshhold is ONLY 5'7! On OKC and POF it's around 6'0, even if the lady is barely the average woman's height! Ha.

 

The high heels thing is mostly a reuse. It baffles me that any woman would jeopardize their health by wearing such high heels to start off with. It's a not-so-subtle code for I want someone who is taller than the height after I have my heels on (the tallest ones I have). Otherwise, it is absurd and impractical....

 

Well, the 5'7" was just from some of that 90% that I estimated. Maybe only a quarter or a third of that 90% listed 5'7" minimum. The others it was even taller. So many on there that were like 5'3" that wanted guys that were 6 inches or more taller. It's absurd & sad more than anything. But there's nothing we can do to change their preferences.

[Gr8fuln2020]

True, it's not discussed because with the exception of shorter men bringing it up no one cares since it doesn't affect the others. Another thing I've noticed which I really hate to bring up but I will is that whenever a woman states she's dated shorter guys in the past a lot of those women always mention that their current b/f or the guy that became their husband is like 6 foot or taller. It's just something that I've noticed. I'd never go to the extremes of getting leg lengthening surgery since it's just way too risky. It would be nice to be a few inches taller though I can't deny it. It's just really annoying though how due to having no control over something can affect your life in many ways.

 

Ha. I'm 5'6 and know that I have lost out on potential dates b/c I'm short(er). But, I have been relatively lucky that I have other qualities and have been married and dated some hot ladies as or shorter.

 

Many women discover that a guys height does not, at all, translate to a meaningful relationship. Many of these ladies looking for single, guys above the height of 6'0 will find, depending on age, of course, that dating is no picnic. Those same guys know they will have more ladies interested, thus less likely to commit...

[NJ123]

Ha. I'm 5'6 and know that I have lost out on potential dates b/c I'm short(er). But, I have been relatively lucky that I have other qualities and have been married and dated some hot ladies as or shorter.

 

Many women discover that a guys height does not, at all, translate to a meaningful relationship. Many of these ladies looking for single, guys above the height of 6'0 will find, depending on age, of course, that dating is no picnic. Those same guys know they will have more ladies interested, thus less likely to commit...

 

lol I just don't want to feel like I'm some leftover because those women can't get the tall guy they really desire but can't snatch them up. I just wish most women wouldn't care at all about height since it makes it all complicated. That other poster in here said that the women he was with flat out told him they like tall guys & he's short for a man. Why would I want to wind up with some woman that has that thought in her mind but just wouldn't tell me to not hurt me? And I'm the same height as you.

Edited October 13, 2016 by NJ123

[NuevoYorko]

I know I have my own deal breakers but none of them have to do with something physical like breast size or hair color. Yes, I admit I'd of course love to end up with a woman with big breasts but it's not a dealbreaker in any way whatsoever if they didn't.

 

Edit: Well, them being overweight is a turn off for me to be fair, but those women can change that by losing weight to be more attractive to me.

 

I see that you've been over this many a time, but seriously: It makes NO DIFFERENCE. You are NOT AN OPTION to women who like only tall men. Check them off your list. Just like women who smoke are NOT AN OPTION for you. They're checked off your list.

 

And, I'm pretty sure there are women who are not fat but who just are not physically attractive to you at all, even if they don't smoke, have kids or other of your dealbreakers. You just are not into them in that way, and you won't be pursuing them.

 

It's not up to you to concern yourself with the wants and dislikes of people you don't even know. Not up to you to judge whether their preferences are more worthy than yours are. Just select from amongst the 230,280,211,02 +/- women who don't have any issue with dating a man of your height, who also meet your own requirements.

[Jammer25]

5'10" here. Roughly average height for my area.

 

I've had my fair share of shallow women ruling me out on sight even with my average height. But for the most part, it hasn't really been an issue with women shying away because of my height. I've dated women slightly taller than me without heels on, around 5'11"-6'0" - at times I did feel awkward when they had heels, but I forgot about it quickly.

 

I think as long as you're confident in who you are, and find a good match as far as interests/values, preconceived notions about height are largely forgotten.

[NJ123]

I see that you've been over this many a time, but seriously: It makes NO DIFFERENCE. You are NOT AN OPTION to women who like only tall men. Check them off your list. Just like women who smoke are NOT AN OPTION for you. They're checked off your list.

 

And, I'm pretty sure there are women who are not fat but who just are not physically attractive to you at all, even if they don't smoke, have kids or other of your dealbreakers. You just are not into them in that way, and you won't be pursuing them.

 

It's not up to you to concern yourself with the wants and dislikes of people you don't even know. Not up to you to judge whether their preferences are more worthy than yours are. Just select from amongst the 230,280,211,02 +/- women who don't have any issue with dating a man of your height, who also meet your own requirements.

 

True, it's just I'd hope to meet someone that's just neutral on height in general. I don't want to be with someone who's going to tell me they normally dated tall guys or prefer them.

[NJ123]

5'10" here. Roughly average height for my area.

 

I've had my fair share of shallow women ruling me out on sight even with my average height. But for the most part, it hasn't really been an issue with women shying away because of my height. I've dated women slightly taller than me without heels on, around 5'11"-6'0" - at times I did feel awkward when they had heels, but I forgot about it quickly.

 

I think as long as you're confident in who you are, and find a good match as far as interests/values, preconceived notions about height are largely forgotten.

 

You must be in some place like NYC or Los Angeles for you to be average height at 5'10". 5'10" isn't short at all. With shoes on you'll be almost right at 6 foot.

[george cooper]

Women like the most generic qualifications are dating the tall,dark,handsome type of women most women. But if she does not reply to well that a different case now. Some girls do not towering man rather want a man that is taller than they are in this case she is 5'11 at least most be 6'1 or taller than that. It does not mean all girls are like that why real love does not need size or height she could be 7 foot 7 yet she will love you even you 5'5 . And I am not saying you should look for girls that are smaller than you in that way you're limiting yourself. but then again everybody has a type.

[salparadise]

Yup. Same goes for male pickiness! I mean..even the history of liking big breasts has to do with feeding your children. Everyone chooses a mate based on optimizing the gene pool. What's your point?

 

No, it's not the same at all. Nature selects for breasts because of the increased likelihood of survival of well fed babies. In the ancestral environment the reproductive capacity of all females was utilized; female capacity is the species' capacity. However, it's the opposite for men. One individual man can sire literally thousands of progeny in a lifetime if granted assess by enough females. Females are discriminating.

 

OK, but if it was completely "natural" and "instinctive" for women to pick and mate with tall men preferentially, then over the 200,000 years modern humans have been around, then surely short men would have become extinct.

 

If you mate Great Dane with Great Dane with Great Dane for ever and ever then you do not get Yorkshire Terriers do you?

 

There are multiple factors that determined human height over time. Some early human were only about three feet tall, and some that were closer to what we are today. Protein in the diet is important in the expression of the genetic potential for height. Both environmental factors and sexual selection influence the genetics. If a shorter, stockier body helps a person to stay warmer, then colder climates over time will encourage shorter, stockier people.

 

evolutionary-battle-sexes-height

 

average-height-of-humans-over-time

[bebe23]

There are of course outliers - but I am gonna say blame biology.

 

Men are attracted to youth, beasts, hips and other signs of fertility.

 

Women are attracted to larger / powerful.

 

When I am with a guy who is smaller than me (I have given it a chance!) I just feel "big" and not very feminine. It's more about the way *I* feel about myself than a judgement on them.

 

This is how I feel too. One of the reasons I'm trying to lose weight is that my husband (6 feet tall) only weighs 5 pounds less than me. Last month I weighed the same as him. It made me feel so big in comparison, but at least HEIGHT-wise I'm several inches shorter. I like his tallness, but I'd love more weight on him. I crave the feel of 'big' man.

 

But that's not to say I would have never liked a shorter guy. I would have found nothing wrong with a shorter guy, even one 5'4 or so if I thought he was cute face-wise.

[NuevoYorko]

There's really no truth in trivializing it – it is a major, unfair, and little-discussed disadvantage for those who have it, and it is foremost a romantic disadvantage. It's no different from bigotry against someone with a different skin colour, yet it's socially acceptable outside the dating world and considered a matter of preference in the dating world.

That's because ... it IS a matter of preference in the dating world, as are skin or hair color, religion, body type, age, condition of teeth, sexual experience and proclivities, lifestyle, and just about everything.

 

Dating is not an equal opportunity activity, for Heaven's sake.

[lightfoot]

You must be in some place like NYC or Los Angeles for you to be average height at 5'10". 5'10" isn't short at all. With shoes on you'll be almost right at 6 foot.

 

5'10" is too short for them now