Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

[NJ123]

Not sure if this thread has helped all that much for the short guys out there. But for women complaining about not being able to find guys online, and who are stating a preference that rules out 4/5th of the population, it might be worth reconsidering that requirement and perhaps even reconsidering the choice to artificially increase their height with extreme high heels. Not to mention the good this will do to their long term health!

 

It won't happen since it would just be a lot of women forcing themselves to want something they really don't. I agree that it's definitely not biological since if it was than every single woman on the planet would care about height. I really don't know what the true reason is, but I'd like to think social status plays a role in it to a degree.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Nice one Duncsvoice.

 

I have attracted a 6'0 woman before but she didn't date me because I was too short and skinny. I don't get it, she was interested (her friends told me) but one her friends told me the reason she rejected me was the height and weight factors. I understand she was insecure about her height and her weight in comparison to mine, so she was projecting but she missed man but not too worry, I am sure she'll find someone else, she's a good woman. #

[Fishfingersareyummy]

It won't happen since it would just be a lot of women forcing themselves to want something they really don't. I agree that it's definitely not biological since if it was than every single woman on the planet would care about height. I really don't know what the true reason is, but I'd like to think social status plays a role in it to a degree.

 

It's just a preference. Some men like darker skinned women and some men like lighter skinned women. Some men like women with straight hair and then you have men like me that love frizzy hair.

 

You don't need to explain a preference. In my country we have a large Indian population and I find myself attracting and attracted Indian women, I can't explain why I attract Indian women or why I am attracted to Indian women, I just am and if this offends people then that's not my problem. Perhaps they are my preference. Who knows, but no matter who we are, we'll have preferences and those preferences will exclude some men and women.

[duncsvoice]

Nice one Duncsvoice.

 

I have attracted a 6'0 woman before but she didn't date me because I was too short and skinny. I don't get it, she was interested (her friends told me) but one her friends told me the reason she rejected me was the height and weight factors. I understand she was insecure about her height and her weight in comparison to mine, so she was projecting but she missed man but not too worry, I am sure she'll find someone else, she's a good woman. #

 

Cheers! I was pretty happy with how it turned out, but I think the fact I never once bemoaned my height and stayed confident definitely helped. Thankfully we already had a lot in common anyway (and a revelation about our exes that pushed us even closer together) but around her I just acted like I was a foot taller than her. Confidence, manners, humour...to her mattered so much more than a few inches height.

 

I get that some girls just want a taller guy, that's fair enough, we all have our types. It doesn't get me down, I can't push out a few more inches. I'm 5'5'' and stocky, and I'm happy with that.

[joseb]

It won't happen since it would just be a lot of women forcing themselves to want something they really don't.

 

Well it's a preference, and it's on a scale, so it's not an all or nothing.

Lets say I had a preference for girls with black hair. If I found out in the morning that 4/5 of girls didnt have black hair (everyone started dying it), I'd probably drop that preference, or make it a nice to have, but be more open to brunettes, and heck maybe even blonds.

 

I was actually quite surprised to learn what a small percentage of guys are over six foot. I imagine most women probably think its a lot higher than it is, and don't realise how many people they are excluding. They could pretty much increase their pool from less than 1/5 to almost a half by dropping two inches off their heels!

Edited October 17, 2016 by joseb

[NJ123]

Well it's a preference, and it's on a scale, so it's not an all or nothing.

Lets say I had a preference for girls with black hair. If I found out in the morning that 4/5 of girls didnt have black hair (everyone started dying it), I'd probably drop that preference, or make it a nice to have, but be more open to brunettes, and heck maybe even blonds.

 

I was actually quite surprised to learn what a small percentage of guys are over six foot. I imagine most women probably think its a lot higher than it is, and don't realise how many people they are excluding. They could pretty much increase their pool from less than 1/5 to almost a half by dropping two inches off their heels!

 

And that's exactly what I mean. They have a preference for something that excludes 3/4ths of men & it's for something guys can't change either. So that's the whole issue with it. Yet, the excuse women make is saying guys want big breasts (which they can get), thin figure (which you can obtain), with certain hair colors (can change). But unfortunately it's just never going to change. It really is what it is, even though I just don't get it. The whole biological thing is nonsense since if it really was biological than every single woman on the planet would want a tall guy. I came across a rare profile of a woman last night saying why do guys list their heights on here & said she doesn't care about height at all. Unfortunately she's a rarity to have it since it's the complete opposite when women mention height on their profile saying please be tall.

Edited October 17, 2016 by NJ123

[babylonsfire]

my grandma always used to say "he was a tall handsome young man"

 

Tall & handsome, always went together. I can recall that saying above probably 100+ times. I can't ever recall her saying what a short handsome young man...

 

So as unfair, and unfortunate as it is, its a bias that's been around for a long time...

[NJ123]

my grandma always used to say "he was a tall handsome young man"

 

Tall & handsome, always went together. I can recall that saying above probably 100+ times. I can't ever recall her saying what a short handsome young man...

 

So as unfair, and unfortunate as it is, its a bias that's been around for a long time...

 

Which is why so many guys are jaded about it. You never hear anyone complain about tall guys when they date them. It's only short guys do they have to say something negative about it. I can't tell you how many times I've read some women state that they've dated short guys but they turned out to be a jerk & then said never again. But if 10 tall guys they dated in a row were jerks, there wouldn't be a peep about it.

[Wade Lamare]

Oh noes.

 

I'm done for, I'm only just 5' 10".

 

Best I give up and go home then!

[Buddhist]

And that's exactly what I mean. They have a preference for something that excludes 3/4ths of men.

 

And this is just a sign of the times where relationships are becoming increasingly unimportant or a lower priority to a lot of people. There is nothing wrong with that, society is just going in a different direction these days. People look at what happens to most relationships and simply decide they'll have a dream one or none at all. That's a perfectly valid preference and a lot of people remain single as a result. There is no law that says a person must desire a relationship or make it a high priority in their life.

 

Lets face it, the human race isn't going to die out anytime soon and in fact it is natural for a species to begin lowering it's reproduction rate once the population begins to outstrip the resources of it's environment. Many species on the planet do exactly that. So there is no crisis involved in people simply no longer prioritising romantic relationships or putting so many restrictions on them to avoid them altogether. Some people are reacting to another person's preference for singledom as some kind of crime against them. It isn't that.

 

Women have pressure and opportunity to provide for themselves, to secure their own retirement, to become personally fulfilled beyond the role of being someone's housekeeper and partner. There is no wrong in them deciding to eliminate or reduce romantic attachment and make it a low priority in their life. Just as many men have chosen to be eternal bachelors, many women are choosing the same. There is nothing to 'get' about that. It's a choice they are making, because they have the opportunity to make one.

[NJ123]

Oh noes.

 

I'm done for, I'm only just 5' 10".

 

Best I give up and go home then!

 

lol you have nothing to worry about at 5'10" with the exception of the real picky ones that exclusively just want 6 foot+. Besides, at your height, with the right shoe you'll be right at 6 foot or just a hair under it. I think anyone 5'8" & under are the ones that get screwed over the most with the height issue.

[basil67]

I don't think the problem is so much about the women and their choices. I think it's the model of OLD which is at fault.

 

Back before OLD, we'd find a boyfriend though real life situations. The first thing we'd notice may be his smile or the twinkle in his eye. We'd get talking, build a rapport and get to know each other. Things like height and job etc don't matter so much if you've already found that you get on well.

 

But in OLD, you're just a product being advertised to a consumer. You're not a person, you're a set of criteria. It's like comparing a pair of shoes online - I've got no idea which ones have the nicer leather is and I've got no idea which one gives better support, so I will start with the pair which have the prettier heels. Of course, online shopping for shoes has a high failure rate - like OLD. Which is why it's best to meet people and try shoes in person.

 

In short, don't blame the women. Blame the fact that OLD is designed so that the consumer can choose a product which matches their criteria with little avenue for considering the nuances of that product.

[salparadise]

I was actually quite surprised to learn what a small percentage of guys are over six foot. I imagine most women probably think its a lot higher than it is, and don't realize how many people they are excluding.

 

Heh, then factor in the need for a full head of hair, a flat-hard stomach, chiseled jaw, a nine-inch uncut pekker, $200k income, always pays for everything, writes poetry, doesn't look at porn, and only wants sex within the context of a long-term committed relationship... then the numbers get really thin. Is it any wonder there are so many frustrated ladies. They judge eighty percent to be below average.

 

Fortunately they seem to become a bit more tolerant around age fifty.

[LD1990]

The whole biological thing is nonsense since if it really was biological than every single woman on the planet would want a tall guy.

 

The "biological thing" is not nonsense. Look at the animal kingdom and you see numerous examples of species where the biggest, strongest male gets his choice of the available females because they desire the male that offers the most protection. It makes sense that humanity's ancestors would follow the same type of procedure regarding mate selection.

 

Of course, we've evolved quite a bit since then and choosing a partner isn't so simplistic. But you're crazy if you think there's no biological explanation for why women often prefer taller men.

[NJ123]

And this is just a sign of the times where relationships are becoming increasingly unimportant or a lower priority to a lot of people. There is nothing wrong with that, society is just going in a different direction these days. People look at what happens to most relationships and simply decide they'll have a dream one or none at all. That's a perfectly valid preference and a lot of people remain single as a result. There is no law that says a person must desire a relationship or make it a high priority in their life.

 

Lets face it, the human race isn't going to die out anytime soon and in fact it is natural for a species to begin lowering it's reproduction rate once the population begins to outstrip the resources of it's environment. Many species on the planet do exactly that. So there is no crisis involved in people simply no longer prioritising romantic relationships or putting so many restrictions on them to avoid them altogether. Some people are reacting to another person's preference for singledom as some kind of crime against them. It isn't that.

 

Women have pressure and opportunity to provide for themselves, to secure their own retirement, to become personally fulfilled beyond the role of being someone's housekeeper and partner. There is no wrong in them deciding to eliminate or reduce romantic attachment and make it a low priority in their life. Just as many men have chosen to be eternal bachelors, many women are choosing the same. There is nothing to 'get' about that. It's a choice they are making, because they have the opportunity to make one.

 

What you're saying may be true but at the same time it's causing this whole hook up culture of just sleep around a lot more with no strings attached sex which is what a lot of people don't want in a relationship partner to begin with. It goes both ways of both men & women doing it, but a lot of people are turned off on wanting anything serious with others that just go around having a bunch of casual sex.

[basil67]

I think it's also fair to say that those who aren't desperate for a relationship have the luxury of higher criteria. If nobody comes along who meets that criteria, they aren't bothered by being single so it's no loss to them.

 

I'm kind of like that with some shoes I've been looking at online recently. I have some fairly strict criteria, but I'm not desperate so am happy to wait for the right ones even if it takes a year or more.

[NJ123]

I don't think the problem is so much about the women and their choices. I think it's the model of OLD which is at fault.

 

Back before OLD, we'd find a boyfriend though real life situations. The first thing we'd notice may be his smile or the twinkle in his eye. We'd get talking, build a rapport and get to know each other. Things like height and job etc don't matter so much if you've already found that you get on well.

 

But in OLD, you're just a product being advertised to a consumer. You're not a person, you're a set of criteria. It's like comparing a pair of shoes online - I've got no idea which ones have the nicer leather is and I've got no idea which one gives better support, so I will start with the pair which have the prettier heels. Of course, online shopping for shoes has a high failure rate - like OLD. Which is why it's best to meet people and try shoes in person.

 

In short, don't blame the women. Blame the fact that OLD is designed so that the consumer can choose a product which matches their criteria with little avenue for considering the nuances of that product.

 

The thing is OLD favors women to begin with. It's cliche to say it by now, but just look at how many messages the average woman gets on there. You'll probably say yeah, but how many of them are of good quality. If the average woman is getting a 100 messages a month minimum & that's even being lenient since I've seen some women get 50-100 messages in a day or two, the odds are that at least even 5% of them are good messages from good quality men. Men on the other hand have to send message after message & get turned down constantly. And than factor in all the stuff about height, income, & other stuff than most guys just don't stand a chance. I hate to even say it since it's basically me just complaining but it's the harsh truth though.

[NJ123]

Heh, then factor in the need for a full head of hair, a flat-hard stomach, chiseled jaw, a nine-inch uncut pekker, $200k income, always pays for everything, writes poetry, doesn't look at porn, and only wants sex within the context of a long-term committed relationship... then the numbers get really thin. Is it any wonder there are so many frustrated ladies. They judge eighty percent to be below average.

 

Fortunately they seem to become a bit more tolerant around age fifty.

 

lol something like that but a bit of an exaggeration in some things. But I think everyone gets the point.

[NJ123]

The "biological thing" is not nonsense. Look at the animal kingdom and you see numerous examples of species where the biggest, strongest male gets his choice of the available females because they desire the male that offers the most protection. It makes sense that humanity's ancestors would follow the same type of procedure regarding mate selection.

 

Of course, we've evolved quite a bit since then and choosing a partner isn't so simplistic. But you're crazy if you think there's no biological explanation for why women often prefer taller men.

 

Oh give me a break with that nonsense. I'll say it yet again if it was biological than every single woman in the world would want a tall guy.

[Wade Lamare]

I haven't read all the threads here but I assume somebody has pointed out the reverse 'discrimination' where a shorter guy refuses to date a taller girl and thereby misses out on someone who could be a fantastic gf?

[Buddhist]

What you're saying may be true but at the same time it's causing this whole hook up culture of just sleep around a lot more with no strings attached sex which is what a lot of people don't want in a relationship partner to begin with. It goes both ways of both men & women doing it, but a lot of people are turned off on wanting anything serious with others that just go around having a bunch of casual sex.

 

Then that's their preference and no-one needs to conform to that either. You can stamp your feet all you want how life isn't conforming to your preferences. It certainly doesn't tailor much to mine, but they're my preferences and really it's not the world's job to become what I personally want in life. That's my business.

[basil67]

The thing is OLD favors women to begin with. It's cliche to say it by now, but just look at how many messages the average woman gets on there. You'll probably say yeah, but how many of them are of good quality. If the average woman is getting a 100 messages a month minimum & that's even being lenient since I've seen some women get 50-100 messages in a day or two, the odds are that at least even 5% of them are good messages from good quality men. Men on the other hand have to send message after message & get turned down constantly. And than factor in all the stuff about height, income, & other stuff than most guys just don't stand a chance. I hate to even say it since it's basically me just complaining but it's the harsh truth though.

 

Yep. This is why I always suggest that guys have a good social network and hobbies to meet people through.

 

I think there's also the 'want it now' consumer attitude in OLD. Back in the day, it wasn't unusual to go for 6-12 months single before meeting a new person worth dating. Much the same as the time frame probably experienced by many in OLD. Difference was that we didn't put all this time into trawling through online profiles - wanting to buy it now - and getting disappointed each time it doesn't fit.

[NJ123]

I haven't read all the threads here but I assume somebody has pointed out the reverse 'discrimination' where a shorter guy refuses to date a taller girl and thereby misses out on someone who could be a fantastic gf?

 

I'd date a tall girl if I had the chance. I wouldn't care as long as I found her attractive & we got along well. I see so many women my height & taller that I think are very attractive.

[Buddhist]

l than every single woman in the world would want a tall guy.

 

Hasn't that been your argument all along? That every single woman does want a tall guy and that's why you're single? Are you now admitting that this isn't true?

[NJ123]

Hasn't that been your argument all along? That every single woman does want a tall guy and that's why you're single? Are you now admitting that this isn't true?

 

No, I've never said every woman does, but the vast majority do. I'd be willing to bet 7 or 8 out of every 10 women prefer a tall guy. The others just don't care either way or a very small amount even prefer short guys. The problem is trying to find a woman that doesn't care about height where I find her attractive & she finds me attractive back among other criteria.