Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

[NJ123]

I disagree with basically everything you've said here, but I don't see OLD as a superior option for anyone. Get out and interact with real women. Do interesting things and show off your talents. Charm them. If you see that as "hard work", then that's part of the problem. Most women are attracted to "doers" and achievers even more than tall. So really, tall wouldn't save you if you can't do that.

 

A man who is in great shape, has a solid career, and is passionate and charming will always be popular with the ladies, at any height. And yep, these guys are a small portion of the population.

 

A man who is stuck in neutral and timid around women will always struggle, at any height.

 

Maybe it's not a superior option but it's one that's very popular & convenient. I'm willing to bet a lot more single people than not use OLD these days.

 

And I guess that's the reason so many women are picky these days. That the guys they actually want are only a small portion of the population. I can't tell you how many gorgeous women I've seen on OLD with really great careers that are in their late 20s/early 30s. The odds are their standards are pretty high which is why they choose to stay single instead. But if so many people are too picky than no one will ever be good enough. OLD & social media has ruined so many people's perceptions on relationships. It seems to so many people on there that no one is ever good enough & they're holding out for this really special person that doesn't exist but is just a fantasy.

 

Sadly, but the thing is some guys can't help being shy or introverted. How is a guy supposed to change his personality to be outgoing if he's always been quiet/reserved. Some guys are just naturally like that, so it's very difficult to change & it's held against them unfortunately.

[NJ123]

I get venting some frustrations, but you've been repeating your complaints about being short over and over. Like you've said, there's nothing you can do about it. Life's not fair. Some people hit the genetic lottery, some don't.

 

Yeah, but saying it's not fair doesn't cut it. So many people wind up alone due to things they have no control over.

[Wade Lamare]

Yeah, but saying it's not fair doesn't cut it. So many people wind up alone due to things they have no control over.

 

No.

 

Some people wind up alone because they are unwilling or unable to make the best of what they do have.

 

No one has ever to my knowledge been alone simply due to being short.

[NJ123]

No.

 

Some people wind up alone because they are unwilling or unable to make the best of what they do have.

 

No one has ever to my knowledge been alone simply due to being short.

 

Did any of those guys settle with someone just to not be alone? I refuse to settle with someone I'm not attracted to, it's just not an option for me. I'd sadly rather stay single for life than to be with someone for the rest of my life that I have no attraction to.

Edited October 18, 2016 by NJ123

[xxoo]

Did any of those guys settle with someone just to not be alone?

 

The people who put the work into developing as an attractive mate have first pick. Wouldn't you want to be one of them, instead of worrying about settling?

[NJ123]

The people who put the work into developing as an attractive mate have first pick. Wouldn't you want to be one of them, instead of worrying about settling?

 

These are my 2 options now I have to face the facts. I'm either going to wind up with someone I don't really want to be with or alone. I just don't see it happening any other way for me at this point.

[Wade Lamare]

Did any of those guys settle with someone just to not be alone? I refuse to settle with someone I'm not attracted to, it's just not an option for me. I'd sadly rather stay single for life than to be with someone for the rest of my life that I have no attraction to.

 

I don't know. You'd have to ask them.

 

Of course you shouldn't 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to? Why on earth would you do such a thing?

 

If you're not prepared to settle for someone you're not attracted to isn't that unfair on the ladies who would love to be with a guy like you?

 

You can't have it both ways. You can't say I'm not attracted to and wouldn't date these women because of this, this and that and then complain when some women state their preference for taller men.

[NJ123]

I don't know. You'd have to ask them.

 

Of course you shouldn't 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to? Why on earth would you do such a thing?

 

If you're not prepared to settle for someone you're not attracted to isn't that unfair on the ladies who would love to be with a guy like you?

 

You can't have it both ways. You can't say I'm not attracted to and wouldn't date these women because of this, this and that and then complain when some women state their preference for taller men.

 

As I've stated physical looks such as their facial features is an individual basis thing. I could find someone attractive that a few other guys don't see it & vice versa. A woman's height preference/requirement eliminates 80% of men automatically no matter how good looking the guy's face, personality or how good of shape he's in. It's nowhere near the same thing at all.

[Wade Lamare]

As I've stated physical looks such as their facial features is an individual basis thing. I could find someone attractive that a few other guys don't see it & vice versa. A woman's height preference/requirement eliminates 80% of men automatically no matter how good looking the guy's face, personality or how good of shape he's in. It's nowhere near the same thing at all.

 

I'm sorry NJ I really don't see much difference there. No matter how you dress it you are making a choice that excludes some women from your dating pool.

 

Yes, as you said earlier I'm not 5' 5" or whatever but I'm certainly not a 6 footer. I'm also very plain looking and was quite fugly as a youngster.

 

I just played to my strengths.

 

I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent, have a well developed sense of humour and I'm a nice person. I also like to look after myself. I'm no gym rat but I lift a few weights at home, exercise and watch what I eat.

 

My pic is in my profile, check it out if you don't believe me.

 

Once I'd got past the initial shyness I had little trouble getting dates or girlfriends. I was always going to luck out more often than tall and handsome Mr Stud McStudlypants but *shrugs* I never let it bother me.

[NJ123]

I'm sorry NJ I really don't see much difference there. No matter how you dress it you are making a choice that excludes some women from your dating pool.

 

Yes, as you said earlier I'm not 5' 5" or whatever but I'm certainly not a 6 footer. I'm also very plain looking and was quite fugly as a youngster.

 

I just played to my strengths.

 

I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent, have a well developed sense of humour and I'm a nice person. I also like to look after myself. I'm no gym rat but I lift a few weights at home, exercise and watch what I eat.

 

My pic is in my profile, check it out if you don't believe me.

 

Once I'd got past the initial shyness I had little trouble getting dates or girlfriends. I was always going to luck out more often than tall and handsome Mr Stud McStudlypants but *shrugs* I never let it bother me.

 

The concept is maybe a bit similar but the difference is what I stated. There's a difference in terms of a guy/woman not finding a guy's face/body type attractive than not wanting to be with a guy that's good looking, great personality, great body, but wouldn't want him just because he's a little shorter than she would like. A guy could have legit model looks & body shape with an amazing outgoing fun personality, yet he still wouldn't be good enough if her requirement is tall only. Maybe she'd be willing to be with him for a FWB/casual sex but not good enough for a relationship.

[LD1990]

Yeah, but saying it's not fair doesn't cut it. So many people wind up alone due to things they have no control over.

 

And yet the human race has survived and thrived despite these women that are apparently ruining everything with their preferences. Maybe the tall guys are just making babies everywhere we go

 

Oh, and those gorgeous women in their late 20s/early 30s with great careers on OLD? Maybe they're single because they spent their 20s focusing on building those great careers. And maybe they're picky because when you're gorgeous and have a great career, you can be.

 

So yeah, saying it's not fair does cut it. Because you can complain and play the victim all you want, but at the end of the day it changes nothing. The world does not revolve around you. It does not owe you anything, including a girlfriend who meets all your exact specifications. If you want something so bad, go out and get it. If you fail, that's your problem.

[NJ123]

And yet the human race has survived and thrived despite these women that are apparently ruining everything with their preferences. Maybe the tall guys are just making babies everywhere we go

 

Oh, and those gorgeous women in their late 20s/early 30s with great careers on OLD? Maybe they're single because they spent their 20s focusing on building those great careers. And maybe they're picky because when you're gorgeous and have a great career, you can be.

 

So yeah, saying it's not fair does cut it. Because you can complain and play the victim all you want, but at the end of the day it changes nothing. The world does not revolve around you. It does not owe you anything, including a girlfriend who meets all your exact specifications. If you want something so bad, go out and get it. If you fail, that's your problem.

 

That still doesn't change the fact that a whole lot of people wind up alone.

 

The thing is I doubt every single one of them is in that situation where they were focusing on careers. There's way too many of them that I spotted & my friend even pointed it out to me the other day where I was just like I was thinking the same exact thing. And they're pickyness is going to likely keep them single since no one will ever be good enough for them except for guys that are on their level of looks & great careers themselves. And those are just the basic requirements for a lot of them. How is any guy going to stand a chance when they're looking for a guy that doesn't exist?

 

And what's the point if women don't even like me? I'd have to have no standards at all to get a girlfriend which is my only option at this point.

[xxoo]

I don't understand why developing more attractive qualities isn't an option.

[Nightwriter]

1. A lot of shorter guys are complaining that taller women are not going for them. Why are we hung up on taller women? There are plenty of shorter women 5'1" and under who are quite pretty. Now be honest with yourselves. If you don't find shorter girls attractive, aren't you doing exactly the same thing as the women you're complaining about?

 

2. No matter how much a person complains, it won't change the mind of the women who are attracted to taller guys. I guess if people are posting here to blow off steam, that's fine. But it's not changing the mind of a single person. As a guy, I eliminate 90%+ of women since I find less than 1 in 10 attractive. And no matter how much people will try to convince me otherwise, that won't change.

 

3. We get it. Being short sucks. And being blind does too, or paraplegic. We're all dealt different cards. We can work with them and be a positive force in this world or just be bitter and negative. Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair and can't speak, yet he continues to use his mind to contribute to the world.

[LD1990]

OK NJ123. You're absolutely right. Women and their stupid preferences are ruining modern dating. Congress should do something about it. The world is terrible. You're just gonna have to fight the good fight.

[Buddhist]

I don't understand why developing more attractive qualities isn't an option.

 

Because that requires effort and the ability to pinpoint something other than external circumstances for the predicament.

[NJ123]

OK NJ123. You're absolutely right. Women and their stupid preferences are ruining modern dating. Congress should do something about it. The world is terrible. You're just gonna have to fight the good fight.

 

I guess it is what it is since I have to come to terms with just being okay with being single for a really long time, possibly my whole life.

[Versacehottie]

You might of misread my post, but it wasn't my co-workers' girlfriends. It was people that come into my workplace where I see guys of my height with girlfriends. It would be incredibly awkward if I asked complete strangers where they met lol.

 

And I guess that's a possibility. But there has to be sexual attraction for me to want to be with themThere's some things I could probably look over, but attraction isn't one of them. I'm either physically attracted to them or I'm not in terms of their looks. You'll probably think I'm a bit of a hypocrite because of arguing about the height thing & how it's a part of someone's physical looks. But to me it's not the same thing since if a woman has a height preference/requirement that eliminates roughly 75-80% of men automatically, while someones facial features/body is by an individual basis, & someones physical body can change in terms of being overweight or not. I just don't think a lot of women understand how their demand for a tall guy eliminates probably 7 or 8 out of every 10 guys. I assume a lot of women don't realize only a small percentage of men are considered tall.

 

But I agree likely the woman I wind up with probably won't tick off every box of what I'd want out of someone, but only to an extent or else I likely won't want to be with them in the first place. Some things are just automatic deal breakers for me. I think you were in my thread of listing deal breakers & whether I was too picky or not. Most think I wasn't surprisingly since I thought I was going to be attacked in almost every post for what I deemed as deal breakers.

 

Oh yeah I did misread your post about the thinking they were co-workers rather than strangers that work in same building as you. Anyway it's a start. That's evidence. Secondly, you could ask people on this thread or start another of part of a couple where the guy is certain height or under how they met.

 

In my example of my 5'7" bf I met him through work on a special project & liked him right away, we exchanged contact info at end of week & then kept in touch for a month while we were both traveling and went out for first time when we were both back. How he got my attention initially was that he helped me the first moment I arrived with something which made me take notice of him being nice and personable; he was quick and smart and I just kept enjoying talking to him and...then began to look forward to it....and then we started to flirt & when we exchanged info i was pretty sure that we would go out. Haha, you want to know the irony is that that is going to blow your negative belief system up is that he was basically blonde (ish, sandy) and the thing is I have a pretty hard preference for dark hair--so funny in retelling this story the probably actual bigger hurdle for him with me was actually being blonde not being 5'7". But honestly, i didn't evaluate it like that being I was already hooked on his personality--see this is how a shorter guy can up his odds. This guy built a repoire with me and was able to quickly move past superficial judgements that people make. Part of the benefit we had is that it was happening in real life and over working together closely enough for a week. You should gather more of these stories in general because it will help educate you and break down some of the negative belief systems that you have that will kinda stop you from making dating progress. AND it will give you ideas of where and how you should be looking for your girl.

 

About what I bolded, I don't think you are a hypocrite about wanting to be sexually attracted to whoever you chose--of course i don't!! That is the point most of us have been trying to make. I think you are perfectly illustrating the point that most of us have been trying to make: it's not a rational thing that can be educated or influenced by telling women what they "should" do. You like what you like and individual women like what they like and yes it's probably skewed to the taller side--but it's not the only thing that makes up what makes them attracted to someone. It may be stupid and it may lower their choices but they are going to be attracted to who they are attracted to regardless. It's kind of uncontrollable. I don't think it's hypocritical at all--but I am surprised that you don't see that they are virtually one and the same. I don't know where you are getting the stat that 7or 8 out of 10 are being eliminated. maybe in online which is why i said that's probably not best place for you but not in real life where people ultimately do end up in relationships and married with people of all heights. So there you go.

[Versacehottie]

I don't understand why developing more attractive qualities isn't an option.

 

I agree! and don't know why it's turned all completely defeatist again:o

[NJ123]

Oh yeah I did misread your post about the thinking they were co-workers rather than strangers that work in same building as you. Anyway it's a start. That's evidence. Secondly, you could ask people on this thread or start another of part of a couple where the guy is certain height or under how they met.

 

In my example of my 5'7" bf I met him through work on a special project & liked him right away, we exchanged contact info at end of week & then kept in touch for a month while we were both traveling and went out for first time when we were both back. How he got my attention initially was that he helped me the first moment I arrived with something which made me take notice of him being nice and personable; he was quick and smart and I just kept enjoying talking to him and...then began to look forward to it....and then we started to flirt & when we exchanged info i was pretty sure that we would go out. Haha, you want to know the irony is that that is going to blow your negative belief system up is that he was basically blonde (ish, sandy) and the thing is I have a pretty hard preference for dark hair--so funny in retelling this story the probably actual bigger hurdle for him with me was actually being blonde not being 5'7". But honestly, i didn't evaluate it like that being I was already hooked on his personality--see this is how a shorter guy can up his odds. This guy built a repoire with me and was able to quickly move past superficial judgements that people make. Part of the benefit we had is that it was happening in real life and over working together closely enough for a week. You should gather more of these stories in general because it will help educate you and break down some of the negative belief systems that you have that will kinda stop you from making dating progress. AND it will give you ideas of where and how you should be looking for your girl.

 

About what I bolded, I don't think you are a hypocrite about wanting to be sexually attracted to whoever you chose--of course i don't!! That is the point most of us have been trying to make. I think you are perfectly illustrating the point that most of us have been trying to make: it's not a rational thing that can be educated or influenced by telling women what they "should" do. You like what you like and individual women like what they like and yes it's probably skewed to the taller side--but it's not the only thing that makes up what makes them attracted to someone. It may be stupid and it may lower their choices but they are going to be attracted to who they are attracted to regardless. It's kind of uncontrollable. I don't think it's hypocritical at all--but I am surprised that you don't see that they are virtually one and the same. I don't know where you are getting the stat that 7or 8 out of 10 are being eliminated. maybe in online which is why i said that's probably not best place for you but not in real life where people ultimately do end up in relationships and married with people of all heights. So there you go.

 

True, I just have to try to stop thinking about it in general. I never even thought about my height as a negative thing almost my entire life, it just was what it was, until I went on OLD & different forums that talk about relationships. I then realized that I'll have a more difficult time trying to meet someone as well as factoring in my inexperience on top of it among other things piled on top of that. But I'm not going to bother posting in this thread anymore, at least not in a negative way, since it's just a waste of time & energy. What it comes down to is I can't change what is no matter how much it sucks so there's no point of complaining about it.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I guess it is what it is since I have to come to terms with just being okay with being single for a really long time, possibly my whole life.

 

There's nothing wrong with being single, I have been single since 2008 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

If you can't enjoy being single and believe that being in a relationship will make you happy and fill a void in your life then you are mistaken and your relationship can't last on fragile foundations.

 

It would also help if you were a bit more positive. You're extremely harsh on yourself and I bet that a vast majority of women won't judge you anywhere near as harshly as you judge yourself.

 

You need to stop being a negative Norman and start being a positive Pablo. When you do that I bet your fortunes will change for the better.

[salparadise]

Haha, you want to know the irony is that that is going to blow your negative belief system up is that he was basically blonde (ish, sandy) and the thing is I have a pretty hard preference for dark hair--so funny in retelling this story the probably actual bigger hurdle for him with me was actually being blonde not being 5'7". But honestly, i didn't evaluate it like that being I was already hooked on his personality--see this is how a shorter guy can up his odds. This guy built a repoire with me and was able to quickly move past superficial judgements that people make.

 

I think you are perfectly illustrating the point that most of us have been trying to make: it's not a rational thing that can be educated or influenced by telling women what they "should" do. You like what you like and individual women like what they like and yes it's probably skewed to the taller side--but it's not the only thing that makes up what makes them attracted to someone.

 

 

Yup, please listen to Versacehottie. She is basically handing you the keys; a slight change in perception that can open up virtually unlimited possibilities... whereas your current thinking draws the conclusion of virtually zero possibilities.

 

Height is merely one superficial trait out of hundreds or even thousands of factors that contribute to your uniqueness, yet you emphasize it in your own mind as if it's THE only thing that matters to women. If you could make an adjustment to deemphasize it to the same extent and get in touch with the power of your unique personality you would open so many doors that you'd be amazed.

 

To underscore what V said (quoted), I will relate a few things... I am blond, bald, not muscular, not wealthy, not one of those dudes who in the early days could get the women to drool. I was a [very] late bloomer and as such I integrated the belief that I was simply not one of those lucky guys who put on the earth to make women swoon. At age 21 I wondered if I'd ever experience sensual pleasures.

 

At some point though, I realized that some women were inexplicably attracted despite my firmly held conviction that I wasn't one of those guys selected for reproductive opportunities. One of my epiphany moments is related here. I began to understand that I actually had power––sexual power––but it was not about physical appearance... and that I could sometimes turn it on at will, but doing so required that I set aside my debilitating beliefs and insecurities.

 

Now I am older, and as I said not really in any of the big categories that make women beat a path to one's door. But I still have that power and I have mostly let go of the insecurities over decades. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is attuned into my uniqueness, not the universal, superficial stuff...

 

But here's your takeaway even more literally... now this is going to sound egoic, but... nope, can't post it. Just take my word––you have gifts that can unlock doors, and it's all in your mind. The key to unlocking possibilities is to believe in possibilities. If you don't believe, then it's not possible.

Edited October 19, 2016 by salparadise

[eightytwenty]

A few ex's ago was maybe a inch taller then me. So about 5'5. I broke up with him for other reasons but it had nothing to do with his height. Some girls will look at it but I think if you're fun and break that wall with personality they aren't going to care about height.... He was very VERY good looking, he has a new girlfriend every few weeks because he's a bit of a player and hia personality just blew.

 

My current bf is 5'10 I already decided to wear flats to our wedding ??? he's insecure because his hair line is receding. Everyone has a flaw, but so does the women you're trying to date.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

The problem I have noticed in this topic is you generally have sets of people. You have those who think being short means they cannot get a woman and those who seek to down play the massive disadvantage that comes with being a short man.

 

The OP height is an issue in the dating game because a majority of women will strike him off due to his height even before they have struck up a conversation and got to know him as a person. They may fancy him, think he's hot, love his personality but will not want him due to his height. Does his height mean he cannot get a woman? No, of course he can but he's right to acknowledge that he's at a disadvantage compared to someone who is 6'1 or 6'2.

 

The OP needs to acknowledge that while he's at a disadvantage, it's not the end of the world and he can get women.

[joseb]

I began to understand that I actually had power––sexual power––but it was not about physical appearance... and that I could sometimes turn it on at will, but doing so required that I set aside my debilitating beliefs and insecurities.

 

Yip, it sounds cliched but its about a hell of a lot more than physical appearance.

I'm not sure if this is something innate, or it it can be learned.

Or maybe just uncovered..