Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

[c.a.f.]

It depends on the woman. I know some girls that greatly prefer to date a guy who is 6 foot or taller. Considering that some of these girls are short and the average man in America is 5'8" or 5'9", I think it is kind of ridiculous.

 

Other women don't care much. My husband's ex-wife was a full two inches taller than him. I'm a couple inches shorter than my husband, so it doesn't matter to me...but if he were big and tall I might have an issue with that. In relationships with other girls, I'd rather not be much shorter than my partner, though. Ideally, my partner is fairly close to my height. I don't want to feel like a kid, thanks.

 

 

You're right it's quite silly those women who say they want a man 6 foot or taller, even though they themselves are only 5'5" or something, like that's a good 7 inches of lee way still before 6 feet, what's the big idea?

 

I don't want to be rude, but you're a female? Or?

[basil67]

Gah! I'm so glad I'm no longer dating.

 

I've been the same height or taller than the majority of men I've dated, so I don't see an issue. As for myself I'd rather be single than dating someone who placed significant value on my waist to hip ratio.

 

Edited to add: if someone couldn't find a partner, I would question both their social skills and how fussy they are.

Edited August 2, 2018 by basil67

[nospam99]

As for myself I'd rather be single than dating someone who placed significant value on my waist to hip ratio

 

It's been a few years since I've seen the docu so my memory is fuzzy. To the best of my recollection the reported research involved asking a sample population to assess the 'attractiveness' of individuals of the opposite sex. Then a multivariate statistical analysis was done to attempt to break out individual physical characteristics in the order of their greatest impact on the assessment of attractiveness. So it was not so much that men consciously 'placed significant value on (the) waist to hip ratio' (or women on height), but that those were the specific physical characteristics that ranked the highest impact on average.

 

I'm the OP. This thread as 'veered off', as LS threads often do, into anecdotal discussion of how valid the generalizations about attractiveness are. What I think the more important question (and the one I think I tried to ask) is whether a poster starting a thread about having difficulty 'matching' on OLD should specify their height (if male) or waist to hip ratio (if female) so responders here on LS can be aware of 'the elephant/gorilla in the room'.

[basil67]

I'm the OP. This thread as 'veered off', as LS threads often do, into anecdotal discussion of how valid the generalizations about attractiveness are. What I think the more important question (and the one I think I tried to ask) is whether a poster starting a thread about having difficulty 'matching' on OLD should specify their height (if male) or waist to hip ratio (if female) so responders here on LS can be aware of 'the elephant/gorilla in the room'.

 

Take a look around when you're out. You'll see many different people with many different shapes who are happy in relationships. I would argue that many wouldn't see size as the problem you do.

 

Have a think about the male and female posters who regularly come here upset that they can't find a relationship. When we get to know them, it becomes apparent to most of us that their personality is the problem.

[nospam99]

Take a look around when you're out. You'll see many different people with many different shapes who are happy in relationships. I would argue that many wouldn't see size as the problem you do.

 

Have a think about the male and female posters who regularly come here upset that they can't find a relationship. When we get to know them, it becomes apparent to most of us that their personality is the problem.

 

Bolded 1: Neither I nor the (alleged) research I believe I remember suggested that size is 'always' a 'problem'. But are you doubting that size is a problem when the relationship is not yet established and a person with 'short comings' (terrible pun that doesn't cover the female case) is trying to generate interest on the part of potential companions?

 

Bolded 2: Touche. But is personality always the problem? Do you not accept that at least some of them are having to overcome the hurdle of a lack of physical appeal?

[c.a.f.]

Take a look around when you're out. You'll see many different people with many different shapes who are happy in relationships. I would argue that many wouldn't see size as the problem you do.

 

Have a think about the male and female posters who regularly come here upset that they can't find a relationship. When we get to know them, it becomes apparent to most of us that their personality is the problem.

 

 

He never stated it was a problem, you were assuming that it was for him. He also never said that you can't be happy with a woman of a different size. You seem to have a strong emotional reaction to even the mention of good hip to waist ratios, which is factually an attractive quality for the majority of men. This has nothing to do with with personality, again you're assuming things.

 

 

Gah! I'm so glad I'm no longer dating.

 

I've been the same height or taller than the majority of men I've dated, so I don't see an issue. As for myself I'd rather be single than dating someone who placed significant value on my waist to hip ratio.

 

Edited to add: if someone couldn't find a partner, I would question both their social skills and how fussy they are.

 

 

In about 90% of couple the man is taller than the woman, so your case isn't typical. Also, you being upset about a potential partner placing "significant value on hip to waist ratio" means one of two things to me:

 

1. You do not have a very strong hip to waist ratio, and are insecure.
   
2. You don't want your partner to care about your features that makes you feminine. Meaning you also shouldn't be looking for a partner who enjoys your breasts or legs.
   

 

 

I don't think anyone here is complaining about not finding a partner, I thought it was a discussion mainly around how much height matters to women and how much hip to waist ratio matters to men.

 

You seem to be implying that those of us men who enjoy curvy women (the majority of us) are bad people, or have poor social skills, is this accurate?

[anduina]

I'd be stunned if people are being rejected because of one feature unless they're on the extreme end of the negative feature like a 5' tall man.

[c.a.f.]

I'd be stunned if people are being rejected because of one feature unless they're on the extreme end of the negative feature like a 5' tall man.

 

I guess what OP was getting at was that if someone makes a post about being rejected or whatever, it might be worth considering their height (if male) or hip-to-waist ratio (if female), since it is appears to be a factor when choosing mates.

 

I guess it's the same as someone making a post wondering why they got rejected by a Perfect 10 Model when they are 500+ lbs, without them mentioning their weight in the post... That's a bit exaggerated but I think that's what he was getting at.

[amaysngrace]

I don't care about height. I'm 5'4 so amosit every man is taller than me.

 

Maybe I would if I were taller.

[SevenCity]

I'd be stunned if people are being rejected because of one feature unless they're on the extreme end of the negative feature like a 5' tall man.

 

It happens all day every day to both genders.

[basil67]

He never stated it was a problem, you were assuming that it was for him. He also never said that you can't be happy with a woman of a different size. You seem to have a strong emotional reaction to even the mention of good hip to waist ratios, which is factually an attractive quality for the majority of men. This has nothing to do with with personality, again you're assuming things.

 

The OP suggested that people who can't find dates and post about the problem here should also describe their size so that we can tell if that is part of the problem. I'm saying that those who post here about not being able to find a partner frequently have glaring personality issues which prevent them from connecting.

 

I did not assume it's a problem for the OP. I did not suggest that one can't be happy with a woman of a different size. It's not like he's posting about not being able to find a partner.

 

 

In about 90% of couple the man is taller than the woman, so your case isn't typical. Also, you being upset about a potential partner placing "significant value on hip to waist ratio" means one of two things to me:

 

1. You do not have a very strong hip to waist ratio, and are insecure.
   
2. You don't want your partner to care about your features that makes you feminine. Meaning you also shouldn't be looking for a partner who enjoys your breasts or legs.
   

 

This thread isn't about me, but I will humour you. Does it not stand to reason that as a person who thinks that a man's height is irrelevant that I wish to be judged by the same standards? Back when I was dating, my waist was a size smaller than the rest of me, but I still felt exactly the same.

 

As far as the whole feminine thing, a guy who wants feminine would not like me. I laugh loudly. I have opinions. I fart. I make first moves. I don't wear makeup. I can't remember the last time I wore heels. As for my breasts or legs, I do not want a man who places higher value on these than my personality.

 

I don't think anyone here is complaining about not finding a partner, I thought it was a discussion mainly around how much height matters to women and how much hip to waist ratio matters to men.

 

You seem to be implying that those of us men who enjoy curvy women (the majority of us) are bad people, or have poor social skills, is this accurate?

 

The OP said this " What I think the more important question (and the one I think I tried to ask) is whether a poster starting a thread about having difficulty 'matching' on OLD should specify their height (if male) or waist to hip ratio (if female) so responders here on LS can be aware of 'the elephant/gorilla in the room'."

 

His question is SPECIFICALLY about those who come here about not being able to find a partner. I don't know how you missed this.

 

I don't think that those who desire a particular body size are wrong or bad, nor do I think they have poor social skills. I may not be particularly interested in them, but that's OK. I'm sure they aren't going to lose sleep over that. What I did suggest that for those who can't find a partner, it usually very apparent that the problem is their personality.

Edited August 3, 2018 by basil67

[basil67]

Bolded 1: Neither I nor the (alleged) research I believe I remember suggested that size is 'always' a 'problem'. But are you doubting that size is a problem when the relationship is not yet established and a person with 'short comings' (terrible pun that doesn't cover the female case) is trying to generate interest on the part of potential companions?

 

Bolded 2: Touche. But is personality always the problem? Do you not accept that at least some of them are having to overcome the hurdle of a lack of physical appeal?

 

I've been posting her for far too long. In my experience, those who come asking for help in understanding why they can't find a partner have glaring issues with their personality. I'm calling it like I see it.

[basil67]

I would also say that men who are short and both genders who are overweight understand that they have less options than those who are tall or slim. The short guys admit that they struggle because they are short. The overweight people would already know how their weight impacts their dating so they don't bother asking the question.

 

Hence so many who come here not knowing why they can't get a partner prefacing their question with "I'm fit, attractive, educated, have a good career but nobody is interested"

[MaleIntuition]

I want both personality and looks, they aren’t mutually exclusive.

 

But why do so many girls care so much abouth height?

[thefooloftheyear]

I want both personality and looks, they aren’t mutually exclusive.

 

But why do so many girls care so much abouth height?

 

I think this is a more recent phenomenon...And I think I know why...

 

When I look at old photos of my family, I am quite surprised how small and thin all the women are...I could honestly say the heaviest one might have been 150...tops...Most were in the 110-125 range...BIG difference now...The average weight of an American woman is now pushing 170....That's average...

 

So....If you are a typical 5'8" 165 lb guy, many women are at least close in weight or maybe even heavier...NO woman wants to be heavier than her guy...That's pretty much a given...

 

So, I think that's a big part of it...Women are taller and heavier than I ever remember and I have been around a while...Bigger bodies, bigger boobs, bigger everything...These women don't want small guys...it's as simple as that...Can't say I blame them..

 

But I will say one last thing though ...I have found over the years that what women feel like they think they want, and what they actually accept when the right guy comes along are two separate things..I think women are FAR more likely to flex on physical appearances when the fit is right, whereas many men are pretty rigid about it(physical characteristics)...

 

.02

 

TFY

[brigit87]

I don't care about height. I'm 5'4 so amosit every man is taller than me.

 

Maybe I would if I were taller.

 

I'm slightly shorter than you and hight means a great deal to me. All of my boyfriends were 6ft and over.

 

No offense to shorter men but to me it reads feminine and lack of power. I know intellectually that it may not be true but my instinct tells me to keep away.

 

My husband towers over me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[SevenCity]

I think this is a more recent phenomenon...And I think I know why...

 

When I look at old photos of my family, I am quite surprised how small and thin all the women are...I could honestly say the heaviest one might have been 150...tops...Most were in the 110-125 range...BIG difference now...The average weight of an American woman is now pushing 170....That's average...

 

So....If you are a typical 5'8" 165 lb guy, many women are at least close in weight or maybe even heavier...NO woman wants to be heavier than her guy...That's pretty much a given...

 

So, I think that's a big part of it...Women are taller and heavier than I ever remember and I have been around a while...Bigger bodies, bigger boobs, bigger everything...These women don't want small guys...it's as simple as that...Can't say I blame them..

 

But I will say one last thing though ...I have found over the years that what women feel like they think they want, and what they actually accept when the right guy comes along are two separate things..I think women are FAR more likely to flex on physical appearances when the fit is right, whereas many men are pretty rigid about it(physical characteristics)...

 

.02

 

TFY

 

170lbs average??? Really? Holy chit - no wonder there are so few women I want to date. I think my max was like 120 lbs but I prefer less than 110 lbs.

 

I’ve noticed that teens now are extremely tall (and often big) compared to what they were when I was that age. I’ve seen 14 year olds commonly over 6’.

 

I blame the horomones companies put in food.

[brigit87]

170lbs average??? Really? Holy chit - no wonder there are so few women I want to date. I think my max was like 120 lbs but I prefer less than 110 lbs.

 

I’ve noticed that teens now are extremely tall (and often big) compared to what they were when I was that age. I’ve seen 14 year olds commonly over 6’.

 

I blame the horomones companies put in food.

 

cool in 20 years we will be giants.

[thefooloftheyear]

170lbs average??? Really? Holy chit - no wonder there are so few women I want to date. I think my max was like 120 lbs but I prefer less than 110 lbs.

 

I’ve noticed that teens now are extremely tall (and often big) compared to what they were when I was that age. I’ve seen 14 year olds commonly over 6’.

 

I blame the horomones companies put in food.

 

Don't really know what the reason is...Women/girls seem much bigger and heavier than ever,,...Here is proof...

 

"In fact, the average American woman now weighs 166.2 pounds — up 18.5% from the average 140 pounds in 1960, according to CDC data. This new average nearly matches that of a 1960s American man, who weighed in at 166.3 pounds....Jun 16, 2015"

 

 

 

But alas...I don't think shorter guys really have much of a disadvantage unless they get under, like, maybe 5'3" or so....I've seen enough proof in my own life to debunk the theory that shorter men can't get quality women.....

 

TFY

[stillafool]

I am quite tall and I only do okay with the ladies, probably because I'm ugly as ****. But I think height matters to women because they like feeling small, like a child with their daddy (yes).

 

As for hip to waist ratio, absolutely it's sexy, but sometimes it's the face that gets me first, then I scan down the body to see the curves. It's not as creepy as I'm making it sound. We all do it, in our own ways and with whatever features we consider attractive about women. Men are visual creatures, we look for visual signs of fertility when choosing a mate. Great birthing hips are certainly something we visually consider.

 

LOL, some women past menopause have "great birthing hips" so just because someone has a great azz doesn't mean they're fertile. Looking at your bf as if he's your Daddy is kinda creepy to me. No thanks I already have a Daddy.

Edited August 3, 2018 by stillafool

[alphamale]

...NO woman wants to be heavier than her guy...That's pretty much a given...

 

then why do I see so many morbidly obese women with skinny men?

[JuneL]

There’s a recent related thread in which the OP listed a couple other things besides a man’s height. A few people actually said the size of a certain part is the most important

[thefooloftheyear]

There’s a recent related thread in which the OP listed a couple other things besides a man’s height. A few people actually said the size of a certain part is the most important

 

His wallet???

 

TFY

[No_Go]

Totally agree with both statements.

 

I can tell it from personal experience:

 

1) I have fluctuated with weight quite a lot (within the normal range) over the years, but men perceive me as 'thin'. I bet the reason is I have waist to hip ratio of 0.68 which is remarkably constant - +/-15 lbs didn't budge it whatsoever. MUCH thinner friend of mine with more of an apple figure is perceived by men (who I trust) as flabby?? It's just her narrow hips and weight around the stomach area.

 

2) Height is pretty much the only thing I notice about male figure except maybe shoulder/hip ratio. I've been attracted to guys my height but TBH never quite the same as someone 5-6 inches or so taller. I'm extremely NOT visual (don't pay attention to features to the point that people get offended LOL) but somehow a tall(er) man is always having an edge.

 

I guess both of these are evolutionary conditionings (related to fertility of the woman and picking the healthiest / strongest man in the crowd) so it is VERY hard to abstract from.

 

Other features (style, facial features) are more of an 'embellishment' but when talking about height and waist-hip ratio I think breeding instincts kick strong...

 

A number of years ago I saw a docu on PBS about romance. One of their conclusions was that from a purely physical attraction standpoint, men's highest priority (not the only one of course) was a woman's waist to hip ratio. Women's was the man's height.

 

I recently started a thread about women's bodies. That thread has gotten some controversy swirling around what makes a woman 'hot'. But looking in my own psychological mirror, I'll go with the conclusion of that old docu: waist to hip ratio is very significant.

 

Now put the shoe on the other foot. I see a lot of threads here on LS started by both men and women essentially complaining that they are frustrated by 'not meeting anyone'. It's got me wondering ... how much of those problems can be attributed simply to 'short coming' with respect to waist to hip ratio or to height.

 

It's tacky to question an OP who's having trouble 'meeting or dating' about their bodies. But that question comes up from time to time. Responders to the threads more often steer the thread to personality factors.

 

But I'm wondering about men and height. I'm 5'8'', which I see as shorter than average. I do my meeting on OLD and I generally avoid contacting women who say in their profiles that they want to date tall men (Match allows users to easily specify a numeric range of sought heights). At least one 'short' woman I asked responded that she likes to wear heels and that was a factor in her filter being for men several inches taller than she is. So what I'm coming around to asking is how much of the problem LS guys who can't get dates are having is because they're short? Would it be helpful to understand the problem if they put their height in the OP or if the first responder asked? (And back on the other foot, should women who post about having dating trouble be expected to specify their waist to hip ratio?)

[major_merrick]

No offense to shorter men but to me it reads feminine and lack of power. I know intellectually that it may not be true but my instinct tells me to keep away.

 

My husband towers over me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I think it depends on a person's definition of masculinity and power. What is masculinity? Vigor, potency, ruggedness, social status, manly values, etc... My husband has enough energy to keep up with three girls and several kids, community life, etc... He can shoot, drink, fight, and do pretty much else that he needs or wants to do. To me, power is the ability to do work. So...what does he get done? He makes plenty of money, builds things, designs machinery, fixes cars, grows food, raises animals, and is still able to help out in the house.

 

My husband is average height (5'8"-5'9"). He does all these things in spite of not meeting the magic 6' mark. I would never say that he lacks masculinity or power.