Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

[William]

LOL. So rather than turning this (my) thread into OLD coaching for ME, let's 'try' to get it back on the general topic of men contacting women on OLD in spite of various degrees of 'vertical challenge'

 

Yes, plenty of other topics to discuss specific personal dating situations and threads are always free to start and greatly encouraged to be started in our Dating area forums.

 

Since this discussion appears to be wide-ranging on the body size topic and the starting post does specifically mention online dating as the primary venue under discussion, I'm going to move this to our very informative discussion on height in dating and give it more exposure in our Dating forum and will update the first post in that thread with a link to the current discussion. Thanks for your replies!

[Shining One]

Interesting they actually replied to tell you that you don’t fit their hard height requirements I thought that, on OLD, it’s almost an unwritten rule that women just don’t reply to any first messages if they are not interested.

Generally, you're correct. Most women don't respond at all to initial messages if they're not interested. However, height seems to be something of an exception. I've had several women (out of close to two-thousand initial messages sent) respond to say I wasn't tall enough for them. I got more of those than the generic "Not interested" message that women can just click on.

[brigit87]

LOL. So rather than turning this (my) thread into OLD coaching for ME, let's 'try' to get it back on the general topic of men contacting women on OLD in spite of various degrees of 'vertical challenge' ...

 

What are people's ideas about how high above their actual height should men on OLD contact women with 'higher stated requirements'? How much does that depend on the woman's own height e.g. how much less 'cred' does a 5'2''woman who says she wants to date no shorter than 5'10'' have compared to the 5'10'' woman with the same criteria?

 

I'll add my 2cents.

 

First, I never did OLD. So I'm not sure my input is all that valid. But if I was single and took the time to make a profile with info about me and stuff I'd be angry if men who were under 6 ft contacted me if I said this is what I WANT. I am 5'2 and like tall guys. Now if a guy was slightly under 6 feet and I couldn't tell because he had long legs and appeared taller then I wouldn't care. But if an obvious short guy contacted me I might give him a chance but I wouldn't be into the date I'd probably just want to go out for the night.

[JuneL]

I'll add my 2cents.

 

First, I never did OLD. So I'm not sure my input is all that valid. But if I was single and took the time to make a profile with info about me and stuff I'd be angry if men who were under 6 ft contacted me if I said this is what I WANT. I am 5'2 and like tall guys. Now if a guy was slightly under 6 feet and I couldn't tell because he had long legs and appeared taller then I wouldn't care. But if an obvious short guy contacted me I might give him a chance but I wouldn't be into the date I'd probably just want to go out for the night.

 

Well you’d better save your anger until some creepy old guys way out of your age range contact you

[thefooloftheyear]

No matter how much you tell guys it doesn't matter, they refuse to believe it....I mean, if you think about it, if even a shred of that were true, then there would be a world of shorter guys just sitting at home with no hope of ever meeting a woman...Or they'd just have to somehow settle for some busted out and overweight hag...

 

I have a friend that's 6'2"...he has been OLD for several years with no luck..he isn't even all that horrible looking...But he has no luck because he's everything most women don't want in a man....And it comes right out the minute he opens his mouth, and I am sure its also evident in his text/online communications as well..

 

Not that I am all that into these types of TV shows, but I did happen to notice that Teresa Guidice(housewives of whatever?) and has been all over the news lately..Is actually 5'8" tall..Id say she is a pretty attractive woman and probably most guys would agree..Uhh...her husband is 5'5" tall..

 

it's not that much more complicated than that...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Was Tom Cruise at 5.7 not considered the epitome of good looks in the 1990s?

[Shining One]

Lack of height makes a man statistically undesirable... not completely undesirable. It just translates to a smaller pool of women finding him "acceptable". The important thing to remember is that that there are tons of women out there. I've looked at thousands of OLD profiles. I was too short (at 5'11") for hundreds of them. It didn't matter much. I spent all of ten seconds looking at each of their profiles before I moved on to the next one.

[nospam99]

I think it’s okay to try if you’re only a couple inches shorter than their desired range. When I was on Match, I put my upper limit to be 5 years older, but I would not dismiss someone 7-8 years older if his profile and message were otherwise impressive. In fact, my current boyfriend is almost 7 years older (we met in real life though).

 

Obvious (at least to me) that while age may have some 'flex', there is a STRONG difference of opinion on whether height, at least when specified by a woman in an OLD profile, has any flex at all. brigit even suggested she'd be angry is a 'short' guy ignored her height requirement.

 

BTW, I'll also suggest for a man to omit his height from an OLD profile is equally 'sinful' as a woman failing to include a full-body photo (at my age most include a shot of themselves dressed for a wedding or similar occasion or an outdoorsy activity rather than a bikini shot).

Edited August 17, 2018 by nospam99

[thefooloftheyear]

Lack of height makes a man statistically undesirable... not completely undesirable. It just translates to a smaller pool of women finding him "acceptable". The important thing to remember is that that there are tons of women out there. I've looked at thousands of OLD profiles. I was too short (at 5'11") for hundreds of them. It didn't matter much. I spent all of ten seconds looking at each of their profiles before I moved on to the next one.

 

 

 

An ugly doofus that's 6'3" won't bring more women than a well proportioned and better looking/built, more accomplished shorter guy ...So I really don't know how this thinking comes into play...

 

I'd say the only possible guys that can really feel like an outliers are the 5'2" 120 lb guys...Those will struggle, no doubt...But they may only marginally struggle more than the goofy "big" 5'9/11" Big Bird type of women...Not that many guys are looking for those types either..

 

TFY

[Shining One]

An ugly doofus that's 6'3" won't bring more women than a well proportioned and better looking/built, more accomplished shorter guy ...So I really don't know how this thinking comes into play...

It's hard to quantify statistics for the ugly doofus since those are not data fields on OLD sites while height is. On Match, in that "What she's looking for" section, it tells you the desired height of the woman in question. Neither ugly nor doofus are options a woman can select to rule a guy out.

[Exformer]

Was Tom Cruise at 5.7 not considered the epitome of good looks in the 1990s?

 

 

Pretty much, but he also wears special lifts in custom shoes to appear taller in public.

[Shining One]

I'd say the only possible guys that can really feel like an outliers are the 5'2" 120 lb guys...Those will struggle, no doubt...But they may only marginally struggle more than the goofy "big" 5'9/11" Big Bird type of women...Not that many guys are looking for those types either..

According to OKCupid data, 5'11" women receive over 7 times as many unsolicited messages as 5'2" men.

[nospam99]

It's hard to quantify statistics for the ugly doofus since those are not data fields on OLD sites while height is. On Match, in that "What she's looking for" section, it tells you the desired height of the woman in question. Neither ugly nor doofus are options a woman can select to rule a guy out.

 

Ugly assessed from the photos. Doofus assessed from the verbiage in the profile. I can get a pretty good 'read' of a person (women anyway) from a careful look at her profile. If she hasn't written/provided enough to go on, next. For example on the 'ugly' assessment of a woman, I always skip a profile with no photo and usually skip one with only one photo.

[brigit87]

According to OKCupid data, 5'11" women receive over 7 times as many unsolicited messages as 5'2" men.

 

That makes sense a 5'11 woman could be a supermodel.

 

In any case, women will always love taller men if asked. Tall reads as powerful and able to protect you better from predators instinctually.

 

This is common knowledge.

 

Just like women who look as if they can still procreate will get more attention then women who look past their prime.

 

This is nature.

[thefooloftheyear]

That makes sense a 5'11 woman could be a supermodel.

 

In any case, women will always love taller men if asked. Tall reads as powerful and able to protect you better from predators instinctually.

 

This is common knowledge.

 

Just like women who look as if they can still procreate will get more attention then women who look past their prime.

 

This is nature.

 

 

Uhhhh.......NOPE

 

Maybe taller than them.....but not necessarily taller in general...

 

"Powerful and protective" are more about attitude and even physique type than just height alone..

 

 

TFY

Edited August 17, 2018 by thefooloftheyear

[thefooloftheyear]

............................

[brigit87]

Uhhhh.......NOPE

 

Maybe taller than them.....but not necessarily taller in general...

 

"Powerful and protective" are more about attitude and even physique type than just height alone..

 

 

TFY

 

OK. Well, I'm giving you my perspective. I've chatted with tons and tons of women all said tall was better than short.

 

Just like most men like younger (reproductive ready) better than older.

[JuneL]

Generally, you're correct. Most women don't respond at all to initial messages if they're not interested. However, height seems to be something of an exception. I've had several women (out of close to two-thousand initial messages sent) respond to say I wasn't tall enough for them. I got more of those than the generic "Not interested" message that women can just click on.

 

I wonder how they would react if some guys rejected them and said to their face “sorry you’re too fat for me”

[nospam99]

I wonder how they would react if some guys rejected them and said to their face “sorry you’re too fat for me”

 

Interesting ... Because male height and female weight are regarded as two of the most significant physical appeal 'deal-breakers'. But ... while, I'm not one, I understand that some men are specifically attracted to BBW, I don't recall hearing of women who are specifically attracted to short men.

[Shining One]

I wonder how they would react if some guys rejected them and said to their face “sorry you’re too fat for me”

I have a funny (from my point of view) story about this. I was at happy hour with a relatively new male coworker and several female coworkers. A short guy at the bar had just hit on one of the women and she shot him down. After she got back to the table, she told everyone about it and then went on a tirade about short guys being "unworthy"... not realizing that the relatively new male coworker was on the short side himself. After she finished, he said that he understood why she needed a much taller guy... a short guy like him couldn't possibly get his arms all the way around her. She ran off to the bathroom in tears.

[nospam99]

I think it’s okay to try if you’re only a couple inches shorter than their desired range.

 

So I've been trying a 'little experiment' ... for the last couple of days by sending unsolicited 'I'd like to meet you' messages to women whose low end of their sought height range is above my own height by one or two inches. Even thought my overall response rate is still more than one out of three (and now falling MUCH faster ), I've gotten no responses to the messages I've sent to five 'looking for taller guys' women. NOT statistically significant BUT anecdotally showing women care about a man's height and, at least on OLD, aren't interested in flexing.

[JuneL]

So I've been trying a 'little experiment' ... for the last couple of days by sending unsolicited 'I'd like to meet you' messages to women whose low end of their sought height range is above my own height by one or two inches. Even thought my overall response rate is still more than one out of three (and now falling MUCH faster ), I've gotten no responses to the messages I've sent to five 'looking for taller guys' women. NOT statistically significant BUT anecdotally showing women care about a man's height and, at least on OLD, aren't interested in flexing.

 

So you actually have had plenty positive responses sending out “I’d like to meet you” as first messages?

[Lorenza]

I'm going to meet a guy who's the same height as me. I really like talking to him, it's been a while since I enjoyed chatting to someone that much, it rarely ever happens nowadays. However I'm 174 and he's 175 and I'm usually into taller guys. Hope I'll be attracted to him anyway!

[Shining One]

So I've been trying a 'little experiment' ... for the last couple of days by sending unsolicited 'I'd like to meet you' messages to women whose low end of their sought height range is above my own height by one or two inches. Even thought my overall response rate is still more than one out of three (and now falling MUCH faster ), I've gotten no responses to the messages I've sent to five 'looking for taller guys' women. NOT statistically significant BUT anecdotally showing women care about a man's height and, at least on OLD, aren't interested in flexing.

You also need to consider filters since you're using Match. It's possible those women never saw your messages because they set their Inbox to filter out men below their desired height.

[nospam99]

So you actually have had plenty positive responses sending out “I’d like to meet you” as first messages?

 

'I'd like to meet you' is a summary paraphrase. But it is the point of my first messages. In my first messages I include a few sentences remarking on why I noticed the woman's profile and what I see that makes me think we'd enjoy at least meeting each other. And yes, I get positive responses. Plenty? I've sent less than 200 messages total (including those that were simply ignored), received more than 60 responses, and have met about a dozen women in person. In my youth (I'm 64 and ended a 30-plus year relationship with a divorce a bit more than a year ago), a 'busy' year would have been one where I met three or four women. Up until the last couple of days I explicitly avoided sending messages to women who wrote in their profiles that they were seeking men taller than me.