Posthumous revelations that might lead to hurt feelings, and more

[road]

I do agree that one does/should not forfeit their privacy as a result of sickness. In my case, he did ask me to go through his papers so I feel as if I had explicit consent, but he certainly never told me to share anything with anyone else. The complicating factor is that, given how long he had to prepare, he didn't really provide me with any guidance as to his actual wishes about anything. I've really been winging it for the last few weeks...

 

Anyways, viewing this as a personal privacy issue makes it a pretty straightforward decision. I'm now left wondering why it didn't occur to me in the first place.

 

Thanks for the advice/comments jen, you were very helpful.

 

 

Going through his papers to clear up matters is one thing. No need to do more then pick up a book and see it is a diary then put it down without opening it.

 

 

Also you should not share this info with your sisters. Now that your dad is gone it is time to burn those books.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Wrong again. I hold on to them to re-read and remember certain events and emotions associated with my past just like pictures or cards. It's true that I am risking exposure should I die an untimely death but it is not because I "unconsciously desire to express your hidden thoughts to others."

 

Well, you'd better destroy them, otherwise after you die people are going to read them, regardless of whether you forbid them or not. This is only common sense, so I suspect you subconsciously desire to express your hidden thoughts to others when it's completely safe to do do.

[truthtripper]

Wrong again. I hold on to them to re-read and remember certain events and emotions associated with my past just like pictures or cards. It's true that I am risking exposure should I die an untimely death but it is not because I "unconsciously desire to express your hidden thoughts to others."

Holding on to one's private notes is not logical if you are adverse to others' knowledge of them. I deliberately omit certain thoughts/feelings from my personal dairies.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My father died a few weeks ago after a long illness. Over the last year I've been going through his papers, putting his finances in order, and trying to close out all his end of life business. In this process I read through a lot of his writings, diaries, etc., and a significant number of entries were not particularly flattering of me or my sisters. It's important to note that this is entirely at odds with how he treated us while we were growing up.

 

While I don't particularly worry too much about things people say (write in this case) and rather focus on how they act/treat me, I'm worried that my sisters are not the same and reading this stuff could irreparably damage their thoughts of him, their relationship, and even worse, themselves. Adding to my concern is the fact that both suffer from depression, sometimes requiring treatment, and I'm worried this could trigger a serious bout.

 

My wife and I feel that we should just keep this to ourselves and are leaning in this direction. However, I have my doubts whether I have the right to make such a decision for my sisters.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

this should be a black-and-white answer:

 

 

you can always tell them, but you'll never be able to un-tell them.

 

Do the obvious...