Reconciling Beyond Hysterical Bonding

[strugglinghubby]

I'm hoping with our case that it is similar to your experience and that HB helps with healing. It does definitely keep us happy and in tuned with each other. However, what worries me is if we happen to miss a day, I can tell it affects him negatively. I just want him to be able to be okay even if we miss a day or two. How did you cope after HB ended? Did you find yourself getting upset or thinking more about the affair?

 

I wouldn't say I could pinpoint a day when the HB ended, it just sort of transitioned over a period of weeks. But as I said we've managed to hold on to a lot of that passion, our sex life is very good. I actually noticed that the HB did help with feeling 'closer' to my WW, but it was no different than us taking a day out together and spending some real quality time together. I found that the connection between us was re-established through regular, supportive and understanding contact and communication. So yes I did have more down days when we hadn't had sex, but I also had some real down days when I'd been at work all day and not spent any time with my WW. It's the closeness that you're looking for, sex is only one way to get that. But in general I wouldn't stress about HB and when it might end, just enjoy it for what it is right now. Don;t try and over analyze it.

 

I know I have to work on me. I'm not in IC. My husband doesn't believe in counseling or therapy. He says we can just talk to each other. I don't want to force him into anything he does not want to do. However, after the affair, we have communicated much more and now I feel like we have a truly open and honest relationship. Though I haven't gone to IC, I think it was a combination of a lot of things that made me decide to have an affair. I was very insecure about our relationship, I didn't think he really loved me as much as I loved him. I felt like I was the only one who wanted to make our relationship work. And now I know that wasn't the case. I also was insecure with myself, I had a milestone birthday which made me reflect on who I am/was and felt like I was lost at the time. I didn't know it then, but I believe I was depressed. I feel like I know where I belong now. I do know I have to continue working on myself.

 

I'm showing him and telling him I'm here for the long term. He reassured me he is as well. The affair made me realize he was here all along but now, he has a reason to leave. I hope he continues to decide to stay.

 

Are you sure you're not my WW? This sounds almost identical to my situation, only it was my WW that doesn't believe in IC or therapy. Just know that your H is still there, still willing to try. To me love doesn't get much more unconditional that a BS that is willing to put themselves through hell and back to try and R.

[GltStrkn]

I wouldn't say I could pinpoint a day when the HB ended, it just sort of transitioned over a period of weeks. But as I said we've managed to hold on to a lot of that passion, our sex life is very good. I actually noticed that the HB did help with feeling 'closer' to my WW, but it was no different than us taking a day out together and spending some real quality time together. I found that the connection between us was re-established through regular, supportive and understanding contact and communication. So yes I did have more down days when we hadn't had sex, but I also had some real down days when I'd been at work all day and not spent any time with my WW. It's the closeness that you're looking for, sex is only one way to get that. But in general I wouldn't stress about HB and when it might end, just enjoy it for what it is right now. Don;t try and over analyze it.

 

 

 

Are you sure you're not my WW? This sounds almost identical to my situation, only it was my WW that doesn't believe in IC or therapy. Just know that your H is still there, still willing to try. To me love doesn't get much more unconditional that a BS that is willing to put themselves through hell and back to try and R.

 

 

 

 

Yes, I may be overanalyzing. I tend to do that. I will try to enjoy each day with my husband. And thank you for the last part of your response. His willingness to stay and work on our marriage really does show me how much he loves me and how his love is unconditional.

 

I looked at your previous posts and notice you found out not too long ago about your wife's affair. It seems like reconciliation has been going well for you. I'm glad to hear it. It helps to know it will get better with time.

[HereNorThere]

I don't think HB has a ton of significance, but if this guy can have sex with you after all you've put him through, I think that's a good sign for you.

 

Most men's ego are not going to let them sleep with someone that has violated them in this way. Add in the fact that you gave your virginity to him and I have to say, things are looking pretty well for you.

 

Chances are that he will continue to suffer for the rest of his life. I'm sure he wants to leave, but starting over at his age would be pretty scary. He decided to swallow his pride and allow you back in, but that doesn't mean that he will have a happy life. I think the unbalanced relationship will slowly tear him down mentally over the years.

 

Things may be able to go back to normal for you, but they will never be normal for him. I've seen this movie before and a lot of times the BS will try to "claim" what's theirs or try to get the old life back. That's one stage of the infidelity cycle. He will hit an anger phase and then you will see how he really feels. Trust me on this.