When a girl hangs up on you ...

[meanthingsisaid]

When a girl hangs up the phone on you ... what is the proper thing to do to get her to stop acting that immature and disrespectful? I don't call back for sure. But I often get a call back. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. Every single time I say it is immature and a sign of disrespect. Most times I get an apology but this repeats after a period of time. Some might say it is silly to end things over something like this but I do see it as the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I am talking to her too much? Do I cut down the phone time? What is the best thing to do here? The best way to put a stop to this?

[Redhead14]

When a girl hangs up the phone on you ... what is the proper thing to do to get her to stop acting that immature and disrespectful? I don't call back for sure. But I often get a call back. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. Every single time I say it is immature and a sign of disrespect. Most times I get an apology but this repeats after a period of time. Some might say it is silly to end things over something like this but I do see it as the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I am talking to her too much? Do I cut down the phone time? What is the best thing to do here? The best way to put a stop to this?

 

Maybe I am talking to her too much? -- I can't say if it's about talking too much, but I might assume that it's more about what you're saying rather than how much . . . She may have a very good reason for hanging up on you. You aren't giving us a whole picture here? Why is she hanging up?

[mrldii]

You can't make anybody do anything; you can only control yourself.

 

IF hanging upon on you is a deal-breaker, then let it be a deal-breaker. You've told her it's disrespectful and insinuated you won't tolerate it.

 

 

So, stop tolerating it. Don't take her call, when she does call back. Don't talk to her about it in person. She knows why you're no longer having anything to do with her, because you've told her repeatedly. Her bad if she didn't believe you.

 

But, you can't say "Stop doing that. I don't like it. It's disrespectful. It's immature." and then let her apologize for doing it again and again and again.

 

That's called "nagging". Rumor has it people don't respond well to "nagging".

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[meanthingsisaid]

Maybe I am talking to her too much? -- I can't say if it's about talking too much, but I might assume that it's more about what you're saying rather than how much . . . She may have a very good reason for hanging up on you. You aren't giving us a whole picture here? Why is she hanging up?

 

Is there a good reason to hang up on someone?

[Gaeta]

In a woman's head when she hangs up it's simply because she is hurt or frustrated beyond words so she picks hanging up to express her displease because no words would do the job.

 

That being said it's not excusable.

 

I used to be big on hanging up on men. Till this one man I dated years ago told me if I ever hang up on him again he would be done with me, and insisted in a very calm manner that he was darn serious about it.

 

I never ever hung up on him again lol

[meanthingsisaid]

You can't make anybody do anything; you can only control yourself.

 

IF hanging upon on you is a deal-breaker, then let it be a deal-breaker. You've told her it's disrespectful and insinuated you won't tolerate it.

 

So, stop tolerating it. Don't take her call, when she does call back. Don't talk to her about it in person. She knows why you're no longer having anything to do with her, because you've told her repeatedly. Her bad if she didn't believe you.

 

But, you can't say "Stop doing that. I don't like it. It's disrespectful. It's immature." and then let her apologize for doing it again and again and again.

 

That's called "nagging". Rumor has it people don't respond well to "nagging".

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

 

This is one of those things that by itself it wouldn't be a deal breaker but over a period of time you realize that behavior is not something you want in your relationship. So the pattern is the deal breaker not a single event. I didn't know if I can do anything more than just telling her how that is not cool. It doesn't happen frequently enough for her to know that would be the reason. She would think I used that as an excuse to end things. I like this girl but she is really immature sometimes.

[meanthingsisaid]

In a woman's head when she hangs up it's simply because she is hurt or frustrated beyond words so she picks hanging up to express her displease because no words would do the job.

 

That being said it's not excusable.

 

I used to be big on hanging up on men. Till this one man I dated years ago told me if I ever hang up on him again he would be done with me, and insisted in a very calm manner that he was darn serious about it.

 

I never ever hung up on him again lol

 

I think she thinks that is an option when she is frustrated and I'd like that to be a non-option. You said you never hung up on him again. Why? Because you didn't want to lose him right? So that is what I think. If she cared enough about me she wouldn't continue to act this way. That is partly why I am considering not continuing with her. The issue could be resolved by not talking on the phone that much (once or twice a day) but it was her who asked me to call her and text her more, as she was the one doing those things most of the time. So now I feel like I care about her needs but all that excess contact is causing her to think she can do that to me and we would talk another time anyway. Kind of a weird situation. Not sure how to stop this immaturity.

[katiegrl]

Can you give us an example of something you said....that prompted her to hang up on you?

 

You're pissed at her for hanging up on you (which I agree is wrong).... when it might behoove you to explore what things you are saying to her...that are causing her to want to hang up on you!

 

Just a thought.....

[Robratory]

When a girl hangs up the phone on you ... what is the proper thing to do to get her to stop acting that immature and disrespectful?

 

Seriously, there's nothing you can do but put her out of your life.

Edited January 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed rude remark

[carhill]

When a girl hangs up on you ...

 

You call another girl, unless this girl is your wife, then hangups are normal.

[katiegrl]

Is no one else interested in what HE may be saying to HER....that is causing her to want to hang up on him? Of course she should not be hanging up....but the question is -- WHY is she hanging up on him? Women don't just hang up on a guy for no reason.

 

Or does that not matter?

[basil67]

Most people don't hang up for no reason. So the question is: what does the conversation sound like before she hangs up?

 

She could be a drama queen. Or you could be obnoxious and she's putting you in your place.

[katiegrl]

Most people don't hang up for no reason. So the question is: what does the conversation sound like before she hangs up?

 

She could be a drama queen. Or you could be obnoxious and she's putting you in your place.

 

Exactly. We need more details. Her hang up may be warranted

OR ... she may simply be another drama queen. She IS an actress, after all. lol

 

Details. Examples.

Edited January 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed poke

[Gaeta]

I think she thinks that is an option when she is frustrated and I'd like that to be a non-option. You said you never hung up on him again. Why? Because you didn't want to lose him right? So that is what I think. If she cared enough about me she wouldn't continue to act this way. That is partly why I am considering not continuing with her. The issue could be resolved by not talking on the phone that much (once or twice a day) but it was her who asked me to call her and text her more, as she was the one doing those things most of the time. So now I feel like I care about her needs but all that excess contact is causing her to think she can do that to me and we would talk another time anyway. Kind of a weird situation. Not sure how to stop this immaturity.

 

Here's how I see it.

 

She asked you to call her more often because she likes it.

 

You want to please her so you are calling her more.

 

How are you rewarded for calling her more? You are rewarded by being hung up on.

 

My suggestion is you tell her that you've been making efforts to please her but you've only been disrespected for it so if she ever hang up on you again you will not speak on the phone with her again. You'll text and you'll speak in person. Tell her you are very serious about this. If she hangs up on you again then apply the consequence.

[meanthingsisaid]

Can you give us an example of something you said....that prompted her to hang up on you?

 

You're pissed at her for hanging up on you (which I agree is wrong).... when it might behoove you to explore what things you are saying to her...that are causing her to want to hang up on you!

 

Just a thought.....

 

I understand sometimes emotions run high during an argument but this wasn't an argument, this was more of an attitude related hang up, which is why I am more concerned. Very silly immature stuff. Here is an example:

 

Backstory: She had asked me to call and text more, as she had mostly been the one initiating those in the past (she has unpredictable work schedule and I originally thought it was better if she called me when she had time). I said okay maybe she doesn't feel loved or thinks I am not that interested in her so after that feedback I started calling and texting more (because I cared about her needs) and I've been extremely loving and affectionate too. Still, we couldn't connect more than once a day during the snow storm long weekend (where she didn't work for a few days) because she was sleeping most of the time. Fine.

 

Today: After missing each others' calls during the day we finally connect before dinner. Call starts very loving ... but then (before we could talk about how was your day, where have you been, what is new in your world, etc.) she interrupts the flow and asks me if she can tell me a funny story about her friend (how she is a drug addict in denial, trying to pawn her TV to get drugs, and now tries to live with her for free). I listen to her and tell her how this friend who has been trying to mooch off of her has no plan to get better and how she maybe enabling her, etc. Normal talk. She agrees to everything I say (and says she needs to be there for her because she's known her since high school) but obviously the convo is not lovey dovey or flirty cute at this point. Then she abruptly says she needs to work out. I say sure but I'm going out to dinner with friends later so I won't be able to talk to her in the evening (as I don't want her to think if she gets off the phone now I will ignore her later on). I suggest we talk a few more minutes and end the convo in a good loving note (another one of my dating goals). She puts me on speaker and starts changing ... telling me she is a bit OCD (she is not) and she has to start her workout at 8:00 p.m. sharp. I know that is not a thing because I talked to her during that time before. At this point I am a bit unhappy because I had missed her as well and wanted to talk to her in a bf/gf manner at least a little bit. I express exactly that and she says I am being annoying, which makes me go WTF ... where did that come from, so I tell her calmly that I don't appreciate being talked to that way and that I don't understand where this attitude is coming from (her tone is different and unloving at this point, unlike how we started the call) and ask her why she is being that way. I tell her it is one thing if we are arguing about something but I don't understand her tone (language: "whatever" "you are being annoying") when there is no reason to fight. Now the convo is definitely not lovey dovey. She again says she just wants to work out and she wants to get off the phone. I said okay, fine. She goes "Bye, [myname]" (which is strange because she usually ends it with I love you or Bye Baby) and I, obviously frustrated with the attitude, say "Bye, [hername]" (to which she gets mad and says "Oh really... " ("is it like that?" kinda way) and as I try to explain I was not trying to jab or anything, I realize she is off the phone). Very stupid, I know.

[meanthingsisaid]

Here's how I see it.

 

She asked you to call her more often because she likes it.

 

You want to please her so you are calling her more.

 

How are you rewarded for calling her more? You are rewarded by being hung up on.

 

My suggestion is you tell her that you've been making efforts to please her but you've only been disrespected for it so if she ever hang up on you again you will not speak on the phone with her again. You'll text and you'll speak in person. Tell her you are very serious about this. If she hangs up on you again then apply the consequence.

 

Thank you. That is how I saw it too. In fact, this is exactly what I texted her:

 

You asked me to call and text more. I did. Because I care about your needs in this relationship. And I've been extremely loving and affectionate. Yet, I am being called annoying and being hang up ... and hear things like "I feel bad for you" because I wanted to talk to my gf? Don't take me for granted. I don't know who you think you are talking to but if you can't talk to me with respect & love, just don't talk to me.

 

She pretended she didn't hang up on me ("I said goodbye and you said it right back") so not even an apology at this point.

[amaysngrace]

No offense but you were being annoying.

 

You sounded like the "girl" in your relationship. I'd be annoyed too.

 

She had plans to work out and you got pissy with her for wanting to stick with her plan. Then you sounded like you need affirmation that she loves you after you went and made her mad by keeping her from doing what she wanted.

 

It's give and take. Not just take.

[Httm]

That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and shows a level of immaturity that is not compatible with serious long term relationship material. One warning is all I'd ever give...

[bluefeather]

lol... she sounds like a tool. I've experienced girls who try to pull that crap off with me. They fail. I don't put up with it. I lay the cards out, basically saying, "Don't treat me like that." And if they do, I leave. Either they will realize you're worth more and become a better person, or they won't and you can both stop wasting eachother's time.

[katiegrl]

Why do you need every conversation to be all "lovey, dovey, flirty, cute"? And if it's not, through hell or high water, you're gonna keep her on the phone until it is!

 

Dude, don't know how else to say it, but you're too dam needy.

 

Give her a break for crying out loud, let her go work out!

 

So what if every convo is not all "boyfriend/girlfriend" talk, what is that anyway?

 

That gets old.....and exhausting having to keep that up *all the time*.

 

I don't blame her for being annoyed, and she DID say goodbye by the way..... being that you're so needy, you didn't like the way she said goodbye, but she *did* say goodbye.

 

If you don't lighten up a bit and learn to chill...you are gonna lose this girl...along with her respect.

 

If fact, it sounds like she has already lost some respect for you.

 

She's the aspiring actress, right? From your other thread? This all makes sense now.

Edited January 26, 2016 by katiegrl

[meanthingsisaid]

You sounded like the "girl" in your relationship.

 

 

She had plans to work out and you got pissy with her for wanting to stick with her plan. Then you sounded like you need affirmation that she loves you after you went and made her mad by keeping her from doing what she wanted.

 

 

What she wanted:

 

She wanted me to call her more often. She wanted me to show her more of my loving side. She would have been the one assuming I ignored her all night, if I hadn't talked to her. This was a treadmill in her house she could jump on anytime, not a trainer session at a local gym.

[meanthingsisaid]

 

she DID say goodbye by the way.....

 

Goodbye is irrelevant. If you are on the phone and someone's talking (especially if he is responding to you) and you hang up in mid-sentence, I consider that hanging up on me.

[katiegrl]

What she wanted:

 

She wanted me to call her more often. She wanted me to show her more of my loving side. She would have been the one assuming I ignored her all night, if I hadn't talked to her. This was a treadmill in her house she could jump on anytime, not a trainer session at a local gym.

 

Yup, and she is now probably thinking "be careful what you wish for," because you may ending up getting way more than that .... and not in a good way.

 

I am sorry OP, I know I sound harsh, but this relationship sounds almost toxic.

 

Neither one of you is connecting on any level that could be considered healthy.

 

Sorry.

[meanthingsisaid]

Why do you need every conversation to be all "lovey, dovey, flirty, cute"?

 

She does. She mentioned we had been arguing a lot lately and she wanted us to get along, without arguing, for more than a few weeks.

 

Dude, don't know how else to say it, but you're too dam needy.

 

On the contrary. I didn't speak to her for a few days and she declared a break up. She was the one saying she needs to be able to talk to her bf every day. During that conversation she said she wants me to call and text her more. So I was catering her needs basically.

 

Give her a break for crying out loud, let her go work out!

 

She should. I wouldn't have a problem. She was the one sending me several texts and voicemails during the day "Where is my bf" "Where are youuuuu" so I figured I'd like to connect with her properly.

 

So what if every convo is not all "boyfriend/girlfriend" talk, what is that anyway?

 

Meaning where we talk about her and me, individually. Not about some drug-using friend. Things like, what happened with the supervisor you had an issue with, are you feeling less tired compared to weekend, are roads better and are you safe? or about my travel plans or anything that may happen in my life. Things that make you feel closer basically.

 

P.S. You should evaluate each thread independently, instead of trying to find a reason to call me names. I don't want to report you to the moderator again.

[katiegrl]

Goodbye is irrelevant. If you are on the phone and someone's talking (especially if he is responding to you) and you hang up in mid-sentence, I consider that hanging up on me.

 

No, she said goodbye. The fact YOU decided to keep talking anyway is what is irrelevant.