Marriage?

[Gary]

I have been with this girl friend of mine for a year this month. She thinks that we should get engaged. She has also told me that she does not want to be in a relationship if it does not lead to marriage. I suppose she was heart broken a few times before me, and is not willing to go through it again. Well, to tell you the truth, I have no intentions of marrying her, at least at this point in my life, and she is not the type of woman, I would marry any way, or would want her as a mother of my kids. But I am having fun, she is not a bag person, ahs a nice personality, looks, but if I tell her that I have not intenrions to marry her, she will most likely break up with me, so I keep lying to her that now is not the time, that I have to take care of my career, get a Master's degree and all that crap. Well, I feel ashame that I am concealing my true intentions from her, but I know she is sort of stupid and will break up this relaitonship as soon as she hears about my thought and feelings, but on the other hand, I really want to date her. But at some point I have to disappoint her majorly I gues... But as of now, I need a girl friend. Am I doing the wrong thing that I am not telling her the truth???

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Am I doing the wrong thing that I am not telling her the truth???"

 

You bet your butt you are. BIG TIME!!! And when she finds out you have been withholding this information, you can be sure she will not consider you the sort of guy she would ever want to marry either.

 

At the heart of your concealment is your selfishness in wanting to keep her around for whatever purposes. But this lady is a human being with feelings and you are simply being cruel by considering only your wants and needs. I don't need to give you hell about this because, unfortunately for you, this will all come back to haunt you in the form of karma in the future.

 

If there is any human way you can be decent enough to make clear your intentions to this lady and let her move on, I urge you to do so. There are many, many women out there who would love to be with you and not care whether you marry them or not.

 

It is just plain inhuman and cruel to lead this poor lady on. I am truly sorry your mama and daddy never taught you about honesty and feelings and that you have to ask about this on the world wide web. However, I do commend you for asking and I hope you will turn over a new leaf and start being forthright and honest with all people, especially in sensitive areas of love and human relationships.

 

You have not stated anywhere in your post where she has done anything that brings her anywhere close to deserving the fraud and spiteful dishonesty you are casting upon her. I am feel extremely sorry for this lady and pray that you can find the compassion to let her go and find a willing victim.

[ashesmum]

How should I put this..... D O G. bow wow, woof woof. You are a complete dog. It's because of men like you that women are afraid to linger in a relationship for fright of the man being selfish and not really wanting a future relationship. Women are generally in a relationship to find one person to be with for as long as it will go. So you torturing this poor woman by lingering her on is cruel. You are a complete selfish....bastard works. To just keep a woman around for your pleasure and lie to her about wanting to be with her for a long time is heartless. You need to be upfront with her and tell her now you can't see her being your wife or the mother of your kids. She is wasting her time thinking it's going to go somewhere because you tell her it will. Why don't you go find another woman that wants the same thing you do. Just a relationship that won't lead anywhere. That way you're not hurting anyone. You're gonna have to tell your girlfriend sooner or later so you better do is sooner. Cause I know if I had some DOG like you wasting my time for over a year, I would definately get revenge somehow, someway. Who knows, you could be the next "Bobbit"!

[Tam]

YOU ARE AN EVIL EVIL MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JustAGirl]

I can see what you mean... I think it's a big problem when the two partners start thinking of the relationship in different ways... I dont think you should lie... but i dont see a problem in u trying to keep her with u... just dont lie about yr intentions... say u have no idea... u still gotta start yr career etc... u'r not even ready to consider those things yet... and it sounds indeed like u aren't...

 

Good luck...

[Miss Mojo]

to tell you the truth, I have no intentions of marrying her, at least at this point in my life, and she is not the type of woman, I would marry any way, or would want her as a mother of my kids.

 

ok. she's *nothing* you look for in a long-term partner, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship unless it leads to marriage. i think you're answer to what do is pretty much outlined in the crux of this issue, don't you think?

 

But I am having fun, she is not a bag person

 

no, she's not a bag person, she's a PERSON. i know it's all so great when you are having fun, but honestly, don't you think that's a bit selfish? god, if you were my brother, i would clip you across the ear and tell you to get a grip. but you're not, so i have to fantasise about someone else doing it.

 

has a nice personality, looks...

 

so do lots of other girls out there who are looking for the same thing from a relationship that you want.

 

but if I tell her that I have not intenrions to marry her, she will most likely break up with me, so I keep lying to her that now is not the time, that I have to take care of my career, get a Master's degree and all that crap. Well, I feel ashamed that I am concealing my true intentions

 

from her

 

you feel ashamed because you know you are jerking her around *big time*. how can you be having fun with this girl when you are lying to her about your future?

 

but I know she is sort of stupid

 

do you respect her at all? just what is it you see in her (apart from looks and personality, which should matter a great deal anyway)?

 

on the other hand, I really want to date her. But at

 

some point I have to disappoint her majorly I guess...

 

you would disappoint her MAJORLY if you let this drag on any longer. you would disappoint her a bit if you broke it off now.

 

But as of now, I need a girl friend.

 

how can you need someone that is not at all what you want? pardon me for sounding rather harsh and crass, but is she an "easy lay" or something? is that what you like??

 

why? why do you need a girl friend? why just any old girlfriend? are you that insecure with yourself that you need someone? maybe you'd attract the kind of woman you're after (which obviously isn't your current girlfriend) if you could find your self-confidence and not mess around with people's feelings. continue to carry on like this and it's not a girlfriend you'll be needing...it will be a lobotomy.

 

Am I doing the wrong thing that I am not telling her the truth???

 

hmmm........YES!!!!!!!!!!! and you know you are.

 

you are settling for someone that you see so riddled with flaws! why are you settling for second best when you obviously feel you could do better? it's hardly fair on her or you.

 

be fair on the two of you and break this relationship off.

 

p.s. this girl can't be that bad that she deserves to be strung along, right?