He "forgot his wallet" on date

[Gaeta]

Sweet honey Dew: What happened when you both got back in the car and he retrieved his wallet?

[Shining One]

This was their *second* date. Not a long term relationship or even a few weeks/months wherein she has already determined he is or seems "great."

 

This is the time where he should be on his best behavior (same for her).

 

Is this is best behavior? Forgetting his wallet? Really?

 

And then promising to pay OP back when they get to his car ....but then instead of paying her back, takes her to a second venue, and expecting her to pay for THAT too?

 

Come on now ...really?

 

Ugh, what a total turn off, and sorry, on a second date, no I don't buy the "forgot wallet" excuse. BS. NOT with the reaction he gave you.

 

If it had been me, on a second date, if a guy told me "oops, forgot my wallet, " I would have replied "oops, forgot mine too....why don't we just call this date a bust and both go home."

 

I probably would not have even wanted him to drive me, I would have called a friend or uber if necessary.

 

Yeah I am tough, but I absolutely hate bull shyt, which this was!

 

Note I have no issue with splitting, or paying. But THIS was flat out manipulative.

 

Next!

I'm honestly surprised at this reaction from you. When did you switch to the "one-strike, you're out policy"?

NO ONE knows anything on the first few dates! Men OR women.

 

That is why, IMO, it's best to give each other benefit of the doubt and don't judge either way.

[deckard11]

I went on second date with this guy I met online. Met him and we drove my car across town to see a show. After we sat down, the host came to collect $4 show fee each, that is when he told me he realized he forgot his wallet in his car. I didn't think too much of it. I paid (he said he will give the money back to me when we get back), we ordered dinner, had a good time. the bill is about $45 (in addition to the show fee). Then he suggest we do something else. I suggested to just walk and he drove us to a nearby beach, we end up sitting in a bar. Parking and bar total to be another $35. All these time I wasn't suspecting anything. But since I got home, I was beginning to feel edgy. I don't know why. He did pay for our first date. I think it was maybe $25 total.

 

 

He said he wants to see me in 2 days. I don't know if I should see him again. I don't really worry about the money spent but I worry if he is honest, playing games, or just plain broke, or it was just an honest oversight. I mean, if I were the man and forgot my wallet, I would go back to my car after dinner first before suggesting to more places right?

 

 

Do any of you have such experience to share?

 

Sounds like a classic deadbeat move. Did he by chance order the most expensive thing on the menu?

[katiegrl]

I'm honestly surprised at this reaction from you. When did you switch to the "one-strike, you're out policy"?

 

When it's THIS blatant, there IS no doubt ... and it's one strike.

 

If there was a doubt, believe me I would give it to him.

 

But again in THIS case, there is not.

 

Not to me anyway.

Edited January 26, 2016 by katiegrl

[Shining One]

When it's THIS blatant, there IS no doubt ... and it's one strike.

 

If there was a doubt, I would give it to him.

 

But again in THIS case, there is not.

 

Not to me anyway.

I fail to see how it's this blatant. I've forgotten my wallet on occasion. It hasn't happened on a date, but more than once at work.

 

As others have pointed out, they took her car to the date, so he couldn't just go out and get his wallet. As for not paying her back when they did get to his car, he may not have that much cash in his wallet. I don't keep more than $20 on me.

[xxoo]

I fail to see how it's this blatant. I've forgotten my wallet on occasion. It hasn't happened on a date, but more than once at work.

 

As others have pointed out, they took her car to the date, so he couldn't just go out and get his wallet. As for not paying her back when they did get to his car, he may not have that much cash in his wallet. I don't keep more than $20 on me.

 

When it came time for the second portion of the date, instead of leading her back toward his wallet, he led her to a second place to run up a bill. That's pretty blatant.

[katiegrl]

I fail to see how it's this blatant. I've forgotten my wallet on occasion. It hasn't happened on a date, but more than once at work.

 

As others have pointed out, they took her car to the date, so he couldn't just go out and get his wallet. As for not paying her back when they did get to his car, he may not have that much cash in his wallet. I don't keep more than $20 on me.

 

Regardless... his behavior would be a turn OFF to me because as xoxo stated (and I agree), his behavior indicates "un-resourcefulness" (among other things) and that is turn off to me.

 

So why would I wish to have a second date with a man who turns me off?

[Shining One]

When it came time for the second portion of the date, instead of leading her back toward his wallet, he led her to a second place to run up a bill. That's pretty blatant.

I disagree. If I were on date with a woman and it was her turn to pay and she had forgotten her wallet, I would want the entire evening to go on as planned. The money can always be settled later.

[Shining One]

Regardless... his behavior would be a turn OFF to me because as xoxo stated (and I agree), his behavior indicates "un-resourcefulness" (among other things) and that is turn off to me.

 

So why would I wish to have a second date with a man who turns me off?

Fair enough. It was just surprising to me since I had seen you previously encouraging a man to give a woman a second chance for doing something suspect on an early date.

[katiegrl]

I fail to see how it's this blatant. I've forgotten my wallet on occasion. It hasn't happened on a date, but more than once at work.

 

As others have pointed out, they took her car to the date, so he couldn't just go out and get his wallet. As for not paying her back when they did get to his car, he may not have that much cash in his wallet. I don't keep more than $20 on me.

 

I have NO doubt it hasn't happened to you on a date SW... because you are responsible and resourceful.

 

Sure I have lost or forgotten my wallet too. But when it comes to something like taking a woman you are into out on a date (a second date).... most men would make it a point to make sure he has his wallet!

 

And if by chance you DID forget it... do everything he can to get his wallet. NOT what this guy did. Come on.

[katiegrl]

Fair enough. It was just surprising to me since I had seen you previously encouraging a man to give a woman a second chance for doing something suspect on an early date.

 

I know but it really depends on the circumstance. I should have made that clear previously.

[Bobbi7]

Sounds fishy. I've met quite a few dates from OLD and never once have I encountered the forgot my wallet in car excuse.....

[xxoo]

I disagree. If I were on date with a woman and it was her turn to pay and she had forgotten her wallet, I would want the entire evening to go on as planned. The money can always be settled later.

 

But what would you do if you were the one who forgot your wallet? I'd at least try to suggest moving in the direction of my wallet, since we were moving to a second destination. Not this guy :/

 

You wouldn't? You'd suggest a second bar, knowing you have no wallet?

[Shining One]

But what would you do if you were the one who forgot your wallet? I'd at least try to suggest moving in the direction of my wallet, since we were moving to a second destination. Not this guy :/

 

You wouldn't? You'd suggest a second bar, knowing you have no wallet?

I'd want the evening to go on as planned. However, I can do money transfers on my phone, so I would be able to pay her immediately.

[MissBee]

I went on second date with this guy I met online. Met him and we drove my car across town to see a show. After we sat down, the host came to collect $4 show fee each, that is when he told me he realized he forgot his wallet in his car. I didn't think too much of it. I paid (he said he will give the money back to me when we get back), we ordered dinner, had a good time. the bill is about $45 (in addition to the show fee). Then he suggest we do something else. I suggested to just walk and he drove us to a nearby beach, we end up sitting in a bar. Parking and bar total to be another $35. All these time I wasn't suspecting anything. But since I got home, I was beginning to feel edgy. I don't know why. He did pay for our first date. I think it was maybe $25 total.

 

 

He said he wants to see me in 2 days. I don't know if I should see him again. I don't really worry about the money spent but I worry if he is honest, playing games, or just plain broke, or it was just an honest oversight. I mean, if I were the man and forgot my wallet, I would go back to my car after dinner first before suggesting to more places right?

 

 

Do any of you have such experience to share?

 

If someone left their wallet in their car (the one they drove), why wouldn't they just go get it? I could understand if he left it at home but in the car? So why did you end up still having to pay when you guys went back to the car before going to other places?

 

It's one thing to be upfront about wanting to split the bill but another to make up excuses about forgetting your wallet so that the other person will pay...I mean that's very tacky.

[StBreton]

Either he intentionally manipulated you, or he's genuinely unresourceful and shameless. Would not date :/

 

 

Exactly. Like when the guy realized he'd forgotten his wallet then you suggested just going for a walk and the guy suggested going out to another place that required $$ ... that's just plain tacky. Maybe go out with him again so he can pay you back ... if you're desperate for companionship. Otherwise, I'd kick this guy to the curb. He's a tacky one.

[xxoo]

I'd want the evening to go on as planned. However, I can do money transfers on my phone, so I would be able to pay her immediately.

 

And that would be resourcefulness.

 

But it wasn't as the date was planned; he moved her toward the second place for her to pay :/

 

Again, he is either unresourceful, manipulative, or just doesn't care how he looks. Most adults would make an effort rather than suggesting a second place to run up a bill with no wallet.

[normal person]

 

Sure I have lost or forgotten my wallet too. But when it comes to something like taking a woman you are into out on a date (a second date).... most men would make it a point to make sure he has his wallet!

 

And if by chance you DID forget it... do everything he can to get his wallet. NOT what this guy did. Come on.

 

Agree. A while back I was out for the first time with a girl I had enormous crush on (this was at age 20 when you still could get that uncontrollable, irrational excitement about a person you barely know), I must have taken my wallet out in the car and left it. Very unlike me but also a huge problem because at the time I figured this date was probably the crowning achievement of my romantic life. Completely mortified, I just asked her if I could run to the car to check if it was there. She laughed and said that'd be fine. Of course she'd oblige -- if she didn't, she'd have to pay for it. If my wallet wasn't in the car, I would've paid her back double.

 

The point being, if this guy honestly did forget his wallet, fine, it happens. But the fact that he's so high on "men need to be the heads of households," etc suggests that if he actually believed all that stuff he wouldn't be able to live with himself until he paid her back and then some. He seems just fine with the debt.

[Shining One]

I just don't get the "one mistake" policy, but to each their own. I personally give women way more slack than most of you are willing to give to this guy, especially when it comes to money.

[jen1447]

I just don't get the "one mistake" policy, but to each their own. I personally give women way more slack than most of you are willing to give to this guy, especially when it comes to money.

 

I think these threads tend to bring out reactionary responses due to having unlimited time to analyze and debate every little thing to no end, but I think in reality it wouldn't play out that way and most ppl would just go w/the flow for the time being. (As OP did anyway. She may have ultimately decided she didn't want anymore here but at least on the date she didn't flip out.)

[xxoo]

You give chances when you're interested in the person.

 

In this case, I'd lose interest. It's not about the money or the mistake, but the choices that followed the mistake.

[katiegrl]

I just don't get the "one mistake" policy, but to each their own. I personally give women way more slack than most of you are willing to give to this guy, especially when it comes to money.

 

If I were dating him a while and trusted that this was just a slip...AND I had already developed a strong attraction to him (and vice versa).... it would be different.

 

But this was a SECOND date, wherein both people are still feeling each other out so to speak.

 

Simply put, it would have been a turn off to me.. therefore it would be a waste of both our time to go out again.

[Gaeta]

Sweet honey Dew: What happened when you both got back in the car and he retrieved his wallet?

 

My 3rd try to get an answer to this ^

 

Thank you

[StBreton]

That surprises me.

 

If he was sincere, he was still unresourceful, and resourcefulness is very important to me in a man. Ok, you forgot your wallet. It happens. What can you do? At the very least, I'd suggest driving back to my car for the second part of the date. Surely you could find bar there, and I could get my wallet, pay back if warranted, and have my wallet for the second part of the date. It just sounds like he's either slow in the thinking dept, uncaring, or manipulative.

 

It would bug the HECK out of me if I forgot my wallet. He seemed quite chill and relaxed :/

 

The combo of no car and no wallet makes me wonder if he's just broke....

 

Resoursefulness...I like that term xxoo...and so true about it being a great quality. I've forgotten my wallet in another purse when going to dinner with my kids on 2 occasions...it happens when a woman has so many purses:confused: Lucky for me...I know my 2 major credit card numbers by heart, the 3 special numbers on the back and the expiration date. I just give this info to the person who takes the money and they've processed the payment and we didn't have to do any dishes:D ... though I'd like to see my boys do some dishes for a change:)

 

Honeydew...sounds like you've got a good handle on the situation that this guy is a little too loosy goosy / lackadaisical for you and good idea to move on. You've got a kind heart.

Edited January 26, 2016 by StBreton

[katiegrl]

1. We drove my car across town 30 minutes to the show so we never went back to his car until we parted last night.

 

To Gaeta's question. What happened when you drove him back to his car?

 

Did he make any reference to paying you back for a portion of the date like he promised?

 

Or did he just leave with no mention of it?

 

I am assuming the latter?