Can I trust my boyfriend?

[Theaaaaa8888888888]

My boyfriend and i had been together for about five months now and ive just ended it over a series of things hes done that show me he is not to be trusted. I've always been really relaxed and this relationship has made me very insecure and i dont know what to do. The red flag was first raised for me when we were driving in his car one day and he said to me "when i go home at the weekends i could so easily cheat on you and youd never find out because you dont know any of my friends and they'd never tell you." I kind of laughed it off at the time but it led to me to think why is he even thinking in this way?

 

The next thing is that he'd started the relation ship always been really open with his phone telling me to look on it if i wanted, which I never did. One day he was deliberately hiding his phone from me and so made me think there was something bad on there, so of course i know its bad but i went on his phone. I saw on his group chat with all his male friends from home that he'd sent them multiple pictures from his night out before of him all of him cuddling different random girls, one friend replied saying 'whats your girlfriend gunna say' and my boyfriend replied 'how will she ever find out' and then 'lad'. This extremely upset me and his explanation was that it was a tongue in cheek joke and that he sent the photos because he didnt want his friends to think they'd ditched him. I don't know whether this is true or not. If it is true I think it's very disrespectful to even joke about cheating, and personally I wouldn't go out having photos of me all over other men when im in a relationship. I eventually decided to trust what he was saying, and told myself that if anything like this happened again then i would end it because i don't want to be treated like an idiot. He assured me that the girls were just strangers and nothing to him etc, and then proceeded to follow them all on social media. I let this slide.

 

The next thing that happened was he kept showing me messages he was recieving from his Plenty of Fish online dating profile. The profile was still active and he told me he couldn't delete it. He continued to check messages on there and occasionally hed show me them and laugh about how ugly the girl was. I kicked up enough of a fuss that he eventually did delete it after saying you couldn't delete it. Why would someone who was in a relationship keep an online dating profile and check the messages and who was messaging him unless they have wandering eyes?

 

Since then there have been a few minor incidents that are an indication that i shouldnt trust him, such as making continuous jokes about sleeping with other girls, his friends sending him pictures that mimic people humping and grinding on each other in clubs saying 'this is you', he stares at girls for minutes on end right in front of me, every time he goes on facebook search bar its full of different girls hes been searching. He also has liked pictures of girls he used to get with in their bikini and when i mention that i saw it he denied it and unliked it.

 

On christmas eve he went out with his friends after telling me he wasn't going to because he wanted to have energy to see me so i was a little disgruntled that he had said one thing to me and then done the opposite. When i saw him afterwards he was on his phone and i was there and it showed a message he'd sent to a girl on christmas eve asking which club she was in. He said it was a girl his friend was seeing and that they had been together that night and he was trying to get hold of the friend she was with. That all passed over and then a few days ago he let slip that this friend who was supposedly seeing the girl he'd messaged had a girlfriend. After a few days of not talking he eventually admitted that he had lied to me, this girl he'd tried to find the whereabouts was had not been seeing his friend and was aparently just an 'old friend' of my boyfriends. I searched her on facebook and saw that my boyfriend has been liking her bodycon dress selfies since we've been together.

 

The combination of all these things has pushed me to conclude that he is untrustworthy. I believe that he has never cheated but his lying and constant signs of chasing after other girls is too much for me. He keeps calling me a psycho but all i want is to feel secure in the relationship and i dont think that makes me a psycho in any way. If i keep ignoring these red flags will i be proven a fool and find out he's cheated on me? How can I trust anything he says after he's lied? I don't know what to do. I dont want to waste my time with someone unless its serious and we want to spend our lives together. And to me this behaviour is that of an immature teenager, not someone who is serious about me. I just want to have someone be loyal and to feel comfortable in the relationship. It makes it harder for me that he refuses to admit that any of these situations he has done anything wrong and his excuse is to just call me a psycho and say im too immature to have a relationship. He frequently speaks to me so awfully that i break down, and does all this to me. There are lots of good points but i just feel like im beig treated like an idiot and if he doesnt think hes done anything worng hes just going to treat me like this forever. Does anyone have any advice?

Edited January 26, 2016 by Theaaaaa8888888888
Missed a bit out

[RySant]

Do you really still need an advice? By the way you recount your issues, I believe, as a sane person, you know what to do...

 

But just in case: Dump him.

[chaddercheese]

So it is trusted to people never met, in a situation only you havr described to people who have never witnessed any of your relationship to decide the fate of your relationship?

 

Looking at the questions and answers on this site i wouldnt take advice off them in a million years (although i always end up asking questions but more to vent and talk to someone - best to get faceless nameles people whose opinions dont matter to chat to than people you know, this site is just therapy really)

 

It is down to you and him to talk to each other, if there are happy times and you dont think he has cheated but want to break up in case he does it in the future then that is something you need to talk to him about and thats where the nature of whether you love someone enough to risk being cheated on in the future or not. Because it can happen with anybody in the world, that guy you walked past earlier, you may end up with him and then he may cheat so therea no point getting with him in the first place. Everything has a risk and thats life.

 

You say he has done a few shady things, but have you spoken to him about them, have you worked it out before or is it all swept under the rug snd he hides from talking aboit it? Its between you two and not people on this site whos every peice of advice is to end it, to everyone.

[Theaaaaa8888888888]

So it is trusted to people never met, in a situation only you havr described to people who have never witnessed any of your relationship to decide the fate of your relationship?

 

Looking at the questions and answers on this site i wouldnt take advice off them in a million years (although i always end up asking questions but more to vent and talk to someone - best to get faceless nameles people whose opinions dont matter to chat to than people you know, this site is just therapy really)

 

It is down to you and him to talk to each other, if there are happy times and you dont think he has cheated but want to break up in case he does it in the future then that is something you need to talk to him about and thats where the nature of whether you love someone enough to risk being cheated on in the future or not. Because it can happen with anybody in the world, that guy you walked past earlier, you may end up with him and then he may cheat so therea no point getting with him in the first place. Everything has a risk and thats life.

 

You say he has done a few shady things, but have you spoken to him about them, have you worked it out before or is it all swept under the rug snd he hides from talking aboit it? Its between you two and not people on this site whos every peice of advice is to end it, to everyone.

 

 

I think to give the benefit of the doubt so many times and to believe this can be sorted out by simply talking is clutching at straws. I have made it so clear to him so many times that i expect him to not make me feel this way with the things he does, any time i try and talk about it he fiercly denies hes done anything wrong and calls me a psycho. He will not reason with me and he seems to be he only person that thinks hes done nothing wrong. The bottom line is if he actually had any respect for me and wa sserious about me he would not have done these things. Fair enough people make mistakes, but the amount of times hes done it is not a mistake. Its not a case of whether i love hime its a case of him repeating the same mistakes over and over and this shows that it is the way he will behave forever and that is not a relationship i will put myself through.

[chaddercheese]

I think to give the benefit of the doubt so many times and to believe this can be sorted out by simply talking is clutching at straws. I have made it so clear to him so many times that i expect him to not make me feel this way with the things he does, any time i try and talk about it he fiercly denies hes done anything wrong and calls me a psycho. He will not reason with me and he seems to be he only person that thinks hes done nothing wrong. The bottom line is if he actually had any respect for me and wa sserious about me he would not have done these things. Fair enough people make mistakes, but the amount of times hes done it is not a mistake. Its not a case of whether i love hime its a case of him repeating the same mistakes over and over and this shows that it is the way he will behave forever and that is not a relationship i will put myself through.

 

OP - When you say give him the benefit of the doubt so many time, how many times has he gone out with girls and lied about it? Are we talking every week? Whats he like as a bf?

You say he fiercefully denies doing anything wrong in those situations and in the situations you described in your original post you said that for example the christmas eve where he said it was friend he messaged. Could it not be that to you messaging a girl you dont know of is upsetting to you but it would be akin to you messaging a guy that is with your friend when out, to you its messaging a guy with your friend to find out where they are, is that not an inmcent situation that he demands you apologise for?

 

What it all comes down to, rather than anonymous people reacting to a hastily bashed out messge written in the fire of the moment where your still emotional, you need to look into yourself and think do you love this guy and think if any other guy can make you as happy as that guy makes you when its good?

 

Bob barley said the truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you jist got to find the ones worth hurting for

[chaddercheese]

When you say so many times is this a weekly thing, happened hundreds of times

when you get into a new relationship which this one is, 5 months? Then you learn things about each other, everyone has different things theu will do, does he show any signs of working on his behaviour? Whens the last time this happened? Because the latest example being christmas eve a month ago. That doesnt sound that often. You mentioned you were aggy about him being out with friends anyway because he was going to see you the next day. Thats an early flag of controlling behaviour, could it be this is not clouding your judgement of the situation?

[Theaaaaa8888888888]

OP - When you say give him the benefit of the doubt so many time, how many times has he gone out with girls and lied about it? Are we talking every week? Whats he like as a bf?

You say he fiercefully denies doing anything wrong in those situations and in the situations you described in your original post you said that for example the christmas eve where he said it was friend he messaged. Could it not be that to you messaging a girl you dont know of is upsetting to you but it would be akin to you messaging a guy that is with your friend when out, to you its messaging a guy with your friend to find out where they are, is that not an inmcent situation that he demands you apologise for?

 

What it all comes down to, rather than anonymous people reacting to a hastily bashed out messge written in the fire of the moment where your still emotional, you need to look into yourself and think do you love this guy and think if any other guy can make you as happy as that guy makes you when its good?

 

Bob barley said the truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you jist got to find the ones worth hurting for

 

 

 

I have had many heart to hearts with him about this and explained that in order for me to feel happy and comfortable in the relationship i need him to stop doing these things. Every time he has chosen to ignore that and just continue doing what he wants. In my opinion he wants to act single and for me to sit at home never saying a bad word about his actions, and why should i devote my life to someone who wants to still be f*cking around with other people while i sit at home? To answer your bob marley quote, im clearly not worth enough to hin for him to change that behaviour so no he is not worth hurting for.

[chaddercheese]

I have had many heart to hearts with him about this and explained that in order for me to feel happy and comfortable in the relationship i need him to stop doing these things. Every time he has chosen to ignore that and just continue doing what he wants. In my opinion he wants to act single and for me to sit at home never saying a bad word about his actions, and why should i devote my life to someone who wants to still be f*cking around with other people while i sit at home? To answer your bob marley quote, im clearly not worth enough to hin for him to change that behaviour so no he is not worth hurting for.

 

OP if you have sat with him face to face multiple times and spelled it out to him that you dont like other girls in his life and he has still done hundreds of things every day that show that he is still sleeping with these women behind your back then you have every right to leave.

 

But lets break down the original post you put on here because there are red flags but it also seems to be coming from a place of emotion on your half. The fact you wrote a post in the second chances forum and the way you write what you saw happen and then write more into the situation to show your unsure of what really went on but then the words you use in your replies are very emotionally charged. It sounds like its very recent and your actually unsure in your own decision. Is this something you will be able to live with or will it always haunt you as the one that got away. Everybody has that soul mate that they thought life would be better without. (READ Grass is greener syndrome sticky in breaks and breaking up page). But when im unsure when i break up with somebody i picture myself walking past them in the street in 6 months with another guy while im still looking for mr right. Would it break my heart to see them with someone else, knowing that they are holding each other every night to sleep, they tell each other they love each other and are having the happy love you could be having if youd got past an issue?

 

If you think you can walk past and not bat an eyelid then end it. Why be in a relationship where you couldnt care less if they had someone else. Personally if my bf walked down the street with someone else i would want to rip my replacements head off and beat him to death with it.

 

Every relationship has issues its how you come out of it that defines you as a person if you run from trouble because you dont want to get hurt then it shows you never cared for him in the first place. If thats the case then leave, its your relationship though, not anons on some loveshack forum.

[homerjunior]

Okay theaaaa88888, I have written numerous relationship articles for magazines and online for many years, there appears to be more than meets the eye here. I will break down your original message into sections to separate the mass of words into manageable chunks.*

 

a) You mention a “series of things” and list 6, this averages out at once a month. A series of things to my old eye would be staying late at work yet coming home smelling of perfume, 2 days later you see him leaving sexual comments under girls pictures on social media, you go on his phone and see messages from an unknown number saying she cant wait to see him.*

 

b) This first red flag being that he mentioned he can cheat on you and you wouldn’t find out as his friends would not reveal. This is simply a fact of life, if somebody was cheating or planning to they would not so openly say that they could be doing it and would never find out. This seems to be a guy saying one of the stupidest trust conversation starters I have ever heard. Remember that you can do the same, you can go out with your friends and it will never be revealed because they have your back. It worls both ways.*

 

c) He was hiding his phone one daythere are 3 reasons men would do this 1) If they had raunchy texts on there that show they are having an affair. 2) They had something on their that they wanted to keep you from seeing, that they knew would hurt you if they saw but was an innocent conversation, eg moaning with the guys about your cooking, or how attractive that woman in the show they watch is. 3) Because they are planning a surprise for you.*

The issue you describe, these ‘random girls’ are they girls he had approached that night, started flirting with and the photos were them kissing or leaving together? You say cuddled, a cuddle in a photo can be anything such as getting in closer to fit in the photo or even an arm round someones shoulder as a friend or an arm around the waist to give off a less awkward photo of two people standing well apart. He cxplained it as a joke, this appears a clumsy explanation for a situation he may have found funny but nobody else would. You stayed with him and trusted his explanation which gives credence that his story didn’t seem like rubbish, merely a guy being a complete idiot In an action and clumsily explaining the situation. The same occurs when guys tell a sexist joke being overheard by a woman or a racist joke in front of that ethnicity. It is a stupid and idiotic way of getting yourself in troible for a situation that between the guy and his mates may have been funny but anyone outside it is just insulting. Unless your partner is a complete moron he wouldn’t brag about pulling girls and show all the photos, act shady with his phone and leave it lying around a second later for you to go through it without deleting anything.*

 

d) He kept an online dating profile openly in front of you and kept showing you the messages. The guy is a complete idiot! If he was actively using it to search for sexual partners or replacements for you then it would be kept very secret and he wouldn’t use Plenty of Fish, known in the relationship world as the worst of the worst when it comes to online dating. He showed you the messages and laughs at the ugly people and shares it with you. That sounds like the most moronic guy ever trying to just involve you in what he thought was a fun activity. He lied that he couldn’t delete it, couldn’t be bothered to it sounds more like. If he was active in the dating scene, sleeping with girls behind your back or looking for a replacement he wouldn’t have deleted it after you kicked up a fuss. Again this sounds like you arent dealing with an untrustworthy guy rather than a complete idiot who has an awful sense of humour and cant keep his mouth shut.*

 

e) Minor incidents: Making continuous jokes about sleeping with other girls, if someone was cheating or looking to cheat they would not make it so obvious by constantly bringing it up, the ones most likely to cheat are the ones who suddenly start treating you like an angel out of nowhere so you don’t start snooping. He is sent pictures of people humping in clubs saying this is you, do they say this is him now? Do they say this is him that last time they went out together, because a general “this is you” appears the same as walking down the street and saying that obese guy is you, humping and grinding in clubs unless your under 20 is frankly as embarrasing as being obese, unless you’re an R&B star. He looks at other girls in front of you, while disrespectful, everybody does this. Have you never walked past someone and though that they are attractive? He without sin shall cast the first stone. The fact he does it in front of you so obviously just shows this guy is stupid as hell. Everyone will see other people that are attractive, could this be a case of you don’t want him to think other people are more attractive in case you lose him to them?. You started off the bikini photo as plural, he “likes” “girls” “pictures” and then turn to singular “bikini picture” and “unliked it”. In most cases we are way more likely to read into a ‘like’ or a follow than is actually there, liking someones photo means pretty much nothing, its akin to I have seen this and i approve of this photo, have you never liked a guys photo not referencing that he has muscles out, more that it’s a good photo? “Got with” if they used to sleep together then remember, he is with you now and not sleeping with her and their relationship now extends to the odd like that he removes becasuse it made you unconfortable. Has he liked photos since you made it clear that is how you felt?*

 

f) You start out the christmas eve story that you are already angry that he is gong out with his friends instead of seeing you the next day. Why were you not out with him? Everybody needs time with their friends and like you said, you wasn’t due to see him that night so what is the issue of him going out? He still saw you the next day and had a message looking for a girl in a club, so what your saying is that he was out with the guys and their were girls present too, he had lost one of the guys and this girl was with him. He has her number to text to ask where she is so they know each other prior. I cant see any issue there.*

He told you that this guy was in a relationship with this girl, you were already angry that he had gone out with his friends and you have past instances where you have kicked off © over him going out and girls being present, and him liking other girls photos (e). Could this not be that to avoid any arguments he simply acted in his obviously idiotic state and told a white lie to stop the drama. He finally came clean and admitted that…he cheated with her? No, he admitted that it was an old friend and not this guys gf. This screams that this guy is a complete idiot, he tried to stop an argument by saying a lie, perhaps in the same way a parent tells a child they are going to Disneyland and not the dentist, to stop the fuss that the situation will cause. You then proved your insecurities though by going through this girls pictures on facebook, and as mentioned before, he liked the girls photos in a “bodycon” dress, your boyfriend sounds like an idiot, does he know what a bodycon dress is or could he be liking a photo of an old friend because he approves of it? When was the photos that he liked published? Is he still doing it even though you showed you were uncomfortable about him knowing this girl? A major sign of jealosy in a relationship is not being comfortable with female friends, but everybody has them, I am sure you have male friends that he has never heard of. He may bump into her in the street, in the clbu, they may be in town for one night and he runs into her. They obviously don’t have any impact in their life now that they feel the need to mention every co worker, friend, school chun that they’ve known.*

 

You say you don’t know wherher you can trust him, it is clear here that you can. You are just in a relationship with an idiot who struggles to handle things, has a different sense of humour to you or is completely inept at reading women. The fact he is so open about all these things with you and his excuses seem bumbling, he seems to have his heart in the right place.

[maysj18]

The advice being tossed around here is unbelievable.

 

OP, your boyfriend sounds like a POS. This is all manipulative behavior. He calls you psycho for having problems with his actions that are absolutely disgusting; HE is the wackjob. This man-child doesn't care about you- leave him ASAP.

 

Let's pretend the dude above me is right and all these are just clumsy, stupid actions of a dumb boy- he is at the very least disrespecting your feelings and making a joke out of you. He doesn't care that this hurts your feelings. I think he sounds like a narcissist who has probably been emotionally abusive in the past (tearing you down by insisting he could cheat on you is emotional abuse) with other girlfriends.

[Qboro90]

If you really are asking whether or not your BF is trustworthy and if you should break up with him or not, then I'm sorry, but you both belong together then.

 

The first example you gave was enough to tell you he wasn't trustworthy.... The second was enough to break up. Once you get to the 5,6th, 7th, etc examples of him CLEARLY pursuing and being involved with other girls, as well as completely disrespecting and embarrassing you amongst his friends.... At that point, you're the moron for still being with him.

 

Ever hear the saying "the glass is half full or half empty"? In your boyfriends case, the glass is completely empty... I take that back... The glass is full of ****.

 

Have higher standards for yourself for goodness sake. The fact that you're still with this guy, is in all likelihood, making the people around you think less of YOU for letting yourself be treated this way and having such a naive and forgiving attitude towards him.

 

By the way... He's 100% cheated on you already. But you seem like the kind of girl who won't believe that until you literally see it in person with your own eyes.

And even then, based on the amount of chances you've given him already, and the infinite "benefit of the doubt" way you choose to see things... I doubt that even if you caught him on top of another girl having sex, that you'd leave him for good because all he would have to do is feed you a well worded sincere felt apology, maybe manufacture a few tears and confess his love for you and how he wants you to be with him forever... And boom... You're probably giving him a second chance... Oh.. But "this is the last straw I swear".

 

 

Sorry if that all comes across as blunt and brutally forward. But this isn't something you need to keep treating as "minor details"... So here's your kick in the butt.

[266696687]

My boyfriend and i had been together for about five months now and ive just ended it over a series of things hes done that show me he is not to be trusted. I've always been really relaxed and this relationship has made me very insecure and i dont know what to do. The red flag was first raised for me when we were driving in his car one day and he said to me "when i go home at the weekends i could so easily cheat on you and youd never find out because you dont know any of my friends and they'd never tell you." I kind of laughed it off at the time but it led to me to think why is he even thinking in this way?

 

The next thing is that he'd started the relation ship always been really open with his phone telling me to look on it if i wanted, which I never did. One day he was deliberately hiding his phone from me and so made me think there was something bad on there, so of course i know its bad but i went on his phone. I saw on his group chat with all his male friends from home that he'd sent them multiple pictures from his night out before of him all of him cuddling different random girls, one friend replied saying 'whats your girlfriend gunna say' and my boyfriend replied 'how will she ever find out' and then 'lad'. This extremely upset me and his explanation was that it was a tongue in cheek joke and that he sent the photos because he didnt want his friends to think they'd ditched him. I don't know whether this is true or not. If it is true I think it's very disrespectful to even joke about cheating, and personally I wouldn't go out having photos of me all over other men when im in a relationship. I eventually decided to trust what he was saying, and told myself that if anything like this happened again then i would end it because i don't want to be treated like an idiot. He assured me that the girls were just strangers and nothing to him etc, and then proceeded to follow them all on social media. I let this slide.

 

The next thing that happened was he kept showing me messages he was recieving from his Plenty of Fish online dating profile. The profile was still active and he told me he couldn't delete it. He continued to check messages on there and occasionally hed show me them and laugh about how ugly the girl was. I kicked up enough of a fuss that he eventually did delete it after saying you couldn't delete it. Why would someone who was in a relationship keep an online dating profile and check the messages and who was messaging him unless they have wandering eyes?

 

Since then there have been a few minor incidents that are an indication that i shouldnt trust him, such as making continuous jokes about sleeping with other girls, his friends sending him pictures that mimic people humping and grinding on each other in clubs saying 'this is you', he stares at girls for minutes on end right in front of me, every time he goes on facebook search bar its full of different girls hes been searching. He also has liked pictures of girls he used to get with in their bikini and when i mention that i saw it he denied it and unliked it.

 

On christmas eve he went out with his friends after telling me he wasn't going to because he wanted to have energy to see me so i was a little disgruntled that he had said one thing to me and then done the opposite. When i saw him afterwards he was on his phone and i was there and it showed a message he'd sent to a girl on christmas eve asking which club she was in. He said it was a girl his friend was seeing and that they had been together that night and he was trying to get hold of the friend she was with. That all passed over and then a few days ago he let slip that this friend who was supposedly seeing the girl he'd messaged had a girlfriend. After a few days of not talking he eventually admitted that he had lied to me, this girl he'd tried to find the whereabouts was had not been seeing his friend and was aparently just an 'old friend' of my boyfriends. I searched her on facebook and saw that my boyfriend has been liking her bodycon dress selfies since we've been together.

 

The combination of all these things has pushed me to conclude that he is untrustworthy. I believe that he has never cheated but his lying and constant signs of chasing after other girls is too much for me. He keeps calling me a psycho but all i want is to feel secure in the relationship and i dont think that makes me a psycho in any way. If i keep ignoring these red flags will i be proven a fool and find out he's cheated on me? How can I trust anything he says after he's lied? I don't know what to do. I dont want to waste my time with someone unless its serious and we want to spend our lives together. And to me this behaviour is that of an immature teenager, not someone who is serious about me. I just want to have someone be loyal and to feel comfortable in the relationship. It makes it harder for me that he refuses to admit that any of these situations he has done anything wrong and his excuse is to just call me a psycho and say im too immature to have a relationship. He frequently speaks to me so awfully that i break down, and does all this to me. There are lots of good points but i just feel like im beig treated like an idiot and if he doesnt think hes done anything worng hes just going to treat me like this forever. Does anyone have any advice?

 

This story sounds very familiar and in fact there was a post here a few days ago from the guys point of view of this story.

 

I'm very surprised by the adivce given by cheddarcheese and Homerjunior (new posters) both defending your boyfriends behaviour. (very suspect).

 

Your boyfriend's behaviour is out of line plain and simple.

 

Guys who say things like 'I don't want to hurt you' or in your case 'I could cheat and you would never know'. It's plain forewarning. They are setting you up to get hurt and cheated on.

 

His behaviour is totally unacceptable regardless of the excuses he has given you. He is immature and downright disrespectful. If you want a relationship with someone who treats you this way then by all means continue however the fact you are here asking the question says that you know something is very wrong here. He isn't treating you how you deserve to be treated. You need to decide if you want to allow him to continue to treat you this way (because he won't change). You have control here. It's your choice. You can be a doormat and keep taking him back or you can say enough is enough I deserve more and walk away. I know which one I would do!

[266696687]

Okay theaaaa88888, I have written numerous relationship articles for magazines and online for many years, there appears to be more than meets the eye here. I will break down your original message into sections to separate the mass of words into manageable chunks.*

 

a) You mention a “series of things” and list 6, this averages out at once a month. A series of things to my old eye would be staying late at work yet coming home smelling of perfume, 2 days later you see him leaving sexual comments under girls pictures on social media, you go on his phone and see messages from an unknown number saying she cant wait to see him.*

 

b) This first red flag being that he mentioned he can cheat on you and you wouldn’t find out as his friends would not reveal. This is simply a fact of life, if somebody was cheating or planning to they would not so openly say that they could be doing it and would never find out. This seems to be a guy saying one of the stupidest trust conversation starters I have ever heard. Remember that you can do the same, you can go out with your friends and it will never be revealed because they have your back. It worls both ways.*

 

c) He was hiding his phone one daythere are 3 reasons men would do this 1) If they had raunchy texts on there that show they are having an affair. 2) They had something on their that they wanted to keep you from seeing, that they knew would hurt you if they saw but was an innocent conversation, eg moaning with the guys about your cooking, or how attractive that woman in the show they watch is. 3) Because they are planning a surprise for you.*

The issue you describe, these ‘random girls’ are they girls he had approached that night, started flirting with and the photos were them kissing or leaving together? You say cuddled, a cuddle in a photo can be anything such as getting in closer to fit in the photo or even an arm round someones shoulder as a friend or an arm around the waist to give off a less awkward photo of two people standing well apart. He cxplained it as a joke, this appears a clumsy explanation for a situation he may have found funny but nobody else would. You stayed with him and trusted his explanation which gives credence that his story didn’t seem like rubbish, merely a guy being a complete idiot In an action and clumsily explaining the situation. The same occurs when guys tell a sexist joke being overheard by a woman or a racist joke in front of that ethnicity. It is a stupid and idiotic way of getting yourself in troible for a situation that between the guy and his mates may have been funny but anyone outside it is just insulting. Unless your partner is a complete moron he wouldn’t brag about pulling girls and show all the photos, act shady with his phone and leave it lying around a second later for you to go through it without deleting anything.*

 

d) He kept an online dating profile openly in front of you and kept showing you the messages. The guy is a complete idiot! If he was actively using it to search for sexual partners or replacements for you then it would be kept very secret and he wouldn’t use Plenty of Fish, known in the relationship world as the worst of the worst when it comes to online dating. He showed you the messages and laughs at the ugly people and shares it with you. That sounds like the most moronic guy ever trying to just involve you in what he thought was a fun activity. He lied that he couldn’t delete it, couldn’t be bothered to it sounds more like. If he was active in the dating scene, sleeping with girls behind your back or looking for a replacement he wouldn’t have deleted it after you kicked up a fuss. Again this sounds like you arent dealing with an untrustworthy guy rather than a complete idiot who has an awful sense of humour and cant keep his mouth shut.*

 

e) Minor incidents: Making continuous jokes about sleeping with other girls, if someone was cheating or looking to cheat they would not make it so obvious by constantly bringing it up, the ones most likely to cheat are the ones who suddenly start treating you like an angel out of nowhere so you don’t start snooping. He is sent pictures of people humping in clubs saying this is you, do they say this is him now? Do they say this is him that last time they went out together, because a general “this is you” appears the same as walking down the street and saying that obese guy is you, humping and grinding in clubs unless your under 20 is frankly as embarrasing as being obese, unless you’re an R&B star. He looks at other girls in front of you, while disrespectful, everybody does this. Have you never walked past someone and though that they are attractive? He without sin shall cast the first stone. The fact he does it in front of you so obviously just shows this guy is stupid as hell. Everyone will see other people that are attractive, could this be a case of you don’t want him to think other people are more attractive in case you lose him to them?. You started off the bikini photo as plural, he “likes” “girls” “pictures” and then turn to singular “bikini picture” and “unliked it”. In most cases we are way more likely to read into a ‘like’ or a follow than is actually there, liking someones photo means pretty much nothing, its akin to I have seen this and i approve of this photo, have you never liked a guys photo not referencing that he has muscles out, more that it’s a good photo? “Got with” if they used to sleep together then remember, he is with you now and not sleeping with her and their relationship now extends to the odd like that he removes becasuse it made you unconfortable. Has he liked photos since you made it clear that is how you felt?*

 

f) You start out the christmas eve story that you are already angry that he is gong out with his friends instead of seeing you the next day. Why were you not out with him? Everybody needs time with their friends and like you said, you wasn’t due to see him that night so what is the issue of him going out? He still saw you the next day and had a message looking for a girl in a club, so what your saying is that he was out with the guys and their were girls present too, he had lost one of the guys and this girl was with him. He has her number to text to ask where she is so they know each other prior. I cant see any issue there.*

He told you that this guy was in a relationship with this girl, you were already angry that he had gone out with his friends and you have past instances where you have kicked off © over him going out and girls being present, and him liking other girls photos (e). Could this not be that to avoid any arguments he simply acted in his obviously idiotic state and told a white lie to stop the drama. He finally came clean and admitted that…he cheated with her? No, he admitted that it was an old friend and not this guys gf. This screams that this guy is a complete idiot, he tried to stop an argument by saying a lie, perhaps in the same way a parent tells a child they are going to Disneyland and not the dentist, to stop the fuss that the situation will cause. You then proved your insecurities though by going through this girls pictures on facebook, and as mentioned before, he liked the girls photos in a “bodycon” dress, your boyfriend sounds like an idiot, does he know what a bodycon dress is or could he be liking a photo of an old friend because he approves of it? When was the photos that he liked published? Is he still doing it even though you showed you were uncomfortable about him knowing this girl? A major sign of jealosy in a relationship is not being comfortable with female friends, but everybody has them, I am sure you have male friends that he has never heard of. He may bump into her in the street, in the clbu, they may be in town for one night and he runs into her. They obviously don’t have any impact in their life now that they feel the need to mention every co worker, friend, school chun that they’ve known.*

 

You say you don’t know wherher you can trust him, it is clear here that you can. You are just in a relationship with an idiot who struggles to handle things, has a different sense of humour to you or is completely inept at reading women. The fact he is so open about all these things with you and his excuses seem bumbling, he seems to have his heart in the right place.

 

This advice is absolute rubbish. You are making excuses for and trying to justify her BF's behaviour.

 

For some reason I suspect you (and cheddarcheese) are her BF and you found her post (that or all three of these posts are by the same person) No one in their right mind would be telling this girl to ignore the multiple red flags this guy is dishing out to her unless of course they had a vested interest in trying to convince her to stay in the relationship where she is clearly being disrespected and mistreated.

 

You and cheddarcheese type and phrase sentences in the exact same manner, language, grammar etc as well.

Edited January 28, 2016 by 266696687

[seekingpeaceinlove]

If the script was flipped would, I wonder how he would react if you were behaving like he was?

 

It's pretty simple, he's not mature, a bit obtuse and NOT THAT INTO YOU. Even worse, he doesn't respect you!

 

Don't waste anymore time and just let it go. Don't be a fool!!!!

[Arieswoman]

Theeee888888,

 

 

"My boyfriend and i had been together for about five months now and ive just ended it over a series of things hes done that show me he is not to be trusted"

 

 

Good.

 

 

Now move on and don't waste any more time on that sack of runny poop.

 

Good Luck.

[cocoluv]

Ok yes you did a good thing to break up. I didnt even read half of what you said, i got up to the online dating site. Look this guy was a loser. most likley was using you and he will do this for a number of years still to many other women.