We both love eachother and want to be with eachother but I feel like it will never wo

[brokenshell]

So here I am again. I Posted several times over the holiday period about me and my boyfriend of a years breakup.

 

After some time apart it allowed me to see things clearly and understand that me and him were a bad match. Despite the love we had for eachother.

 

He is self employed and runs his own entertainment business. He hired a girl who i believe has feelings for him. Due to the nature of his work he works long hours from his home office at his appartment. She also works alongside him all hours of the day and they became really close even hanging out in spare time even though we had little time together to begin with.

 

I was obviously jealous of this despite him saying it was a purely platonic working friendship and that there was nothing romantic between them at all. He refuses to admit that this girl has feelings for him. As far as I'm aware she has satyed single with no other interest in other men in about a year of them working together. She spends the majority of her time with my ex boyfriend. He says while he knows its a difficult situation there is nothing between them in that way. But i still believe she has feelings for him.

 

We recently met up after not seeing eachother and having low contact for about 2 months. We ended up spending the night together and it was perfect. However the next day when talk of our relationship started I got angry. We both want to get back together but I cant get past his relationship with this girl. I dont like feeling second best, she seems to be his best friend something I should have been in our relationship. She has most of his time - despite mostly work, she has all these fun memories and experiences with him and I end up feeling pushed to the side or a third wheel in their relationship and I cant get past that. I cant start another relationship with him feeling like that.

 

I know I might sound like a overly possesive girlfriend. But he caused a lot of mistrust. He worked away staying in the same room (seperate sofas) with her for a month. He wasnt completely honest about the trip from day one. I only found out she was going last minute. When I found out they were staying in the same room for the month we argued everynight. I kept asking him to stay in another room but he said the apartment was full of other people and it was the only place to stay. Then months after we went on a short break away. He gave her a key to his apartment and she stayed there while we were away. He never told me until he accidently dropped himself in it days after we returned. Then i found out she was still at his apartment at 2 in the morning, he said they were trying to meet a deadline - I asked if she was staying over (she only lives 15 mins away) he said no but it why would it matter if she did. I was so hurt, I said it would matter because im not comfortable with it at all. He said he shouldnt have to change the person he is because of my lack of trust. He said he wasnt always forthcoming about things because he was afraid of a reaction. Not because he was up to anything. But why would he need to hide things if it was as innocent as he makes out?

 

We both want eachother back but neither of us is willing to compromise. Its so heartbreaking.

[minimariah]

my honest opinion -- he doesn't care enough about you or your relationship. he doesn't care enough to kick this girl out of his life in order to save your relationship; he doesn't care enough to put some space between them and spend some time with YOU; he doesn't care enough to take your concerns seriously - he gaslights you with JEALOUS!!! accusation.

 

he just doesn't care enough to put your feelings 1st.

 

if you FEEL like you're being played...? you're probably right. always listen to your gut feeling.

 

this dude just isn't the one for you. try to accept it and move on with strict NC. you deserve to be in a relationship without doubts & suspicions eating away with you; with a boyfriend who will understand your fears and love you enough to at least take you seriously.

 

good luck!

[minimariah]

by the way -- i'm positive he DID cheat on you.

 

OR he has really poor boundaries. he is gaslighting the hell out of you, so it seems - you're NOT crazy for being jealous.

 

he's spending way too much time with this woman and it's damaging his relationship to the point of losing YOU - but he finds it hard to compromise...?

 

a man who cares would have fired her a long time ago; there is a good reason he keeps her around. trust me on that.

[louxor]

You feel like it will never work, meaning you have significant doubt, meaning you won't be able to give 100%, meaning it won't work.

 

Always go with your gut feeling

[Mr. Lucky]

He worked away staying in the same room (seperate sofas) with her for a month. He wasnt completely honest about the trip from day one. I only found out she was going last minute. When I found out they were staying in the same room for the month we argued everynight. I kept asking him to stay in another room but he said the apartment was full of other people and it was the only place to stay.

 

Come on now, you didn't fall for this, right? This is a man who enjoys the attention of two women.

 

I'm surprised you put up with this for a year ...

 

Mr. Lucky