I've been on all sides of breakups-ask me anything

[Wanderer1]

I read your story. Honestly, I think you need to let it go, go NC and heal up. You see, you might think it was your fault and she didn't think you cared enough so she broke up with you, but that sounds a little off to me. I think if she cared enough she wouldn't have broken it off....the "We are breaking up talk" instead would have been "You haven't been giving me enough in the relationship, this is what I need from you to make this work....."

 

What would you want to gain from talking to her? If you're indifferent and you really don't have expectations or care (which it doesn't sound like this is you yet), then contact her. I wouldn't though.....

 

If she doesn't answer or if she answers and tells you something that will hurt worse (she has someone else, she doesn't want to meet you, she doesn't love/miss you) then you will feel like you've just been broken up with again and it will be very painful.

 

She dumped you, I'm sure you pleaded your case at some point in this situation, so she knows you care. Go NC and heal. If at some point she reaches out, beware of breadcrumbs....

 

Learn from your mistakes...next time you're with someone you don't want to lose make sure they are getting what they need from you and the relationship. Don't beat yourself up about it though, sounds like this girl just needed an out....god forbid she owns her feelings and just tells you she doesn't feel the same.

 

Hang in there, go NC, use this site, rebuild new friendships (don't be fighting with your friends about a girl), there are plenty of them! Good luck. I'll be here if you want to ask anything else. Glad to give my 2 cents..it helps me as well.

 

Thanks for reading my story. i did think that she didnt care, but then i thought how she was and it jst didnt make sense to me. After the break up i did plead my case she comforted me and send me mix signals, saying, "am glad you called" then she jst stopped. id rather she told me to my face that she grew out of love for me. Never got the closure.

[Brando]

Thanks for reading my story. i did think that she didnt care, but then i thought how she was and it jst didnt make sense to me. After the break up i did plead my case she comforted me and send me mix signals, saying, "am glad you called" then she jst stopped. id rather she told me to my face that she grew out of love for me. Never got the closure.

 

Ya, it's tough. If only I could always take my own advice. Unfortunately, sometimes emotions overpower our logic and we do some silly stuff. She really may have been glad you called, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you, ya know?

 

There is no closure in these situations. At least I don't think so. When I broke up with people I never gave a real reason. It was to hard and caused too much guilt to just say "I felt out of love." It was much easier to kind of blame the dumpee, but be kind as I can about it. Stuff like "We just haven't had the same connection" "you want more than I can give" "I don't feel like you are giving enough effort."

 

The "You're not giving me enough" or "You don't care enough" is a big joke to me...I mean how much do you really care if you're dumping someone.

 

Anyway, forget the closure. Heal yourself up. You will have ups and downs. I am living in momentary shame for breaking almost a month of NC this morning haha. Oh well....it is what it is and I doubt it really changes my situation. There are so many awesome people out there to meet and so many ways you can improve yourself and your life outside this person who caused you this grief...

[Wanderer1]

Ya, it's tough. If only I could always take my own advice. Unfortunately, sometimes emotions overpower our logic and we do some silly stuff. She really may have been glad you called, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you, ya know?

 

There is no closure in these situations. At least I don't think so. When I broke up with people I never gave a real reason. It was to hard and caused too much guilt to just say "I felt out of love." It was much easier to kind of blame the dumpee, but be kind as I can about it. Stuff like "We just haven't had the same connection" "you want more than I can give" "I don't feel like you are giving enough effort."

 

The "You're not giving me enough" or "You don't care enough" is a big joke to me...I mean how much do you really care if you're dumping someone.

 

Anyway, forget the closure. Heal yourself up. You will have ups and downs. I am living in momentary shame for breaking almost a month of NC this morning haha. Oh well....it is what it is and I doubt it really changes my situation. There are so many awesome people out there to meet and so many ways you can improve yourself and your life outside this person who caused you this grief...

 

damn! did she reply at least?

whenever i talked to her after the break up she kept saying live and be happy. Stuff like that made it worse you know?

Maybe she did not care, who knows, second time she left me too, first time i reasoned with her. She neeeded time to find herself or whatever. Oh well, ive never dumped anyone so i doubt ill ever understand.

Edited February 2, 2016 by Wanderer1

[Brando]

damn you broke it, did she reply at least?

whenever i talked to her after the break up she kept saying live and be happy. Stuff like that made it worse you know?

Maybe she did not care, who knows, second time she left me too, first time i reasoned with her. She neeeded time to find herself or whatever. Oh well, ive never dumped anyone so i doubt ill ever understand.

 

Lol yes I broke it. I have a 3 year old daughter. Her friend told me last night that my ex misses me and my daughter (they had a good bond). So, I sent my ex a pic of her this morning, no words or anything. No reply....I didn't expect one, but maybe it will make her feel guilty and she can live with that guilt haha.

 

I really don't care anymore. It just is what it is. I will find a new woman and she will find a new man (probably already has), but oh well. She can do whatever she wants and the beautiful thing is.....so can I!!! I got her, so after this experience...the knowledge I've gained, the pain I've overcome, finding new hobbies and making new friends...I've only gotten better at this life....so better women will come.

 

She probably thinks she is all fine and dandy since she initiated the breakup. Dumpers don't learn much or go through a radical growth period in my experience. Dumpees do! You grow, change and become a much better you (if you handle it in the most healthy way).

 

Ah, you will break a heart or 2 in your day I would guess. We all have to do it sometimes. Neither side is very fun, but such is life.

[Wanderer1]

Lol yes I broke it. I have a 3 year old daughter. Her friend told me last night that my ex misses me and my daughter (they had a good bond). So, I sent my ex a pic of her this morning, no words or anything. No reply....I didn't expect one, but maybe it will make her feel guilty and she can live with that guilt haha.

 

I really don't care anymore. It just is what it is. I will find a new woman and she will find a new man (probably already has), but oh well. She can do whatever she wants and the beautiful thing is.....so can I!!! I got her, so after this experience...the knowledge I've gained, the pain I've overcome, finding new hobbies and making new friends...I've only gotten better at this life....so better women will come.

 

She probably thinks she is all fine and dandy since she initiated the breakup. Dumpers don't learn much or go through a radical growth period in my experience. Dumpees do! You grow, change and become a much better you (if you handle it in the most healthy way).

 

Ah, you will break a heart or 2 in your day I would guess. We all have to do it sometimes. Neither side is very fun, but such is life.

 

You are very right my friend. Dumpees do learn a lot more. I hope i never have to break a heart, i think this side is worse. I've definitely grown, i guess i just have to keep it up. I guess i was mostly worried she moved on, which by the looks of her facebook she has, but ill have to accept it.

[Brando]

You are very right my friend. Dumpees do learn a lot more. I hope i never have to break a heart, i think this side is worse. I've definitely grown, i guess i just have to keep it up. I guess i was mostly worried she moved on, which by the looks of her facebook she has, but ill have to accept it.

 

Get off that girls Facebook haha!! I would guess it's just causing you grief, block her. That's what I did. Now I don't have to know what she is doing. It's a beautiful thing.

 

If you think she is moving on, you need to do the same. It's certainly not a race and you will go at your own pace, but I highly suggest blocking her FB. The gym has been doing wonders for me. I now spend less time reading breakup articles and more time reading on nutrition and working out. I've always been into fitness, but now I can dedicate more time to it. It keeps me busy and makes me more confident with the changes I'm seeing. I've also made some new friends through it.

 

Find what makes you happy outside of this girl. Pursue money, hobbies, fitness and other goals. The right woman will come and add to your life.

[blackbird_brokenwing]

I am gay and was dating a female, but she often said she felt more like a male emotionally so I think you're perspective might align with hers...

 

If you loved me with all of your heart yesterday, we'd been through so much, made so much progress, and then we had a huge fight where I did and said some really terrible things and you broke up with me, and said you would never contact me again, do you think you'd ever change your mind?

 

If the decision was made in a rash moment, but you're stubborn and don't like to reach out, would you internally be wishing I'd contact you?

 

Would you miss me?

[JDam]

What do you think are the motives of a dumper who wants to meet up months after not talking at all (because the break up was really ugly)? Do you think that there could be different motives other than trying to be friends? Because I dont understand it. I cannot imagine I would would to meet up with a person I broke up with, especially if we had no mutual friends, were unlikely to see each other again etc.

[Brando]

I am gay and was dating a female, but she often said she felt more like a male emotionally so I think you're perspective might align with hers...

 

If you loved me with all of your heart yesterday, we'd been through so much, made so much progress, and then we had a huge fight where I did and said some really terrible things and you broke up with me, and said you would never contact me again, do you think you'd ever change your mind?

 

If the decision was made in a rash moment, but you're stubborn and don't like to reach out, would you internally be wishing I'd contact you?

 

Would you miss me?

 

Ya, for sure! I mean it is definitely up to the other person, but all you can do is give a heartfelt apology and then the ball is in their court. Usually rash decisions to end it when tempers/emotions are high can be resolved once the dust settles...worth a try.

[Brando]

What do you think are the motives of a dumper who wants to meet up months after not talking at all (because the break up was really ugly)? Do you think that there could be different motives other than trying to be friends? Because I dont understand it. I cannot imagine I would would to meet up with a person I broke up with, especially if we had no mutual friends, were unlikely to see each other again etc.

 

Lots of motives...they jumped into another relationship that didn't work out, they miss the dumpee and changed their mind, they want to see what dumpee has been up to (pure curiosity), they want to establish a friendship, they want to see if the dumper is still invested in them for their ego....

 

And so many more!!! It's up to the dumpee if they want to entertain the idea....if so, meet with no expectations..

[Wanderer1]

Get off that girls Facebook haha!! I would guess it's just causing you grief, block her. That's what I did. Now I don't have to know what she is doing. It's a beautiful thing.

 

If you think she is moving on, you need to do the same. It's certainly not a race and you will go at your own pace, but I highly suggest blocking her FB. The gym has been doing wonders for me. I now spend less time reading breakup articles and more time reading on nutrition and working out. I've always been into fitness, but now I can dedicate more time to it. It keeps me busy and makes me more confident with the changes I'm seeing. I've also made some new friends through it.

 

Find what makes you happy outside of this girl. Pursue money, hobbies, fitness and other goals. The right woman will come and add to your life.

 

she blocked me on her fb, but sometimes i check, i will start resisting that temptation, not easy sometimes haha..

well i am a fitness freak too lol, i run mostly, no weight training, ill give it a shot, did some boxing too. I will get back to what i used to do.

[Brando]

she blocked me on her fb, but sometimes i check, i will start resisting that temptation, not easy sometimes haha..

well i am a fitness freak too lol, i run mostly, no weight training, ill give it a shot, did some boxing too. I will get back to what i used to do.

 

Man, trust me I know haha. I blocked her on all social media immediately. For whatever reason the worst thought to me is her with another guy. Like the missing her and all that stuff sucks, but when I think of her with another guy my stomach turns and a huge wave of awfulness (don't have the words to describe how bad it is haha) comes over me. So, one day a mutual friend put up a picture of herself with my ex and my ex was all done up and they were obviously at a bar/club type place. Tight red dress, heals, hair all done, lipstick...I mean the whole 9 yards man. When I saw that it was how she was all done up the day I met her. So I know she's out trying to meet people.

 

Anyway, that was the day I decided to block everything and everyone on social media that would even risk the slightest chance of me seeing anything from her. Because the day I see the pic of her and some dude...that will sting....now that day won't come and I can picture her at home crying over the breakup haha because ignorance is a beautiful thing.

 

Running is great. I like to get out and go for a good run. To me though (I'm no super bodybuilder lol), but the weights are great. They really release the pain into a positive form and I've met some really cool people at my gym. Go at the same time everyday if you can..you will start to notice there are a ton of people who go at the same time as you everyday and naturally you will just start talking to some of them. Do what helps you my man!!!

 

Stay off that girls FB....one day you will hate what you see!! Haha, block everything and trust me.....she's probably at home crying because she loves you so much and she knows she will never love again haha!!! Good thought anyways.....

[Wanderer1]

Man, trust me I know haha. I blocked her on all social media immediately. For whatever reason the worst thought to me is her with another guy. Like the missing her and all that stuff sucks, but when I think of her with another guy my stomach turns and a huge wave of awfulness (don't have the words to describe how bad it is haha) comes over me. So, one day a mutual friend put up a picture of herself with my ex and my ex was all done up and they were obviously at a bar/club type place. Tight red dress, heals, hair all done, lipstick...I mean the whole 9 yards man. When I saw that it was how she was all done up the day I met her. So I know she's out trying to meet people.

 

Anyway, that was the day I decided to block everything and everyone on social media that would even risk the slightest chance of me seeing anything from her. Because the day I see the pic of her and some dude...that will sting....now that day won't come and I can picture her at home crying over the breakup haha because ignorance is a beautiful thing.

 

Running is great. I like to get out and go for a good run. To me though (I'm no super bodybuilder lol), but the weights are great. They really release the pain into a positive form and I've met some really cool people at my gym. Go at the same time everyday if you can..you will start to notice there are a ton of people who go at the same time as you everyday and naturally you will just start talking to some of them. Do what helps you my man!!!

 

Stay off that girls FB....one day you will hate what you see!! Haha, block everything and trust me.....she's probably at home crying because she loves you so much and she knows she will never love again haha!!! Good thought anyways.....

 

i know exactly what you are describing. She has a lot of guy friends and i never told her to not talk to them and stuff and knowing that i know she can get anyone at any time. I know i will hate what i see someday and somehow it saddened me. haha knowing her, she's probably doesnt even remember my damn name lol

i think what you are doing, sharing your experience with us is a good thing, keep it up!

[Brando]

i know exactly what you are describing. She has a lot of guy friends and i never told her to not talk to them and stuff and knowing that i know she can get anyone at any time. I know i will hate what i see someday and somehow it saddened me. haha knowing her, she's probably doesnt even remember my damn name lol

i think what you are doing, sharing your experience with us is a good thing, keep it up!

 

Beautiful, kind, intelligent women are rare commodities haha. For every woman who has a man there is always the guy friends, the guys who have a crush on her, the hovering ex, the orbiters that just sit and wait for her to be single. The day she is single is the day all these people come swarming haha.

 

Must be nice. I feel like break ups suck, but as a beautiful woman they can kind of just go out and hang out and pick and chose who they decide to date. Us guys on the other hand we have to go out and approach woman and do work. I'm not a fan of doing the work!! I've always been able to land what I want, but never really enjoy dating and having to start over.

[Wanderer1]

Beautiful, kind, intelligent women are rare commodities haha. For every woman who has a man there is always the guy friends, the guys who have a crush on her, the hovering ex, the orbiters that just sit and wait for her to be single. The day she is single is the day all these people come swarming haha.

 

Must be nice. I feel like break ups suck, but as a beautiful woman they can kind of just go out and hang out and pick and chose who they decide to date. Us guys on the other hand we have to go out and approach woman and do work. I'm not a fan of doing the work!! I've always been able to land what I want, but never really enjoy dating and having to start over.

 

beautiful yes, kind, i think so (at least the image i had of her) but intelligent i dont think so. Yes they were always around, she always spoke to them i never told her not to do it. Yes its not fair at all, but it is what it is. She probably has one already who knows lol

What does it feel like to dump someone man? Someone you know loves you? If you dont mind me asking

[Brando]

beautiful yes, kind, i think so (at least the image i had of her) but intelligent i dont think so. Yes they were always around, she always spoke to them i never told her not to do it. Yes its not fair at all, but it is what it is. She probably has one already who knows lol

What does it feel like to dump someone man? Someone you know loves you? If you dont mind me asking

 

I dumped my ex after 3 years, an engagement and a child. It was very hard to do. If you think the person you are breaking up with is a great person and you wished you felt love for them, but you just don't (in that way anymore) it is not an easy thing to do. I didn't realize how hurt she was going to be. It causes some guilt, but by time you break up with the person you've thought about it for long enough that you truly believe it's the best thing to do. I was able to move on much quicker when I did the dumping because I had the mindset that it was the right thing to do and I also had time to prepare for it. I had a new girlfriend a month later.

 

There's so many factors though. How invested you both were, how long you spent together, were there discussions of the future, living arrangements and so on....neither side is fun, but dumpees are usually "Blindsided."

[Wanderer1]

I dumped my ex after 3 years, an engagement and a child. It was very hard to do. If you think the person you are breaking up with is a great person and you wished you felt love for them, but you just don't (in that way anymore) it is not an easy thing to do. I didn't realize how hurt she was going to be. It causes some guilt, but by time you break up with the person you've thought about it for long enough that you truly believe it's the best thing to do. I was able to move on much quicker when I did the dumping because I had the mindset that it was the right thing to do and I also had time to prepare for it. I had a new girlfriend a month later.

 

There's so many factors though. How invested you both were, how long you spent together, were there discussions of the future, living arrangements and so on....neither side is fun, but dumpees are usually "Blindsided."

 

okay thanks for sharing. Now at least am sure she moved on (knowing her..). Blindsided to say the least. Its crazy how people don't see values of bonds, either being friendships or other bonds. Oh well.

[Brando]

okay thanks for sharing. Now at least am sure she moved on (knowing her..). Blindsided to say the least. Its crazy how people don't see values of bonds, either being friendships or other bonds. Oh well.

 

I know how you feel. Listen, nothing she does should affect you anymore. Maybe she moved on, maybe she didn't. Either way she hasn't contacted you to tell you she wants to be back with you so that's moved on enough to where you need to just focus on you.

 

Don't let her decision affect your worth. Just because she didn't see the value in a bond with you, doesn't mean someone much better won't see a value in you. I've dated a lot of women and I've committed long term to 4 (you read my story lol). Every girl I've been with has been "better than the one's before."

 

You said "She moved on (knowing her..)." Ya, maybe she did, but what did she learn?? How has she grown?? What steps to self improvement has she taken?? What did she do to reflect on the relationship, see what she liked and disliked?

 

You are A-OK my man. You are on this site gaining knowledge, reflecting, growing, self improving. You can now take the time to heal and find what you really, really want.....you are the one who wins here and you will see that soon enough.

[Wuku]

For whatever reason the worst thought to me is her with another guy. Like the missing her and all that stuff sucks, but when I think of her with another guy my stomach turns and a huge wave of awfulness (don't have the words to describe how bad it is haha) comes over me.

 

This is exactly how I feel. I keep imagining that it's happening right now, makes my blood run cold. It's amazing how bad you can make yourself feel just by sitting and thinking lol

[Wanderer1]

I know how you feel. Listen, nothing she does should affect you anymore. Maybe she moved on, maybe she didn't. Either way she hasn't contacted you to tell you she wants to be back with you so that's moved on enough to where you need to just focus on you.

 

Don't let her decision affect your worth. Just because she didn't see the value in a bond with you, doesn't mean someone much better won't see a value in you. I've dated a lot of women and I've committed long term to 4 (you read my story lol). Every girl I've been with has been "better than the one's before."

 

You said "She moved on (knowing her..)." Ya, maybe she did, but what did she learn?? How has she grown?? What steps to self improvement has she taken?? What did she do to reflect on the relationship, see what she liked and disliked?

 

You are A-OK my man. You are on this site gaining knowledge, reflecting, growing, self improving. You can now take the time to heal and find what you really, really want.....you are the one who wins here and you will see that soon enough.

 

Yeah i read your story. But i guess somehow i was just hoping she would contact me because its only been about 2 months. But your're right, it doesn't matter it is moved on enough and i am focusing on myself, definitely learning more.

Nope i really doubt she even think she needs reflecting on anything. lol

Yes time is all i need, i get that.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Wanderer1