Clarewen Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for quite some time now, and I really feel like he's the one. But a week or so ago we were talking and he ended up telling me that I wasn't really his type and that him being attracted to me just kind of happened. I asked him what he meant, and he said he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Me just wanting to know said that it wasn't going to. And he told me. I already knew that he had a thing with black girls in the past and I never really thought about it much. But ever since he's told me he normally like girls with big butts and a big chest (I'm on the thinner side) I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I need to his from him now what I lack and when I don't and he says I'm perfect or beautiful and I feel like he's lying. I don't want to feel like I'm hiding from him and it's really really hard, I've never really had to deal with self consciousness before because I normally don't care. But now I do. How do I cope with this new feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 I dont understand - what race is he and what race are you? He prefers another race of women ? I am not really locked into "types" of women. I can appreciate some women are beautiful and attractive but they may not be my ideal body preference in a woman. When I was a young man - my first love was not exactly my type at first for physical attraction, shorter, heavier and wide hips. But after she knocked my socks off - she became my type. All of a sudden every part of her, every feature of her body, was a turn on. Sorry you guy does not feel this way. I think he sounds superficial and not really in love with you. But yes he could be honest when he says your beautiful, but not his physical type, but then he should not have gotten involved with you in any serious or long term way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 you might want to talk further with him and clarify things. sometimes a man (or woman) will say 'you aren't my type at all, i never should have fallen for you, but i did' or something like that. it's a bit of a backhanded compliment, or just a way of expressing that you're not typically their type, but that they still like you and ended up with you. it can actually show growth/progression of a person if they stray from a type they once had. could he have meant it that way? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Sounds like he talked without thinking and put his foot in his mouth. He may have meant that he's happy to be dating someone that he wouldn't have dated in the past, and that his tastes have changed. He still shouldn't have worded it the way that he did. It was insensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I've never really had to deal with self consciousness before because I normally don't care. But now I do. How do I cope with this new feeling. By realising that the majority of the time when people find their life partners they aren't each others 'type' and love just 'happened' anyway. You see, types are just the subconscious issues playing out in that person's preferences and rarely constitutes what's actually good for that person in terms of relationship. When people seek a type they are seeking the missing parts of themselves. My 'type' is overly feminine men in appearance, so slender and small frames, delicate bone structure, pretty features. Why? Because I feared men really but wasn't into women for love. So I subconsciously chose the closest thing I could get to a woman in a man. The person I'm actually in a relationship now with is entirely masculine. He's the poster child for masculinity, from a built body to classically square jaw etc. I was never attracted to that before, but somehow this just happened. Rejoice if you are not someone's type because it means you are not a match to their neurosis and unhealthy relating behaviours. It's a sign they're now mature enough to transcend these issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MyrtleMayhem Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Try being nobody's type your whole life...Lol. It is the story of my life. A lot of people will probably tell you not to take it to heart or whatever but trust me everyman has a type and if he says he doesn't he is lying. I find that when a guy gets together with a woman who is not his type he is either wasting/killing time until his type comes along (then he will proceed to drop you like a used rubber) or he is secretly lusting after his type wishing he had gotten together with someone who was his type instead of you. It sucks but I have found out that this is the way guys work. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 He just found a new favorite type. It's a high compliment. You made him see your inner beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
FastHands Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 What exactly is type. Physical? Trashy? Person that never says thank you or hello to anyone? What's funny is you ask a girl out, and she hesitates and has excuses then a few days later you see her flirting with a heavy tattooed trashy guy. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Clarewen, I'd take it as a compliment and a great sign for a successful relationship! You're not his type but you're so awesome he had to date you anyway! I dated a guy who fell deeply in love with me, and I with him, whose type (physical) I wasn't. And when his best friend met me that was one of the first things he mentioned to my bf (when I wasn't there). I always thought it was very cool that I wasn't his physical type but he loved me so much anyway as it indicated to me that our relationship was deeper than the physical. And, yes, we did have an incredible chemistry, too. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 That was an incredibly dumb and arrogant thing for him to say without following it up by something that made you feel incredibly loved. Personally, I think he's trying to tell you something but - like most men - they'd prefer that the woman end things instead of them doing it. I think you should get this straight with him and if you're still not satisfied with his answers, then you should consider walking away from this. I know it sounds like an extreme thing to do but he has just said the magic words to kill all of your confidence about being fully loved. You will never shake that feeling, and every time "his type" catches his attention, you're going to feel even more diminished. Link to post Share on other sites
deep_night Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 every time i wasnt a man's type they rubbed it on my face. either indirectly by ogling other women or directly by saying how they like X thing that i didnt have. i dont understand the "type" thing, you're either in love with a person or you arent. i always find that my type changes depending on the person i want. it's been tall and short, chubby, thin and thick, with dark and pale skin, with a unibrow and sparse brows, with thick and thin lips, with blue and dark eyes, with red, blond and black hair. i dont think id be able to stay... :/ id rather someone who REALLY and UNDOUBTEDLY likes me. Link to post Share on other sites
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