Why does it feel like growing up and maturing make me feel depressed?

[Giigii]

I'm not that old yet. I just turned 23. But a few years ago back in 2011 and 2012 i was a totally different person. I was very naive and innocent but also happy all the time, always looking for new ways to have fun and trying to be friends with everyone. When i look at a picture of myself from that time i see a spark in my eyes that i don't see in any newer pictures of myself. In the old pictures i just looked like someone who hadn't been beaten up by life yet. When i look at selfies from the years 2013 and 2014 i still see that spark but i can tell it was fading. Those were also the years my mom lost the house and we had to move in with my grandparents, i got my first job and was in my first car accident.

I really really really really want to be that fun, carefree and adventurous girl i once was. I miss it so much. These days I'm not as happy and energized as i was in 2011. I feel like the real world has started to change me. I love the idea of being happy, bubbly and innocent in a world full of cynical people and bad things that happen. I've been trying to fake it but it doesn't feel right and probably comes off as fake to people.

My boyfriend has even pointed out that i just look like more like someone who understands the world better. I was like ew!! I don't want to be like that because i was happier before i "matured." I don't know what's making me "look different" exactly. I am still the same size with blonde hair and my style is still very fun and girly. I guess i just don't have this aura of innocence and wonder anymore and i would give anything to get that back. Do you guys have any ideas?

I know you might say something like "that's a part of life and growing up" or "it's good that you're maturing" but honestly i hate that about myself.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Giigii

[TheArtist]

It might be that you've stopped being curious and just settled into a routine. I've always been looking for new things, to learn how stuff works and to visit new places. I'm in my 30s and while I have experienced what you say at times, I've never stopped challenging myself.

 

For example, if someone asks if you know anything about blue whales and you don't, then find out about blue whales! The more you feed your curiosity of the world around you the more you need to know. Not only does that give you a huge advantage in conversation, but it improves your thinking, creativity, sense of humour, and will make you feel like you're improving yourself.

 

So, how big is a blue whale exactly?

[Giigii]

Haha i have no idea but I'll find put Thanks for your advice

[Giigii]

A blue whale is 420,000 pounds

[TheArtist]

That's a good start! And what sauce goes with it?

 

Feed that curiosity!

Edited January 26, 2016 by TheArtist

[haikss]

Answering to your topic name question. Maybe there are new things to your life that you haven't got used to, like having more responsibilities and expenses/ bills - things that comes with territory of adults.

 

Also you might ask yourself a question - what you were doing back then that made you the way you was, that you are not doing now?

 

Also back in the day you didnt had past to deal with. As older you get as more past you have. Its all about having no regrets and accepting yourself as you are, being in peace with yourself, past and who you are.

Good therapist and self improvement books could help you big time in longterm. It just seems like you wasnt ready for changes that life bring and stopped life and self improvement to some degree.