Jealousy or Love?

[Grizzle88]

Here is the situation (I apologize in advance for the long thread)

 

 

I started dating her when I was 20. We were each other's first for just about everything; real relationship, sexual partner, emotionally attached, etc. We were together for five years, lived together for two. I ended things with her because I felt that we had become each other's developmental crutch. I thought it would benefit us both to grow without each other. If I am being honest, I felt I was growing much faster than she and I didn't want to resent her in the long run. Here's where it gets complicated.

 

She was by far my best friend. I felt a closeness to her I have never felt with anyone else. We have been separated for over two years now yet over that time we have remained very close friends. Neither of us has done much dating in that time (a few hook ups on my part but nothing serious)

 

Over the two years we were apart we have hooked up a number of times. I know that that was probably not the best thing to happen but it did.

 

Now here is my dilemma. Recently I found out she had gone on a few dates with several men. That bothered me a little but I just chalked it up to normal feelings of jealousy and moved on. A few weeks later I found out she slept with one of them and I lost my ****. I am not a jealous person, it wasn't something that was part of our relationship AT ALL. Yet, the idea of her with someone else makes my blood boil. I informed her of this and told her that her and I probably should not speak for a while. Her and I had never done the whole "cutting them out of my life" thing even after we first separated. Do these feelings mean I still want to be with her? Need some advice, anything helps. Thanks folks!

[cupcakebunny]

Here is the situation (I apologize in advance for the long thread)

 

 

I started dating her when I was 20. We were each other's first for just about everything; real relationship, sexual partner, emotionally attached, etc. We were together for five years, lived together for two. I ended things with her because I felt that we had become each other's developmental crutch. I thought it would benefit us both to grow without each other. If I am being honest, I felt I was growing much faster than she and I didn't want to resent her in the long run. Here's where it gets complicated.

 

She was by far my best friend. I felt a closeness to her I have never felt with anyone else. We have been separated for over two years now yet over that time we have remained very close friends. Neither of us has done much dating in that time (a few hook ups on my part but nothing serious)

 

Over the two years we were apart we have hooked up a number of times. I know that that was probably not the best thing to happen but it did.

 

Now here is my dilemma. Recently I found out she had gone on a few dates with several men. That bothered me a little but I just chalked it up to normal feelings of jealousy and moved on. A few weeks later I found out she slept with one of them and I lost my ****. I am not a jealous person, it wasn't something that was part of our relationship AT ALL. Yet, the idea of her with someone else makes my blood boil. I informed her of this and told her that her and I probably should not speak for a while. Her and I had never done the whole "cutting them out of my life" thing even after we first separated. Do these feelings mean I still want to be with her? Need some advice, anything helps. Thanks folks!

 

 

You're not over her. No. If you were, you wouldn't care. Or you'd be supportive as a friend -- if that's what you are. If the idea of her with anyone else but you makes you angry, you're jealous. If you want to be with her, then you need to make your feelings known. Be honest and frank.

 

 

If you are not interested in seriously dating her or committing to her, you have to leave her alone. You dumped her. She has every right to try dating. The NC is protection against that. If you had actually both gone true NC at the beginning - you wouldn't be feeling this 2 years later. TBH - for all intents and purposes - you have been dating this girl. Not seriously and not the same way, but both of you are sort of still holding onto that old relationship emotionally and physically. So...**** or get off the pot.