The D Train Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 For those that are in an average to absolutely solid marriages or LTR are there any situations that would cause you to think about your faithfulness or commitment to your partner. What if the great looking neighbor propositioned you for sex? A super hot girl/guy you randomly meet? What if you were out of town and were assured you would never be caught and a model quality girl/guy came on to you? Guys, what if Hugh Heffner wanted you to take over as CEO Playboy and gave you the keys to the playboy mansion? So are there any situations where the temptation would be too much to handle? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Nope, but I am considering dumping my partner because he seems to be bored (or avoiding sex) with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Nope. Regardless of others' *need* to have sex with me (hence, the fantastical offers they're making, in your examples in the OP), eventually, I'd have to pass a mirror and see the reflection of Who I Am, which is NOT dependent upon others...including not dependent on my SO's ability to be faithful to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Nope. But I'd tell my H all about the offer, and we'd have hot sex thinking about how another guy wanted me and couldn't have me H would be like, "Thanks for the hot sex, dude!" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Nothing changes my commitment to my wife - we are deeply committed and have an amazing relationship. However, since ours is an open/poly relationship (with clear boundaries), we have our own definition of what being faithful means. Sex with others? Sure - if the boundaries are observed. Temptation may simply be opportunity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 There's nothing I would trade for what I have with my girlfriend. It's not even a temptation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 There's nothing I would trade for what I have with my girlfriend. It's not even a temptation. DIT-TO! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 For those that are in an average to absolutely solid marriages or LTR are there any situations that would cause you to think about your faithfulness or commitment to your partner. What if the great looking neighbor propositioned you for sex? A super hot girl/guy you randomly meet? What if you were out of town and were assured you would never be caught and a model quality girl/guy came on to you? Guys, what if Hugh Heffner wanted you to take over as CEO Playboy and gave you the keys to the playboy mansion? So are there any situations where the temptation would be too much to handle? If I wanted to have sex with someone else, I'd be open with my H about it. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Guys, what if Hugh Heffner wanted you to take over as CEO Playboy and gave you the keys to the playboy mansion? If this comes with the unicorn that poops out winning lottery tickets I read in another thread, then count me in! What if the great looking neighbor propositioned you for sex? A super hot girl/guy you randomly meet? What if you were out of town and were assured you would never be caught and a model quality girl/guy came on to you? I suppose these things actually happen to some people but if I thought there would be even a remote chance of anything like this happening to me, I never would have gotten married in the first place. Being a guy who has been married a long time but still beats himself up for struggling to attract women, having zero casual sex experience, etc. when single, you'd think taking advantage of this kind of opportunity would be a slam dunk, but I don't know if I could actually pull it off. While I'd like to think loyalty or the urge to do the right thing would hold me back, I'm sure it would feel like I just didn't have the guts to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDuck Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 100% I've been single and taken relationships with a pinch of easy come, easy go. I had fun. None of them came even close to giving me anything like what I have with my girlfriend. We had a bond and that's worth so much more to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I'm not going to question anyone's veracity here, but I'm surprised we haven't had some people admit to being tempted. I'd be. It would be easy for me to type, "No way! I'm 100% faithful!" But you're presenting one of those 1-in-a-million chances that I think, for many guys (and for some women), regardless of how much sex they'd had with other people in their lives, would be VERY difficult to pass up. For guys, bump it up to your favorite hot-as-hell celebrity...Taylor Swift, Zooey Dechannel, Mila Kunis, Selina Gomez, Jennifer Lawrence, Morena Baccarin, whoever floats your boat. Combined with NO chance of being caught? NO repercussions? And just a ONE time thing? No sneaking around or being involved in an on-going thing? Yeah I'd be sorely tempted - I won't lie. But those sorts of scenarios don't just fall out of the sky. In real life, social constraints and possible repercussions (not to mention a lack of super models propositioning yo for sex) keep many people from yielding to temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I was a bit miffed, but not seriously tempted, by women hitting on me while married. The miffed part was because, well, they never hit on me while single. However, for my EA, I selected a specific person whom I had previously pursued who was completely oblivious to my married life and had no idea I had ever gotten married. For the six or so years prior to that occurring, and even after, since women kept hitting on me occasionally up until I shut the valve off completely when divorcing and moving on from women, I never seriously considered any of those approaches. In any event, I wouldn't have had sex with them anyway since I only have sex in exclusive relationships or when married and all of those folks were married, as was I, so neither were available for an exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I'm 100% faithful in action. Well, maybe 99.2% faithful if I get to bantering with TaraMaiden on the boards. But I do make a point of doing it in front of everybody and not by PM. But knowing myself and the dark depths of my lizard brain, I have no doubt that under the "right" circumstances and the "right" frame of mind, I'd sure be tempted. In a lot of ways, I suck, and I can acknowledge that freely. At least to you guys, but more importantly to myself. So I impose boundaries on myself. I never have a conversation with a woman that I wouldn't have with my wife standing right beside me. If a woman gets a little too close or flirty, I disengage. But the bottom line is that I impose boundaries on myself because I do not wholly trust myself. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) Ha, interesting - none of the situations cited in the OP would tempt me in a happy marriage. Based on my past experiences, the kind of situation in which I'd be tempted would have more to do with circumstances within the marriage than outside tempters. Doesn't mean I'd act on it (this arose in my previous marriage, when my exH cheated) - never been so tempted to cheat in my life as I was then. But I still didn't do it, probably for a variety of reasons that aren't all noble. But some of them are. Anyway, the OP was asking about long-term generally happy marriages, so perhaps this doesn't apply. But I sort of think it does - in any long-term relationship where life is happening around two people, the relationship will become strained from time to time and people might feel alienated from one another to greater or lesser degrees. Those are the danger zones for me (and many people) - loneliness within a relationship is a powerful feeling. But it would take a pretty huge push for me to actually act on any temptation. Edited January 27, 2016 by serial muse 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The D Train Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 So I impose boundaries on myself. I never have a conversation with a woman that I wouldn't have with my wife standing right beside me. If a woman gets a little too close or flirty, I disengage. But the bottom line is that I impose boundaries on myself because I do not wholly trust myself. This is me. I was a very bad boyfriend to my college sweetheart and it cost me big time. Now married I make sure I don't put myself in any position to cheat. I am very quiet in social situations and refrain from getting in tempting situations. But for fun when I see an extremely hot 20-something walking downtown, I think I would run away with her if she asked. It would never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The D Train Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I'm not going to question anyone's veracity here, but I'm surprised we haven't had some people admit to being tempted. I'd be. It would be easy for me to type, "No way! I'm 100% faithful!" But you're presenting one of those 1-in-a-million chances that I think, for many guys (and for some women), regardless of how much sex they'd had with other people in their lives, would be VERY difficult to pass up. For guys, bump it up to your favorite hot-as-hell celebrity...Taylor Swift, Zooey Dechannel, Mila Kunis, Selina Gomez, Jennifer Lawrence, Morena Baccarin, whoever floats your boat. Combined with NO chance of being caught? NO repercussions? And just a ONE time thing? No sneaking around or being involved in an on-going thing? Yeah I'd be sorely tempted - I won't lie. But those sorts of scenarios don't just fall out of the sky. In real life, social constraints and possible repercussions (not to mention a lack of super models propositioning yo for sex) keep many people from yielding to temptation. Finally someone not living in a fantasy land! Maybe super models propositioning you for sex don't fall out of the sky. But what about the solid "10" girl/guy that objectively speaking is way above your spouse/so in the looks department. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Finally someone not living in a fantasy land! Maybe super models propositioning you for sex don't fall out of the sky. But what about the solid "10" girl/guy that objectively speaking is way above your spouse/so in the looks department. The looks thing isn't compelling at all for me. If I were ever going to be tempted to cheat, it would manifest from developing a crush, not being approached by someone hot. That scenario isn't tempting one bit, move along hottie. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) The looks thing isn't compelling at all for me. If I were ever going to be tempted to cheat, it would manifest from developing a crush, not being approached by someone hot. That scenario isn't tempting one bit, move along hottie. Yeah, not a fantasy for me either. I think it has to do with the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. My secret fantasy is I suppose somewhat romance novelish, in the sense that I find the ideal of two people being super into each other a turn-on - even as I understand that in reality life ebbs and flows and such an intense relationship would actually be exhausting and ultimately not even fulfilling because there's other stuff I also want in my life. In reality I exist somewhere in limbo with that - there are glimpses of it but I know that when I've felt things get too intense sometimes I'll even pull back. People are weird, what can I say? But since we're speaking of fantasies...there it is. So that's why feeling disenfranchised from whatever relationship I'm in - not just a gentle meh feeling, but a real feeling of hurt and alienation - creates a danger zone for me. Not necessarily a big one, because I think I've got a healthy dose of perspective and I have a fairly strong moralistic streak. But I'm not denying it exists. But for anyone whose fantasy takes a different bent - say, for example, that you have always secretly imagined yourself the star of a superhot porn movie, or James Bond with women dripping off you to the admiration of other men, etc. etc. - you fill in the blanks - I could see how that might be tempting. It just isn't for me, because that fantasy doesn't do it for me. Edited January 28, 2016 by serial muse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Tempted... sure. But once I thought about it for a few more seconds I would see all the flaws in it and how it wouldn't be what I would want and it couldn't compare to being with the person I'm with. If that's not the case that is a good barometer that something's wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 There are many that say "No way !" But i've always believed that given the right time...the right place...and with the right person.... everyone would give in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 When everything was good... Nope, wasn't even tempted. Had plenty of opportunities (lots of business travel, proposals by hot guys). But I was satisfied at home, and had no reason to wander. But once my needs started to not be met? Yes, I fell to temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 There are many that say "No way !" But i've always believed that given the right time...the right place...and with the right person.... everyone would give in. I agree. Part of the issue was that the OP's example of a sudden hookup with a hot person might be more of a male fantasy than a female fantasy (based on some of the comments) but... Imagine the question was more basic. Something like, "You have an opportunity to live out your wildest/favorite sexual fantasy...whatever it is...with whoever you want...and your spouse/significant other would NEVER know. Would you do it?" Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Imagine the question was more basic. Something like, "You have an opportunity to live out your wildest/favorite sexual fantasy...whatever it is...with whoever you want...and your spouse/significant other would NEVER know. Would you do it?" My wildest fantasies involve my spouse. I can't imagine opening up and getting freaky with someone I don't adore and trust to that level. Cheating just holds no appeal for me. I'm not saying I'm without fault, but that I'm without temptation. Getting naked with someone else seems like a downgrade. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 If I was even thinking about cheating it would be a warning to me that the health of my primary relationship wasn't good. And I would act appropriately. I've never cheated, as I am far better than some clandestine hole-in-a-corner affair - who needs all that drama ffs? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 So are there any situations where the temptation would be too much to handle? Yep. Colin Firth. My husband has confirmed that if I ever get propositioned by Colin Firth, I have a free pass, no questions asked. I have reciprocated that if he ever gets propositioned by Salma Hayek, he will have the same privileges. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
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