If i go away he said he won't stay with me

[Tuutuu22]

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is a year older then me and goes to college locally. he chose this because his mom does everything for him basically but he claims he wouldn't like going away. I'm different and very independent and mature. My older co-workers always tell me Ill have so much fun in college and i should go to a big university. I'm a senior and a local college gave me a full ride but i want to go to florida because I like warm weather (I used to suffer from winter depression). My boyfriend told me if I went away to college he wouldn't stay with me. We spoke about it after wards and I told him it hurt me that he wasn't even willing to try. He said it was easier said then done but he doesn't think the distance thing would work. I would've tried but i don't know about him or where I should go to college. I love him, he is my first love but i just left his house angry because he pissed me off and I'm currently ignoring him. Anyways, I guess what I'm asking is will everything work out? I feel no matter what i choose (to stay home and have no loans or to go away and maybe not have loans but have to pay for air fair) Or to stay with him, I'm happy he is a great guy but he says he wants to marry me and I could see myself marrying him one day but i just think we're too young. My parents met at the same age and they had a rough marriage I am afraid if i marry him ill turn out just like my parents and i want my kids to see a healthy and happy relationship. But what if i go away he moves on and i hate the school and regret everything? No matter what I do I feel like I will make a mistake. Please Help

[mrldii]

Based on a choice you are making (based on what you want and that you feel is best for you), you are changing the dynamics of the relationship. He, the other half of the relationship, is not interested in staying in it if it means becoming a long distance relationship.

 

He is as entitled to NOT want a long-distance relationship as you are entitled to wanting one. If two people can't agree on the dynamics of their relationship, then yes...

 

...that relationship is over.

 

 

Making decisions when we can not possibly know the ultimate outcome and then having to deal with the consequences of those choices - both good AND bad - is the act of growing up and being a grown up. You make the best decision based on the current factors and conditions, based on what is best for you.

 

 

Good luck, OP...

[oldshirt]

I am sure that hurt to hear him say that, but not wanting a LDR is fair and reasonable. It is his right to not want to deal with a LDR.

 

Here is another fact that will have a sting to it also - 99.99999999% of high school relationships do not survive college even if both people go to the same college. Or a nearby college.

 

It is a time of life when both people are changing and developing and evolving rapidly and it is very very rare that high school sweethearts stay together throughout college and beyond.

 

Both of you will also be meeting new people and experiencing new adventures and experiences and even if you try to stay together, you will end up regretting it.

 

I have a teenage daughter and I will tell you the same as I tell her - make your own path. Go where you think you should go FOR YOU. Do not choose your educational path on a BF that probably won't be around shortly anyway. Do what is best for your own education and your own life path.

 

Yes there will be some tears and moments of self doubt. Those will go away once you get to your school and start meeting new people and doing new activities.

 

If for some reason you and your BF are destined to be together, somehow your paths will cross again down the road.

 

If that doesn't happen, then you know it wasn't meant to be.

[Miss Peach]

I am sure that hurt to hear him say that, but not wanting a LDR is fair and reasonable. It is his right to not want to deal with a LDR.

 

Here is another fact that will have a sting to it also - 99.99999999% of high school relationships do not survive college even if both people go to the same college. Or a nearby college.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. I know it's hard now but I would go ahead with what is best for you. Try to part on friendly terms. If it's meant to be you can reconnect after college. Most likely you two will have become different people by then.

[Redhead14]

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is a year older then me and goes to college locally. he chose this because his mom does everything for him basically but he claims he wouldn't like going away. I'm different and very independent and mature. My older co-workers always tell me Ill have so much fun in college and i should go to a big university. I'm a senior and a local college gave me a full ride but i want to go to florida because I like warm weather (I used to suffer from winter depression). My boyfriend told me if I went away to college he wouldn't stay with me. We spoke about it after wards and I told him it hurt me that he wasn't even willing to try. He said it was easier said then done but he doesn't think the distance thing would work. I would've tried but i don't know about him or where I should go to college. I love him, he is my first love but i just left his house angry because he pissed me off and I'm currently ignoring him. Anyways, I guess what I'm asking is will everything work out? I feel no matter what i choose (to stay home and have no loans or to go away and maybe not have loans but have to pay for air fair) Or to stay with him, I'm happy he is a great guy but he says he wants to marry me and I could see myself marrying him one day but i just think we're too young. My parents met at the same age and they had a rough marriage I am afraid if i marry him ill turn out just like my parents and i want my kids to see a healthy and happy relationship. But what if i go away he moves on and i hate the school and regret everything? No matter what I do I feel like I will make a mistake. Please Help

 

I'm sorry, but a year and half with a guy is a drop in the bucket compared to your future and the entire life you have a head of you. If this is his attitude about it and isn't encouraging you and supporting you in this, where will he be in the future with support and encouragement with other things. Focus on YOU. He's a mama's boy and would never be the kind of partner a strong, independent, motivated, and ambitious woman like you would need.

[justwhoiam]

I'm [different and very independent and] mature.

[...]

a local college gave me a full ride but i want to go to florida because I like warm weather

[...]

I'm currently ignoring him. Anyways, I guess what I'm asking is will everything work out?

Hmm. Are you sure you are mature? I don't know you, but based on the above, I'd say no.

 

what if i go away he moves on and i hate the school and regret everything?

You'd just deal with it?

 

I think you need to pick a college/university based on the education it can provide and the doors it can open once you're out (read: job opportunities).

 

Anyway, it looks like you're a free spirit and he's a homebody. I'm not sure about the combo. It can work if both people are flexible, willing to make the other happy, and this behavior is well-balanced.

[gaius]

If it's really a debate then you should just go away to college where you want and let the cards fall where they may.

 

When my girlfriend and I first started dating we were in an LDR, and it became apparent quickly once we started spending time together in person that it was brutal on both of us not having the freedom to see each other when we wanted. So I packed up and moved to her city, but there was never any debate about it for me. She's what I want and I had to be with her.

 

If you don't feel like that about your relationship then don't bother changing your plans for it. Because that's when people start having regrets and resentment.

[Lois_Griffin]

Alright, you're a Senior in high school which makes you all of 17 or 18 years old at the most - correct?

 

And your boyfriend is used to having his mommy wipe his ass for him and make his bed for him and cook his meals and do his laundry and everything else for him, so he has no desire to step out into the cold, cruel world on his own and actually learn to take care of himself. Not when he's got mommy to do it, right?

 

Got it.

 

And yet this child wants to 'marry you' one day. He doesn't even have the courage to get the hell out of his mother's house and he's talking about marrying one day? LMAO. You're kidding me, right?

 

I guarantee you that while he may be your 'first' love, he will NOT be your last. 5 years from now, you'll hardly remember his face. Trust me on that one.

 

Do NOT make any life decisions based on a teenage romance. Do NOT.

 

You make your decisions based on what's best for your education and what's best for YOU in your long term goals. Don't ever make decisions based on what some 18 year old kid wants you to do. Because I can guarantee you when you're 30 years old, you'll be regretting the decisions you made if you compromise your goals for him. I guarantee you, you will.

 

I don't know what the better choice is - Florida 'because it's warm' or your college at home where you've gotten a scholarship. That I can't answer. But I CAN tell you to make your decisions solely based on what works for you. Not a teenage romance.