byrt1190 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Hi all - this post may be a little lengthy, but I would really love to get some insight and opinions on my situation. It'd be VERY helpful. I'm a gay male, 25 years old. I started talking, aka: texting this guy about a month and a half ago. I'm VERY attracted to him, physically - he's not typical handsome but he's very much 'my type'. Anyway - we talked through text for about a month (I had to return home to a different state for the holidays) and he texted me every single day. He bought me a TV series on iTunes for Christmas. Very kind. Background info: He's only been in one relationship - he's 35. It was a five year relationship. Anyway, after texting for a month, I returned and we finally hung out for the first time. It was his birthday. Everything went very well, I slept over, he introduced me to his roommate, we hooked up, slept together, blah blah. A few days later he invited me to a dinner party/birthday party, he introduced me to his friends and told them all about me. It went perfectly well. Now here is where I'm a bit troubled - at the beginning he said he ultimately wanted a FWB kind of thing, but if we really hit it off he said "all bets were off" and he'd want to hang all the time, despite him being VERY busy with school work. I want a relationship, ultimately. He's a very 'quirky' person, talks a lot, is funny, and he's very sexual, maybe even borderline obsessed with porn. He constantly sends me pictures and gifs of gay porn, talks about it all the time, blah blah, I don;t really mind though sometimes it feels childish. He has a bunch of gay apps he goes on, and he kept telling me when people would message him or when he was going on them, which disturbed me (I would rather not know) but in hindsight I think he told me in case I saw him on it, which was nice sort of? Either way, I told him twice I didn't want to know, and he didn't listen and would send me a screenshot of when someone messaged him on one of the apps - though he says he "wasn't talking to anyone else". It still pissed me off and I told him, though he didn't seem to take it seriously. Or he wanted to make me jealous? Since our last date, a few days ago, the dinner party, he doesn't seem to message me as much, he seems less interested, isn't making any definite plans to meet again, though he does still talk to me and text me. It could very well be his heavy workload, which he warned me about. Then there's the fact that he has a twitter where he follows like 300 gay porn stars (it's under a different name than his real name and it has no picture of him) and he's even showed me it in person. I didn't really care, but then a few days later I looked at it and it's just full of him tweeting at porn stars, complimenting them, sometimes having conversations with them, not always sexual, and it makes me feel really really weird. I know I could bring this up, but I feel weird bringing up an 'issue' when I don't even know if we're dating, if he wants to date - and I feel like it's such a big part of his life he'd be mad if I said I had a problem with it, though I'm still on the fence about it anyway. I feel that even the fact that IM writing all this out on a public forum, is NOT a good sign, haha. He told me he never cheated on his boyfriend, and if we were in a relationship he wouldn't cheat on me, but I honestly just don't trust him! I do like him, but i feel like lately I'm seeing the 'real' him - and the fact that maybe he's using me, because I compliment him a lot - it makes him feel good, and everything is sort of on his terms - when we hang out, when we talk, if he's bored and has no one else to talk to. Should I go on one more date with him, see how it goes, then ask what he is looking for? Should I ask him what he's looking for before we hang out? Thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 But the two of you aren't in a relationship - he told you so, and reminded you when he said 'IF [we] were in a relationship, I wouldn't cheat on you'. He knows you're waaaaaay into him AND ready to be - and capable of being - exclusive to him, without him returning exclusivity. So, he's NOT returning it...there's no need to. YOU need to stop acting like you're in a relationship with him, simply because he said (after being with you) 'all bets are off...maybe we will be in a relationship...sometime...when I want to...after I've had sex with any other guy I wanna have sex with...and am ready to settle down with just you.' Sure...continue to see him...but continue to be open and available to other possibilities, just like he is. If you can't do that, then be prepared to be heartbroken when he says, "What's the big deal?!? You knew I didn't want to be in a relationship...and I told you so!!!" Good luck to you, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
Author byrt1190 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Thanks!!! I think you may be right. I will keep my options open for sure. It just stinks because for some reason I really, really like him. Though it may be dwindling a bit. But it just sucks because I'm in that state where I know he probably is bad for me, and I should keep my options open, but I can't stop thinking about him Why!?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Just because you are gay doesn't changing things here. It's no different than what we have seen on these boards of a woman complaining about a guy who looks at porn constantly snd doesn't want to take the steps of a serious relationship. His behavior in many ways is the early stages of a relationship...though he wants yo call it FWB..his behavior says otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
notoriginal Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Maybe you could ask him what his ideal relationship looks like? And what he thinks of monogamy? Then you can decide if you can deal with his view or not. Good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 He sounds like the "bad guy" that we girls get attracted to. And bit of a douche bag. Sorry OP but I think you are better off with out this one. Find one of the great guys. Guys like this just mess with your head and make hints at promises that never happen. Chin up chook. There are loads of lovely guys out there for you and I. We just have to dig them out and snog a few frogs while we figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 He's playing games and being a dick. Your choice if you want to stick around for that. Link to post Share on other sites
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