I've been cheated on...my GF and my best friend.

[Felosele]

Ok, so my girlfriend goes to a party with my best friend (the astute among you have already guessed the rest of my story). They go one-for-one with some kind of shots, and get completely trashed, and end up fooling around. Apparently my gf initiated things. Wonderful.

 

She comes crying to me saying how terrible of a person she is and explains everything and how mad I should be and how she understands if I want to break up etc. etc. We've been very serious, yesterday was our one-year. Her timing has always been terrible.

 

I've always been very against drinking in general, and especially against her going out and getting drunk. She assured me many times she "doesn't do that" any more and especially not to worry about my best friend and her hooking up. Well then.

 

I reacted very well when she told me. I think i was in shock more than anything. I reassured her I wouldn't break up with her. Both she and my friend have apologized profusely. So do I let it go and chalk it up to alcohol, or what? Should I not trust her? never let her go out to a party again? I don't do the whole "party" thing myself, and she's always assured me it's the social aspect of it, not the alcohol, that attracts her. now i'm not so sure. Thanks all.

[ConfusedInOC]

How far did they go?

 

If they went all the way I can tell you that you may forgive her (and you should) you will never forget. I suggest taking a break from the relationship for a while and searching your soul.

 

Do you really want to be with this girl? Especially knowing SHE initiated it?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Reading your post probably indicates that her past is her future. Apparently she has done this in her past. She was the instigator and deliberately after drinking shots hooks up with your best friend which makes it a double betrayal.

I would suggest that you open your eyes. She has poisoned the relationship.

She lied to you when she said she was not interested in your best friend. Clearly she was looking for an opportunity to be with him. She delibererately drinks shots so she can hook up with your best friend and blame it on the drinking. She played you pretty badly. First, this is not a person you can trust. She even admitted she would not blame you if you broke up with her. She deliberately engaged in a double betrayal with your best friend. I would cut her loose and look for someone in the future who can respect you and your relationship. I would also get rid of the so-called best friend. He was not your friend. He knew what was happening and took advantage of it.

 

They both played you for a sucker. The chances are great it will happen again when you are not looking. Some people get a big thrill on cheating on nice guys like yourself. You deserve better than this. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions were trashy. Don't settle for someone like this unless you are deep down a masochist. I wish you luck because you will need it if you stay with her.

[New_Wife]

Wow. That was your BEST friend? Do you have any not-so-good friends? Because that would worry me a bit too.

 

Sarcasm aside, you mentioned something about her assuring you she wouldn't mess around with your best friend before this happened? Now why would she have to do that? Did you suspect something? Has something happened before? I feel like there's a missing piece here somewhere.

 

Either way, I would seriously consider the compatibility of lifestyles part of the deal if I were you. If you were to invest another year in this relationship - knowing this was as good as it was ever gonna get - would you?

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by Felosele

Ok, so my girlfriend goes to a party with my best friend (the astute among you have already guessed the rest of my story). They go one-for-one with some kind of shots, and get completely trashed, and end up fooling around. Apparently my gf initiated things. Wonderful.

 

She comes crying to me saying how terrible of a person she is and explains everything and how mad I should be and how she understands if I want to break up etc. etc. We've been very serious, yesterday was our one-year. Her timing has always been terrible.

 

I've always been very against drinking in general, and especially against her going out and getting drunk. She assured me many times she "doesn't do that" any more and especially not to worry about my best friend and her hooking up. Well then.

 

I reacted very well when she told me. I think i was in shock more than anything. I reassured her I wouldn't break up with her. Both she and my friend have apologized profusely. So do I let it go and chalk it up to alcohol, or what? Should I not trust her? never let her go out to a party again? I don't do the whole "party" thing myself, and she's always assured me it's the social aspect of it, not the alcohol, that attracts her. now i'm not so sure. Thanks all.

 

I feel for you, not only did she cheat, she did it with your so called best friend. I would break if off with the friend. Its tough but if you want the relationship to have a chance there is no way you can have him around. And no you shouldn't trust her drinking alone (alone means without you) again, no more booze and parties for a while. Really though do you want to be a babysitter? The trust has been broken and the chances of her earning it back are slim. You've only been together a year, might be best to just end it now before she really does a number on you.

[SpykiE]

I agree %100 with what everyone else is saying. This is no good, period. The fact that you were doubly betrayed by your girlfriend and close friend is a sure thing that it was not by "accident".... and also another bright red flag that you better run for the hills AWAY from this chick AND your so-called "friend" b/c believe us when we tell you all this.... It WILL happen again, you can rest be assured. Knives in the back don't create enemies, just vengeful thoughts.... and that's what will only grow in your head if you decide to let this whole "event" (if you want to call it that) slide. I really wish you all the luck in the world in handling this situation, as I would not ever want to be in your shoes. But what I can say is remain strong, stay firm with your decision, and confident with the end result.

 

-=SpykiE=-

[miss fortune]

Im going to throw caution to the wind and disagree with the others.

 

I think it depends on the following factors:

 

How far did they go? How long did it go on for? Who stopped it? AND why did she feel the need to tell you before hand that she wouldnt hook up with him? Did you suspect it may happen?

 

Drinking shouldnt be an excuse, but she *did* confess and apologize immediately, as did he. Had they tried to hide it, I'd say forget it, but maybe this is worth salvaging if you love her.

 

The question is, can you ever trust her again?

[Cecelius]

Dump city, instant, unchangeable.

 

Without drama, pain or a second thought.

 

Your g/f gave it [or something] up to another guy (your best friend) after a few drinks -- classy.

 

If you walk outside now, you can meet a dozen people who wouldn't think of doing anything like this. Why leave yourself open to someone who would?

 

How many people at the party saw this happen? How many are talking? What did they do? Do you have to worry about whether he gave her any disease? What they talked about?

[chronic]

If I were in your shoes I would do the following:

 

1) Kick the crap out of my former best friend. And if he still wants to be my friend after the ass-kicking then it's all good but I would most definitely treat him like my b*tch.

 

2) Cheat on my girlfriend then dump her ass.

 

But of course, you are not me so my main suggestion is that you should not associate with these people anymore. They played you and they do not respect you. It hurts, I know, but you have to move on. You don't need people like that in your life. What they did was BS.

 

To the a couple of ppl on this thread....What do you mean by how far it went? Give me a break. The fact that it got physical at all is enough.

[SpykiE]

I have to agree with chronic.... it's simply unacceptable, doesn't matter how or which way you try to look at it. I'm not a physical person at all, but I don't know if I'd be able to hold myself back from confronting and kicking the **** out of that so-called "best friend."

 

-=SpykiE=-

[Cecelius]

I understand the sympathetic anger in the above posts, but the girl is NOT worth another thought -- she just confirmed that she is not g/f material. If you'd known she was like this, you would not have dated her.

 

The worst thing you can do is care about it -- she's not worth it.

 

If you really want to mess with her head, then just laugh it off. Call your best friend, and tell him she's all his now, but careful, she's a cheater.

 

Then just walk out, and really, really don't care. Go find another girl who isn't weak.

[onlyhuman]

I had a friend do something like this, 20 years I knew the guy.The best thing I did was the old shunning,To this day he has, and never will exist,I won't even speak his name.This is far more effective than a good beating,who needs friends like this.

I wouldn't give two seconds thought to dumping your girlfriend.There are plenty of great people in the world, why settle for way less.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Felosele

She assured me many times she "doesn't do that" any more and especially not to worry about my best friend and her hooking up. Well then.

 

Your best friend finally got what he's been after all this time... why else would he hang with her?

 

... she's always assured me it's the social aspect of it, not the alcohol, that attracts her.

 

Now you know the truth.

[bicyclejunk]

It will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind. And

every time she goes out (without you) You'll be reminded

of the inncident.

 

If you're tough enough to let it go, more power to you, stay

strong and embrace the girl and really talk it out and form

some sort of trust.

 

If this happened to me, i'd dump the girl. If we're old enough to drink,

were old enough to know better. I don't feel sorry for her. Sure you can blame it

on the Alcohol, but who drank the alcohol? It wasn't forced down her throat,

against her will. Casual/Social drinking i'm fine with. Drinking until you can't control

yourself and can't use good judgement, is one of the stupidest things in the

world.

 

Just because she apparently "initiated it", Doesn't mean your best buddy had to

accept.

 

Honestly, there's going to be probs even if you stay with her, down the road. She likes

to Party, you don't. There's a major fork in the road right there.

 

Go find a girl who knows how to have a good time without getting drunk and going

clubbin' and doing more exciting, interesting stuff with their time. These girls Exist, trust me.

I have one.

[westernxer]

Alcohol simply lowers your inhibitions... they don't call it "liquid courage" for nothing.

[sanne]

There are two types of people in relationships: people that cheat, and people that don't cheat.

 

I think (and i'm purely speculating), that most of us here fall into the category of those that don't cheat. We are guided by a set of morals and principles that simply would not allow us to do a thing like that, and it does not matter how much alcohol you've had to drink. That's the biggest and most pathetic bulls*** excuse I've ever heard. Don't accept that as her answer, that's a cowardly way out of not owning up.

 

For those that do cheat, they will most likely do it again. There are many reasons why people cheat, but for the most part it is because they are selfish. They consider their own needs above all others, and don't even think twice about hurting the people they "supposedly" love the most.

 

But I tell you what man, when you find the girl that doesn't fall into cheating category, it will be so amazing man. You'll just know that the she won't do it, you'll just know. There are a lot of bad apples out there, finding the right one is never easy, but rest assured things will happen for the best. Good luck man, take care.

 

P.S., if you want some more specific advice I'd say that there is a 99% chance of her cheating again. Don't make the mistake of taking her back unless you have really seen her change.

[mental_traveller]

Originally posted by Cecelius

Dump city, instant, unchangeable.

 

Without drama, pain or a second thought.

 

Your g/f gave it [or something] up to another guy (your best friend) after a few drinks -- classy.

 

If you walk outside now, you can meet a dozen people who wouldn't think of doing anything like this. Why leave yourself open to someone who would?

 

How many people at the party saw this happen? How many are talking? What did they do? Do you have to worry about whether he gave her any disease? What they talked about?

 

Hear, hear. Why not ditch your gf and your "best friend", and start hanging out with people who aren't backstabbing scum? I can't believe you immediately agreed to stay with her - you should have at least pretended to end it, just to scare the crap out of her. Now she'll realise she can cheat and have no bad consequences. I suggest you grow some balls and stop being such a pussy.

[Fool In Love]

[color=darkred]WHY ARE YOU BEING SO ACCEPTING OF THIS BULL?! Think about it, your "BEST FRIEND" is just a wh*re. someone who's suppose to always be there for you through good times and bad, always has your back, would go through hell and back for you.... This guy is suppose to be there for YOU when your Skank girlfriend cheats on you, but he was the one she cheated on you with. NOT TO MENTION your fricken sl*t of a girlfriend....yuk. Your "Girlfriend" aka your significant other, soul mate, kindred spirit, or whatever, someone who is supposibly in Love with you, is suppose to charish and honor you, someone you're suppose to be able to put all trust in with all your heart and soul, is screwing around with your friend the first chance she gets after a couple drinks. Now I don't know what kind of morals you have, but if you are just willing to go on with these fricken losers than you deserve to be screwed over for being so dam thick skulled.

 

Ugh... what these people did to you. THAT IS F*cked up! That is just plain SICK! That is perverted! That is not even a half a step above imbreeding. What is wrong with are world today that people would just go on with these people included in their lives after they do something like this? That they can be so accepting of it. This isn't human nature, they are no better than animals.[/color]

[chronic]

I'm going to re-emphasize my point that I really think you should not deal with these ppl anymore.

 

Cliche # 1: People will not respect you until you respect yourself--not only in relationships but in life.

 

Cliche # 2: Love is Blind--don't get roped back in because of your feelings towards this girl. She obviously wasn't the person you thought she was...

 

Don't worry about your loss; you will find something better! You'll see.

[Felosele]

Thanks everyone for your advice, and you make a compelling point. I agree that it really doesn't matter how far they went, so stop asking, please. It's been a rough week.

 

In short, I'm still with her. I just love her so much and I do know she loves me. But at the same time we've acknowleged that we have some very deep-running differences and that we need to take things slow from here. She sems genuinely willing to change her behavior and I'm going to give her another chance.

 

My friend has been trying to get ahold of me but I find it much more difficult to speak to him. He says he doesn't want something "stupid like this" getting in the way of our friendship. I'm still recovering, and I don't know how all this will end.

 

Again, thanks everyone, and I have been reading all your posts and appreciate any input.

[Donburi]

Hello, I'm basically in the same situation right now, 'cept I play the part of the unfaithful, heartless gf. Yay.

 

I guess the only thing I can tell you is if you still love her and if she still loves you and wants to be with you, and shows you she's committed, then I say go for it. I think it will take ALOT of work on both parts, but its possible.

 

My story is my ex-bf's good friend (who had become a good friend of mine)

made moves on me and told me alot of lies about my relationship. He treated me like a princess and we had alot in common so I started to feel attracted to him, but never wanted to pursue anything, it was just like a dumb highschool crush.

To make a long story short, we were hanging out in my ex's house one day, I was upset about something, he "comforted" me, made moves on me, (no kissing or sex, he put his hand between my legs, clothed) and my ex walked in to see it.

 

I can't speak for all girls but I can say with confidence that I will never allow something like that to happen again, and that I am 100% committed to my ex. He still hasn't decided if he wants me back, but until he does, I'm remaining hopeful.

If your girl can show you she's changed her ways and is ready to face the consequence for what she has done and is commited to you, then I think your relationship can work.

[onlyhuman]

Reconsider your actions.

Your Friend who we will name Judas feels this is something stupid!How insulting!

Nothing like minimizing a horrible action and then being passive aggresive and trying to make it seem like your the one with a problem with"something stupid".

This guy is not a friend and given the opportunity will do the same again,listen to what he is saying for crying out loud.

The fact that your ignoring all advice here is your choice, just prepare yourself for a whole lot more of this.

Both people have zero respect for you, seeing what your course of action is now I can see why.

Best of luck to you.

[Cecelius]

At the moment, reconsider whether it's love or dependance -- most people get extremely vulnerable when someone close to them does something like this. Just because you have a body of feelings that relate to her does not mean you love her, or that she's worth it.

 

Your pal is a predator.

 

Your g/f is either weak and easily manipulated (wow, that's attractive), or something worse.

 

Neither is worth another moment of your time.