feeling lost and low

[heartbroken1357]

Hi Loveshack,

 

I find myself here again, I've probably posted about 4 different failed relationships on here since 2012, I've been cheated on by two partners, left for someone else by one, another aborted my child without telling me then left, one moved to the other side of the world.

And most recently I went out on a date with a woman who initiated, lead me on and gave out all signals she was interested in me, just bailed on a third date, blocked me and ignores me.

 

Each time I pick myself up and get in a good place I meet someone only to get treated like a doormat, discarded like last seasons clothes, and my wall and everything around me comes tumbling down.

 

I'd like to consider myself a catch at 25, I have a good job, a house and car which I've worked hard for, I would like to think I'm an attractive guy, I work out, I'm always clean and I'm always referred to as the 'nice' guy.

I'm a gentleman and I always give 100% in my relationships, I've never cheated, disrespected or gave any doubts during my relationships or dating.

 

The last two weeks I've really hit a slump after this rejection, it's taken quite a toll on me, I'm not sleeping well, lost appetite, motivation at work is suffering, I just want to sleep and watch TV and shut myself away from people.

 

I know this is signs of depression, I've been short of breathe and had a few anxiety attacks also, I really don't want to go back on medication, I live on my own so I can become quite isolated at times.

 

It's horrible looking around at all my mutual friendship groups, 90% of them are in long term relationships, engaged, married or with children.

People keep telling me you're only young and you'll find someone, but I've wanted to settle for a while now, I find my confidence and self asteem taking a rather large setback from the recent breakdown.

 

So Loveshack, I'm looking for someone here who can maybe relate, have you been through similar only to find someone after so many troubled relationships?

I'm starting to wonder if it's me, if I'm meant to be alone, am I too much? Am I too full on? Or am I too nice? The endless overthinking consumes my thoughts all the time at the moment, it's almost like I'm self combusting

[Danielle4678]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. You sound like a lovely guy but unfortunately just haven't met any great women. They are definitely out there but in general I think people just aren't that nice really so it may take a while!

 

I'm in exactly the same situation as you at the minute. Can't help thinking what's the point of it all really?

[RySant]

I'd like to consider myself a catch at 25, I have a good job, a house and car which I've worked hard for, I would like to think I'm an attractive guy, I work out, I'm always clean and I'm always referred to as the 'nice' guy.

I'm a gentleman and I always give 100% in my relationships, I've never cheated, disrespected or gave any doubts during my relationships or dating.

 

First of all, how can you have so much at age 25?! Gosh, I am 26 and I am still starting my ** off for a good savings )

 

Anyway, dating is a trial and error thing. You are basically attracted to the wrong girls. Maybe in dating, try and be more sensitive to your girl's values and not just by looks alone?

[lexylove]

Hey there! First off, let me just preface by saying you are a catch at 25, not many men are as established as you, and you should really be proud of that accomplishment in itself. Moving forward- I have to give you a couple examples of recent incidents involving a couple gf's of mine. Again, let me preface by saying these girls are absolutely gorgeous, educated, great jobs, yada yada. However, they have come to me with this exact complaint on multiple occasions. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? IS IT ME? WHY CAN'T I MEET A GUY WHO WILL STICK AROUND? My cousin is stunning but super sweet and naive, total push-over. I told her as well as my other friend to stop looking and let love come to you. When you least expect it, it will happen. You know the saying "A watched pot never boils?" Apply this to finding a gf/bf/husband/wife. When you look, it doesn't happen. When you stop and just live, it happens... The problem is your generation absolutely blows! I am 31 yrs old and even my generation is just as lost. With social media and all the diluted ideas that are passed around in regards to fame, money and what's hot has completely and utterly screwed up the authenticity of what's real and finding a good life partner. When I was in my 20's, I went after the 'Wrong guys.' I went for the bad boy, the bad-ass, the dangerous and inconspicuously mysterious cutie. Looking back now, I realize I was a complete moron who was going after the wrong characteristics. A ton of girls do this. You know who I would want now? A NICE GUY WITH HIS **** TOGETHER! Nice guys may finish last, but isn't that better than finishing first and ending up alone in the end? Finally, both my cousin and friend ended up meeting fantastic sweet good looking guys and I truly believe they both found the one. When they stopped looking, it just happened. Just live your life honestly and to the best of your ability, and love will come to you. Awesomeness attracts awesomeness. Those other girls were NOT THE ONE. Also, on a side note, you are very young and have a lot of women to go through before finding 'the one.' Enjoy your life, enjoy single life bc you will only be 25 once and you'll never get these days back. I have anxiety attacks that are vicious when I stress, but then I stop and think; is this really worth it Lex? Is it worth the anxiety and destroying yourself? Love yourself more, respect yourself enough not to let any woman or person/situation bring you to a dark place. You are stronger than that!!! Xx

[ZHguy]

I want to tell you something coming from a guy outside your age group. I've noticed that a lot of people on this site come to a point where they feel 'past their expiry date' shall I say. I've told the same people that they are not old in any way. A lot of these people have actually happened to be older than you (circa 30), and have been in situations less off than you. But of course the world doesn't revolve around material possessions such as a house or a car, we need love and company. Which is why I really feel for you and wish I could be there for you.

 

What I've learned not that long ago, is, very simply, that A**holes finish first (I was gonna say nice guys don't last as long, but the Tucker Max book title just popped in my head). Or maybe that's a bit of an extreme. My advice may sound controversial to some, but just don't prioritize other people, e.g if your crush needs her nephew (who happens to live an hour away from you) babysitted, don't sacrifice your free time to go do it (because you just sound like the kind of guy that would). I have been mr. Nice guy, and kind of am beneath. But too often do mr. Nice guys get trampled over by others.

 

Just put yourself at the center of your mind, and focus on how you can improve yourself (gym goals, hoping to get bonus), and when you will see those rewards, you will truly feel better about yourself.

 

Hope I helped, take care.

[LostOnes05]

Can I relate?! We sound like twins bro! COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. My sense of humor is what keeps me going. I laugh about something every day to keep myself happy. Just focus on your purpose. Volunteer your time at shelters, Big Brothers/Big Sisters etc. to get out there. I've found that when my interest in women was at its lowest is when women actually approached me and wanted to get to know me...go figure.

[Hoosfoos]

Your post caught my eye. I'm 45. My last 5 experiences with women have been utter ****. You have no idea how young you are, or how many more women you will continue to meet. If I were you, I would take an indefinite hiatus on dating, and work on yourself. You'll be better for it.