Author Liam1 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 And frankly, sorry, I rarely buy the "I'm so abused and controlled that my psycho husband clearly doesn't check my phone or check up on me enough for me not to get away with an affair and harassing another man's wife about it." She's highly manipulative and has probably messed with her husband's head so so badly. Well, thank you for pointing that out. I need to hear that rather than feeling sorry for her plight. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 If she was truly afraid of her husband, she wouldn't be contacting you and your wife. I say call her bluff. Good Point. I am glad I finally posted here. The responses here are the things I needed to hear. My wife and I have not told any close friends, at my wife's request. So we have no one to really bounce things off of. Thanks, Southern sun, and all who have responded. You have all been extremely helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Did your wife say that she plans to stay with you? Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Do you ever reply to her? If you do, even if it's negative it's still contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) Did your wife say that she plans to stay with you? RySant My wife and I have been reconciled for three years now. Yes, my wife wants to stay married. I am lucky she did not boot me. I would never advise anyone to get into an affair, if they love their wife and want to stay married. It was dicey for awhile, but we are still together. Edited January 27, 2016 by Liam1 typo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Do you ever reply to her? If you do, even if it's negative it's still contact Imperfect Angel: After the written no contact email, I never responded to her again. My wife however has answered the phone and the OW is on the other end. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Whichwayisup: Thank you. I think I may have take the suggestions here to contact her husband. I really want to save my marriage and when the OW contacts my wife, it's like pouring salt in her wounds. I really just wanted an affair, nothing more. I really regret it now, but you know....shoulda' coulda' woulda" Why do you think she is lying about the husband being abusive, if he is told? You're welcome. Look at it this way, IF her husband is abusive, having an A is a real dumb choice for her to take, putting her life at risk knowing what he *could* do to her if he found out. Yes he's gonna be upset and mad, rightfully so, but she keeps risking him from finding out by contacting you! This exOW needs to leave you and your wife alone. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Well, thank you for pointing that out. I need to hear that rather than feeling sorry for her plight. This exOW is manipulative and knows your weakness, she will use this to her advantage. Don't answer anymore of her calls, emails or texts. Time to block her on all social media. As for telling her husband, tell him your side of things, apologize for your part in the A and let him know that your wife is well aware of what's happened and if he needs to talk, ask questions you and your wife (together as an united couple) would be okay speaking to him if need be. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 We have blocked her as much as we can. We changed our home number, but we still live at the same address and the OW calls from phone numbers of friends or other people It's easy to find our unlisted home number with the various search organizations. The OW has also sent letters. I think you are all accurate. It's time to contact an attorney and get tough on her. For the next little while, don't answer any calls that you don't recognize the number. If it's someone you know, they can leave a message on your machine/voicemail. The exOW is harassing you, it's an invasion and she needs to stop! It's nutty behavior! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Imperfect Angel: After the written no contact email, I never responded to her again. My wife however has answered the phone and the OW is on the other end. You need to get caller display if you don't already and don't answer calls from numbers you don't know or private numbers if it's important they'll leave a message. Block on all social media and email I think she's hoping to restart the affair. Maybe she just wants to be the one that gets to say it's over? Idk but my mm would disappear/reappear pick me up and drop me whenever he felt like it. It became addictive. Not all addictions are good. I wouldn't contact her at all just block her and screen your calls she will get bored eventually 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 If this has been going on for three years, then it is clear that you are dealing with someone who has some serious personal/mental health issues. Time for legal action and outing her to her husband. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Parannonx Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Whichwayisup: Thank you. I think I may have take the suggestions here to contact her husband. I really want to save my marriage and when the OW contacts my wife, it's like pouring salt in her wounds. I really just wanted an affair, nothing more. I really regret it now, but you know....shoulda' coulda' woulda" Why do you think she is lying about the husband being abusive, if he is told? It never ceases to amuse me how someone who is engaging in a deception with someone they know is also lying to those they claim to love is shocked when they turn out to be lying liars. Call her Bluff, her husband deserves to know how she is treating him 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'll go a little bit of a different route than everyone else. Have you checked her husband out? Like Googling him, social media, seeing who his friends are...maybe this would put your mind at ease to what kind of man he really is, since she's made you concerned for her safety. We can all assume she's lying but you obviously care about her some what, or you could care less if her husband was abusive. Even maybe a PI, to see what kind of lifestyle she lives, it doesn't take long to see if a woman is abused if you're looking for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Dear Ex AP, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time letting go of what was a bad choice on both of our parts. I am working on repairing the damage done to my relationship with my wife and family daily and your continued contact is not acceptable. I am requesting that this be the end of any and all contact. I am forwarding a copy of this letter to my attorney. The next copy will come via certified mail to your husband if you contact either my wife or myself again. Per my attorney if that is not enough to stop harassment we will file a restraining order. Your Ex AP xxxxxx _______________________________________________ If she wants your water muddy, make her water muddy also. Then she will have something to clean up at her own house. Hard enough for everyone to move on without this kind of nonsense. Do this!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'll go a little bit of a different route than everyone else. Have you checked her husband out? Like Googling him, social media, seeing who his friends are...maybe this would put your mind at ease to what kind of man he really is, since she's made you concerned for her safety. We can all assume she's lying but you obviously care about her some what, or you could care less if her husband was abusive. Even maybe a PI, to see what kind of lifestyle she lives, it doesn't take long to see if a woman is abused if you're looking for it. I think this is a bad idea and I'll telly you why. My husband has an affair. 3 years later, after we decided to reconcile, the OW is harassing us. Instead of just exposing her so that she'll go away, he gets all protective and worries for her safety so he uses some of his time and marital funds to investigate her husband before exposing her. At that point, I'd feel that he was protecting this OW and still has feelings for her. I'd be hurt and upset that my husband brought this nut into our lives, lied to me and betrayed me in order to have an affair with her, and is now protecting her even thought she brought everything on herself and has been harassing me? Yeah, no. I think I'd actually need him to expose her so that I could see where his loyalty lies. Any and all attempts, perceived or real, he made to coddle or protect his other woman would be seen as new betrayals, rubbing salt in the wounds, adding insult to injury. And I wouldn't stick around for that. It's one thing to forgive an affair and try to make the marriage work. But forgiving an affair, trying to make the marriage work, and watching your spouse try to protect the OW would be a bit much. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 If this has been going on for three years, then it is clear that you are dealing with someone who has some serious personal/mental health issues. Time for legal action and outing her to her husband. To Clarify: The contact has not been going on for three years. It recently resumed after three years of no contact. I have told my wife not to answer the calls, but then she says she is afraid I don't want her to talk to the OW because I am hiding something. The reality is that the OW is regurgitating information my wife and I already discussed with the guidance of a counselor. Still, it is causing stress in my wife. I recently contacted an attorney and he is going to send her a private cease and desist letter warning her that her husband will be informed, if she continues. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'll go a little bit of a different route than everyone else. Have you checked her husband out? Like Googling him, social media, seeing who his friends are...maybe this would put your mind at ease to what kind of man he really is, since she's made you concerned for her safety. We can all assume she's lying but you obviously care about her some what, or you could care less if her husband was abusive. Even maybe a PI, to see what kind of lifestyle she lives, it doesn't take long to see if a woman is abused if you're looking for it. I believe that she is lying about the abuse. She never mentioned he was abusive during the affair. She never showed any signs of abuse such as bruises or even emotional distress. She seemed amazingly calm about the possibility of being seen and thus caught. I was the one that was the cautious one about being seen. Still, if there is the possibility another human being will be harmed due to my actions, I am concerned. I would be concerned about any human being possibly being beaten because of something I did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 It never ceases to amuse me how someone who is engaging in a deception with someone they know is also lying to those they claim to love is shocked when they turn out to be lying liars. Call her Bluff, her husband deserves to know how she is treating him parannonx: I am not SHOCKED. I am annoyed. That is all. I am a bit shocked that you are amused by this all. It's sad, it's poetic justice, it's just desserts, but it is anything but amusing that a women may be beaten for any reason. As prior mentioned, an attorney has sent a letter and if the AP does not stop contacting my wife, the husband will be informed. That was in the letter. As far as the husband deserving to know. I agree. I think she should confess. It's up to her to tell her husband, not me. I will only tell if she does not heed the attorney's warning. I don't love her, and I don't care about her as an AP. I do however care about her as a human being who is likely distraught and may get herself beaten up by an angry spouse. Thus, telling her husband will be done, only if absolutely needed. Believe it or not, my wife does not want me to call him, either, because she feels it is up to the wife to break the news to him. My wife says she does not want to inflict pain on the innocent spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Thats sad news that the ow's contact is causing your wife to feel your hiding something. Hug your wife and comfort her that you know this is hurting her and you want to protect her from feeling more pain and you want her help in blocking the ow. The ow doesnt want to rekindle imo, she just wants revenge and is very angry, she can't stop feeling jilted and she can't regain her control over her emotions. I wish SHE would write for help here, the forums would likely do her some good. Do you know if your attorneys letter reached her yet? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I think this is a bad idea and I'll telly you why. My husband has an affair. 3 years later, after we decided to reconcile, the OW is harassing us. Instead of just exposing her so that she'll go away, he gets all protective and worries for her safety so he uses some of his time and marital funds to investigate her husband before exposing her. At that point, I'd feel that he was protecting this OW and still has feelings for her. I'd be hurt and upset that my husband brought this nut into our lives, lied to me and betrayed me in order to have an affair with her, and is now protecting her even thought she brought everything on herself and has been harassing me? Yeah, no. I think I'd actually need him to expose her so that I could see where his loyalty lies. Any and all attempts, perceived or real, he made to coddle or protect his other woman would be seen as new betrayals, rubbing salt in the wounds, adding insult to injury. And I wouldn't stick around for that. It's one thing to forgive an affair and try to make the marriage work. But forgiving an affair, trying to make the marriage work, and watching your spouse try to protect the OW would be a bit much. The bottom line is somewhere he does still care, as a human. My husband had an A also & I wouldn't have wanted her to be beat either. Though with in three years the wife herself could have figured out if this girl husband was that way? Also after 3 years is his wife even listening to this woman? Hear her voice, hang up the phone. Unless she has broken into their house or shows up at their work (they can have her tossed from both) why listen to her at all? I wouldn't. Once you choose to forgive & you know what happened, you know this girl is crazy & that your husband choose to stay. Then at what point do you take care of it yourself as a woman. Once I forgive & see he's working on it, I don't feel the need to continually have to prove his love, if I see him struggling on how to handle this. She's an active person in her own life too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 am not SHOCKED. I am annoyed. That is all. I am a bit shocked that you are amused by this all. It's sad, it's poetic justice, it's just desserts, but it is anything but amusing that a women may be beaten for any reason. Now now, no need to be defensive and start twisting the meaning of posters words. Parannonx never even remotely suggested that a woman being beaten is amusing. A liar expecting honesty from another liar is amusing. It's pretty clear that the OW is lying about her abusive husband. If she was in fear of her safety she would feel nothing but relief that the affair is over and that she got away with it undetected. She wouldn't be taking this kind of risk just for the fun of tormenting your wife. Yes the OW enjoys the pain and torment she causes to your wife and to your marriage. She is not a good person. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 am not SHOCKED. I am annoyed. That is all. I am a bit shocked that you are amused by this all. It's sad, it's poetic justice, it's just desserts, but it is anything but amusing that a women may be beaten for any reason. Now now, no need to be defensive and start twisting the meaning of posters words. Parannonx never even remotely suggested that a woman being beaten is amusing. A liar expecting honesty from another liar is amusing. It's pretty clear that the OW is lying about her abusive husband. If she was in fear of her safety she would feel nothing but relief that the affair is over and that she got away with it undetected. She wouldn't be taking this kind of risk just for the fun of tormenting your wife. Yes the OW enjoys the pain and torment she causes to your wife and to your marriage. She is not a good person. Hi Anika: I am not being defensive. If you want to assume that that is fine by me. It's a free country. I think you are simply engaging in semantics with your comment, though. Being amused by a situation where a women has CLAIMED she would be beaten. Is the same same as finding a women being beaten amusing. No matter how you slice and dice that thought. No human being deserves to be beaten. Not even a liar. Finding it amusing that a liar being beaten when the women under discussion is being called a liar still indicates that one may find some "shaudenfraude" in the prospect of her being beaten. People may lie about some things but that does mean they are lying about everything. For example, I think you may be lying to yourself about you being a good person, given your comments. Does that mean you lie about everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Perhaps I misread but---I find it quite bizarre that an ex OW would show restraint for 3 years and all of a sudden go bunny boiler. I hope you haven't been throwing her crumbs. I find it remarkable that your wife hasn't questioned that. I believe that your wife should be your priority. The ex OW's behaviors don't reflect fear on her part or the slightest concern for your happiness. I'm surprised your wife hasn't called the husband herself. It shows patience and TRUST for you. This is terribly unfair to your wife and if a certified letter doesn't do it ...then you'll have become more aggressive. Stop being passive not wanting to wreck this ex OW's life....your wife shouldn't have to continue to suffer. Edited January 28, 2016 by Gigi2015 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) @Liam1: Thank you for sharing your story here, as this gives us a great insight from affairs coming from a WH.[] I am sorry, but I can't blame your wife for not trusting you. You said that she answers the call of the OW because she is afraid that you are still keeping things from her, which is understandable. I mean, even I have questions for you in this scenario: OW comes back after 3 years?Is there anyone with NC still have this kind of intense feelings towards their AP? So unless you are saying the truth that you definitely have NC with this person, I can say that the OW somewhat became mentally deranged for still pining on you after 3 years of NC. All I can say is, you are very lucky with your wife. If I am the betrayed spouse, and the only reason that my WS can give me is he just wants an affair, is definitely a dealbreaker to me. I just don't see how she deserves to have this kind of torment. Poor woman. Edited January 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Relevant content 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liam1 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Perhaps I misread but---I find it quite bizarre that an ex OW would show restraint for 3 years and all of a sudden go bunny boiler. I hope you haven't been throwing her crumbs.ng to wreck this ex OW's life....your wife shouldn't have to continue to suffer. Gigi: Be nice, if you can. Your rather accusatory question has been already asked and answered. Did you read the thread or just shoot first and ask questions later? I thought this was supposed to be a supportive forum. My wife ALSO does not want to call the husband. If you read the thread you would know that. Besides, If you read the thread you would know I have already talked to an attorney. IMO, it's always best to be fully informed before offering advice. Particularly if your leveling inaccurate accusations Link to post Share on other sites
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