Aaannnndd, she's back...

[WhirlwindGuy]

So if any of you guys have been paying attention to my posts. Back in November I fell pretty hard for a girl. We got very involved very quickly and then out of the blue she up and disappeared. Her explanation eventually was that someone came back into her life and she chose him over me...sucks, but it is what it is.

 

 

I moved on and found someone else who I have been completely hitting it off with...A little slower, but definitely not slow in the overall picture. Her and I have been doing great despite our challenges with schedule, her culture, her mom, etc.

 

 

Last night around 8pm, I got a facebook message from the original girl. Basically telling me she apologized for how she treated me, it wasn't right and she felt terrible about it. Basically the guy she left me for, dumped her again and she was coming back...Just like I told her would happen when she broke it off with me. I told her I am not mad at her, I wish her the best and I hope she can find peace somewhere.

 

 

She called me last night at around 2am. She was a mess, crying, upset, etc. We talked for about 2hrs about everything. She told me this guy that she left me for is apparently married, and she has been having an affair with him over the past year. Another one that was supposed to leave his wife, but never did. He was so jealous of her seeing other people (even when she wasn't with him) he immediately insisted she delete all of her contacts from her phone, etc. Just over all terrible signs and situation.

 

 

So now I have all of these conflicted emotions. I am very much in love with my girlfriend...I know I should not even entertain the idea of the come back girl...but its in my head. It is unresolved, and I feel weak to it. She isn't asking to have me back, but why else would she call me at 2am last night? I don't think I would even entertain the idea at all if it wasn't for the challenges my current girlfriend and I face with schedules, her mom, cultural differences, etc.

 

 

I should have known this would happen. Its always when you finally feel at peace and settled that they come crawling back...

[TaraMaiden2]

It's your fault.

When she rang you at 2am, you should not have picked up.

Failing that, your proper course of action would have been to have repeated your previous last comment to her.

 

"I'm sorry. You're not my problem any more.

I am with someone else.

Please don't call me any more.

I hope your life pans out for the better,. because you need to make better choices now.

But they won't include or affect me."

 

I feel for your GF.

I would hate to imagine how SHE feels about this.

[preraph]

She's pulling the exact same thing all over again. She leans on men. She didn't just magically fall out of love with a guy she dropped you for. They may be on and off for the next 50 years. Thing is she treated you very badly, and you should not WANT any part of that again -- plus you can put yourself into the shoes of the guy she dumped you for and see that even when she considers you #1, she still craps all over you flitting from guy to guy. Block her.

[WhirlwindGuy]

She's pulling the exact same thing all over again. She leans on men. She didn't just magically fall out of love with a guy she dropped you for. They may be on and off for the next 50 years. Thing is she treated you very badly, and you should not WANT any part of that again -- plus you can put yourself into the shoes of the guy she dumped you for and see that even when she considers you #1, she still craps all over you flitting from guy to guy. Block her.

 

 

 

this is what the logical part of my brain is saying.

 

 

Just for clarification, I don't intend to leave my girlfriend. I just felt like I needed to vent after being up half the night rehashing it all.

 

 

I am very happy with my girlfriend, despite our challenges. I really see a future with her, and am happy to see it through...its just one of those things, one of those big challenges for me to test my morals I guess.

[Redhead14]

So if any of you guys have been paying attention to my posts. Back in November I fell pretty hard for a girl. We got very involved very quickly and then out of the blue she up and disappeared. Her explanation eventually was that someone came back into her life and she chose him over me...sucks, but it is what it is.

 

 

I moved on and found someone else who I have been completely hitting it off with...A little slower, but definitely not slow in the overall picture. Her and I have been doing great despite our challenges with schedule, her culture, her mom, etc.

 

 

Last night around 8pm, I got a facebook message from the original girl. Basically telling me she apologized for how she treated me, it wasn't right and she felt terrible about it. Basically the guy she left me for, dumped her again and she was coming back...Just like I told her would happen when she broke it off with me. I told her I am not mad at her, I wish her the best and I hope she can find peace somewhere.

 

 

She called me last night at around 2am. She was a mess, crying, upset, etc. We talked for about 2hrs about everything. She told me this guy that she left me for is apparently married, and she has been having an affair with him over the past year. Another one that was supposed to leave his wife, but never did. He was so jealous of her seeing other people (even when she wasn't with him) he immediately insisted she delete all of her contacts from her phone, etc. Just over all terrible signs and situation.

 

 

So now I have all of these conflicted emotions. I am very much in love with my girlfriend...I know I should not even entertain the idea of the come back girl...but its in my head. It is unresolved, and I feel weak to it. She isn't asking to have me back, but why else would she call me at 2am last night? I don't think I would even entertain the idea at all if it wasn't for the challenges my current girlfriend and I face with schedules, her mom, cultural differences, etc.

 

 

I should have known this would happen. Its always when you finally feel at peace and settled that they come crawling back...

 

This is the reason for NO CONTACT and maintaining it no matter what. You have a good thing now and perhaps some bumps in the road to deal with. Don't blow it by entertaining any kind of communication with this girl. Focus on your life as it is right now and what's in front of you.

 

She told me this guy that she left me for is apparently married, and she has been having an affair with him over the past year. Another one that was supposed to leave his wife, but never did. -- You now have a birds eye view of what this woman is about -- she has no respect for the institution of marriage, doesn't know how to make good decisions for herself and has no self-respect and is perhaps "naive". But, more likely, just wants a man, any man, who will pay attention to her.

[WhirlwindGuy]

She told me this guy that she left me for is apparently married, and she has been having an affair with him over the past year. Another one that was supposed to leave his wife, but never did. -- You now have a birds eye view of what this woman is about -- she has no respect for the institution of marriage, doesn't know how to make good decisions for herself and has no self-respect and is perhaps "naive". But, more likely, just wants a man, any man, who will pay attention to her.

 

 

So very true, and I guess I feel sorry for her. I know what its like to be in that situation, and it sucks. I cant fix everyone though...I just wish she could find some peace and happiness. At her core, she is a really great girl, she just needs to make better choices.

[TaraMaiden2]

So very true, and I guess I feel sorry for her. I know what its like to be in that situation, and it sucks. I cant fix everyone though...I just wish she could find some peace and happiness. At her core, she is a really great girl, she just needs to make better choices.

 

So do you.

CHOOSE your current GF, and CHOOSE to not have your ex in your life any more.

 

Seriously, man.

THis is such a no-brainer, right?

[Redhead14]

So very true, and I guess I feel sorry for her. I know what its like to be in that situation, and it sucks. I cant fix everyone though...I just wish she could find some peace and happiness. At her core, she is a really great girl, she just needs to make better choices.

 

I just wish she could find some peace and happiness -- In order for her to do that, she needs to sit with all this on her own. She needs to take some time for herself to process and learn from it in order to come out the other side a stronger, more secure, independent woman who knows what she wants, understands consequences of her actions and then finally move forward. She can't do that if she is using you as a crutch and trying to back pedal.

 

Don't let her play on your sympathies. It's her problem to deal with.

[smackie9]

Her problem not yours. Keep moving on.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Thank you guys...you're definitely saying what I should already know...I do, its just though because I really liked her and it was yanked out from under me...kind of unresolved...so the wounds are still fresh.

[TaraMaiden2]

In your position - and I'd pick your moment - I'd also consider being open and honest with your current GF.

 

If things like this still affect you, still smart and as you put it, the wounds are still fresh - you need to think about how fair you're being to her.

 

I mean, are we talking possible rebound, here?

[Chi townD]

Dude, she ditched you for a married man. She tossed you to the curb and walked into the arms of another guy that was spoken for.

 

 

Then, you found yourself and a girl picked you up. Treated you right and is loyal to you. That wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she would rather be.

 

 

Don't disrespect her and what she has done for you over thoughts for someone that treated you so badly.

 

 

Think about it and recognize where your bread is buttered.

[WhirlwindGuy]

In your position - and I'd pick your moment - I'd also consider being open and honest with your current GF.

 

If things like this still affect you, still smart and as you put it, the wounds are still fresh - you need to think about how fair you're being to her.

 

I mean, are we talking possible rebound, here?

 

 

 

My current relationship a rebound? I don't think so at all. Comeback girl and I really only dated for about a month, but it was a very intense, close, passionate, month. I can see how it would appear that way though.

 

 

My girlfriend now is seriously one of the most loving, caring and devoted women I have ever known. Our feelings for each other are way deeper real than anything with comeback girl ever was. My current girl is everything a man would want in a wife, and i'm trying to be as objective as possible in saying that...its just a fact, she is. I could lay out all the reasons, but I doubt anyone cares that much.

 

 

I would be insanely crazy to jeopardize that with someone like the come back girl. I am not going to do it. Its just a moment of weakness, and thinking about how hurt I was when she disappeared makes it seem so appealing to just go back to that comfort place again, as foolish as that even sounds. I guess its like an unfinished path, and I hate having those in my life, so my illogical side is telling me to go finish it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, block come back girl. I mean, this isn't rocket science.

[Redhead14]

My current relationship a rebound? I don't think so at all. Comeback girl and I really only dated for about a month, but it was a very intense, close, passionate, month. I can see how it would appear that way though.

 

 

My girlfriend now is seriously one of the most loving, caring and devoted women I have ever known. Our feelings for each other are way deeper real than anything with comeback girl ever was. My current girl is everything a man would want in a wife, and i'm trying to be as objective as possible in saying that...its just a fact, she is. I could lay out all the reasons, but I doubt anyone cares that much.

 

 

I would be insanely crazy to jeopardize that with someone like the come back girl. I am not going to do it. Its just a moment of weakness, and thinking about how hurt I was when she disappeared makes it seem so appealing to just go back to that comfort place again, as foolish as that even sounds. I guess its like an unfinished path, and I hate having those in my life, so my illogical side is telling me to go finish it.

 

I guess its like an unfinished path -- A path is finished when you stop laying the bricks . . . and it goes where ever and as far as you want it to.

[Zahara]

Comeback girl and I really only dated for about a month, but it was a very intense, close, passionate, month. I can see how it would appear that way though.

 

Of course it was very intense, close and passionate. It was only month. It was new. Blinders on. Stars and moon. You barely even knew each other.

 

Comeback girl is back because you are fallback guy. That is all it is. Things didn't work out with married man so she came back to an option that she thought would be available to her. Funny, when things have fallen apart for her, she now is remorseful for how she treated you and suddenly there is this level of self-awareness.

 

You really don't see how fake she's being?

[WhirlwindGuy]

Of course it was very intense, close and passionate. It was only month. It was new. Blinders on. Stars and moon. You barely even knew each other.

 

Comeback girl is back because you are fallback guy. That is all it is. Things didn't work out with married man so she came back to an option that she thought would be available to her. Funny, when things have fallen apart for her, she now is remorseful for how she treated you and suddenly there is this level of self-awareness.

 

You really don't see how fake she's being?

 

 

 

Oh I do...there is just that part of me that is completely illogical and irrational.

[Zahara]

Oh I do...there is just that part of me that is completely illogical and irrational.

 

And it's likely due to past unresolved emotions that have now surfaced with her popping up. Maybe there is significant part of you that is still struggling with the rejection. Now that she is back, you feel valued by her and feel that it may be something you need to pursue. She's back only because you're someone she thinks she can fallback on.

 

Don't read into any of it. You know it is illogical and irrational, therefore it's not trustworthy nor is it reliable. So block her and focus on your girlfriend. If she is everything you say she is, then don't let this derail you.