Having a hard time getting over her :( Is there hope?

[qwrt12]

Hi,

I've been reading on these forums and it seems like this forum has a great group of people and helpful so I am willing to give this a shot and see what you all think of my situation. It's going to be really LONG but I really hope it's okay and you read it and help me

 

 

I haven't had a "official" girlfriend in 6 years and my longest relationship was 2 months in high-school. The big reason it was a long gap of being single was because I was focused on getting to where I am now, successful with a great career, etc at the age 23. I've went on dates and all here and hurt along the way but nothing that just clicked.

 

I joined an online dating website a few years ago, I took it serious a few times and constantly looked but most of the time I just logged on every so often and see if there is any connection towards anyone, well in September of 2015 I got a reply from a beautiful girl (21) I didn't expect to get a reply from, I was hoping to get one and waited and BOOM she replied and I was excited. We instantly clicked and went back and forth, flirted and something inside said this is right, I know that she could be the "one". We exchanged numbers, so on and so forth. I found out she's an Au-Pair from Mexico I had to research about that but all in all this year is her last, but I felt she was right for me and we would deal with that when that time comes. She also lived about 45 minutes from me and we had busy weekdays so we saw each other weekends. We talked for a good while before we dated I won't go into every single detail of our relationship but it was incredible, I was the happiest I ever was, we rarely argued for the first month or so. She cared about me so much, she would cook for me sometimes, she would give me gifts, she would tell me how much she loved me and asked if I loved her randomly and why... so on, it was just a great feeling cause I felt she genuinely cared and loved me. She was very outgoing, open about her past and told me things she claimed she never tells anyone, she liked to dance and well let's be honest here I'm white... I can't dance! I took her to a Christmas party for work we got all dressed up and I danced, I always stepped out of my comfort zone and did what she wanted... anyways she would always tell me she never wants to lose me, we'll always be together, etc. We've had little fights here and there but it was all stemming from some random little thing she brought up and I didn't do, she would have these mood swings of getting mad at me about something bizarre then later on either later that day or the next apologizing saying she's sorry and she loves me and never wants to leave me. We connected a lot and had sex every time we saw each other... it happened, we just had some crazy romantic chemistry, it was like some movie, but I would always get paranoid about her getting pregnant like every time... she would always get a tiny bit annoyed but claimed she won't etc (note she didn't have BC, I had every right to get that way)

 

 

Sorry if I'm all over the place here but it hit the 3rd and sadly last month, everything seemed fine but we had a tiny pregnancy scare and things were a little slow for a week, just stressful but I we would still exchange we loved each other and the same stuff we did before, the last weekend we saw each other we went on a double date with her friend and new bf, everything was fine but she ended up mad at me for not making enough eye-contact and not seeming interested in him (Note we went to buffalo wild wings and I was trying to figure out what I wanted to order... they have like 1,000 different sauces) but I talked to him and made eye contact after I ordered... (she complained about this early the next day) then she apologized and said she loved me... we were already planning to see each other for the upcoming weekend and I wanted to see the revenant movie but she didn't because it was too gory so I was like okay I'll just see it some other time. She asked what I wanted to do and I think I mentioned the revenant and she didn't want to see it then I asked What do you want to do? and then she flipped out at me saying I never surprise her and that she always has to pick and it's annoying and I said what's wrong with me wanting to do what you want to do? I don't want to make you to anything you don't want to do? then I mentioned Ice skating and she got all excited and she agreed... then she said we should wait for the next weekend till her period comes (cause the pregnancy scare thing) and I agreed, throughout the week she'd always say she wants to see me and do something on the weekend, I said I already have plans and wanted to have some alone time to relax, she agreed and said she wouldn't get mad about it but I offered to change my plans to see her cause I wanted to see her too and she said she'd feel guilty and didn't want me to change my plans and we'll wait next weekend. I don't remember how it sparked but I think I asked her why she'd been mean and getting mad at me a lot lately or something, or I just stated it I don't remember but anyways she said she was sorry and she wants to see the revenant with me because I always do what she wants to do and she never does what I want, we agreed to ice skating and the movie, then again it changed to next weekend I don't recall how anymore, idk if maybe I said I was just going to spend the alone time or whatever, then she came back again and I once again offered... sorry but it was back and forth... well the day she dumped me I got the typical lovely morning text from her, she stated the night before she was getting her period symptoms. She seemed stressed but we talked a bit and I asked what she's going to do today she said clean and go somewhere maybe, I asked with who? and she said idk probably nobody because I don't have anybody to go with me, I offered to hang out with her and change my plans and she said next weekend then I asked if she loved me and she said Yes I do and I asked how much and she said Babe stop. (weird cause she always asks me and it's okay when she does and I used to but sometimes she'd get weird if I did idk). I said sorry I'll stop. Then we had a just no talk time we were busy I guess and then I was wondering... why hasn't she texted me? we text all of the time... late at night I got a text she said sorry my phone got wet, long story whatever and her whatsapp isn't working so lets text (we whatsapp texted cause she got bad reception) then she just broke up with me... She said she didn't feel a connection anymore, she really tried and she's so sorry. I of course asked why, when did it happen? never ever got a detailed explanation, but I begged unfortunately and she just stopped replying. I sent her a couple texts and I asked if we could be friends and she said of course we can be friends then I tried playing it cool asking what shes up up, ignored me. The next day I spilled my heart out again, and later she said it's not me why she doesn't feel anything towards me anymore it's her and i'm a great guy. I spilled my heart out again, asking if we can talk over coffee or dinner, nothing... didn't reply but I still wanted answers. when she dumped me I deleted her off FB. I found she blocked me from whatsapp and fb. Me and her mom were still friends and we talked, her mom called me son and tried to talk to her and said she needs to be alone for a while but she will keep talking to her for another opportunity, I talked to her friend before that and she said to move on and she isn't changing her mind, she didn't give me details either but she wasn't seeing anyone else, etc. I asked her host mom and her host mom didn't know days after the break up that we did and tried to talk to her the next day... I get a text in the morning from my ex (weird how she still had my number) in all caps saying that she was bieng nice and to stop talking to her mom, host mom and friend it won't change her mind and she doesnt want to get me in trouble but shed take it to a whole other level... I apologized and left a long message and basically left it off as a good guy like I am and said I wish her luck and hope she sees her family in MX again, they seem like great people and I hope she pursues her dream to au pair in Paris or whatever and said I'll always be here for her no matter what and I said adios but I hope not forever.

 

I haven't contacted her or anyone since and it's been no contact for 5 days. I deleted her numbers, etc. I miss her so much and I'm still trying to understand. My one friend thinks she's playing some game or something and will be back, they always do but like... I have this gut feeling that it isn't over somehow, I love her still and miss her so much. I'm having a hard time, I tried going back on the new site talk to a few people just to talk to and nothing feels right, she hasn't been online for that website at all so it's not like she's looking or anything but I miss her and want to see her and talk to her again. Maybe she's going through a hard time in life? I know she struggled and worried about student visa after her au pair one expired cause its really expensive and she didn't think she could get accepted. Do you think should could end up coming back? I don't want to no contact too long cause I don't want her to forget about me? I don't know how she could because I am an attractive guy that's in great shape (she loved me going to the gym and stuff), has a great career at a great company, has money, success, loved her and took care of her (her mom always thanked me for taking care of her) and treated her like a princess. I don't know how she could just stop feeling anything or just not miss me or ever come back, she'd have to realize the mistake she made and come back right? do girls at 21 always change their mind and do this and come back?

 

 

I'm SO sorry it's a novel you had to read but if you read it I really appreciate it, if you didn't I don't blame you but thank you and I hope to get some help. Thanks