Mapper71 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 So I just talked to my mom. She's 83, looks 73, is spry and in great shape for her age. Still mows her own yard, shovels her own driveway, rakes and bags her own leaves, climbs up on the ladder to clean out the gutters. She lives by herself 2000 miles away from me. My sister is about 2000 miles in a different direction from her and her brothers and sisters are all at least 1 1/2 hours away. I called her and let it ring about 6 or 7 times and then hung up. Tried again about 5 minutes later (because she’s ALWAYS there) and it rang another 6 or 7 times and just as I went to hang up she answered. I said “Were you outside?” She goes “No. I was shoveling snow yesterday and tripped on one of the boards on the patio. Fell flat on my face and had to crawl inside and now I can’t put any pressure on my leg. I probably broke my hip, but who knows”. She said it in the tone of “oh ha ha ha, just brush it aside”. I told her she should go to the doctor and of course she said that she can’t drive in her condition, which I know, so I told her to call a neighbor to take her. She goes “Oh I’ll just give it a couple of days and see how it goes.” Great. Now what? I sit here wondering every minute if she's okay while nobody else knows she hurt herself AND she won't call for help?
MidwestUSA Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Call her local PD and have them go by and do a wellness check. Peace of mind. 3
Author Mapper71 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 I mean I can still call her everyday to see if she's okay, but it's just the idea of if it's broken then she needs to get it fixed ASAP, but she won't even tell anyone she fell.
MidwestUSA Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Call her local PD and have them go by and do a wellness check. Peace of mind. Ten characters. 1
basil67 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Agree that you should call emergency services to go and check on her. 2
JADIE Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 So I just talked to my mom. She's 83, looks 73, is spry and in great shape for her age. Still mows her own yard, shovels her own driveway, rakes and bags her own leaves, climbs up on the ladder to clean out the gutters. She lives by herself 2000 miles away from me. My sister is about 2000 miles in a different direction from her and her brothers and sisters are all at least 1 1/2 hours away. I called her and let it ring about 6 or 7 times and then hung up. Tried again about 5 minutes later (because she’s ALWAYS there) and it rang another 6 or 7 times and just as I went to hang up she answered. I said “Were you outside?” She goes “No. I was shoveling snow yesterday and tripped on one of the boards on the patio. Fell flat on my face and had to crawl inside and now I can’t put any pressure on my leg. I probably broke my hip, but who knows”. She said it in the tone of “oh ha ha ha, just brush it aside”. I told her she should go to the doctor and of course she said that she can’t drive in her condition, which I know, so I told her to call a neighbor to take her. She goes “Oh I’ll just give it a couple of days and see how it goes.” Great. Now what? I sit here wondering every minute if she's okay while nobody else knows she hurt herself AND she won't call for help? I think you're my sister. My mom (79) has fallen 8 times in the last year...so far she hasn't broken anything but gets in her car and DRIVES HERSELF to the hospital bleeding from head wounds, when I live less than 5 miles from her! I'm just waiting for her to kill someone else on the road before she learns to dial me FIRST. Nine years ago, she was bitten by a rattlesnake. She went inside, put hydrogen peroxide on the bite and waited to see what would happen. When she started feeling funny and her thumb started getting dark, she drove to the volunteer fire dept 10 miles from her house, then refused to get in the ambulance because she thought it would be expensive. THEN she calls me to come get her & drive her to the hospital (only because the paramedics insisted.) I told her to GTF in the ambulance and I'd meet her at the hospital. I don't have any answers for you. I'm the closest relative and I can't get her to use a panic button, cane or walker, won't even keep her cell phone on her person, and she says she'll kill herself before she gives up the car keys. For the most part, she manages her life & household pretty well, but yeah, she looks like a victim of elder abuse quite frequently! Good luck with yours 1
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Call her local PD and have them go by and do a wellness check. Peace of mind. Do this ^^^^^ 2
Author Mapper71 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 I think you're my sister. My mom (79) has fallen 8 times in the last year...so far she hasn't broken anything but gets in her car and DRIVES HERSELF to the hospital bleeding from head wounds, when I live less than 5 miles from her! I'm just waiting for her to kill someone else on the road before she learns to dial me FIRST. Nine years ago, she was bitten by a rattlesnake. She went inside, put hydrogen peroxide on the bite and waited to see what would happen. When she started feeling funny and her thumb started getting dark, she drove to the volunteer fire dept 10 miles from her house, then refused to get in the ambulance because she thought it would be expensive. THEN she calls me to come get her & drive her to the hospital (only because the paramedics insisted.) I told her to GTF in the ambulance and I'd meet her at the hospital. I don't have any answers for you. I'm the closest relative and I can't get her to use a panic button, cane or walker, won't even keep her cell phone on her person, and she says she'll kill herself before she gives up the car keys. For the most part, she manages her life & household pretty well, but yeah, she looks like a victim of elder abuse quite frequently! Good luck with yours Well that gives me hope! I knew when I moved out here 7 years ago that if/when she got hurt or really sick that it would be an issue. My sister and her aren't very close. My sister calls her on Mothers Day and Christmas and other than that they don't speak. She gave me SUCH a guilt trip for moving away, even said "I should have had more kids so some would stick around"! Even asked me after being engaged to my now husband for 3 years before I moved out here "Don't you think you could find someone out here?" She made me feel horrible for wanting a life. Now here she is on her own, not even willing to call the neighbors and let them know what happened. They would be there in a heartbeat if they knew. She actually admitted to me today that sometimes she has to crawl because she can't walk! I'm afraid she's going to injure herself even more by trying to get around and god forbid she try to go do laundry in the basement or something! She doesn't have a cell phone or even a cordless phone for that matter so she doesn't have anything on her to get help if she needs it. She even jokingly said "Well I sure hope a bone doesn't protrude out of my skin or something". My god, you used to be a nurse. Get some help!
MuddyFootprints Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Call the neighbours. Call the police. Do not brush this off. Don't do it. 2
MidwestUSA Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Well that gives me hope! I knew when I moved out here 7 years ago that if/when she got hurt or really sick that it would be an issue. My sister and her aren't very close. My sister calls her on Mothers Day and Christmas and other than that they don't speak. She gave me SUCH a guilt trip for moving away, even said "I should have had more kids so some would stick around"! Even asked me after being engaged to my now husband for 3 years before I moved out here "Don't you think you could find someone out here?" She made me feel horrible for wanting a life. Now here she is on her own, not even willing to call the neighbors and let them know what happened. They would be there in a heartbeat if they knew. She actually admitted to me today that sometimes she has to crawl because she can't walk! I'm afraid she's going to injure herself even more by trying to get around and god forbid she try to go do laundry in the basement or something! She doesn't have a cell phone or even a cordless phone for that matter so she doesn't have anything on her to get help if she needs it. She even jokingly said "Well I sure hope a bone doesn't protrude out of my skin or something". My god, you used to be a nurse. Get some help! Why would you sit here and do all this speculating, which took more time, I'm sure, than placing a call to her local PD? Rather than placing that call? 3
Author Mapper71 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 Because she's okay now. What are the cops going to do? I know she's okay and not lying on the floor. I talked with her again this morning. I got the number for the neighbor, but she REALLY doesn't want anyone to know about this. Her sister called her twice this morning because she didn't answer the first time. When she answered the second time she asked where she was earlier and Mom said she was in the shower rather than tell her that she hurt herself! My brother in law who is a dcotor said that if it isn't hurting her all the time (and it isn't because she can sit without pain) that it's probably a bad bruise.
carhill Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 While the hip may not be broken, falling flat on one's face, if onto a hard surface like a snow covered sidewalk or patio, can rattle the brain too. At her age, stuff isn't as resilient as in a younger person because, well, it's older, and rattles can start leaks which, even if not picked up right away, can create issues, hours, or even days or weeks down the road. I'm mentioning this because a similar incident in an otherwise active and healthy woman her age, ended up with me getting a call at like 10pm one night where dear old mom had just come out of brain surgery after collapsing at the doctor's office during a routine visit. The cause was a tiny blood vessel in the brain which apparently started leaking slowly a few weeks prior when she took an otherwise innocuous spill in the back yard, dusted herself off and went on. It formed a blood mass on the brain and the rest, well, was interesting for about eight years until she died. When in doubt, check it out. Yeah, old folks are stubborn. How well I know 3
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 You and her sister GO to her house and take her to the hospital, if she refuses then call 911 and get an ambulance to take her directly to the ER. Your mom is scared and that's why she doesn't want to go to the hospital. If she feels her hip or leg is broken that has to be looked at otherwise she could have complications that could cause awful problems health wise. 3
Author Mapper71 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 You and her sister GO to her house and take her to the hospital, if she refuses then call 911 and get an ambulance to take her directly to the ER. Your mom is scared and that's why she doesn't want to go to the hospital. If she feels her hip or leg is broken that has to be looked at otherwise she could have complications that could cause awful problems health wise. No, my sister and I are not flying 2000 miles to take her to the hospital! We hope that she will realize if it isn't feeling a little better in a few days that she needs to have her neighbor take her or at least tell someone nearby that she hurt herself. My sister and I have both resigned to the fact that if she doesn't want to go to the hospital then we aren't going to waste our breath trying to convince her to go. Sorry to say, but if it were me you can be damn sure I'd let someone know I need help. 1
MidwestUSA Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 So, she's okay because she told you she's okay. Well, that's that. As Carhill said, a slow brain bleed might catch up to her. A broken hip, even if hairline, could lead to a fat embolism. Glad she's doing well. 1
Tayla Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 who woulda thunk that sight unseen a doctor was able to diagnose. This new age telepathic medicine is amazing! Nurses will no longer be needed at this rate. I like that the Op will call 911 when she needs help. Hope they get the call soon. This mother has suffered... how sad. 2
MidwestUSA Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Nurses will no longer be needed at this rate. Careful now. Someone still has to empty the bedpans. 2
Tayla Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Careful now. Someone still has to empty the bedpans. ohhh so true!!! and decipher the doctors chicken scratch. I swear doctors take a course on cryptic writing 2
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 No, my sister and I are not flying 2000 miles to take her to the hospital! We hope that she will realize if it isn't feeling a little better in a few days that she needs to have her neighbor take her or at least tell someone nearby that she hurt herself. My sister and I have both resigned to the fact that if she doesn't want to go to the hospital then we aren't going to waste our breath trying to convince her to go. Sorry to say, but if it were me you can be damn sure I'd let someone know I need help. Oops I missed the part that said you were 2000 miles away from her. Call one of her neighbours or friends, or any other family member who lives in the same City as her. Better to be safe than sorry. 1
Noproblem Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 No, my sister and I are not flying 2000 miles to take her to the hospital! We hope that she will realize if it isn't feeling a little better in a few days that she needs to have her neighbor take her or at least tell someone nearby that she hurt herself. My sister and I have both resigned to the fact that if she doesn't want to go to the hospital then we aren't going to waste our breath trying to convince her to go. Sorry to say, but if it were me you can be damn sure I'd let someone know I need help. but if this situation was reversed she would have flown 2000 miles to get you to the hospital or at least died trying...( I am sure most mothers will do that)
Author Mapper71 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 but if this situation was reversed she would have flown 2000 miles to get you to the hospital or at least died trying...( I am sure most mothers will do that) No WAY would she have flown 2000 miles to help me! The woman doesn't travel more than 5 miles from home as it is and NUMEROUS times my husband and I have asked her to come out and visit but she will not. Afraid of driving to the airport, afraid she won't get on the right plane, afraid she'll get lost. It is WAY too much for her to handle. Perhaps if someone finally convinced her she should come visit and actually made all the plans for her and drove her to the airport and came on the plane with her and held her hand upon disembarking and took her to our house, then she MIGHT consider coming. The woman wouldn't even come to my college graduation 2 hours away 20 years ago because she had become afraid of driving to anyplace she isn't familiar!
Author Mapper71 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Oops I missed the part that said you were 2000 miles away from her. Call one of her neighbours or friends, or any other family member who lives in the same City as her. Better to be safe than sorry. She has told me not to tell anyone she is hurt. Her sister has called her numerous times and my Mom has not let on that she is hurt. She goes to get the mail at 4AM so none of the neighbors see her because she says she would be mortified if they saw her. It takes her 20 minutes round trip to go get the mail where as the usual time is 20 seconds! She has told me not to put anything on Facebook about her being hurt.
amaysngrace Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 She's reaching out to you by telling you all these things about how injured she is for a reason. She isn't fine if what use to take her 20 seconds now takes 20 minutes so please stop saying that. And just because she has phobias doesn't give you the right to dismiss that she may need you and you aren't showing up. Frankly I think anybody who keeps score must have poor relationships. 3
Author Mapper71 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 She's reaching out to you by telling you all these things about how injured she is for a reason. She isn't fine if what use to take her 20 seconds now takes 20 minutes so please stop saying that. And just because she has phobias doesn't give you the right to dismiss that she may need you and you aren't showing up. Frankly I think anybody who keeps score must have poor relationships. Well I talked to her this afternoon and while I was on the phone with her the doorbell rang. It was her neighbor bringing her cookies. She had to ring the doorbell twice before she got to the door and she STILL didn't tell the neighbor what was up and she stood at the door so the neighbor probably thought she was fine. She said she's just so damn independent that she doesn't want help. She said she was having such a miserable day yesterday and almost called me and told me to come home. I said to her today "If you want me to come home I will". She goes "Really? Well you don't want to come during the snowstorm we're supposed to have tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit better anyways so just keep checking up on me and I'll see." She says she's fine, then says she's miserable, then says she wants me to come home, then makes excuses as to why I shouldn't come home when I tell her I can come. Well I'm not going to drop everything and leave the next day anyways (and she doesn't expect me to) if you have been getting along okay. I would like at least a week to warn work that I will be leaving and get things in order here. I have appts that I either have to cancel or reschedule. I have plans in a few weeks that I would like to know if I need to reschedule. Then she says she wanted to ask my sister to come home too, but then said that she probably wouldn't come anyways, but she probably would if she asked her and told her the situation. She is constantly contradicting herself. She's telling us how bad she feels and then when I say I'll come home then it's "Well it's not that bad. I'll keep you in the loop but there's no need to disrupt your plans for me".
carhill Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I'd book a ticket and go. She's 83. That way you can be boots on the ground, quietly bring trusted neighbors up to speed and have a visit and assess. I usually keep a couple round tickets worth of airline miles available for such purposes. Still, though, it's a day away and then it'll be done. 4
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