My mom MIGHT have broken her hip, but won't go to doctor.

[bigbaby]

My point is that we don't actually know what they'll find. If they find her sitting in her own feces, they'll do something. If she's managing, they'll find that, too.

 

That's true, xxoo and I think it's a valid position to have on the issue. I'm sure many others would agree with that and do that.

 

 

I have checked in with an elderly person by phone daily though and when you know that person, you can quite accurately tell if they're in their right mind or not by talking to them. Not trying to be argumentative but just saying that having had that experience, I do not think someone would be able to talk to you quite lucidly and actually not be that in reality. "Not all there" is "not all there" and doesn't take a detective to figure out.

 

And, as I've already said twice, the issue here is that while yes, a police check would be added assurance, there is also a likely price for that to be weighed against it. From this woman's history, she does not disclose her business to those who she fears might interfere. Again, from 2,000 miles away is that really where the OP wants this to go?

 

So, that's why I say what I do but as I said, I am not the answer grape so it's only my opinion- but it is an opinion based on experience. I don't know if others' are or not for sure, but it makes a difference.

Edited February 3, 2016 by bigbaby

[Tayla]

That's true, xxoo and I think it's a valid position to have on the issue. I'm sure many others would agree with that and do that.

 

 

I have checked in with an elderly person by phone daily though and when you know that person, you can quite accurately tell if they're in their right mind or not by talking to them. Not trying to be argumentative but just saying that having had that experience, I do not think someone would be able to talk to you quite lucidly and actually not be that in reality. "Not all there" is "not all there" and doesn't take a detective to figure out.

 

And, as I've already said twice, the issue here is that while yes, a police check would be added assurance, there is also a likely price for that to be weighed against it. From this woman's history, she does not disclose her business to those who she fears might interfere. Again, from 2,000 miles away is that really where the OP wants this to go?

 

So, that's why I say what I do but as I said, I am not the answer grape so it's only my opinion- but it is an opinion based on experience. I don't know if others' are or not for sure, but it makes a difference.

 

A fresh pair of eyes would seem to be the answer. Yet I would suggest that you review this Op's history of rants and inconveivable level of indifference to family members. Its one thing to share your experience as it can be beneficial. Yet for The Op, it is not. She is more then happy to passively blame others and come off as the harmed one. In a polite way.. this Op has a history that carries dysfunctional dynamics to a whole new depth of convoluted.

The suggestion for a wellness check is the more feasible and caring thing to advise.

But really we are assuming alot by even thinking this incident actually occured... We are at the mercy of assumptions in many facets...

[MuddyFootprints]

I'm just curious, what's the long-term plan for mom? It sounds as though she's pretty isolated from family.

[Mapper71]

I'm sorry but coming from someone who lost her mom two weeks ago today I can say you aren't doing the right thing. At all.

 

She offered to pay your way. She wouldn't do that if she didn't want you there.

 

You're being selfish beyond belief and I hope you change your mind and go there to her.

 

She wants you there. Don't you care about her at all?

 

Well she actually has to pay for the ticket doesn't she? She can tell me 1000 times she wants me there but until she pays for the ticket or gives me the number it's not going to happen.

[Mapper71]

Both neighbors on both sides of her now know what's going on. The one will get groceries for her if she needs them and do anything for her. My sister called her yesterday and told her she should go to the doctor and she said she knows she should have gone when it happened but couldn't drive or walk. We say that a neighbor would be more than happy to take her and she doesn't want to bother them. We then told her a number of a service that will come and pick her up and take her to appts and she wasn't happy with that. She did however sound really good. Said she can actually stand on the leg now and put pressure on it.

[Mapper71]

i believe she needs help. you would do the same for a stranger in the street.

 

p.s. while you're there, go thur her house and yard and remove anything that can trip her up. old people fall because they trip. check her bathtub shower and make sure she has those decals in the tub and a bathmat that sticks to the floor.

 

show her how to shut off the toilet and the main water supply. show her how to cut off the electric main and make sure she can work a fire extinguisher.

 

find workers and pay them to shovel her snow, bring her a meal, hell, don't that have uber there? set up a driver to take her to the store and the library. make sure the batteries in the smoke detectors are fresh and review how to get out of the house and where to go in the event of a fire.

 

get her a pre paid cell phone and put it in the pocket of her robe.

 

she sounds feisty and stubborn, just like her daughter.

 

HELP HER. even if you've got to bully her.

 

GO THERE.

 

DAMN

She's not an idiot. She's known for 30 years how to shut off the water and toilet because she's had to do it, she knows where the electrical fuse box is and has fiddled with that before. Her neighbors shovel her snow, she has a bunch of meals already in the freezer, she would NEVER call Uber or a taxi. She has no idea how to do that and it scares her to death. SHe wouldn't even allow a volunteer form an agency come and take her to an appt. She doesn't have a computer or a cell phone, but has finally agreed to my old cordless phone although she is sure she won't be able to set it up even though the neighbor will. She refuses a cell phone!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Also, the OP knows the situation and his mother far better than we do. If she was the type to drop hints rather than mean what she says, I think he'd already get that.

 

 

As I stated before, the problem with some of the ideas here in my opinion is the mother, and many if not most people, would consider it a serious boundary violation to go over her head and decide what's best for her. Then- and this is important- she likely just won't tell him anything anymore.

 

Why did the mother offer to buy the OP a plane ticket? That is certainly meaningful.

[Miss Clavel]

She's not an idiot. She's known for 30 years how to shut off the water and toilet because she's had to do it, she knows where the electrical fuse box is and has fiddled with that before. Her neighbors shovel her snow, she has a bunch of meals already in the freezer, she would NEVER call Uber or a taxi. She has no idea how to do that and it scares her to death. SHe wouldn't even allow a volunteer form an agency come and take her to an appt. She doesn't have a computer or a cell phone, but has finally agreed to my old cordless phone although she is sure she won't be able to set it up even though the neighbor will. She refuses a cell phone!

 

 

knowing is not the same as being able to remember how in a stressful situation.

 

p.s. what are you doing for all those kind neighbors?

 

i still say, go there. if she's tripped, check anything she can trip on. and check her shoes. check all her major appliances, esp the oven.

 

maybe just say you miss her and on a certain date you are coming. while you are there, take her meds(if any) and her to her doctor.