Experience0 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 This is a relatively generic question but still, I'll ask. I'm 20 years old, personal stuff has delayed my going to university but I plan on doing so in September. I'd also like to get on the dating "scene" at this point. I'll admit, I'm pretty anxious socially. I was pretty much a clown in high school without any real non-slacker, stoner, advantage-taking friends. Basically, what should I do when I get there? What are the kind of places to meet women aged 18-21 in a medium (100K-sized) city? I don't know about bars, I'm not a drinker, is that a place for someone shy looking for more than a hookup to go? And what about online dating? Is that actually a viable option, or is it just a waste of time where I'll come across as a loser? I'm rambling, I know, but does anyone know how to make connections in a new city for a young, shy guy? Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Sadly, I think you'll really be missing a lot of opportunities if you don't want to go out and drink. That's half the appeal of going to college for most people. You'll meet plenty of girls in your dorm, through friends, in class, etc ... the problem is, people that age mostly socialize with alcohol, at least that's the way it was when I was in college a decade ago. So if you meet a nice girl, she drinks with all her sorority sisters every Thursday-Sunday, what's she gonna do with you? I'm not saying I have the answers, nor am I suggesting you take up drinking, but it's just food for thought. Maybe you'll just have to broaden your horizons a bit: intramural sports, extracurriculars, that sort of thing. You can't just be "the guy who doesn't drink." Also, I wouldn't be so quick to assume that everyone at a bar or a frat party is just looking to "hook up." Yes, it happens frequently, but not every girl is like that. So don't be so quick to dismiss the whole scene as that's where you have the highest likelihood of meeting a girl. Do people use dating aps in college? You come across so many people everyday it's hard to think you'd even need them. I feel like the concept of a "date" is much more of a post-college thing anyways. Best of luck. Edited January 28, 2016 by normal person Link to post Share on other sites
Author Experience0 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I guess the problem is I hate the taste of beer, so it's hard to go out drinking when I can't get the bitter taste down. I guess that and I was raised in an extremely anti-alcohol household (my mom's dad was an alcoholic and often wasted his paychecks on beer). All I've heard said is that meeting people through drinking won't lead to anything good, they aren't true friends/relationships, etc. I just dunno, plus I dunno if I'm really the party type. I understand it's an outlet with a lot of opportunity, but...I just dunno Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I guess the problem is I hate the taste of beer, so it's hard to go out drinking when I can't get the bitter taste down. I guess that and I was raised in an extremely anti-alcohol household (my mom's dad was an alcoholic and often wasted his paychecks on beer). All I've heard said is that meeting people through drinking won't lead to anything good, they aren't true friends/relationships, etc. I just dunno, plus I dunno if I'm really the party type. I understand it's an outlet with a lot of opportunity, but...I just dunno "Meeting people through drinking won't lead to anything good" is totally erroneous. I've met plenty of normal, well adjusted, successful, people at bars. Meeting someone while drinking is totally circumstantial. Bars are where people go to meet other people. It's not a crack den. Before online dating, the de facto way people would meet strangers was just in bars, by circumstance. You can't imply that people who meet while drinking can't have any fulfilling or meaningful relationship without doing it, that just doesn't make any sense at all. If you don't want to drink, that's perfectly fine. You're just going to have to accept that this might really limit your opportunities to not only meet women, but also to socialize with them after you meet. Most college kids aren't content to just sit around and watch a movie on Friday night, y'know? If you want to meet and connect with girls you are really gonna have to put some effort into it. I would suggest getting as involved as you can around campus, be gregarious, and open to trying new things. Alcohol will be the common theme of the large majority of social interactions on campus, if you're not in on that and you want to meet girls, you really can't afford to turn your nose up at anything else. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Experience0 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Maybe so. I guess to be honest the biggest thing is I hate the taste. Maybe I can drink a sweeter alcohol (I did once get drunk off of some sweet wine), but I dunno, I guess that comes across as kind of...feminine. And I guess I'd be odd if I was at a bar where everyone is drinking and didn't have ANY alcohol. I'm very inexperienced here I'll tell ya. This city is also known for being very popular for it's club scene, downtown is apparently a wild place. I'm not sure to be honest. But I guess I'd like to keep my options open for if I decide not to go into the bar scene. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Bars aren't the only place to meet people! I wasn't a fan of bars in college. I still had a very active social life, was pretty popular in college, and dated throughout school. Join clubs that interest you. Sports are another fantastic way to meet people. You don't have to be a great athlete to play intramural sports or club sports. Unlike varsity, these are often co-ed because you're there to have fun playing. Pursue your hobbies and passions. Volunteer. Socialize with folks you meet in your classes, dorm, dining hall, or wherever you might find yourself. Just make a point of hanging out with others, initiating conversations wherever you go, and chatting with everyone, rather than being a loner. You'll develop a social circle very quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Think your way around the drinking. Over drinking is definitely a hinderance to meeting girls too and if alcoholism runs in your family and if you want to be careful for that reason, there are things you can do. You mentioned clubs. Get good at dancing and go dance at clubs. Plenty of people only drink water and dance at clubs. If you just don't like beer (the taste of hops), try drinking something like a grey goose cranberry. It'll taste fine, be manly enough and won't give you diabetes like girly drinks feel like they do. There are so many ways to solve your bar/club/party problem. Where did I meet my 2 most memorable and long term college girlfriends? #1 came to my house when we had a party there. I also worked with her at a work-study job where we didn't know each other #2 had a little get together at her house (drinking) and my friend was going. I went too. Thinking back on this... us old people need to have more house parties!! lol Edited January 28, 2016 by loveweary11 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I guess the problem is I hate the taste of beer, so it's hard to go out drinking when I can't get the bitter taste down. I guess that and I was raised in an extremely anti-alcohol household (my mom's dad was an alcoholic and often wasted his paychecks on beer). All I've heard said is that meeting people through drinking won't lead to anything good, they aren't true friends/relationships, etc. I just dunno, plus I dunno if I'm really the party type. I understand it's an outlet with a lot of opportunity, but...I just dunno If you don't drink, then don't drink in the hope of meeting someone. I have never been a drinker and yes you live with being shunned socially but you need to really decide what you want, fit in and hopefully find someone or try and find someone who appreciated you for you. Bottom line, don't do things you don't enjoy for the sake of maybe meeting someone. Link to post Share on other sites
dsj Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Bars and clubs serve non-alcoholic drinks. You can get a club soda and lime and nobody will really know that you aren't drinking a vodka soda or something. Bottom line, you don't need to drink to meet people at a bar. I rarely drink, but go to bars with friends to get what I need socially. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubberfly Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 C'mon folks! There are plenty of ways to meet people without the aid of alcohol. I am straight edge, have been my whole life and have never had a problem meeting like-minded people who don't drink, or don't drink often. The best way I've found is to meet PEOPLE. As stated before me, volunteer work, social clubs, libraries, etc. Work on making FRIENDS first which will in turn help you to meet girls to date. If you let your friends know you're looking to socialize, it's easier to go out, meet girls and some of your friends might suggest girls they know for you. I like you was very shy in my youth (and not a big drinker). I spent a lot of time in the library (while going to school) and volunteering. I met a lot of people/friends and mentioned to pretty much everyone that I was single, shy and not big with the party scene. I volunteered at a senior center and one of the "old biddies" introduced me to her grandson (no joke!) and we ended up dating for 7 years. You know, find things that interest you, that force you to socialize in a friendly setting and meeting girls will just come naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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