Daisy_P Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Okay so, I am normally a lurker but this break up is really taking its toll so I thought Id share and get thoughts. Sorry if its really long I met this guy at college, I fell for him pretty fast, started dating and after months of dating, in August of last year I caught him trying to cheat. He was texting and messaging other women (exes and new girls as well) on dating sites, for around 3 weeks and trying to hook up with coworkers... I guess not the guy I thought he was all year pretty much. I balled when I found it in his phone like, hyperventilated and couldn't talk I was so hurt and he cried too, did the whole "please don't leave" thing. And well I was going too. But I ended up taking him back and trying to make it work. He tried to hard to make sure I didnt leave, just to leave me that following weekend for those girls and to i guess "fool around". I know a lot of people might not see this as a big deal since it was just his phone, but he knew if he was getting bored he could have told me, we were so open and good for eachother, and well if he was looking at other women. I told him that even I would have done a threesome (tmi sorry, lol) but all throughout the relationship he was this perfect monogamous like and one woman type man, and didnt want anything to do with other women. At least up until the end. I gave him so many chances to tell me what was going on and trusted him, and yet he was doing all of this for three weeks and never once thought "gee i might hurt my girlfriend by doing this". It was almost as if he was a completely different guy. He was so different from other men I've been with when we met and then its like he stopped treating me well. But he was really good to me, that is up until the end. He dumped me the following weekend after I took him back from what I found him doing and trying to do. Told me he wanted a "six month break or so" and ever since then I haven't really heard anything from him. Not a single thing, it just makes me feel like I meant nothing to him when we were so close and good for eachother. and then months later its like a complete shift. He also found out he had to relocate to San Diego for a couple of years for more schooling. so maybe that may be why he started to emotionally check out of the relationship? Knowing he was going to have to end it a year later and thought it was easier to end it right then and there, than wait until we both fell in further in love? Part of me wants to think that he left because he knew the relationship had an expiration date, but part of me feels like I didnt mean anything to him. And he wasnt too keen on how many men would hit on me when we were out, and didnt like the attention I got. I remember once he told me not to tell him about it, but then found out at work that coworkers kept saying and trying things and got mad at me for not telling him. But he told me not too, so maybe he thought I was hiding something too? anyway How can you go from being so close to never saying anything at all?! I gave him everything I could and was so good to him but it wasnt enough. I feel like I should be over him by now, I have seen and heard of him out "partying" and doing god knows what, I know hes over me, seems that way. But how can I still be so hurt. I dream about him and think about him and I get that choked up ball feeling in my throat. I sent him a merry Christmas text and thought about texting him Happy Valentines day and trying to tell him that I miss him. But Im not sure if thats a good idea? I know its about my healing but I feel like Im not healing... Im still the same I was months ago and just want him back. I know texting him isnt a good idea, is it? or maybe I should. but maybe itll just make me look desperate and needy? Short version: Met guy, fell for guy. caught cheating, took him back, dumped me, and now hes gone and guess the relationship just didnt work. Hard time dealing with it, thinking of texting him happy valentines day maybe hes thinking of me too? or if i text him maybe itll seem pathetic. lol thanks for anyone that read Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Contacting this guy is a terrible idea! He is a complete loser, who was so desperate to cheat he contacted multiple women behind your back. He didn't value you or your relationship. You deserve so much better than that. Please don't take responsibility for his actions or try to justify his behavior, this wasn't your fault. This is about his weaknesses and flaws as a person. I know it can be hard to move on when you develop strong feelings, but in a situation like this it is essential that you do. The fact that you are willing to go back to a guy so unworthy of you is concerning. You need to try and refocus the energy you spend thinking about him on to your own life and happiness. Although it might not feel like it now, you dodged a bullet. You will be so much better off without him in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Delete and block. Take some time to figure out why you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you. Don't cover this up with other men or things. Try to work with this energy and get to some causes and conditions. Perhaps see a therapist. This is not about your ex. It is about your low self esteem. This is happening for you, not to you. Also you are not in NC if you are sending him texts Edited January 28, 2016 by jphcbpa Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 You're still stuck thinking about him because you felt rejected from being dumped after giving HIM a second chance and his remark of wanting a "6 month break," gives you hope. Even if he wanted a break...WHY would YOU? He cheated and then dumped you after you forgave him. You still want to contact him? Tell him you miss him? If you want to get out of this slimp, accept that this relationship is over. Even if he did want a 3rd chance..you should not want to be with a person who would disrespect you and hurt you like this. DO NOT contact him. Yes, you would look pathetic and desperate. Be selfish and love yourself. Would you treat someone you love the way he treated you? No, so love yourself and set higher standards. Link to post Share on other sites
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