I just want to move on from my first love and stop hurting

[Vincenator]

My first love and ex-gf broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and I have been in NC for 2 weeks. We were together for a year and a half. The breakup is still taking its toll on me now... I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I just want to be able to move on and be happy again, but I keep thinking about the breakup and all the memories me and her had together.

 

We got together in our senior year of high school, which just happens to be the year where the most memories are made, for me anyways so far. We were each other's first loves/gf/bf. Graduation, prom, gradnight and all that stuff used to be such great times for me, but now I can't even look back at them without hurting myself. We grew distant after we went off to different colleges this school year. I feel like I need to bury these memories to help me move on, but at the same time, I really want to be able to look back at them and feel happy that they happened. I honestly really think me and her have a relationship worth saving since we never fought, argued etc, and was always there for each other and supported each other. We only grew distant and she lost interest. But I know I'll never be able to move on if I keep clinging onto hope, so I'm trying my hardest to kill all hope, but it's just so difficult.

 

Sometimes I'm starting to feel like me and her never even were a thing, and that all of this was just a happy dream that I just woke up out of. This is really killing me on the inside and I just feel so lost on how to cope with this. Another part of me feels like I haven't accepted that this happened, and that me and her are still together. And the stories of people saying that they never get over their first love just haunts me... if I really still feel pain thinking about her and all the great memories we shared together in the future, I'm going to go insane lol I even feel tormented by my own dreams because I keep dreaming about me and her reconciling, or dreaming about the happy times when we were together, only for me to wake up and feel so miserable.

 

It also makes me feel so sick that me and her are becoming strangers to each other now... especially after all that we've gone through together. She kept insisting that me and her be friends but that's just impossible with the way I'm feeling, and I don't know if my feelings will ever change enough that I can have her as a friend. I'm terrified that me accepting her as a friend is just hope, and that I'll be just setting myself up for this pain again in the future... but I really don't want to lose her at the same time.

 

Is the first breakup supposed to be this devastating? The breakup also was so unexpected to me and caught me blindsighted... and is it really true that you never forget your first love? I really don't want to look back at this relationship again and feel the pain I'm going through now again... I almost feel scared for the future for my own sanity. Any advice on how to cope with this?

Edited January 28, 2016 by Vincenator

[darser]

Feel you man, but i can assure you, you'll get over it, takes time and you'll need to see what you want, but right now, it's a tad early to just want to discard everything, it's a process and it will take a while, so think positive.

 

Try to completely distance yourself and think she's dead, and see your friends, your family, start doing other stuff...school will be hard, but try to keep up with it even when you are quite distracted from it.

I'm 20 years old, the brokee of a relationship of 4 years, studying university for the 3rd year so i understand your position but again, it will get better with time, you'll get to meet other people, see the world, and in the end, see that even tho she meant alot, she's not the end of the world.

[Vincenator]

Thanks for the reply. It really feels like this is me and her's final good bye though... and I think that's making me hurt too. I know I'll meet new people and all that, but it really feels hard having to say good bye to a girl that was my whole world for almost 2 years.