IamwhoIam28 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) I have been with my girlfriend for over three years. As I was using her phone, she received a fb message from one of her guy friend from her country. It turned out, as I found out later that she had a crush on the guy before. As I have asked her to let me see the conversation, I notice constant communication for about a week, talking about how they liked each other in the past and didn't get the chance to be together. He now has a family but have been expressing to her that he is very unhappy. He also keeps telling my gf that he misses her multiple times and that he loves her. My gf only told him that she misses him once. The communication was non stopped, as she would reply to his text right away even when at work and would tell him that she won't be able to text if she's driving or busy. Something I don't remember happening with me. He also dedicate songs to her, love songs though she keeps telling him that those should be for his wife except for one which talks about turning back time. Though she joked with him that it better be a nice song before he sent them. At one point, she asked him to become her best friend again. Mind you, that his how we started as best friends when she had feelings for me. On the other hand, she kept reminding him that he has his family and this will hurt them and that to consider the talk as closure. I thing is why would you allow him to keep talking like this. I felt that she was opening doors for him with all the smiley face and lols. He called her beautiful and sent her kissy and hear eyes emojis. When I confronted her, she said that she doesn't have any feelings for him, though she likes the interaction. She isn't usually like that and don't need attention from other guys or even bother talking to them. She also blames me that happened because I also text with a couple female friends who are former classmates about things not very relevant or to feel jealous about. With that being said, should I consider this cheating in any form? I am sure she would accuse me of it if I was in her shoes, though she insist that she wouldn't. Any feedback is much appreciated. Thank you all. Edited January 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and move to CFJ Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Yes. You aren't supposed to chat to men who are crushing on you and declaring their feelings oc love for you. ..I can't believe she sent kissing emojis:sick: She is being a stupid attention whore. Yuck. She would rather feed her ego with a guy who us obviously into her, rather than focus on her own bf.... I'd break up with my boyfriend if he did the same to me. I'd tell him "go be with her then" I am so sorry. She's being an inconsiderate @sshole. . She either has no respect you and your relationship and doesn't feel in love anymore. .or, zhe is genuinely an attention whore. Or possibly both. It's quite rare for someone that hasn't checked out of the relationship to behave in this manner and entertain members of fhe opposite sex that have big crushes on them. I would flat out not even talk to a man if he was openly into me and alluded to more than friend feelings....because I am excited about my boyfriend and want to maintain our relationship. There's a chance she spark has fizzled out for her and she just wants attention but that is indicative of poor boundaries, a lack of respect for you or she may just be super naive and think it's not detrimental to your relationship when she enjoys chatting to men that have a crush on her. Thisisn't normal behavior in a happy relationship where both partners are dedicated and in love. Relationships fizzle out mostly. It's hard for both parties to remain excited and energized by a 3 year relationship. Many don't last. You need to discus these points with her. She has done something majorly wrong that most people would consider an emotional affair. That's right, she has cheated in the eyes of most self respecting folks. If you just accept this without her begging and crying fpr forgiveness then she will see you as a door mat and loose the shred of respect she appears to have left for you. You can't just accept this behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Hang on a moment! Lets be mature about this. She knew this MAN before Iamwhoiam. Its NOT cheating if she is just talking to him. You also mentioned she told this other man not to hurt his family, PLUS She no longer has feelings for this man. She has moved on. I appreciate Leigh`s input but you are far too harsh and that will in some cases drive your partner away and it will make her go "underground". It will drive her to be more secretive and thats how affairs start. How is she being "inconsiderate"? She can talk to whoever she wants. Be mature and open about this. I d tell her that you understand she met her crush years before and that you`re not exactly over the top for her to keep on talking to him. I dont think she is cheating. Shes allowed to talk to whoever she wants. Any form of making or forcing her not to speak to him will make you appear controlling. Communicate your feelings and see if she reduces contact. Edited January 28, 2016 by Zippy2000 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I don't think she is cheating but I do think this "friendship" is inappropriate and disrespectful. He also keeps telling my gf that he misses her multiple times and that he loves her. How did she respond to that? The only correct response would be to tell him in no uncertain terms that that is a totally inappropriate thing to say because she is in a relationship with someone else and not interested in him, and that she finds that kind of talk disrespectful to her relationship and her partner. If she didn't respond in that way then I would see it as a betrayal of you and your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I don't think she is cheating but I do think this "friendship" is inappropriate and disrespectful... Completely agree with this. This other guy is trying to use old feelings to inject some excitement and thrill into both their lives... i.e. he is potentially grooming her for an affair. Not good. Personally I would just shrug it off but I would up the anti by remembering all the fun times we had together and then going out and doing more of that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Let's focus on the good side: 1. She did let you look at her intimate conversation with her friend (She could have refused), although she new that there's some tinder inside, which will upset you. So, for me, she is an A. an honest girl, B. Takes responsibility and stands behind her decisions. I think it's great. Many girls would have been trying to minimize everything for your ears only, feeding you BS. 2. In the con itself, she had repeatedly told him (and herself) to be careful not to cross the line, because she felt that they're not far from that line. So she has showed some boundaries. I guess she allowed him to go till that stage because he is far away. I think that if he was close, she wouldn't have allowed it. From what i've read, she is a great girl. Yes, she was fantasizing a little bit, felt some butterflies, and I would have been jealous too if i were you, but a little jealousy is not so bad, to keep reminding you how much you love each other and how important is it to not take each other for granted, as many long term couples do. . Edited January 28, 2016 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Oh please. A guy or gal is declaring their love for your partner and your partner responds to them with kisses? Umm... wouldn't deleting his contacts after explaining to him that she is happy with her bf and can't talk to him again, the logical course of action? This is baffling. If you'e that in love then you just should feel your blood boil at the thought of your partner being all nice and kissy with a person who is crushing on them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Folks, I have a strong suspicion this is a drive-by so I'll close it up and the OP is welcomed to alert on this post if they ever log back in and wish to update. This is accordance with our recent announcement on increased trolling in the infidelity areas. We definitely appreciate member responses here and thank you for yours. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Moderator bump to reopen thread for starter update 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ragnar1984 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Sorry to break it to you, my friend, but this lady seems to be just waiting in the wings for him to leave his family, or something along those lines. She is clearly having more then just 'friend' feelings towards him. Although they may not have physically 'done the deed' it seems to be just a matter of time at this point. Who knows, she maybe is just loving the attention or enjoying the flattery, however do you really want to wait around to find out. I think you're better just putting this down to a bad experience, however much you may care for her, and move on. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Ha, no update arrived so member banned and thread closed. Folks, thanks for your considered responses. Link to post Share on other sites
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