girls nite out

[crossroads]

hi ive been dating a woman for 1.5 yrs lately she wants to go out by herself or with friends. when we first dated i didnt have a problem with it, but in the last 6 mos she didnt come home 2 times. i had no clue where she was until 10 the next morning (one of these was thanksgiving) i got angry but let it go. we made a deal she could go out if she made a promise to come home at a mutually set time. i got the shaft on that also! now she wants to go out every week. i told her this is unacceptable because i dont trust her when she drinks(3 beers and she has to be drove home or to the next bar)! its not an issue of trust until she drinks! we have been making plans to move in together for quite some time but being a single parent i dont want my son to see us argue over this after we move in together (if we do )i need some advice should i put up with it or move on? just fyi we are both in our 40s

[Tony T]

This woman is in her 40's and behaving like someone half her age...and many people half her age are far more responsible.

 

NEVER, EVER base any decision about any aspect of a relationship on someone changing. This lady is an adult, set in her ways, and she is free to do whatever she wants. You have no right to tell her how to live, when to go out, where to go out and when to come home. The only thing you can tell her is that if she continues her ways, you'll be out of her life.

 

You have a responsibility to yourself and your child to find someone more stable for yourself, someone who acts reasonably and maturely.

 

You will be making a VERY serious mistake if you think this behavior will change later. Either nail it down now or forget it. Also, you have no guarantees that once you live together, she won't start going out like this again. She is an adult many years removed (although acts like a child) and she is free to do anything she wants).

 

In my opinion, you will be much better off with a nice lady who is responsible, who respects herself more, who does not go out an get drunk often, and who will give you and your child a more stable and predictable life with her.

 

Is there a possibility she will get help for her drinking. If you want to get information on resources for such help, go to the links secion of this website, then click "addiction and recovery". You will find more information on drinking, codependency, etc.

 

Staying involved with this lady the way she is would be like staying involved with a child.

[crossroads]

tony, maybe i gave the wrong impression (ornot) she doesnt drink all the time but when she does theres no responsibility(i probably drink more than she does but at home and responsibly) she was married 4 28yrs could this be the PARTY TIME that she didnt get as a young mother??

This woman is in her 40's and behaving like someone half her age...and many people half her age are far more responsible. NEVER, EVER base any decision about any aspect of a relationship on someone changing. This lady is an adult, set in her ways, and she is free to do whatever she wants. You have no right to tell her how to live, when to go out, where to go out and when to come home. The only thing you can tell her is that if she continues her ways, you'll be out of her life. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child to find someone more stable for yourself, someone who acts reasonably and maturely. You will be making a VERY serious mistake if you think this behavior will change later. Either nail it down now or forget it. Also, you have no guarantees that once you live together, she won't start going out like this again. She is an adult many years removed (although acts like a child) and she is free to do anything she wants). In my opinion, you will be much better off with a nice lady who is responsible, who respects herself more, who does not go out an get drunk often, and who will give you and your child a more stable and predictable life with her. Is there a possibility she will get help for her drinking. If you want to get information on resources for such help, go to the links secion of this website, then click "addiction and recovery". You will find more information on drinking, codependency, etc. Staying involved with this lady the way she is would be like staying involved with a child.

[Tony T]

Take everything into consideration. Maybe you need to give her ample time to party. But I still think it's still a little lame for a woman in her 40's to need to go out and get drunk like this over a protracted period of time.

 

All I can say is don't do anything until you feel very comfortable with this situation.

[crossroads]

thanks tony, i'll keep you updated

Take everything into consideration. Maybe you need to give her ample time to party. But I still think it's still a little lame for a woman in her 40's to need to go out and get drunk like this over a protracted period of time. All I can say is don't do anything until you feel very comfortable with this situation.