Wife is my Life.

[Mccarleyholmes]

Hello,

 

I have never really done this before but I am trying to reach out to improve my relationship with my wife and my family. We have been together for close to 2o years and have been married for 14. She has voiced over the last couple years how disappointed she was in my aggressive behaviors with her and out two small children. Honestly I see it now but I was a jerk and was focused on my career and on the house and I neglected her and yelled a lot around the house, and had control issues. So she was fed up and reached out to an old married boyfriend and the two fell deeply in love with each other rather quickly. After I found inappropriate emails she was writing while our son played on her phone, she told me that she was in love with an old Freind from collage. I had a hard time, but I told her to fly out of state for a weekend and spend time with the person and figure out what she wanted to do. It was the most difficult and most regretted action I have ever done. During this time I have been researching, going to tons of therapy, and working on my behavior. Through this experience I have relized that I am still very much in love with my wife and desperately want to keep my family together. She came back from the trip voicing that she was giving me a second chance and agreed to stop talking to the other person. We began dating again and we really started enjoyed by our time together more then ever. My relationship with her became my priority and I have worked very hard on changing my negative behaviors. Then about a week after she returned I looked at her phone, and found 5-8 messages a day written to him about how much she loved making sex to him and how she needs him in her life and how much she dislikes me. It was paralyzing because she told me she has stopped communicating with him, but that was not the case. They continued to communicate for another month and told me that she loved us both equally and that she wanted us both in her life. I continued to control my behavior and therapy. And eventually she did stop talking to him after he went back to his wife , I believe they both discussed working on there marriages. We continue going on dates and our relationship is better then it was. I still struggle with the other person coming back into our lives, and she shows little remorse for there relationship. And since the relationship she has clearly changed, she goes out more and stays out later.i honestly don't know all the details on the other relationship, but I am thankful that we are still together. Our relationship is day to day now. I want to be the person that I should have been and work on improving our relationship. But the situation screwed with my head and I have had some depression and anxiety. The only way for both of us to move on is for us to forgive each other and for me to work on my behavior. She still constantly brings him up because she had her heart broken and when she does it really bummed me out. I know what I need to do but my ego keeps dragging out the pain and I have a difficult time being the person she deserves.

Thanks for your fed back, I love my family.

[basil67]

I'm glad to see you working on your issues.

 

I think your wife needs to do the same. She's obviously very conflicted and I'm not convinced she knows if she wants to be with you. Perhaps she's doing this for your children?

 

I think she needs to do individual therapy. And when she knows what she wants, marriage therapy.

[Mccarleyholmes]

Ya basil,

 

She has reassured me almost daily that she choose to stay with me, and she did do this for our family. Basically she feals like she sacrificed her happiness to keep our family together. I am incredibly grateful for this. The situation was hard on our relationship but we continually have been sexually active through the whole experience. She claims to be going through a mid life crisis, and is very defensive of their relationship. I have made it clear that I cannot accept the other man in our relationship. And I continue to go to therapy and I am in very proud of how I have been supporting and caring for my wife and family. I still find myself occasionally screaming at my 4 and 6 year old kids because they really push the boundaries. We have a blast when we go out, and she lets me know everyday that she loves me, but I still have reoccurring trust issues and when I am at work I feel so sad that I lost her, even if it was only for a couple days. After dealing with the emotion for the last 4 months I was prescribed sertraline anti depressant two days ago. I have not started taking them because we are going dancing tomorrow night and I want to have a couple drinks. I hope that this might help with my anxiety and finding calmness in my life.

Thanks for for the support. I Love My Family