went back to his wife

[still_an_Angel]

Now is the best time to let him go. Being the OW is never the best option. Walk away while you still can, you are not yet deeply mired into this situation. There are plenty of other guys who could give you what you the relationship that you want.

[Sassy Girl]

No contact... Its done...

 

Shock horror! - Neither of you can be trusted. It's over.

 

And for gods sake get tested for STDs and start using protection from now on.

[whichwayisup]

Isn't it ironic that he's texting another OW and it upset you, yet he has no clue that you are having an with another MM. This cycle you're in is NOT healthy and the choices you're making aren't good for you. Do you see the damage it's causing you? You're selling yourself short by being with TWO MM. These affairs are a waste of your time, energy and love.

 

Please consider ending BOTH affairs with these men. Grieve the loss, get to counseling and find "you". You're meant to find love and happiness but not with MM. You deserve a guy who will love only you and someone you won't have to share, someone you can see daily, bring home to meet your family and friends.

[S2B]

I know what everyone is saying about mm not being choosy with who they pick.

I always thought they were more picky but I was just being stupid.

 

Me and mm2 are going away this weekend together and we going to talk then. He's promised me he will leave his wife next week.

I've told him if he doesn't then we can't carry on.

 

I wrote a thread about making having an affair with two mm.

 

Mm2 took me away this weekend and we had the most amazing timem the sex was amazing just everything.

 

We were looking on my phone at something and I accidentally pressed the button where you can see what other apps have been used recently.(don't know what it's called) and he seen I was messaging someone on WhatsApp.

This turned into him admitting that he was messaging another woman up until last Sunday.

I cried he cried. The talk was really emotional.

He said if he met me before his wife then no doubt he would've married me.

He previously said he was going to leave his wife but said now.that he can't due to kids finance etc.

I said I.understand but I don't really. I'm sitting here in tears now that he's gone.

 

What do I do now?

I feel.like if I carry on I might be one of these women that wait for the mm don't date and end up on my own and realised how much of my life I wasted on him.

Or do I go nc on him. I know in the long term that's better but I don't think I'll be able to let go of him.

 

Just another thing. That guy I was messaging, I never met up with him. I've messaged him a few times and he was having a go that I'm not fun.so there was no the in the messaging.

 

So he said last week (while he was communicating with another OW) that he intended to leave his wife for you.

 

Now he says he's not leaving her.

 

Like energy attracts...

 

I hope you will examine what YOU are doing to attract these situations - and then get help to change that.

 

If nothing else - DO opposite action to be sure you get an opposite outcome/result.

 

When nothing changes = nothing changes. Change come from you.

 

Hugs

[Miss Peach]

I vote NC with both MM. Why are you giving so much love, sex, time, etc. for men who can't give it back to you? Find men who can give back what you give to them.

 

Even if one of them does leave their wives for you, you will never be secure in the relationship. At one time they loved the women they are with now. They are lying to them and cheating on them. Looking at the wife is a great way to remember what YOUR life would be like if you ended up with a MM - only at that point it would be much harder to undo than NC.

[MJJean]

I wrote a thread about making having an affair with two mm.

 

Mm2 took me away this weekend and we had the most amazing timem the sex was amazing just everything.

 

We were looking on my phone at something and I accidentally pressed the button where you can see what other apps have been used recently.(don't know what it's called) and he seen I was messaging someone on WhatsApp.

This turned into him admitting that he was messaging another woman up until last Sunday.

I cried he cried. The talk was really emotional.

He said if he met me before his wife then no doubt he would've married me.

He previously said he was going to leave his wife but said now.that he can't due to kids finance etc.

I said I.understand but I don't really. I'm sitting here in tears now that he's gone.

 

What do I do now?

I feel.like if I carry on I might be one of these women that wait for the mm don't date and end up on my own and realised how much of my life I wasted on him.

Or do I go nc on him. I know in the long term that's better but I don't think I'll be able to let go of him.

 

Just another thing. That guy I was messaging, I never met up with him. I've messaged him a few times and he was having a go that I'm not fun.so there was no the in the messaging.

 

What do you do now? I vote tell his wife about your oh, so, amazing weekend. Be sure to include how amazing the sex was and how he has another OW, too.

 

You want out? I can guarantee you, telling his wife means he will be so busy trying to kiss her azz and keep his marriage together he won't have any time for you.

[eliza89]

Well he left his wife. It wasn't pleasent for anyone. If I'm honest I didn't think he would but his marriage was over before I came along so think this is the right thing for him to do. Not just for his sake but for his wife's.

Obviously this isn't going to be an easy ride but he is definitely the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[TaraMaiden2]

I tke it you have terminated contact with MM1?

 

Were you honest with him?

You need to pull the shutters down on that tightly, or you're entertaining a whole can of nasty worms.

 

And when worms turn... you know how bad that can be.

 

Get a new phone.

[eliza89]

Yes I don't speak to mm1 anymore. He didn't care anyway which did hurt me but I knew that was coming. He was just using me for sex .

I told him I met someone else and that I didn't want to cheat on him.

[TaraMaiden2]

Well, let us know how it goes, but don't expect anything other than a bumpy ride. The guy has a family, and his kids will always come first....

[Noideanow]

I really hope and wish you all the Best, that you Will be one of those rare in love people out there:love: thank you for sharing your story:)

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes I don't speak to mm1 anymore. He didn't care anyway which did hurt me but I knew that was coming. He was just using me for sex .

I told him I met someone else and that I didn't want to cheat on him.

 

Your mm is still a liar and cheater.

 

You still have heavy issues to work out.

 

I really don't see this working long-term at all.

[whichwayisup]

Does MM2 have children? Just because he left his wife doesn't mean he won't go back. time will tell.

[eliza89]

I've got another thread with all the information bit basically mm left his wife for me and now he just left me to go back to her.

I'm distraught. . Really don't know what to do.

[Clockwatching]

If I were you I'd probably want to stop what I was doing and think long and hard about why I was getting involved with married men, what is it that you need from them that you can't get from a single guy? What are you afraid of that makes you run away from other singles?

 

I know for me, I'd been in relationships previously that made me not trust anyone, I've been terrified of intimacy - perfect recipe for getting involved with anyone emotionally unavailable or otherwise tied up, to keep them at a distance.

 

Figure your **** out so that you can begin to heal and make better choices for yourself, the answers to your problems are not with these guys or their reactions and relations to you.

 

When you have two people who are hurting and who do not embrace or accept themselves and live authentically, they cannot have relationships with others in an authentic way. That involves great trust, confidence and self respect - you must figure out what you need to develop in order to move on.

 

In the meantime, cry, see your friends, cry some more and live your life - the pain will pass but if you choose to suffer and cling on to your feelings and use old methods to cope with whatever it is that you're afraid of, and not move through the pain in order to become a better person things won't improve for you.

[Mayday2016]

Which one was it? Can't you just start seeing more of the other one or, I don't know, a single man since you're a single woman?

[whichwayisup]

Take this time and grieve the loss. Let yourself really cry and journal your feelings on paper and pen.

[Sassy Girl]

Here's a start:

 

1. STD testing (you were sleeping with 3 people unprotected at one stage after all, and at least two were untrustworthy)

2. Counselling

3. Find a hobby

 

In that order.

 

Let's get some perspective here. It was a 4 month relationship with a man who wasn't trustworthy. You caught him texting another woman and he was married. You ran the gauntlet.... Took a gamble - and lost.

 

Dust yourself off, chalk it up to bad decisions (on your part) and LEARN from it, because girl, blind Freddie can see you've got some issues to sort through.

 

Good luck.

[Patrice]

WHY are you doing this to yourself? That's your first question. Two married men? Why are you emotionally unavailable?

[Ruffian1]

"I'm distraught. . Really don't know what to do"

 

Start by finding self-respect for your self. If you don't have it, men won't respect you either.

 

 

Don't sleep with married men anymore is a start.

Edited January 30, 2016 by Ruffian1

[lemondrop21]

I know some of these comments seem blunt or harsh, but they are said with good intentions. Everyone on this board is working through their own issues in some way. The funny thing is, sometimes we can see others' problems so much more clearly than we can see our own. So do try and take some of the comments here to heart, take a good look at your actions over the recent few months... And resolve to do better in the future. I know you can. You deserve much better than a flakey married man (and I say this just as much to myself as to you!).

[S2B]

My rule is to never date men until their divorce is final!

 

So many men go back.

 

Just date single men.

 

Sorry for your pain...

[RySant]

LOL. For me, the more bizarre scenario here is that the wife still took him back. She already managed to throw up the vomit. Can't believe she swallowed it back again.

[goodyblue]

What lemondrop means to say is... some of these posts ARE harsh because people take out their own problems on others and have no problem with it.

 

Take what helps, leave.the rest.

 

Try to be kind to yourself right now. Loss is always hard. Xx

[OWAmy]

There is one thing that would help you going forward and that is to grieve BOTH of these MM together. Don't hop back to the MM#1. MM#2 has made the decision to go back to his wife. Everyone has the right to change their mind. You have not known him long so your attachment will not be that great. Now let him live with his decision and make yourself no longer an option.

 

I have a track record of being with emotionally unavailable men. It doesn't get worse than a MM so take this as a life lesson learnt quickly. You sound a lot younger than me. I was 36 when I figured out I was also emotionally unavailable and another two years to untangle myself from an affair.

 

I wish you luck - try not to think of it as losing. Ask yourself why you got into these affairs ... that proved invaluable to me. You will never know what really goes on inside someone's head - only your own.