I don't know what this means...

[Kaass]

Long story very short...I grew up extremely poor, was not allowed to shower, or wash my clothes until I left home for the military. So I had zero friends my entire life because I was the smelly kid. I never talked to a girl until I was an adult! Therefore I never learned social skills. Teachers made fun of me, all the kids hated me, bullies wanted to beat me up (luckily I've been big and learned to fight early so I never got beat up, instead got jumped by groups of bullies) I just had a really bad childhood in a million ways I can't put here.

 

Okay! So now I'm 29, was in the military, was married *we met online* (you would think I'm a normal person now!) have had various jobs. Now I'm single again, and I've learned so much about relationships and such from being married for almost 6 years.

 

But here is the question. I'm going to school again. For the very first time in my entire life, women are looking at me. In the past, I could just stare at womens boobs and butts and (seemingly) they would never know because I didn't exist to them. If I walked into any room, like a classroom, none of them knew I was entering. Now? EVERY time I walk into one of my classes, one or two women will look up at me. And they don't look up and back down, they look up...and like..our eyes will meet. And of course, I'm 29 now the only woman who ever met my eyes was my wife. Now when this happens with strange women I don't know, it's completely throwing me off. Over the past year (I've been single for a year) I've noticed girls have talked to me, or asked me questions, or said things to me, for no damn reason that I can understand. For example the other day in class a girl was opening some peanuts. So from across the room she specifically asks ME if I'm allergic to peanuts. Why me? Girls/women will just say things to me that feel so random. I've even noticed some are acting awkward! My whole life I thought those scenes in movies where girls meet a hot guy and they like slurp coffee down their front was a bunch of BS. I never saw a girl be awkward before. Now I swear half the time I talk to a girl she does something weird.

 

Am I cute all of a sudden? Maybe I've just grown so ugly that I'm some kind of sideshow animal at the zoo that everyone wants to see? Maybe those years of marriage gave me confidence that somehow these girls can see it radiating? I have no idea why it's so different for me, and I don't know how to act. I would like to make friends and meet a nice girl, who knows, one day get "back" into dating. But I am just completely and utterly clueless on how to act. I don't know what to say or what to do. Like wtf is socially acceptable? For the first time in my life I am trying to care about my appearance. (not doing that great a job since I have no money right now, but it's coming in soon lol.) When I look in the mirror I think I am OK looking. But take a picture? Oh god I'm like some kind of horrific beast.

 

I wonder if there's somewhere I could learn like...what normal people do. I feel like Dexter from the show Dexter. He just fakes all of the social cues. I feel like I have to fake everything. But I'm not a sociopath, I just never learned social skills. But when it comes to faking certain scenarios, I don't even know the right protocol in the first place. I'm not sure where to even learn this stuff. I suppose I could just go to school, talk to every girl I see and make an ass out of myself 1000 times lol. That sounds very scary and hard to do. Not even trying to get a girl to date me, but just to talk to someone, make a friend or whatever just sounds terrifying. I don't know wtf to do, but I do want to meet people. Women giving me looks and going out of their way to say random crap to me makes me think I could be having more confidence, or think I'm freaky looking lol. Either way better than to not exist to anyone eh?

 

I didn't know what kind of forum to go to for this problem too. I found this one and here is where I make my post! I hope this wasn't too offensive or way off the mark on what type of forum to post this in.

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, I'm sorry to hear of your childhood. For many people, childhood can be very challenging and often it's the bad things that stick out and are remembered more than the good memories.

 

Second, thank you for your service

 

Third, you were married once before so you must have some skills to speak of.

 

It sounds like you've come into your own. Congratulations. Better late than never. I think you're being far to hard on yourself regarding your lack of social skills. You appear to be articulate and able to put your feelings into words which is already a great start.

 

As for where to learn this stuff, LIFE! It's call trial and error my friend. Take this opportunity of women noticing you and put yourself out there. If you screw up or fall flat on your face at least you can say you tried. Learn from it and move on to the next one. Eventually you'll figure it out.

 

Engaging on here might help you in terms of understanding the female psyche. Perusing the dating forums might shed some light on the common pitfalls, frustrations, mistakes and even successes than may help you in your real life. All very educational if nothing else.

 

Half the battle is being aware of the issue and then being open to learning how to a better person. As far as I can see it you're already half way there.

 

Good luck.

[preraph]

Well, you do have a hill to climb. But I'm glad you're tackling it! I recommend you set women aside just for the time being and concentrate on joining in on activities to just get very used to being around friends and acquaintances. It sounds like you're perfectly able to adapt, and I'm glad you were in the military where you had that structure. I think you'd do well in any social groups or hobby groups where there was something everyone was focused on doing. You might even consider getting one or two roommates just to kind of get used to being around them and seeing up close what they're like.

 

Make friends and see if you can get a circle of trusted friends and then try to meet women through hanging out with them in case you are not skilled at filtering out some bad ones who might take advantage.

 

Another thing you might find helpful is maybe finding group counseling through a psychologist. You could air all your history and fears and with some people who'd be tolerant and listen.

[Satu]

OP:

 

Always remember that there's not one person better than you in the whole world.

 

We all walk under the same sky.

 

 

Take care.

[preraph]

Wise words, Satu. You may have had the unusual experiences you had because you're destined to be a very unique person who has capabilities unlike any other. And don't ever feel like it's your failure. The more you have had to get through and get past and have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off, that's a stronger person than the one who had it all given to them and is just walking in place.