Is there even a chance we could get back together?

[May.koenig]

I was in a LDR with pretty much my dream guy (physically but not so much emotionally maybe) and... I cheated on him. Immediately after, I became very depressed and I knew that I would never do it again. I thought about if I should tell him or not but decided I didn't want to lie to him and keep it a secret, I love him and want him to know everything. The next day or a few hours later, I told him I cheated and he didn't want to hear about it, it was just over. The relationship didn't last long (only about 3 months), but I get attached easily because I'm a very dependent person. I thought hard about why I did it, just so I could I guess learn more about myself, and it was because whenever we talked. I would have to start the conversation unless he was in a bad mood about something. I didn't stress enough that I need almost constant attention to feel that I'm needed and loved, I may have said it a few times and when I did, he'd message me everyday for a few days, then it'd go back to like once a week. He said it was because when we talked, he would get depressed that we couldn't be together. It might help if I mentioned that before him, I'd never done anything sexual with any of my boyfriends. I mean, I've kissed them but that's as far as it ever went. I'm still a virgin though but I doubt he'd believe me if I told him... I feel like I'm kinda getting off topic a little so I'll just say, he said to give him time and we can start from the beginning as friends "lying is my cheating" and I was really just wondering if I even have any kind of chance of being with him again. I'm trying NC to give him the time he needs and I'm obviously never going to talk to the guy I cheated with ever again, he was kind of a dick afterwards and just made me feel worse about it and ever since, I've been depressed (pretty much this entire month and it doesn't seem to be getting any better) with no one to talk to, my friends try but eventually give up and stop talking to me :/ ... anyway, do I have any sort of chance? If more details are needed, just ask and I'll give them.

[smackie9]

Listed to your friends......

[Keke1]

You say you're still a virgin? Help my confusion please

[May.koenig]

Yes, I'm still a virgin... where does the confusion come from?

[smackie9]

There comes a time when a relationship just runs it's course, and it's time to look for new beginnings elsewhere.

[drifter777]

I'm obviously never going to talk to the guy I cheated with ever again, he was kind of a dick afterwards and just made me feel worse about it and ever since,.

Confused about you being a virgin because the way you put this part. Do you mean after oral or making out or what?

[May.koenig]

After everything that happened (all that happened was oral and making out, it's the most I've ever done) he was a dick.

[Stereotypical11]

I was a awful to my ex I'm not proud it took a long time after he left he but he kept coming back even after he got a girl pregnant he'd still turn up and admit he made a mistake and regretted it. If you love someone one way or another they find their way back but in the mean time focus on you better yourself one way or another you discover yourself and then you really know if he was the guy for you. I now know no matter how much I love my ex we weren't meant to be I have an amazing job ect and he's now in prison we were in love but we aren't those people anymore. Good luck finding yourself i know you'll come out better in the end x

[TaraMaiden2]

One: Get therapy for your emotional issues.

 

Two: Do not hang excuses of what you did and why, on your emotional issues. They are not to blame for your decisions now. Take responsibility. You cheated, because you wanted to.

 

Three: No matter how insensitive or uncaring a guy may be, he is not responsible for making you happy. YOU - are responsible for making you happy. If your ex- didn't appreciate you the way you wanted, then it's nothing to do with his actions, that you cheated. He may have been uncaring. That was his behavioural choice.

Cheating, was yours, entirely.

 

Deal with your neediness, clingy and dependency. These are your issues, and nobody else is responsible for them, but you.

[Just a Guy]

Hi May, from the way you've written it appears you are still very young. So how old are you? Also, how did you meet this ex BF of yours if he does not live in the same city as you? How long have you known him? If, as you say he was your dream guy basically because of his looks but not so much because of emotional bonding, then I think your relationship was established on a shaky foundation. Also admittedly, you are an emotionally needy person and I guess that means you need to have your emotional needs constantly satisfied, something that is unhealthy and cannot be practically fulfilled by a romantic partner. If you try getting into relationships with your present emotional persona, I think you are setting yourself up to fail.

I would suggest that you first undergo some therapy to rid yourself of your emotional baggage and your dependency issues and then only embark on a romantic relationship to ensure it lasts. Also, I would advise against going in for LDRs' as far as possible. Warm wishes.

Edited February 1, 2016 by Just a Guy

[May.koenig]

Hi May, from the way you've written it appears you are still very young. So how old are you? Also, how did you meet this ex BF of yours if he does not live in the same city as you? How long have you known him? If, as you say he was your dream guy basically because of his looks but not so much because of emotional bonding, then I think your relationship was established on a shaky foundation. Also admittedly, you are an emotionally needy person and I guess that means you need to have your emotional needs constantly satisfied, something that is unhealthy and cannot be practically fulfilled by a romantic partner. If you try getting into relationships with your present emotional persona, I think you are setting yourself up to fail.

I would suggest that you first undergo some therapy to rid yourself of your emotional baggage and your dependency issues and then only embark on a romantic relationship to ensure it lasts. Also, I would advise against going in for LDRs' as far as possible. Warm wishes.

 

I'm 20 and I met him on twitch (it's a streaming website for gaming), I've known him about 5 months and got to know him pretty well in that time. All I really need is just to talk everyday, if not that at least a message saying he's thinking about me. I didn't think that was too much to ask. As for the therapy part, I already knew that. I'm trying to get help, but so far it's doing nothing for me. And I only happen to end up in ldrs because I'm so anxious in crowds and I can't be alone when going out or I panic. Other than my first bf, I've only met people online purely by accident and they happen to want to be with me. I know I could meet people on a dating website, but they'd want to meet if they liked me and I wouldn't want to. I'd have to get to know them extremely well online before I'd even think about meeting them and I know, that's a problem but I just can't help it right now.

[Space Ritual]

Leave him be. You are not emotionally ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Get some life experience before committing to a relationship of any duration.

[Spectre]

Leave the guy alone, you sucked off some other dude..why would this guy want you? Put yourself in his shoes, you put another mans genitalia in your mouth while you were together. I'm being genuinely serious when I ask you why you think this guy who is probably just as young as you are..would waste anymore time with you when there are so many other fish in the sea that didn't betray him? Think about it:you aren't married and you have no kids. What reason is there for him to want to take you back?

 

I'd also ask who is the guy you cheated with, how'd you meet him?

[stillafool]

I agree that you are certainly not emotionally ready to date anyone. You need to get help for your issues. No one can give you constant attention but you. Demanding that much attention is going to turn any guy off. No, I don't think there is a chance you and your ex will get back together but if you continue with therapy you will be far better in your next relationship.

[Just a Guy]

Hi May, after reading your response to my last post I think you really have some serious issues which you need to address immediately before you even think of getting into a relationship. Your fear of being alone in a crowd and it resulting in your having a panic attack speaks volumes about your fragile mental state. I think you suffer from some form of paranoia. You must get therapy for this. You have said that because of this problem you only get into LDRs online. Do you know that online relationships are virtual not real. You say your LD BF was your Dream Guy but do you even really know him? Have you met him in real life? If you do meet him face to face would you be able to handle a normal relationship with him? I think you like the fantasy part of such relationships bit when they become real you would not be able to handle them. You have some growing up to do.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Just a Guy

[May.koenig]

Hi May, after reading your response to my last post I think you really have some serious issues which you need to address immediately before you even think of getting into a relationship. Your fear of being alone in a crowd and it resulting in your having a panic attack speaks volumes about your fragile mental state. I think you suffer from some form of paranoia. You must get therapy for this. You have said that because of this problem you only get into LDRs online. Do you know that online relationships are virtual not real. You say your LD BF was your Dream Guy but do you even really know him? Have you met him in real life? If you do meet him face to face would you be able to handle a normal relationship with him? I think you like the fantasy part of such relationships bit when they become real you would not be able to handle them. You have some growing up to do.

 

I have already said that I know I need therapy, I'm currently getting therapy. No one else needs to say I need therapy. And I'm not paranoid, I just have bad anxiety.

 

How are online relationships not real? That part really doesn't make sense to me. And I don't exactly plan on getting in relationships with people online, I usually do it to make friends. If something more happens, that's great, if not, then I at least have new friends. Before this relationship, it'd been years since my previous relationship, which also happened to be online, and yes, I met the guy. It was my longest relationship but didn't last because I was young.

 

Anyway, yes, I have met him in real life, we met about a week or two after dating and meeting was just like a continuation of how it was online, except I could hug him. I do like the fantasy part of any relationship, but when they "become real" it just makes it better as it would in any long distance relationship. I obviously have growing up to do, since I know I'm young and therefore have to grow up, it would just be nice to have someone to grow up with.

[Spectre]

Well yes but hun if you want someone to grow up with you should only be blowing that specific someone, agreed? Also you are young, but some people see that as an excuse, it isn't. You are 20 not 12 and you of course knew better and did it anyways.

 

If this was just a result of being young then we'd only see people in their early 20's posting on this forum. Not all young people cheat and blow other people and all that.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Spectre

[fenix]

After everything that happened (all that happened was oral and making out, it's the most I've ever done) he was a dick.

 

am I the only one that finds the bold marked really hilarious!!

 

Sorry lady but it seems that your ex boyfriend is the kind that have some self respect... I would not expect him back!

Edited February 8, 2016 by fenix

[Spectre]

Yep, I do find it hilarious not only did she cheat, but the guy treated her badly after the cheating. Meaning he got just what he wanted

[May.koenig]

What's the point of even asking for advice if you're just going to make fun of me

[66Charger]

Give those with no class, no time. The oral joke was ignorant from a stupid clod and a geezer laughing with him. Whatever your mistake, you dont deserve ridicule. I apologize for the gender, but not the men, because these 2 idiots arent.

 

You are young and will make more mistakes, before you settle down and know yourself. Let this one go. You can not recover. But you can look at your behaviour and say, "thats not who I am" and live the rest of your life with dignity.

[fenix]

Give those with no class, no time. The oral joke was ignorant from a stupid clod and a geezer laughing with him. Whatever your mistake, you dont deserve ridicule. I apologize for the gender, but not the men, because these 2 idiots arent.

 

You are young and will make more mistakes, before you settle down and know yourself. Let this one go. You can not recover. But you can look at your behaviour and say, "thats not who I am" and live the rest of your life with dignity.

 

While I may agree that it was a bad joke and a bad context, your comment is really unappropriated and disproportional ...

The way you treat and refer to other people defines you... I am not going to enter into the name-calling game and allowing you to take me to your level...

 

In regards to the OP, you are 20 years old, not 12 anymore, you can't excuse this kind of behavior because your age. I would do a lot of introspection to understand why you felt it was ok giving oral to another guy while you were in a relationship.

Edited February 9, 2016 by fenix

[66Charger]

If the shoe fits...

 

Ridiculing this young lady took you wayyyy below my level. Quit whining and apologize.

 

Tasteless.

Edited February 9, 2016 by 66Charger

[fenix]

If the shoe fits...

 

Ridiculing this young lady took you wayyyy below my level. Quit whining and apologize.

 

Tasteless.

 

blady blady bla.... keep going... this is not your thread... if you didn't realize about it...

Op did ridicule herself when she went and gave oral to another guy and expect her ex boyfriend to be happy about that and chalk it to her youth and inexperience... Specially when she explain us how the guy was a dick... but she didn't have any issue with having sex with him.

 

No pun intended but the protector knight role doesn't fit you well...