(LDR) Girlfriend face change, due to double eyelid surgery

[ancoraimparo]

Hi there, going out to community for an advice for two; to anyone who have such experience where his/her bf/gf did surgery that changed their appearance entirely. My girl's choice was a high crease very obvious.

 

Back in June 2015, I dated and an amazing girl. Like any other dates, our love became stronger by the day. She expressed how she loved me, she treated me as her boyfriend and by August she left my country. She told me she would be away in Shanghai for a month and after that back to her home country. By the end of September, I confessed and asked her to be my girlfriend. Early October, I flew to see her in her home country; only to find out that she had did the "double eyelid surgery". I asked her what happened to her eyes and she told me it was allergy. Her eyes were puffy, just as they were after surgery with stitches on. I pushed the fact that she had surgery back of my head and told myself to give her time to heal. Maybe it will turn out not so bad.

Three months have pasted since she did the surgery and her face have been changing drastically by the day. She no longer look like the girl, I once dated and her surgery result starting to become consistent. I told her my feelings how different she look and she was patient with me. She expressed her concern that I might go looking for another girl and told me how insecure she felt. Yet, when I first ask her what she thinks about her look, her only reply was that she like it.And never did she confessed nor admit she when through the surgery. She never told me exactly why she did it and what she things about it.

 

The thing is (1) when I talk to her through the phone, I feel happy (2) when I see her face, I become very upset because she look entirely like a different girl. I have asked many of my friends and the conclusion is always the same, she looks entirely different. (3) though she mention she will take the effort to reply my messages, she only replies simple answers like "ok, yes, no" and that is all the time.

 

She use to initiate the conversations before she flew to Shanghai, now she don't. Now, before you say I am shallow; I still love her for who she is. Just that it happened so quickly that I don't think I am in my usual state of mind at times. It is her face and her body and what she do with it is really up to her and I respect that.

 

Guys and girls who have experience bf/gf going through such surgery; I really need some advice. How did you deal with it? What when through in your mind? There's a strange feeling in me. When I see her, it feels I am physically talking to another girl, but; in my heart know it is her. Yet, for my side in my relationship; my girl is not expressing love to me, as in initiate conversations to express love or concerns of my daily life. What should I do? What can I do to keep this relationship going on? By the way, we are in a long distant relationship; complicating the situation a little further.

 

Share me your thoughts.

Thanks

[Els]

I think there are bigger problems in your R than just her double eyelid surgery, if she isn't initiating any conversations with you or expressing her love in any way.

[emi]

Did she become more ugly?

[TaraMaiden2]

You have turned her off with your criticisms.

 

She is happy with her operation.

She is the same woman you loved before, but she had the operation for herself, not for you.

If all you understand is her looks, and that she is now visually different, then I'm sorry, I agree. You are shallow.

 

Beauty is only skin-deep.

If you cannot love her for who she is, not what she looks like, then no wonder she is flaking cold on you.

 

I would do her - and you - the favour of ending the relationship.

She is never, ever going to look like the way she was.

Either get over it, or move on.

[FeelingFireworks]

You have turned her off with your criticisms.

 

She is happy with her operation.

She is the same woman you loved before, but she had the operation for herself, not for you.

If all you understand is her looks, and that she is now visually different, then I'm sorry, I agree. You are shallow.

 

Beauty is only skin-deep.

If you cannot love her for who she is, not what she looks like, then no wonder she is flaking cold on you.

 

I would do her - and you - the favour of ending the relationship.

She is never, ever going to look like the way she was.

Either get over it, or move on.

 

Disagree.

 

Several issues:

 

First, looks are a big issue here. If her looks mattered to such a large extent to her that she had cosmetic surgery, why can't it matter to him? He's the guy who fell for her entire package and the looks are undeniably a part of that. So if by all accounts that makes him shallow, she's certainly shallow too. No double standards here.

 

Also, it's possible she is not the same girl he fell for. After all she clearly hid significant physical insecurities from him and has acted on them to the point she doesn't look like her former self. This is news to him and likely alters his perception of her. That matters! And to add to that she denied it and to me that's a trust issue. No ones saying She need his opinion or advice for surgery but I think if he was at least aware, he wouldn't be in such shock.

 

She's pulling away too and in a LDR this is even harder to manage than if normally in regular physical contact. Add that to all of the above and it's not looking good.

 

OP, it is really up to you how you want to move forward. Do you want to continue being her boyfriend? Do you think that you can look past the surgery in due course and be happy mutually? Is this lack of contact something you think can be overcome? It's really up to you and when you figure that out it will give you an idea what to do next.