Don't You Care About Your Appearance?

[mikubaby]

Living with family is never easy. I've been living at home for all my life, late 20s, and sometimes I wear the same attire, robe, PJs, slippers, and just stay this way, because I just feel comfortable in this outfit.

 

My family on the other hand dislike my attire. They say don't I care about how I look and what the neighbors say? I tell them no, I don't care what people think of how I look.

 

Then they brought up, why do you think husbands come home from work and find their wives, dressed up like you and then they get sick of them and find someone else? Its because they don't want to come home to their wife, wearing PJs and a bath robe all the time, they want a wife who takes care of herself and looks nice. Ya know a wife that dresses nicely not looks like a hobo or a slob.

 

So do you think thats what men or women really think of their partners? If they see them dressed in the same attire, that they just get annoyed or sickened by it that they rather find someone else altogether?

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I trust that you don't go out shopping dressed the same way? And that you do shower and keep up with hygiene, etc.

 

I'm one to pull on the same sweats and tshirt every morning when I get home from work. And I'll put them on again when I get up to putz around before I shower and get ready to head out again. My husband doesn't seem to mind that I'm not in heels and pearls. He's in his lounge pants and tshirt as well. He loves me no matter what I wear. Comfort is key in our home.

 

And yes, I go out to get the mail the same way. I hope the neighbors are amused.

 

But, when I do have occasion to dress up, I do it right.

 

Is your family worried that you're not even capable of dressing up a bit when necessary?

[basil67]

As in many discussions, there are degrees. My mother used to re-do her makeup before dad came home from work so that she's lovely for him. Me? I only wear makeup if I'm going somewhere special - but I at least try to wear clothes which are presentable and flattering. And while I love being in lounge wear, I can imagine that any person would tire of their partner rarely making an effort. So, your parents do have a point. But if you don't have a boyfriend and don't care what impression you make - then keep going as you are.

 

I've got this sneaking suspicion that perhaps staying in PJs all day is symptomatic of bigger issues. Are you parents also nagging you about other things?

[d0nnivain]

Staying in your PJs all day is usually a symptom of depression. What the neighbors think is irrelevant but since this is causing family fights, can you at least get up, shower & put on comfy clean sweats every day?

[stillafool]

How old are you?

[d0nnivain]

How old are you?

 

 

In the 1st post OP said s/he was in their late 20s

[TheArtist]

Yeah, it's not particularly a good thing to be wallowing in your pyjamas, so I can kind of see what your parents are saying. Doing that would give me the impression that you're not very ambitious. I'm obviously going off very little information here, but are you a high level management type or more of a shop floor type?

 

And definitely do it for your own dignity. This actually made the news here in the UK; parents still dressed in pyjamas and slippers dropping off their kids at school. It's not a good thing to be part of.

 

Headteacher asks parents to stop doing school run in their pyjamas | Life and style | The Guardian

[WaitingForBardot]

Hmm..., I was about to go out to refuel my car; guess I'd better change...

[stillafool]

In the 1st post OP said s/he was in their late 20s

 

Oh my, that's not good!

[loveweary11]

 

So do you think thats what men or women really think of their partners? If they see them dressed in the same attire, that they just get annoyed or sickened by it that they rather find someone else altogether?

 

Not at all.

 

I'd never be with someone who couldn't just be herself and kick back with a robe/sweats, no makeup and a little stubble.

 

That's what a relationship is all about.

 

You accept the other person and have relaxing times with them.

 

I'd take you... provided you weren't eating ice cream all day packing on pounds in that robe.

[basil67]

You didn't write anything about the frequency of this happening. And it truly makes ALL the difference.

 

If you get up, get dressed and go to work most days and spend the occasional Sunday in your PJs, it's completely normal. However, if you spend most days in your PJ's, don't work and don't socialise, then it's indicative of a problem.

 

How often do you do this?

[preraph]

What you described is just the most outward sign of laziness. You need to watch some reruns of TLC channel "What Not to Wear" and realize people judge you immediately how you look and won't want to know your further if it's this slovenly.

 

That said, I work at home alone and am frequently hideous, but I change clothes to go anywhere or if anyone is coming over.

[Buddhist]

So do you think thats what men or women really think of their partners? If they see them dressed in the same attire, that they just get annoyed or sickened by it that they rather find someone else altogether?

 

I think their example is poor and they are not properly explaining to you the real issue. The trouble is, when people stop caring it's often a sign of a labile emotional state that stems from other, bigger issues. And it's these other issues which causes relationships to fail.

 

Your family's real concern is likely to be that you seem to be shutting down on life early. When people care about things like appearance it's often driven by a desire to achieve, or to express themselves or enjoying what life has to offer. Your family are probably noticing an overall trend with you of just not participating very much and are choosing to pick on the appearance factor because it's the most easily visible issue.

 

Now back to the question, well to be honest, as someone who does care about her appearance because it is personal expression I wouldn't last long in a relationship with someone who didn't (in fact I doubt I would be in a relationship with them in the first place). People seek out similar energies/outlooks in life. My care for my body and my personal expression say that those aspects of life are important to me and I'm most likely going to enjoy being with someone the same.

 

If you are okay in being in relationship with someone who also gets around in their PJs and dressing gown at home all the time then yay for you. I guess you've found your match.