Wished for it, now I am heartbroken.

[Kareem1]

Hello everyone,

 

I am writing this out or despair. I never thought I would share such a personal problem with absolute strangers. I just cannot take the pain any longer.

 

I am 35 year old Egyptian man, And have been married to my German wife for the past 8 years and lived in Berlin.

 

We had a very nice friendship at the beginning. A very normal marriage with it's ups and downs. We managed to overcome social and financial problems together and never had children.

 

three years ago I started noticing that I wan not happy, and I could never tell why. I think it was because we were really different, or had different expectations from each other that we could not fulfill. We never noticed that at the beginning. I never did. I thought "Well, it is normal to be different, and it is normal to not have everything you would have have loved to have." May be with time, and after the freshness of the new relationship dies, I started noticing only what makes me angry and sad. I don't want to go into details about it but it was over small stuff, I am a night owl and she is an early bird. She likes traveling and being out doors, and I am a graphic designer and a social media addict and a hard core gamer. she thinks I am supposed to clean and cook whenever she desires, and I am not even allowed to demand the same thing, She would start shouting, or finding an excuse why she won't do it. She would do it only when she feels like it, and probably will make me pay for it later on: (I cooked and cleaned, and you did nothing!) She would only remember or notice what I didn't do. And believe me, I did a lot.

 

I know it must seem stupid to be angry about such stuff, but I think that is what happened. As a reaction I started to develop a habit, when she does these things I don't shout, I try to talk (never works) so I take a side and bury myself in video games, movies and beer.

 

This habit took hold over me and I started slipping away, and she started complaining about it without trying to change anything. I didn't talk either because I was a coward that wanted to avoid a clash, or because I though that talking about it never helped. With time I started thinking I am wasting my life like this and I would be better off on my own. But never did anything about it.

 

A month ago she told me she loves me but she cannot go on like this and she is sad about us and suggested that we separate.

 

I am moving now to me new apartment. And I am sad in was I never new existed. I have friends But I cannot talk about it with them because I will start crying in front of them, I hate being that weak. I feel guilty and I don't know why or how. I have no memories alone in Germany. But I am successful in my career and I think I will stay. Every article online says those bad feelings and sadness will fade away with time. I still love her but Cannot be with her.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. And I am not asking you anything. I just keep trying to get it out instead of suffocating under it.

 

Cheers

 

Kareem

[MidwestUSA]

Social media addict, hard core gamer, movies, video games and beer.

 

On the bright side, you're now free too indulge in all of the above, as much as you want!

 

 

Did you ever compromise and do things she liked doing? Or find something you liked in common?

[whichwayisup]

It's not weak to rely on your friends for support. SO what if you cry in front of them! Your marriage has fallen apart and now your wife has left. You should be sad and feel upset. Maybe this is enough to make you better yourself, do counseling with your wife and on your own to fix things and then maybe some day you two can get back together. You obviously loved her a lot to marry her, right?

[Brady375]

Hey bud. Me and the wife are in our 30s married 5 yrs and seperated 2months. Some of the difference between the two of you that you state bother you. They wouldn't bother everyone. Some of the things your ok w I would not be and vice Versa. My wife goes to bed at 9pm on the dot and I am up until 2am everynight. For myself that was one of the things I enjoyed about our relationship. She would go to bed and would get time to myself because I need that and I play games too lol so I would do that w no hassle during this time.

Other things that we diff on really bother me but if I discussed them w you you may like the same fact about your wife.

Point being its all a very Personal decision and thing you are going through. I have learned I have to be Very honest w myself as to what I need and don't need in a relationship. Can't base it off of what someone considers to be a great partner its based off of what I feel.

It seems that you both are on the same page and unhappy w things and it's mutual. That's a lot easier to deal w and like me you don't have kids. It's a marriage and more than a Break up for sure, but w no kids involved it's much easier than what other people have to deal w. Best of luck in your situation. I would say to take your time. Stay seperated and see how that goes for a couple months. Realistically it wouldn't be smart to Date or meet anyone new so soon so I'd let this all sink in to make sure you both are certain on splitting and just not in a rut.

[Kareem1]

Social media addict, hard core gamer, movies, video games and beer.

 

On the bright side, you're now free too indulge in all of the above, as much as you want!

 

 

Did you ever compromise and do things she liked doing? Or find something you liked in common?

 

hey MidwestUSA

 

Yes I used to do things and travel around, and go for sports and dancing and I do not say it was a compromise. I used to like these things. But I sort of had an extreme reaction to sometimes being pushed arround, or for not being appreciated enough. I sort of stopped gaming since she told me she wants to seperate.

 

may be I am still trying to find excuses to myself. I don not know. But sure you have a valid point. May be it was me who screwed up big time. I really do not know.