PupInTheAir Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) Hi I'm in a long distance relationship where my bf and I haven't had sex yet. We have talked about it but it just hasn't happened. My problem is he is still friends with his ex, and whenever he sees her they end up in bed. I want to make this work, and he says he does too, we love each other but she has this insane allure over him like she is some kind of siren. It wasn't always this way, they didn't even talk for months but now she's back and I don't know what to do. Edited January 31, 2016 by PupInTheAir Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Hi I don't know what to do. You walk away. No - forget that - you RUN away. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
j0celyn Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 He does not want to make this work. What he is doing is the opposite of wanting to make it work. If he did, he wouldn't see her. He wouldn't be in contact with her at all. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 How do you not know what to do? You forget this guy ever existed. He isn't interested in making it work, sorry. How is he even still your boyfriend, and are you sure this "ex" is an ex and not his girlfriend? You need to cut all contact with this guy. Immediately. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Are you out of your mind? My gosh, like they said, RUN 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Any rational female would not put up with a BF cheating on them. He knows he has emotional dominance over you, because you have no self worth or self esteem. That's why he picked you. You are easily manipulated, and controlled. Sorry hun, the ex GF doesn't have something over him like a siren, he is a man whore. He knowingly, selfishly wants to have sex with her because he can. He knows he can get away with it. You are so weak, all he has to do is make up a lie that his ex is to blame, and he has no control over his actions....AND YOU BELIEVE HIM! You are a damn fool, snap out of it for f sake. He doesn't give a rat's ass about you. Men who love their GF don't f uck their ex GF. He has filled you head with lies lies lies. Tip: go by their actions, not the words they say to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I think you left an "ex"out of the thread title. It should go before the word, "boyfriend." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PupInTheAir Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks, that's what my head tells me, but emotionally I'm struggling with it. He has said once we take our relationship to the next step then that's it, no more falling back on the ex. He has told her this, but I wonder if he isn't messing with her too? If I had her phone number maybe I should call her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 If I had her phone number maybe I should call her. Not your job.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks, that's what my head tells me, but emotionally I'm struggling with it. He has said once we take our relationship to the next step then that's it, no more falling back on the ex. He has told her this, but I wonder if he isn't messing with her too? If I had her phone number maybe I should call her. Of course you're emotionally struggling with it, you invested some emotion into the relationship, but he didn't and almost certainly never will. No contact. Immediately. Focus on you and forget this guy, he's not relationship material by any means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks, that's what my head tells me, but emotionally I'm struggling with it. He has said once we take our relationship to the next step then that's it, no more falling back on the ex. He has told her this, but I wonder if he isn't messing with her too? If I had her phone number maybe I should call her. Who cares if he is messing with her? He's lying to you & cheating on you. Listen to your head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Have you ever met him in person? Putting aside the issue of him stringing you along, how long is this distance? It seems to me like he's the kind of person who needs a physical relationship (no judgement on that, I can't imagine not being able to touch my loved one on a daily basis) and I suspect that long distance is exactly the opposite of what this guy needs. On the plus side of all this, at least he's not hiding the fact that he's still seeing his other girlfriend. Be thankful you have enough facts to help you make a sensible decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You should shut it totally down. Tell him once he's gone for an entire year without talking to or seeing his ex, he can call you. Not until then. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 He has said once we take our relationship to the next step then that's it, no more falling back on the ex.. TRANSLATION: He: "If she's that upset about me bedding my ex, she'll do anything to get it to stop. If I tell her it'll stop when SHE goes to bed with me and she agrees, problem solved -- I win all around (including continuing to have sex with the ex and anyone else I choose when LDR g/f isn't in town)." OP, this guy is playing you and pulling your strings. DETACH yourself from him ASAP. He'll be on to the next one soon enough, and the quicker you sever all ties the quicker you'll be able to move on with your life and find someone who truly is interested in *you*. Best, TMichaels 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I'm truly amazed by what some women put up with. Then I think about why I'm single...smh. He isn't your bf if he's sleeping with someone else. You are his chick on the side for when he does get tired of her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ophelia27 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He is cheating on you. And you are letting him. You are teaching him you are ok with it as long as he has an excuse. We all know the ex isn't a siren. What happens when you close the distance and he cheats on you again? He will apologize, claim this woman reminded him of his ex. He didn't want to but it happened. And he is sorry. Will you forgive him again? You need to stand your ground. Tell him it is you or her. Or better, say you have been sleeping with someone too. See how he reacts. Truth though, do you really want a guy who can't stay faithful? He told her once you two close the distance that that's it between them. No more sexy time. Why can't he start now? Dump him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 PupInTheAir, "but she has this insane allure over him like she is some kind of siren. " Total, utter BS. No-one can ever control another person's behaviour. (unless they put a gun to their head and I certainly don't think that's happening here.) He's sleeping with her because he wants to and it's his conscious choice. Ask yourself why you are allowing him to do this to you? Don't you deserves a guy who puts you as No.1? Please respect yourself and dump this POS now. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) OP, I am not sure what else should you need for you to be convinced that this is not right. A relationship is for two people. Apparently, some b**ches don't know how to count Edited February 1, 2016 by RySant 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) I don't know what to do. Your "boyfriend" is fking someone else, and calling you to tell you about it. Over and over. What do you think you should do? Hint: the answer is to drop him like a sack of sh*t and realise that you deserve to be treated much better than this. He doesn't love you...he doesn't even have a basic level of respect for you Oh and don't kid yourself - he's not doing this only because you're not there and unable to have sex with him. Even if you two were living together and screwing like rabbits, he'd still probably cheat on you. Edited February 1, 2016 by almond Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBeer Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I'm truly amazed by what some women put up with. Then I think about why I'm single...smh. He isn't your bf if he's sleeping with someone else. You are his chick on the side for when he does get tired of her. Right! This woman talks some sense. He has no respect for you at all! And you even wondering if you should put up with this.. you have no respect for yourself girl. The first and foremost things you want from your partner is for him to respect you, and for him to be yours and ONLY yours. Not like: okay well as long as my ex is not around, because you know I have a weak spot for her, but I love you better, she hurt me..... NO! Work on getting some dignity.. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 You're allowing him to sleep with another woman. Period. By staying with him and accepting his BS, you are giving him permission to cheat on you. No one can convince you that you don't deserve this..you have to see it for yourself. Until then, be prepared for more heartache. This guy is only doing to you what you allow him to do. The ball, my dear, is in your court. You do have the power to change your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Hi I'm in a long distance relationship where my bf and I haven't had sex yet. We have talked about it but it just hasn't happened. My problem is he is still friends with his ex, and whenever he sees her they end up in bed. I want to make this work, and he says he does too, we love each other but she has this insane allure over him like she is some kind of siren. It wasn't always this way, they didn't even talk for months but now she's back and I don't know what to do. Since this is basically an open relationship now, perhaps you should start seeing other men. Make sure that you let him know when you have had sex with another guy, you know, out of respect, and everyone will happy. The reality is that as long as you continue to date him, he will keep having sex with other women. If that doesn't appeal to you, it is time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Yes move on. He does not love you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
moys Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 He's not your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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