HeartinPain Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I was talking to a co-worker for about 8-9 months and we agreed to keep it casual until I caught feelings. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and he needs to be alone to be selfish for himself. I was really hurt and felt led on. We got distant from each other for 3 months so I can have time to get over it. I went through the grieving process and we kept it cordial the entire time. We slowly started communicating again and he came over to hang out few days ago. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping with each other. All my feelings flooded back. He was very conflicted because he knows I tend to complicate things because he knows I want more, but its not something he can give me. The entire time he said it wasn't me and he needs to be alone for himself. I told him that he knows where I stand and I accept his decision because there isn't anything else I can do about it. He said he was excited to see me because he felt we could be friends that hang out again... as friends. Despite saying this afterward, he was the one that initiated us hooking up again. He tells me he can't give me what I want, so why does he even reconnect with me? He admits he doesn't have feelings for me but he cares for me a lot. What does that even mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) It means he knows he can sleep with you at his convenience because he knows that you are hung up on him. When he says he doesn't want a romantic relationship, he means it. But if you are going to be receptive to being a FWB, why wouldn't he take you up on that? Edited January 31, 2016 by Simon Phoenix 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 He reconnects to have sex. Of course he's going to tell you he cares for you. Sometimes people tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. If someone really had your best interest at heart, especially when they know you're emotionally affected, they'd spare you confusion and hurt by leaving you alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 He tells me he can't give me what I want, so why does he even reconnect with me? He admits he doesn't have feelings for me but he cares for me a lot. What does that even mean? Why does he reconnect with you? Because he knows he can get sex from you. When he says he cares for you, it means he likes you enough to have sex with you, but he isn't interested in a relationship. He probably cares for you on a very superficial level. Don't believe someone when they say they need to be alone for themselves. That is the oldest line in the book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BYH Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I feel as if I am in similar situation..i just wish my ex would LEAVE ME ALONE! He doesn't want to be committed but continues to pop in and out of my life. I went NC when HE dumped ME a year ago, but ill admit I've slipped a few times. Every few months here he goes "how are you?" "i miss you". I ignore, then few weeks later here he is again. I ignore then here he is...then i give up in. I get upset, he apologizes, says he'll leave me alone then cycle begins again. :mad: I tell him, you want to sleep around with other girls then GO AHEAD, just leave me be. But no, he continues to want to drag me into a FWB situation...even though he swears up and down its more than that and blah blah blah blahhhh Recently, I was really vulnerable due to receiving some bad news. He was kinda there for me I guess..so i guess you can say I sorta of back tracked and now found myself in the exact situation i wanted to avoid.. we've hung out but the last few times when I was leaving he's admitted to heading out with other people...deep down i feel that he's going out to meet another girl or whatever. One morning we were watching a show and he was getting ready to leave to met with "friends" and the character on the show had name tag of a girl I know he used to be involved with..and idk i took it as a sign and my insides got all crazy. i know i can't go on like this.. but during NC, I missed him soooooo much. I set dates on my calendar like if you don't hear from him reach out....then BAM here he goes. Something sick deep down inside... i just want to be in his life, date around on my own and just let this go where it goes....just because i do enjoy being around him so much. I completely understand him being young and wanting to enjoy his life right now now and not settle down but why won't he let me be! Since we have broken up, i know he's had his fair share of hooks up...he has plenty of options of having a casual sex but he just keeps coming back.. at first it was like he kept coming back when a hook up situation went south, however i clearly see that he still has plenty of options! UGH...im heading to the point of blocking him. i really don't want to do though. *whew. needed to vent* Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 It's not on him to let you be. It's on you to not keep falling for the same tricks. Do not depend on someone else to do the work you need to do for yourself. He's not helping you out, but blaming him for your lack of self-control does not provide you the means to fix that lack of self-control. It just gives you an excuse to backslide. The moment you take responsibility for how you react is the moment you'll start to gain strength and move forward for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I ignore then here he is...then i give up in. I get upset, he apologizes, says he'll leave me alone then cycle begins again. :mad: The cycle begins you said... i really don't want to do though. Then break it. You've established yourself as someone he knows he can use for sex and as someone he knows is weak enough to manipulate. He will always keep coming back because it's easy and available. You accept the fact that it is over and that you are done being treated poorly, and you block him. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Link to post Share on other sites
BYH Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. You guys are absolutely correct..deep down inside I'm sure i knew this all along. Link to post Share on other sites
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