Metsfan15 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Hi Guys, this is my very 1st post on LS. I don't like to post, but felt that I needed some feedback on this matter... My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We were together for nearly 1.5 years, but because it became long distance due to her graduate school studies/relocating the past 6 months, it led do the end. We would still talk everyday and visit every 1.5 months when we were long-distance, but it was too much according to her.. I basically tried to plead with her all I could on how it didn't have to end, and why it could work, but it was tooo late. I found out about a month ago through a mutual friend that she is still single, so it wasn't her jumping on to a new R/S. After the break-up, I immediately deleted all our pics, deleted her number and "unfollowed" her from Instagram so I can heal. I did NOT want to see any pictures of her and be reminded. We have not contacted one another once since the breakup and it's been 5 months!, but up until a week ago she was still "following" me on Instagram, even though I no longer "followed" her and couldn't see her account since it was private. Well, last week, I finally decided that it wasn't enough, and so I took the measure of "blocking" her. I did not do this to cause a reaction from her, or play games, or any of that. I just did it cuzz I no longer wanted her seeing what was going on in my life. I can't describe it, but it's just a weird feeling having a somewhat recent ex still be able to look at your social media account. I felt that I couldn't be myself. Everytthing revolved around "what would my ex" think point of view. Every picture or comment, and it was kindda like having a monkey on my ;back. And so I finally blocked her... However, the weird thing on Instagram is, even though by blocking her she was no longer on my friends list and couldn't see my account, she could still somehow search/find my profile if she came across old comments of mine from her account. And by doing that and clicking on my name, she was able to find out that I had "blocked her". So a week after I initally blocked her, she then decided to block me. I was really caught off guard by that, not that it matters, but still.. And now, I don't know what to make of this? Why would she block me, if she was the one who broke up with me? Why would she even care? Afterall, I was the one pleading to her why it didn't have to end this way and fought for our relationship. We have not communicated in any way since the breakup. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You blocked her, she decided to block you back. Nothing really else to see here. Why does it matter? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 And now, I don't know what to make of this? Why would she block me, if she was the one who broke up with me? Why would she even care? Afterall, I was the one pleading to her why it didn't have to end this way and fought for our relationship. We have not communicated in any way since the breakup. Any thoughts? Do the reasons really matter? Maybe she blocked you in a fit of anger—people do that. If you don't want to look at her life, and you don't want her looking at yours, then I don't see, in the final analysis, that this makes a bit of difference. Neither of you can see anything. Perhaps one day y'all will unblock each other, but for now, this is best. Try and stop focusing on her online activity in any way, shape or form. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsfan15 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 You blocked her, she decided to block you back. Nothing really else to see here. Why does it matter? You're right, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't. But I think of it from the point of view when i've been the person dumping someone. When i've dumped my previous ex's, i've always felt like different. And i would never block an ex back if they initiated it being a dumper because either 1) I would no longer care or 2) I would still always feel "guilty" for a lack of a better word that I had to put an end to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsfan15 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Do the reasons really matter? Maybe she blocked you in a fit of anger—people do that. If you don't want to look at her life, and you don't want her looking at yours, then I don't see, in the final analysis, that this makes a bit of difference. Neither of you can see anything. Perhaps one day y'all will unblock each other, but for now, this is best. Try and stop focusing on her online activity in any way, shape or form. Hi losangelena. Yes, you're right, it doesn't matter. I'm only posting this question because this just happen and is still sort of fresh. I know in a few weeks from now, i won't really put a lot of thought in this anymore and carry on. To be honest, I had stopped focusing/thinking on her the past month in a half, but this sort of brought it back, at least for now. I just wanted to know or hear from other angles from other people, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Sorry Metsfah, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You're right, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't. But I think of it from the point of view when i've been the person dumping someone. When i've dumped my previous ex's, i've always felt like different. And i would never block an ex back if they initiated it being a dumper because either 1) I would no longer care or 2) I would still always feel "guilty" for a lack of a better word that I had to put an end to it. Why are you assuming that your thought process is the baseline way to act? Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe she saw you blocked and is like "ok, fair enough, good idea", did it and moved past it. Maybe she hates you. Who knows? Either way, obsessing over her possible thought process about blocking you after you blocked her is a completely counterproductive waste of time. You need to concentrate on you, not try to psychoanalyze someone who broke up with you and is not in your life. You're getting distracted by colored bubbles. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 If you blocked her out completely, and your purpose is to move on, then there's no such thing as retaliation. She can't retaliate because the day you go NC is the day that she is nothing to you. I know it takes a while to get your mind adjusted to understand that, but that's how it is. You're cutting all ties. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsfan15 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Why are you assuming that your thought process is the baseline way to act? Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe she saw you blocked and is like "ok, fair enough, good idea", did it and moved past it. Maybe she hates you. Who knows? Either way, obsessing over her possible thought process about blocking you after you blocked her is a completely counterproductive waste of time. You need to concentrate on you, not try to psychoanalyze someone who broke up with you and is not in your life. You're getting distracted by colored bubbles. Thanks for the pointer, Simon! I know.... I am indeed assuming too much, and i'll never know the answer anyway, so who cares. I just had a moment of relapse when i found out about this since it just happened. Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 how did you know she blocked you back? It's not surprising she blocked you back. It's an ego thing. Even if you don't give a **** about someone some people are still a little picked when they see you blocked them. So they block you back out of spite. Nothing unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsfan15 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 If you blocked her out completely, and your purpose is to move on, then there's no such thing as retaliation. She can't retaliate because the day you go NC is the day that she is nothing to you. I know it takes a while to get your mind adjusted to understand that, but that's how it is. You're cutting all ties. Those are very wise words, MightyCPA. Thank you for you response and advice, I appreciate it.. I really liked how you phrased that, particularly. "If Your purpose is to move on, then there's no such thing as retaliation." Yes, my goal is to move on completely and in many, many ways, I have, because I'm a firm believer in a relationship that lasts for the long-haul (marriage, happiness, etc), should not have a break-up to being with. It's only because this happened right now, that I thought of posing this question. Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well, she didn't like your "rejection" so she took revenge It is interesting that although she dumped you = rejected you, she didn't like your rejection. It's childish actually. If I were you , I wouldn't worry about her at all. Find the Lady who loves you and wants you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsfan15 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well, she didn't like your "rejection" so she took revenge It is interesting that although she dumped you = rejected you, she didn't like your rejection. It's childish actually. If I were you , I wouldn't worry about her at all. Find the Lady who loves you and wants you. Thanks for the feedback, Captivating.... Yes, most definitely my goal is to find another girl that deserves me and wants me. As I said earlier, I'm a firm believer that a relationship that's meant to be and lasts, doesn't have a breakup to begin with. So, I know there is no future here. Nevertheless, that still doesn't mean I can't think or wonder about esp. considering it just happened. Back to your point. I agree with what you said. It was weird that although she dumped me (rejected me), that was perfectly fine. I took it like a man. I tried to persuade her all I could why it didn't have to end, but once we parted ways that fateful day, I never contacted once in any way/shape/form, even though I was very hurt, obviously. But when I decided to "block her" (And i only did it to just let the past be the past/ Not to cause a reaction or play a game), to her eyes, that certainly was NOT okay, and she took revenge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CDJ Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I asked my ex for her and her new bf to both block me because I was struggling with the temptation to check photos. Both duly obliged, although unfortunately she didn't heed my request to block my friends and family, too, so I was later able to learn from them that she had removed all photos of me. What was weird is that she did this some 4 months later, and gradually over a 4 week period - removing a few, then a few more, until finally removing all. I was hurt at this gesture, but also wanted to know why she did after after so long and so gradually (I thought surely if she was going to to do it she would have done them all in one go, ASAP). And here's my point: you can agonise and torture yourself in trying to guess their motives and behaviour. It's an irrational thing to do (especially in your case, given you blocked your ex, but I totally understand where you are coming from!). It makes you start to read into things and that pile on more pain/regret/anger. But the fact is you will never know the truth/reasons - even if you could ask her, you probably won't get an honest answer. Social media is such a **** when it comes to break-ups; it's added a complication that previous generations never had to contend with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Metsfan, I'm glad that in a way you see see things objectively and that you value yourself not crawling after her. Rejection is very hard to accept and deal with. Withdrawal from a loved one is hard as well. Of course you will think of her sometimes, it is completely normal. It takes time, be patient. Things tend to get better, relationships tend to get better after the previous ones, you always learn from the previous ones and trying to avoid to make the same mistakes. You become cautious picking a girlfriend. So, there might be a time when you look back to this relationship and ask yourself "What was I thinking going out with her?? " Link to post Share on other sites
Liono84 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Look, no one's going to know the true answer, except her, so there is no really point in asking this question. All opinions on this board are on a best guessed point of view, though still pretty accurate for the most part. It's fair to ask or wonder why she would do that especially considering she broke up with you, and as a dumper, generally, you should be more sympathetic to how a dumpee determines is his/her best way to move forward since you are the one who altered paths and broke somebody's heart. However, you can not project your set of beliefs onto her, and more importantly, it really doesn't matter. Try to focus on the big picture, not the small stuff, and the big picture is the fact that 1) She broke up with you. 2) She has never tried to contact you back and it's been 6 months! (Pretty long time) If she had any inking of 2nd doubt or regret that was sincere, she would have contacted you by now, so the fact that she hasn't is telling of the BIG picture. Accept it, stop analyzing it, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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