Sibling Saga

[Clockwatching]

What you said makes complete sense and at some points in time my sister even admitted she had borderline traits, I think emotionally detaching myself might not be the worst idea, at this point I'm tired of crying and I think of what I might say to her should she come back round and nothing comes out anymore, I would never want to think of my only sister in a negative way, I think at times I side step what I'm experiencing instead of rolling head on with it, i think a part of me feels guilty when I try.

 

I think if your mother could so much as get an inch from your sister she would view it as a thousand miles, your mother seems likely a lovely woman and she would have to be to be in pieces like this over what your sister is doing, she loves her daughter and no mother wants to feel like her daughter doesn't value her, thankyou for the kind compliment, I appreciate it.

 

Hey good Dr It does sound like you have emotions to work through, I'm very much finding myself in the same position so I can understand it - these things do run deeply, more so than we realise much of the time I think. For some reason it's affecting so many areas of my life at the moment that I can understand your feelings. It's odd, you sound like you've taken a part that I find very familiar - side stepping, smoothing things over, making things ok - this works to a degree, until your needs outweigh your need to make things ok which is probably why it's hitting you so hard. I had a quick look at your other post as I think someone else posted on it which bumped it, and I have to say it sounds like you've done everything that you can for the moment and she knows that you're there to talk if she wants to. I would say to do whatever you feel honours your values at this time, but also give her the space that she needs too - it sounds like you guys may be able to reconcile as you've said that you've been close in the not too distant past.

 

It may be that the grief that you're feeling is at loggerheads with each other and it needs some breathing room, it would definitely be worth seeing if there's someone you can talk to about your Dad.

 

Really, my heart goes out to you and I feel like you're trying to find some sense of belonging and coming up short with your sister, but your Dad is a part of you every day, in that way you'll always belong with your family, try to take some heart in that? Things change, and things may change with your sister. I really feel that you should be taking care of what you need first though - your heart needs to be full before it can overflow to other people, and when it's broken it just leaks through the cracks and becomes a drop in the ocean, you need to heal first.

 

I think you're right regarding my mother, and I don't think she can ever bring herself to distance herself to such a degree - I only hope that in talking to someone and taking some counselling that she can find a way to get balance within herself. I will keep on pushing that button to get her to go and see what happens, fingers crossed we can find some way.

 

Sorry for rambling on so much, but your post really wanted to make me reach out as I do understand what you're going through on certain levels, and I really want to encourage you to take care of you - you sound like a very kind person but the one person you should be kindest to right now is yourself.

[Clockwatching]

Thankyou for that, I think you have a point, it was a beautiful read and it really made me think, I really miss my dad, he was my best friend and no matter what I did in life, however big or small, he was always proud of me, he would never discriminate or criticise, it would be enough that you tried, since he died I think I have tried to find a bigger meaning in my sister and I have tried to be close to her, some of the pain I feel now she has cut me off I feel comes from the disappointment my dad would feel if he could see the state we are in now, we are all that's left yet we are completely torn apart, i wish I could be vulnerable with my sister and I wish she could be vulnerable with me, I wish I could tell her and hear back the importance of being siblings, I feel like I have no meaning to her yet she has all this meaning to me, I think in many ways I'm still dealing with the grief I feel from my Dad's death, maybe I should deal with that first and deal with my sister once my vision has completely cleared.

 

Ps.. there's always a PS... Your Dad sounds like a great guy, and he had it bang on the money with how he treated you. Not knowing him, I can only summise, but he sounds like the kind of guy who can see that you're both hurting and I think he would wish that you weren't hurting any more.

Go talk to someone, cherish his memory and the rips in your family can heal in time. Big hugs to you xx

[bigbaby]

"Basically my sister's always been selfish and quite manipulative..."

 

 

This sentence of yours gave me pause. If that's literally accurate then it seems your family has never thought much of her.

 

 

If someone interviewed your sister about her family of origin, what do you think she would say?

 

 

Of course a post or two leaves a lot of gaps but you might want to look up Golden Child and Scapegoat/Black Sheep Child and see if there's anything there that you recognize.

 

 

Another thing to consider is if she is an addict?

 

 

Good luck.