50+ men

[edgygirl]

Are you one? Can you tell me what do 50+ guys look for in a new relationship?

 

I've started going out with older guys recently but I feel I don't get where they come from in life. The guy I went out with yesterday has two grown up kids, had an almost 20 year marriage and then a 5 year long term relationship.

 

What does a men want in that stage in life? Are they mostly looking for companionship? Can they still get somewhat horny often? Or is it the case that they don't want to spend their years alone?

 

I know most people prefer to be paired up, but this demography is kind of new to me and it's hard to relate. I wonder if I should stay closer to my age, but lately the 50+ guys have been seeming alluring and charming for some reason.

[central]

I can't speak for all 50+ men, just for myself. But, I think in general we want the same as younger men, but without the prospect of children to deal with.

 

I want (and have) a strong, committed relationship. We share many interests, love spending time together, and both have high sex drives (maybe some older men have ED or whatever, but most can take something for that, and there are testosterone gels and injections to maintain the libido - sex should not be a problem! unless there are other health issues). I'm not looking for someone to take care of me - we do take care of each other, as needed. That's what a loving partnership entails. Companionship? Sure! Sex? Almost daily for us - YMMV, of course. Shared interests so we can talk, and travel to mutually interesting places.

 

I suggest keeping the age difference to at most 10 years - 15 years tops. It won't matter much until he's 70 or 75, but then these differences become a lot more problematical, IMO.

[edgygirl]

Thanks central.

 

All that makes sense. This guy specifically said he'd be open to have one more child with the right person. But deep down I imagine how a man with grown children can go through all that again

[central]

Some do want that, though. We hear about aging celebrities having children, but they can easily afford it! However, what is it YOU want? If that's a goal for you, then older men who share that goal will be hard to find, or will reluctantly go along. Will they be reluctant fathers, too? It takes time to know someone's character and how they will handle difficult situations. Whoever you date, don't rush into making a decision to make it permanent.

[deckard11]

I'm 41, but if things keep going the way they are then I will be 50 and single. I know that I want a committed, mongamous relationship with a woman who had no kids. But that's just me.

[edgygirl]

I also would prefer a guy without kids but I guess we get more and more flexible as time passes on...

 

I'm 41, but if things keep going the way they are then I will be 50 and single. I know that I want a committed, mongamous relationship with a woman who had no kids. But that's just me.

[road]

More important is the OP's age if stated would make us think she has daddy issues.

[edgygirl]

Nah... never had and never will. I've actually crossed the 40s barrier recently. If anything lately I've been going for younger guys but trying to change it now. As guys my age sometimes go for women in their 30s I've started exploring guys who are a little older and I'm enjoying the maturity.

 

More important is the OP's age if stated would make us think she has daddy issues.

[Kilgoretrout]

Nah... never had and never will. I've actually crossed the 40s barrier recently. If anything lately I've been going for younger guys but trying to change it now. As guys my age sometimes go for women in their 30s I've started exploring guys who are a little older and I'm enjoying the maturity.

 

What made you go for young guys before?

[deckard11]

I also would prefer a guy without kids but I guess we get more and more flexible as time passes on...

 

Not me. I will never be flexible when it comes to kids.

[edgygirl]

I didn't search for them. They searched me. And they were fun, more fun than older grumpy guys I was meeting at the time, so I went for it.

 

I don't really do it anymore though. Prefer my age or older. But then they seem to prefer younger although I look young. Maybe I should go back to younger guys too Or for older

 

What made you go for young guys before?

[Kilgoretrout]

I didn't search for them. They searched me. And they were fun, more fun than older grumpy guys I was meeting at the time, so I went for it.

 

I don't really do it anymore though. Prefer my age or older. But then they seem to prefer younger although I look young. Maybe I should go back to younger guys too Or for older

 

What about same age range as you? The only issue with older guys is m, like you said, if you want kids They might not be in that frame of mind

[carhill]

Are you one?

Yeah, 57 in a few months.

Can you tell me what do 50+ guys look for in a new relationship?

Heh, peace and quiet with some exclamation points of passion. Some guys might wish to revisit their youth since we're getting closer to the grim reaper in a quantifiable sense. Whatever youth was for them.

 

I've started going out with older guys recently but I feel I don't get where they come from in life. The guy I went out with yesterday has two grown up kids, had an almost 20 year marriage and then a 5 year long term relationship.

He's been coupled essentially his whole adult life. Sounds like one of those guys. He'll want to be coupled. It's all he knows. Good prospect if he's not broken.

What does a men want in that stage in life? Are they mostly looking for companionship? Can they still get somewhat horny often? Or is it the case that they don't want to spend their years alone?

 

Probably a mix. The horny part depends on intrinsic libido, health, and environmental factors. Career can be winding down or, alternatively, extremely focused since some men are still at the height of their earning period in their 50's. Projects everywhere. Lots of distractions. If they have minor children still, focuses on that. Grandchildren, etc.

 

Most guys, normal ones anyway, don't want to spend their years alone. Doubly so for those who've been coupled their entire lives. That's all they know. It's their normal. Usually they'll get a new girlfriend or work on one before they're divorced or breakup. No significant alone time.

 

I know most people prefer to be paired up, but this demographic is kind of new to me and it's hard to relate. I wonder if I should stay closer to my age, but lately the 50+ guys have been seeming alluring and charming for some reason.

 

Sample it as examples present and see how you feel. Guys are all different and age, while great for census-taking, isn't always a deterministic factor in a guy's psychology and suitability for a relationship.

 

Ironically, one downside I've found, looking at women your age, is that they're generally still very focused on career and I'm more interested in playing with projects and going fishing in between. The high energy earning period of my life has passed and fun is more of priority. Some guys might be like that. Others might still be doing the 10/7. It all depends. Check it out and see.

[dichotomy]

As central mentioned Its difficult to classify ALL men by just this age.

 

I also think it matters about what stage of relationships they are in as well - if they were divorced not too long ago - they could be looking for light fun excitement (true of divorced women as well) and not any long term commitments. If they have been divorced a while they may be looking for a longer term partner.

 

My sex drive is as high as ever and I work out, I like adventures - even more than when I was young, but long term energy is not what it was in my 30's. Staying up to midnight partying is not typically something I do anymore, but I am ore than willing to try some new event or place or activity or fun - just have me home by 10pm.

 

Also after 50 some health issues can begin to show, or at least your aware they are coming. Men die earlier than women. Men can react to this two ways - by denial and acting like 20 year olds, or by understanding that love and companionship can mean more than wild times.

 

Lastly - kids. I only know a handful of guys in my life who got to 50 without at least one kid. So you may have to deal with their involvement in their kids lives - and the age of their kids could vary notably from young to college age.

[salparadise]

Central and Dichotomy nailed it pretty well... don't expect all 50+ men to be alike, because we're definitely not. And what we want changes as we get some distance on the divorce, assuming there was one in the somewhat recent past.

 

Immediately after divorce... probably not ready for commitment, but looking for something real that includes good sex and companionship. Of course some just can't wait to remarry whether they're ready or not. Others may be commitment phobes forever. Make your assessments on an individual basis, and pay particular attention to non-alignment of words and actions.

 

Look for a healthy attachment style - feelings developing appropriately as time elapses. If they're holding you at arm's length, doing the push-pull or are trying to get serious in the first month, beware.

 

From my own perspective... first relationship post D I was needing to relearn that I am lovable and attractive all over again (failed marriages and divorce are traumatic). I had a relationship that did that for me, and it was a good transitional relationship, but it wasn't exactly right and I knew it. I just wasn't able to see it in the moment. After that... several short-lived dating escapades due to being a bit too eager to find someone and not fully realizing what I actually wanted/needed.

 

Then, five years post D I believe I had smoothed out considerably. I took a full year off. I did go on coffee dates and such, but I resolved not to get involved just to assuage loneliness or get laid. I was only interested in finding a great long-term relationship; no more dalliances. I was much better as assessing potential by that time. Remaining single and developing perspective facilitated that.

 

What was I looking for? Attraction and conversational chemistry of course... integrity, character, consistency, reliability, lifestyle compatibility and someone in a similar place on their journey. I was patient and ultimately was rewarded for being fully available but not needy.

 

Hope you find someone who has done the work to make themselves ready.

[thefooloftheyear]

yeah,,,what the others said...

 

It depends...

 

I am a youthful guy in all respects...In fact, while I wont say I am physically better than I was at 25, i'm really not that far off and probably have a better physique...

 

I like doing anything that involves physical activity....But a lot of guys my age aren't and are pretty much on the couch...Most of the guys I know at this age don't mind and would enjoy the company of a woman, but they aren't guided by their balls anymore..Again, not all of them are the same, though...

 

About the only thing I can say is don't be needy...Many of those guys have spent decades pulling a heavy load for their wives/families and don't want to do that all over again..

 

Good luck...

 

 

TFY

[GoodOnPaper]

Will turn 50 in a couple of years. I have to echo the sentiments that each man will have his own individual history, needs and wants - I would think it would be tough to generalize. You would think that a lot of the men you'd date would have a history of marriage and/or LTRs - for future relationships I would think the men would look for qualities that resemble the good aspects they had and are the opposite of the bad aspects they experienced.

 

For me, if I found myself single I would look for similar comfort and companionship that I've had with my wife but in the bedroom, I would look for intimacy to be much more open and sex a lot less inhibited. I have kids and still have several years before the last one is out of the house, so I wouldn't be inclined to get into an LTR until that happens. That would be ok - my first priority would be the kids, plus I have a gazillon hobbies, interests, and career challenges that I never seem to have adequate time for. Also, I could use the time to work through some issues I have carried for a long, long time - a ONS/FWB opportunity would work wonders in that regard.

 

My sex drive ebbed a little bit in my late 30s - still, once a day is no problem, twice a day would be a little more challenging, twice a day every day would be tough. I am not overweight but have not exercised regularly for a year or two - I need to get back to that. Many women on LS seem to be extremely judgmental about older men's looks and physical shape. If real life resembles that at all, I'd feel like I'd need to hit the gym every day for a couple of years before I even attempt to socialize with women.

 

That's my snapshot . . . no doubt every 50+ man you meet will have his own individual one.

[dichotomy]

About the only thing I can say is don't be needy...Many of those guys have spent decades pulling a heavy load for their wives/families and don't want to do that all over again..

 

 

Woo boy you hit the nail on the head with that...

[bigbaby]

In the long run, big age differences don't usually work so well, I don't think. If you're in different stages of life you'll want and need different things and also will be out of sync with your histories. Each generation has a lot of common memories and attitudes. Being in the same place at the same time, in the past, present and future probably has much better odds for being a good long term match.

[road]

Women and men age difference. When young and starting dating the woman should not be older than the man or more than 4 years younger.

 

 

Yes there have been successful marriages were the man was 5 to 9 years older. Though as the age spread increases the success decreases.

 

 

For there is not enough common social background to related to and share from growing up in eras separated from too much time.

 

 

Also when both people have different sex drives when young causes problems. Well when a 40 yo hotie marries a 50 yo with erectile problems. As men get older everything can still work though it may not work as well or as often.

 

 

Now can the OP be happy with 5 minutes once a week. Even if it is 2-3 times a week now. Ten years from now and the is 50 OP and still is going strong. Her "man" will now be 60 and the minimum she would be happy with may not be available. Then what?

[central]

Women and men age difference. When young and starting dating the woman should not be older than the man or more than 4 years younger.

 

 

Yes there have been successful marriages were the man was 5 to 9 years older. Though as the age spread increases the success decreases.

 

 

For there is not enough common social background to related to and share from growing up in eras separated from too much time.

 

 

Also when both people have different sex drives when young causes problems. Well when a 40 yo hotie marries a 50 yo with erectile problems. As men get older everything can still work though it may not work as well or as often.

 

 

Now can the OP be happy with 5 minutes once a week. Even if it is 2-3 times a week now. Ten years from now and the is 50 OP and still is going strong. Her "man" will now be 60 and the minimum she would be happy with may not be available. Then what?

 

While there is some truth in what you're saying, it's overly alarmist. There are 30-somethings with ED, and 20-somethings with low sex drive - something you should figure out before deciding if they're long-term prospects (regardless of age). A healthy older man may retain his libido and his ability - and if not, there are treatments for such now. I'm over 60, my wife is 8 years younger. We have sex 6 to 10x a week, and I often don't need pills for that.

 

 

But, beyond a 10 year age difference, and I think the eventual problems could be serious. What happens at retirement for the older person? Is the younger still working, or need to work? Once the older reaches about 75 (probably not at 60 or 65, but possibly), health problems may be a large factor if they weren't previously. Of course, many marriages face such issues even when the ages are similar and the couple is younger - there are many illnesses and injuries that can affect any relationship at any time. You have to assess the risk and whether it's acceptable. Many people enter such relationships anyway, but I hope they've looked at the future possibilities as well as how they feel now.

[edgygirl]

You got a lot of points right it seems. He actually just told me he had sex a couple of times per week in the past 25+ years and it's weird not to have it now. First with ex wife and then with the long term relationship girlfriend.

 

He does state he wants to find a real relationship again and I believe him.

 

He's been coupled essentially his whole adult life. Sounds like one of those guys. He'll want to be coupled. It's all he knows. Good prospect if he's not broken.

 

This could be true... I'm still in the height of my career and it might bother some men. I'm a professional woman but I think deep down I'd give it up if I found the right person and having my intense work life didn't make sense.

 

In this specific case though I think his ex wife was not ambitious so he prefers women who are.

 

Ironically, one downside I've found, looking at women your age, is that they're generally still very focused on career and I'm more interested in playing with projects and going fishing in between. The high energy earning period of my life has passed and fun is more of priority. Some guys might be like that. Others might still be doing the 10/7. It all depends. Check it out and see.

 

I think what bothers me most with older men is that they don't seem to have a sense of urgency in relationships... I don't feel he's eager to meet often like a younger man would be.

[road]

You got a lot of points right it seems. He actually just told me he had sex a couple of times per week in the past 25+ years

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think what bothers me most with older men is that they don't seem to have a sense of urgency in relationships... I don't feel he's eager to meet often like a younger man would be.

 

 

2 times a week now may be 1 time a week or less in 10 years.

 

 

Will you be happy with that?

 

 

Eager?

 

 

It is called mind over matter, the mind wants it but what matter's is that with age the energy to take action decreases.

[edgygirl]

2 times a week seems like too little for me already...

 

Yeah not sure it can work... no wonder women my age are increasingly going for younger men... after all we're at our prime, sex-wise.

 

2 times a week now may be 1 time a week or less in 10 years.

 

 

Will you be happy with that?

 

 

Eager?

 

 

It is called mind over matter, the mind wants it but what matter's is that with age the energy to take action decreases.

[carhill]

I'm still in the height of my career and it might bother some men. I'm a professional woman but I think deep down I'd give it up if I found the right person and having my intense work life didn't make sense.

 

People can be different but still synergistic. It depends on how they interact and apply their styles of living to the relationship.

 

In this specific case though I think his ex wife was not ambitious so he prefers women who are.

Worth a discussion if things go well otherwise, IMO.

 

 

 

I think what bothers me most with older men is that they don't seem to have a sense of urgency in relationships... I don't feel he's eager to meet often like a younger man would be.

 

That's fair. Many older men, especially those coming out of long marriages or relationships, have been there, done that and things are more measured and relaxed. Some aren't as sexually aggressive as they were as young men and sex is still a major component in the zeal with which they pursue of women. If that's relaxed somewhat and estrogen is on the rise or testosterone on the decline, sure, there will, comparatively, seem like less eagerness. However, that can be balanced by their psychological desire for companionship. A shift in desire impetus can occur.

 

Is it worth it for you as a professional lady in your 40's to investigate? Up to you. Life is about exploration. If this one speaks to you as an adventure you'd like to check out, pretty good reason to try, IMO.