"s/he will come crawling back"

[healthyhopes]

How come after a breakup of any sort, where you have been wronged, the most common retort is that "s/he will come crawling back" or "s/he will come back begging"?

Of course on one hand this may be something that we all want as validation of who we are, but how often does it even happen in reality? For instance, after being royally screwed over in a fwb situation lately, I've been told that the guy will come back begging. But if this was the case, perhaps he would've held me down in a relationship already /before/ I left, and would have done a lot more than weird breadcrumb-y behavior in the interim before he got a new girlfriend.

 

Of course I have this little niggling feeling of hope at the back of my neck that he'll come back/actually have feelings for me. However, if he really didn't have any feelings for me at all, why would he beg to come back later?

 

I remember in another failed relationship that I had, I treated the guy very well and it ended up fizzling out. He did "come back" later it, but it was more testing the waters type behavior, and he ended up pissed off when he found me to be uninterested, instead of begging at all.

 

So long story short, do the ones who have wronged you ever really come crawling back, or is it all a pipe dream? Has this ever happened to anyone? I feel like it's one of those things that's too good to be true, and is just a thought we all carry within ourselves to make us feel better. Like, we all think that what comes up will come down... but in a lot of cases... it really doesn't...

[DrMario]

I've had people come back to me, very rarely but it has happened, they've never begged and they've never crawled but they have always said in their own way that they made a mistake when they returned, I'm not somebody who can fully abide by the no contact rule, I prefer to remain civil and maintain a friendship if possible, I don't contact my exes but I wouldn't ignore them if they contacted me.

 

I don't know what will happen in your situation, but I would leave a door open if your open to anything happening in the future

[Wewon]

Because on some level people still want to believe that life is fair and that if we have good intentions that they will be recognized by people that reject us.

 

Hanging on to the idea that an ex will come back doesn't allow us to deal with two things:

 

1) Maybe we weren't so great and we may have caused the other person some grief and that we never considered.

 

2) That its possible that noone was "wrong" and that its possible to two people to both be good and simply not a match.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Every single one of my exes have "come crawling back." Gave a second chance to a few..

[NoMoreJerks]

I am now wondering how true it is for post-second chances. Like, third chances, maybe ? If a second chance didn't work out, what are the odds that the ex (dumper both times, came crawling back for a second chance; he was to blame for things breaking down, because he didn't want to make the effort and walked away twice, while I gave my all and chased after him, wanted to see him more than he wanted to see me, etc.) will come crawling back for a third chance? lol

Edited February 2, 2016 by NoMoreJerks

[cupcakebunny]

Exes come back a lot. It's common. What's uncommon is the relationship sticking a 2nd time. As the PP pointed out, this hoping/wishing often stops the person sitting down and saying 'maybe I screwed up and I think may have to do a lot of work to fix this problem'. So even if the other person comes back because they miss the companionship and have a nicer, self-edited memory of the relationship because of their time away, it falls apart because that person is like "Oh...now I remember why I left. This is still a problem".

 

 

I think 2nd chances CAN work out, I've seen a few people get married a 2nd time - i.e. divorce and then remarriage a few years later - and are doing well. But both parties have to own up to the fact that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that both likely contributed to its failings. This requires sucking up a lot of pride and being pretty honest and open. If that's not possible, it just won't work. (obviously this is general and doesn't apply to EVERY breakup).

 

 

If you are hoping for a reconciliation, I would approach them after some time apart. That's all you can do. If they are still uninterested, then work to let them go and move on. But I know the last part is the hardest