My jealousy and his lack of reassurance are tearing us apart

[Pwu]

He broke up with me a year ago saying he's still young and need to be single to do his own thing. He came back a couple of months ago saying he made a mistake and that I'm all he wants and begged for another chance, which I gave him.

 

At first, everything was great. He was super attentive and always wanted to see me. But with our busy school and work schedules we could only see each other about 2-3 times a week.

 

Now, he can go daysss without even talking to me and we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks. I've talked to him about this and he says that he's just focusing on himself and work and that he'll see me "when we both have time." I just feel like he's losing interest, so I suggest that we break up, which made him mad. He told me there's nothing to worry about and that he still loves me.

 

I was just talking to him yesterday but got busy so I told him I'd call him later that night. When I did call, he didn't pick up. I asked him about it this morning and he said he went clubbing with his coworker. Turns out he was dancing with other girls all night which was why he didn't pick up my phone call. I tried to not react at first but I eventually caved in and told him that really upset me and all he said was "I understand where you're coming from."

 

At this point, I'm really considering breaking up with him because he just doesn't seem to care that what he did upset me. He wants a relationship with me but he's still acting single. The thing is, I really do love this guy. I'm seeing him tomorrow to talk and I don't know what I want to say. Should I break up with him because he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend or should I just talk it out with him because my insecurity is really the problem?

[Satu]

When you have your talk, try not to adopt an accusative tone. That usually brings the same in return, and it's not conducive to problem solving. Listen for at least as long as you speak. Leave little pauses in the conversation, so that you can both process what is being said. Be clear about what you want. Aim to be calm and relaxed all the way through.

 

Take care.

[Redhead14]

He broke up with me a year ago saying he's still young and need to be single to do his own thing. He came back a couple of months ago saying he made a mistake and that I'm all he wants and begged for another chance, which I gave him.

 

At first, everything was great. He was super attentive and always wanted to see me. But with our busy school and work schedules we could only see each other about 2-3 times a week.

 

Now, he can go daysss without even talking to me and we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks. I've talked to him about this and he says that he's just focusing on himself and work and that he'll see me "when we both have time." I just feel like he's losing interest, so I suggest that we break up, which made him mad. He told me there's nothing to worry about and that he still loves me.

 

I was just talking to him yesterday but got busy so I told him I'd call him later that night. When I did call, he didn't pick up. I asked him about it this morning and he said he went clubbing with his coworker. Turns out he was dancing with other girls all night which was why he didn't pick up my phone call. I tried to not react at first but I eventually caved in and told him that really upset me and all he said was "I understand where you're coming from."

 

At this point, I'm really considering breaking up with him because he just doesn't seem to care that what he did upset me. He wants a relationship with me but he's still acting single. The thing is, I really do love this guy. I'm seeing him tomorrow to talk and I don't know what I want to say. Should I break up with him because he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend or should I just talk it out with him because my insecurity is really the problem?

 

He broke up with me a year ago saying he's still young and need to be single to do his own thing. -- History is repeating itself . . . You are correct, he is still acting single.

 

After a break up and getting back together, you need to observe whether or not the problems that caused the break up are being addressed/resolved. That doesn't appear to be the case here. when you took him back you should have calmly and clearly explained to him what it is you want for yourself for a relationship. You want good communication between seeing each other, you want to see each other on a regular basis and make time for each other each week. If there is something that he needs to focus on or if he needs some "me" time, OK, but he needs to communicate this to you and at the very least call you once or twice during that time. Then, you sit back and observe. If he continues to drop out, or communication is weak, you tell him you are moving on. Plain and simple. Now, you need to communicate your needs and expectations and give him the opportunity to meet them and this is the last time. (Don't tell him that though, it's not an ultimatum. Just your own ground rules. Draw a line for yourself. You don't have to allow him to come in and out of your life on HIS schedule or when his sacks are full . . .

 

He told me there's nothing to worry about and that he still loves me. -- He needs to demonstrate that. That can't happen without communication.

[d0nnivain]

If he doesn't have time to see you or talk to you for 2 weeks but has time to go dancing with other girls, you need to give him all the time in the world to do just that -- be with all the girls he wants because you will be off to find a man who is not a jerk.

[basil67]

Now, he can go daysss without even talking to me and we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks. I've talked to him about this and he says that he's just focusing on himself and work and that he'll see me "when we both have time."

 

Nice of him to put you as such a priority in his life (sarcasm).

 

Sweetie, suggesting breaking up isn't the way to deal with this. Just a straight out dumping on your part is the solution.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Lady, guess you two are not yet ready for a relationship. I guess both of you need to meet other people, may not be dating just socially, so that you get a feel of what life is all about. If during that time you meet someone you really gel with then good for you.

Don't carry all your eggs in one basket! Warm wishes.