KBarletta Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Thanks for all the replies guys, especially the last two. I bumped into my wife's sister earlier and asked her if my wife had a new guy. It's the 47 year old from work with marriage issues. This is unconfirmed but I believe it. I feel better because I can't do anything. She never had a father figure and always had issues with guys so I'm completely unsurprised he is the guy she picked. I also met a lady from work (who went through a marriage breaking from an abusive relationship. She helped me see how I was controlled by my wife and how unhappy I have been. I went through a massive depressive load and ended up putting that down to work, found a new job and got my baseline better. I haven't been happy since then. Maybe it was relationship based. My mum thinks I would of realised one day and left her so I'm quietly optimistic about the future. You are in such a good place, it sounds like, given the circumstances as you have laid them out. I have no doubt that you will come out of this better off than you were before. I still have moments, over a year later, where I miss my wife terribly. But we were together for over a decade. That isn't something that you just forget about. BUT ... I also have someone new who touches my heart in places my wife never did (or anyone else for that matter) and I never would have found her if my wife hadn't walked away. So, I am not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason, because I honestly don't believe that is true. But I WILL tell you that this is going to open up a world to you that would not have existed if this had not happened. And somewhere in that world is a new life for you that I think is going to be better than before. Best of luck to you and keep posting! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 File right away, but be prepared for a few things. If the 47 year old guy with MARRAIGE ISSUES is her choice then she will get a big surprise when she tells him she is divorcing. Will he divorce and seperate from his children for her? Not likely. More than likely, she will go to him with the happy news that she will be free and he will recoil. Then when she realises she is getting divorced and doesnt have her "soulmate" your phone will ring. The delusion will be over. Do not let it be transferred back to you. If someone wants to cheat or threatens you with another man, dump them. Yesterday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thanks for all the replies guys, especially the last two. I bumped into my wife's sister earlier and asked her if my wife had a new guy. It's the 47 year old from work with marriage issues. This is unconfirmed but I believe it. I feel better because I can't do anything. She never had a father figure and always had issues with guys so I'm completely unsurprised he is the guy she picked. Well there you go, mystery solved. And I'd wager he's not her "new" guy, she's been seeing him while plotting her disconnect from you. Hopefully this gives you the clarity needed to move forward with your life. Get your legal situation squared away, better days ahead ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saf17 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Guys and girls. I really don't know how to say thanks properly. With the help of you guys and my real life friends, I have gotten the closure and feel I can take the first steps on my own path and move on with life. I tried calling her today and she didn't answer, instead text. Long story short, I said that I wanted to be perfectly honest and I know why she left me and that I will be getting legal advice over the weekend to start divorce proceedings. She still won't admit about the other guy - even though I have confirmation from friends she works with. I am really glad I said my piece and gave her every opportunity to be honest. I can finally accept that she failed me and she will lose more than I will. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't perfect but I was a good person, a good husband and did my absolute best. That counts for something, I hope. I went for a coffee with a friend from work who helped me realise just how controlled I was. How unhappy I was without realising. And opened my eyes to a lot of things, like my relationship issues but also issues I have to work on for myself. I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and also will start counselling through my works health insurance. I have a lot of stuff to clear in my head but I actually feel pretty good. I'm gutted, and sad, but I'm optimistic and enthusiastic to work on me for once. Part of how I dealt with this first week has been the great advice here. I can't thank you guys enough! And to the one who said something like 'keep posting and hang around' I will do. I have a new friend/family base here who will willingly help me. My turn to help some others 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Don't under estimate the impact of her adultery is and will continue to have on you. You mentioned seeing docotors, do any deal with infidelity ? If not find one or begin reading on line articles to start. I've read a few other forums and found amazing well writing and nuanced articles. On such one is on this forum http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce This should be were you start today. Post about it and then start researching about how adultery will effect you and how the legal system works. Link to post Share on other sites
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