whatatangledweb Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Amillionpieces, Are you considering suicide? Is that why you wanted pills? Please call a suicide hotline or your husband. Tell him what you did, get it off your chest. Tell him exactly what you are feeling. Please call one of them. Your family loves you. You are worth support. We are listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Ohmyohmy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Million Of course you do!! you are a human being in an awful situation!! There are people doing a whole heck of a lot worse in this world!! Chin up girl!! You came here trusting you'd find support, but it's an open forum so I think you have to take the good with the bad...but I have yet to find anywhere else to turn where anyone understands how totally complex these situations are. You seem to be an intelligent, hard working, physically fit woman!! Of course this situation will bring you to your knees!! What woman in today's world has been raised to know how to handle this??? But, only you have the power to even start to make it better... Sit there and bawl your eyes out, do what you need to do, but I hope you can start to think of a way forward. This is dumb it I have a private Pinterest board where I pin all kinds of empowerment stuff...when it gets really bad I just read those quotes over and over again. Your story might be helping someone else right now ok...you might be able to help another woman in the future...not feel so lonely... You are a worthwhile woman don't forget that!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I'm never telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I posted here 3 weeks ago with my story. I knew the A had to end and still it took me three more weeks to do it. Those were a very bad three weeks. Emotionally. I was ruined three weeks ago. I'm worse now. My despair is not over MM. It's ME. I don't even know who I am. I feel like I've had a complete break from reality. Public forum good and bad I get it. I don't even care if people beat me up. I deserve that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Amillionpieces, Are you considering suicide? Is that why you wanted pills? Please call a suicide hotline or your husband. Tell him what you did, get it off your chest. Tell him exactly what you are feeling. Please call one of them. Your family loves you. You are worth support. We are listening. Yes I've considered it. Yes I told husband that fact. Yes I told therapist that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 My despair is not over MM. It's ME. I don't even know who I am. Time to find yourself and get your groove back. xoxo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Million your posts are reading as if you are in a very dark and scary place. If you are feeling suicidal please call an hotline or go to the hospital. I wish I could be where you are to give you an hug. My ex-husband committed suicide and the effects on our children and his family have been so painful. We all tried to support him but I think if we had got him under a dr.'s care maybe things could have been different. Please think of your kids and how much they love you. Please please reach out to someone trained to help you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ohmyohmy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Million, you probably know nothing about me, but I'm a current OW, in the same broken down boat with you. I have kids and a husband, MM has kids too...we're all friends...it's really a sick web...that took a very long time to weave...that I'm just barely getting the strength to try and unravel.... It's awful all around I've got all the guilt and anxiety and desperation and obsession Before the A...that was absolutely not who I was!! A's cause a whole level of psychological trauma that only another OW/OM could understand. You'll get no judgement out of me... There is no quick fix here. But lets get a little perspective, you haven't killed anyone, blown up a building, stolen anyone's lifesavings...? Give yourself permission to grieve...but your kids need you. That we both know. So please don't give up hope. Ohmy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I called crisis line. They told me to call my husband to come get me and take me to hospital. He won't come. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 are you with your kids? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) I called crisis line. They told me to call my husband to come get me and take me to hospital. He won't come. Call the police and tell them you are thinking of killing yourself. That you need help. They will come and take you to a hospital. I've have done that two times in my past. Please call them. I'm really worried about you. You can also called the hotline back and tell them you have no one to take you. Or take a cab. Please do one of them right now. Edited January 22, 2016 by whatatangledweb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I have no method of doing it here. So I'm staying put. I'm more afraid to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 are you alone? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Are you afraid of getting help or being judged at a hospital? Sweetheart, staying will not help you get better. Leaving will. I have been in that low, dark place you are in. It will get better with help.Please give yourself this chance to be better. In the psch ward, you will see that you are not alone. That there are many people who feel like you. There are also many people there who want to help you and will do so. Please, I'm begging you..call them, save yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I'm not with my kids. I'm by myself at my mother's house. I'm in bed. Doors locked. nothing will happen to me here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ohmyohmy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 million...oh my...your husband won't come? Who is your next closest friend? Can you call them? Be brave, can you call your mom? There is so much help available, you just need to get to make the first step and tell a professional how truly down you are. Don't give up ohmy Link to post Share on other sites
Ohmyohmy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Hey Million? Only because I know, because I've tried to "drown" the feelings myself... is there any chance that you might be drinking tonight? In my own experience that only makes it worse.... just asking... hang in there ohmy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Not drinking. Stone cold sober. I called the mental health crisis line anonymously… the police just phoned me. They knew my name and address. I refuse to talk to them and I hung up. Oh my God. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I was bawling and crying and begged the police not to go to my house. I told him I was not there and that my kids are all sleeping and begged them not to go there. I had to call my husband and give him a heads up just in case they do go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 The police went to my house. They keep calling me. Moral of the story is that mental health crisis line… It's not anonymous. This is a small town. I just made my problems so much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Ohmyohmy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Ok...your husband already knows you are in bad shape. If the police come to find you, you just have to give them the basics. You are terribly depressed to the point of feeling suicidal and you need help. Once you get to a hospital you will be protect by HIPPA. You don't have to tell them everything, just keep letting them know you are extremely depressed/suicidal Once you get a crisis management counselor or psychiatrist you can start giving them the nitty gritty details. It's time for help millions You are going to be ok 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) The police went to my house. They keep calling me. Moral of the story is that mental health crisis line… It's not anonymous. This is a small town. I just made my problems so much worse. Did you tell or imply to the mental health line that you are feeling suicidal? Edited January 22, 2016 by Ms. Faust Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 The police went to my house. They keep calling me. Moral of the story is that mental health crisis line… It's not anonymous. This is a small town. I just made my problems so much worse. Oh yeah. They do trace on location. I'm sorry that happened to you. That happened to me when I was 19 and having a very bad day. You are going to be okay no matter how messed up this feels right now. Sometimes we feel really trapped by circumstance or by what we've done. But truly, everything is temporary. Even how you feel right now. Amillionpieces, you can feel okay again. And it can last a long, long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 This is out of control. I mentioned wanting a cigarette to the crisis line. Said I don't have any whatever. The 4th cop that called asked if had one yet. I lost it. The crisis line told the details of the call?? I will not go to hospital. I trust no one. Phones turned off. They used police science to know my name and address from a blocked cell phone, they can use police science to find me. If I get through this night without the A being discovered I can get through anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Oh yeah. They do trace on location. I'm sorry that happened to you. That happened to me when I was 19 and having a very bad day. You are going to be okay no matter how messed up this feels right now. Sometimes we feel really trapped by circumstance or by what we've done. But truly, everything is temporary. Even how you feel right now. Amillionpieces, you can feel okay again. And it can last a long, long time. I'm not even home. !! That's the best part. Don't trust cell phones. Link to post Share on other sites
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